With Christmas behind us now and a new year coming, this is usually a time of reflection for most people. When I think of reflections, I think of resolutions, and then I come to realize the lack of success in my resolutions, well, all but one. This was a resolution set back in 2006 when I set out to read the bible from cover to cover. I was in grade nine and I was on a "Christian high" coming home from my first winter conference experience. Actually, I've mentioned this before, but grade 8 and 9 were the highlights of my faith. I stepped out of my bubble, I wasn't afraid to tell my friends about God nor would I care about what they would think. I feel that as a teen I was able to get away with my beliefs as those are the few years you can rebel and figuring out your identity (and who cares if I'm judge). Also, I would pretty much attend every christian event that was advertised at church: mission fest, spring retreat, YC, etc. Looking back now,I wonder how I had so much energy back then to constantly attend these conferences/retreats/events and go year after year (20 is definitely a milestone!).
So yes, I did finish reading the bible at one point, but it wasn't "quality" reading for sure, more like "quantity" reading so that I would finish within the year. Pacing each night before I went to bed eventually led me from Genesis to Revelations by November of that year. I have to admit though, I would often read for the sake of reading without focusing on the significance of the passage or the deeper meaning behind the verses when I didn't understand something. So I never consider myself having read the bible from cover to cover in a spiritual sense, though logically, I did.
Now that it's that time of year again to set a goal for myself, I really don't know. Would I want to read the bible cover to cover again? I would have to say no as I don't feel I should be reading the bible just for the sake of accomplishing a goal. I rather read it spontaneously when I want to rather then consistently force myself to read it. I know others may disagree with this logic of mine, as reading the bible is an important part of our christian walk, thus we should make it a habit in our daily lives instead of reading when we want to.
I find that as I'm getting older, sometimes its harder to show my faith. Perhaps this process is working the other way around for me. As a teen, you want to blend in and are stereotype to conform to what your peers are doing, but I was one that spoke out about my faith and what I believed in, and even told non-believers the latest christian event I was attending. In reverse, now as a young adult, I find myself retreating from living out my religion when I'm around non-Christians and secular environments. Usually it's an indirect matter and I just notice this personally, but it's hindering me spiritually and I know change is needed. I really yearn for that confidence back in my early teenage days when the only judgement I cared for wasn't from anyone on Earth. I know that God isn't pleased when I make it a selective portrayal of who I am depending on who I'm with.
Maybe this should be my coming resolution, and not just a resolution, but a continual tune up for myself. On a side note, scrap what I said about winter con in my last post, I miss attending so much. I have been swarmed with constant thoughts about my previous winter cons and I find myself day dreaming about it this whole week and wondering what it be like if I was there (and not working). If only... but I guess I would never have come to realize this if I hadn't decide to not go this year.
=(
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Taking a holiday from tradition
Literally.
My parents decided to take a holiday to Jamaica this year and flew out on December 23rd. Since then, its been quite a different atmosphere at home already. Two bodies less in the household is one thing, but it feels sort of strange to have my parents away from us three for Christmas for the first time ever. I wasn't home for Christmas last year since I spent my Christmas in Vancouver prior to winter conference, but having it work the other way around is sort of odd. I guess its because Christmas is seen as possibly the only holiday of the year where close and extended family members fly in to one destination to gather around and feast, share, and inform each other of the latest family news. Having my parents fly out and away for a destination holiday seems to counteract this perception, but I'm sure it's still very enjoyable and relaxing to be away from the usual sensation of Christmas.
Personally, I'm breaking a personal tradition as well. Since 2005, I haven't been in town for the full two weeks of my Christmas holidays. This is because since my Christmas break in grade 9, I had started a new tradition to attend winter conference, except for one year in 2007 when I went on vacation to HK. Now that winter con is two days away, I'm getting a sappy feeling that I won't be going, especially since this year's conference is back in Kelowna where it all started for me. After last year's 50th anniversary, I didn't know if I wanted to go this year as I've been going for the past five consecutive years. Winter con never ceases to help me grow in my faith and end my year on a spiritual high note, but having known then what would be coming up for me, I wasn't sure.
Despite feeling that way earlier on, I was asked to become a church rep and that spiraled into my role of promoting winter con at NEAC, and even signing up for the conference itself (being a church rep doesn't mean you have to attend though). For a while, I was looking forward to this year's conference, after all, it is in Kelowna, at the Grand Okanagan Hotel, where all my amazing memories from my kick off year will come flooding back. At that point, I didn't know of my acceptance to my student exchange, nor was I fully sure of my decision. I wouldn't mind going, but I really felt the need to just slow down and have an actual "break," since I was pacing through a highly demanding and constantly occupied term. Along with my unconfirmed plans for 2012, I really didn't need to be away this holiday. I knew that I would have my fair share of departing from Edmonton and meeting new people. Fast forward and my circumstances absolutely changed, my study abroad plans were finalized and that stopped me from hesitating to process a cancellation towards my winter con registration.
Now, here I am feeling sad for myself that I won't be attending. Its not like I would actually go if I still could, its just the fact that I will be missing out from something I have been doing annually. On the bright side, I am really glad I will be staying in town for my full break and just having more time to myself either working, catching up with friends or hoping to grab some bargains over the course of this week.
What's that saying about some things are just meant to be broken?
Until next year, traditions.
Merry Christmas Bloggers!
My parents decided to take a holiday to Jamaica this year and flew out on December 23rd. Since then, its been quite a different atmosphere at home already. Two bodies less in the household is one thing, but it feels sort of strange to have my parents away from us three for Christmas for the first time ever. I wasn't home for Christmas last year since I spent my Christmas in Vancouver prior to winter conference, but having it work the other way around is sort of odd. I guess its because Christmas is seen as possibly the only holiday of the year where close and extended family members fly in to one destination to gather around and feast, share, and inform each other of the latest family news. Having my parents fly out and away for a destination holiday seems to counteract this perception, but I'm sure it's still very enjoyable and relaxing to be away from the usual sensation of Christmas.
Personally, I'm breaking a personal tradition as well. Since 2005, I haven't been in town for the full two weeks of my Christmas holidays. This is because since my Christmas break in grade 9, I had started a new tradition to attend winter conference, except for one year in 2007 when I went on vacation to HK. Now that winter con is two days away, I'm getting a sappy feeling that I won't be going, especially since this year's conference is back in Kelowna where it all started for me. After last year's 50th anniversary, I didn't know if I wanted to go this year as I've been going for the past five consecutive years. Winter con never ceases to help me grow in my faith and end my year on a spiritual high note, but having known then what would be coming up for me, I wasn't sure.
Despite feeling that way earlier on, I was asked to become a church rep and that spiraled into my role of promoting winter con at NEAC, and even signing up for the conference itself (being a church rep doesn't mean you have to attend though). For a while, I was looking forward to this year's conference, after all, it is in Kelowna, at the Grand Okanagan Hotel, where all my amazing memories from my kick off year will come flooding back. At that point, I didn't know of my acceptance to my student exchange, nor was I fully sure of my decision. I wouldn't mind going, but I really felt the need to just slow down and have an actual "break," since I was pacing through a highly demanding and constantly occupied term. Along with my unconfirmed plans for 2012, I really didn't need to be away this holiday. I knew that I would have my fair share of departing from Edmonton and meeting new people. Fast forward and my circumstances absolutely changed, my study abroad plans were finalized and that stopped me from hesitating to process a cancellation towards my winter con registration.
Now, here I am feeling sad for myself that I won't be attending. Its not like I would actually go if I still could, its just the fact that I will be missing out from something I have been doing annually. On the bright side, I am really glad I will be staying in town for my full break and just having more time to myself either working, catching up with friends or hoping to grab some bargains over the course of this week.
What's that saying about some things are just meant to be broken?
Until next year, traditions.
Merry Christmas Bloggers!
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Tis Christmas Eve
...is quite a different scene.
The most drastic change in scene is in fact our weather. What's up with the three to five days of extreme temperature drop and wind chill mid November, followed by random drip drops of rain from time to time, and a hovering around 0 degrees winter Edmonton is having? I never thought I be saying this, but I wouldn't mind the temperature dropping below -10C, having a pile of fluffy white snow on my lawn and being able to bundle myself in layers upon layers of chunky cable knitted sweaters hidden in the bottom of my closet. Hello old man winter, did you sleep in this year?
I remember the days of my childhood when style was not a factor to consider when zipping up in puffy winter jackets and bulky overall snow pants so that you could jump into a meter high of cold clouds. Making snowmen, flapping your arms and legs to form snow angels, throwing snow at one another, building snow forts, tobogganing down small hills, and braving the chill after only being outside for twenty minutes, are the days of my childhood I wish I could pause and repeat over and over again.
As I get older, I find that this festive season was more fun as an eight year old girl. What I mean is that as a child, you have that childhood innocence where you are gullible of a jolly old man coming down your chimney (even if you don't have one)and anticipate for Christmas morning so that you can run down the stairs with impeccable speed upon getting out of bed, and begin tearing apart the wrapping paper keeping you from your mysterious new present. I would love to do what I did as a kid, but its just not the same. Christmas will always remain an important and favorite holiday of mine, but I feel a change in the ways I celebrate this annual season. Nowadays, I treasure the 'fun' of seeing family and friends at Christmas gatherings, hosting Christmas parties, laughing over eggnog and lattes, singing Christmas carols, taking festive photos, and knowing that Christmas is not about receiving.
Early on this season I had decided not to do presents this year. Aside from the two Christmas gift exchanges and the minor annual family giving I'm partaking in, that's about it. Another thing about getting older is that you don't really care for gifts no more. Its not what Christmas is about in the first place and secondly, you realize you really don't need anything. Everything you wish for is predominantly a want. You also feel that you are able to get yourself what you do what in the exact criteria, rather than telling someone to get you that "thing" and wonder if they are getting exactly what you asked for. Having said that, I still like to receive gifts, its nice to be thought of and receive a gift from someone, especially when its unexpected, but its just not a priority for me no more. Instead of materialistic things, I wanted to do other means of giving. In some more subtle and indirect ways than others, I gave my gifts, talents, time and money versus the typical means of giving this year.
Growing up means that my superficial and surface level meaning of Christmas is now behind me, while a more significant and sensible one is before me.
The most drastic change in scene is in fact our weather. What's up with the three to five days of extreme temperature drop and wind chill mid November, followed by random drip drops of rain from time to time, and a hovering around 0 degrees winter Edmonton is having? I never thought I be saying this, but I wouldn't mind the temperature dropping below -10C, having a pile of fluffy white snow on my lawn and being able to bundle myself in layers upon layers of chunky cable knitted sweaters hidden in the bottom of my closet. Hello old man winter, did you sleep in this year?
I remember the days of my childhood when style was not a factor to consider when zipping up in puffy winter jackets and bulky overall snow pants so that you could jump into a meter high of cold clouds. Making snowmen, flapping your arms and legs to form snow angels, throwing snow at one another, building snow forts, tobogganing down small hills, and braving the chill after only being outside for twenty minutes, are the days of my childhood I wish I could pause and repeat over and over again.
As I get older, I find that this festive season was more fun as an eight year old girl. What I mean is that as a child, you have that childhood innocence where you are gullible of a jolly old man coming down your chimney (even if you don't have one)and anticipate for Christmas morning so that you can run down the stairs with impeccable speed upon getting out of bed, and begin tearing apart the wrapping paper keeping you from your mysterious new present. I would love to do what I did as a kid, but its just not the same. Christmas will always remain an important and favorite holiday of mine, but I feel a change in the ways I celebrate this annual season. Nowadays, I treasure the 'fun' of seeing family and friends at Christmas gatherings, hosting Christmas parties, laughing over eggnog and lattes, singing Christmas carols, taking festive photos, and knowing that Christmas is not about receiving.
Early on this season I had decided not to do presents this year. Aside from the two Christmas gift exchanges and the minor annual family giving I'm partaking in, that's about it. Another thing about getting older is that you don't really care for gifts no more. Its not what Christmas is about in the first place and secondly, you realize you really don't need anything. Everything you wish for is predominantly a want. You also feel that you are able to get yourself what you do what in the exact criteria, rather than telling someone to get you that "thing" and wonder if they are getting exactly what you asked for. Having said that, I still like to receive gifts, its nice to be thought of and receive a gift from someone, especially when its unexpected, but its just not a priority for me no more. Instead of materialistic things, I wanted to do other means of giving. In some more subtle and indirect ways than others, I gave my gifts, talents, time and money versus the typical means of giving this year.
Growing up means that my superficial and surface level meaning of Christmas is now behind me, while a more significant and sensible one is before me.
Monday, December 19, 2011
Tears & Smiles
What a weekend.
It has been non-stop since Friday and I haven't even had time to process all my on going thoughts. This past weekend really kicked off my Christmas spirit (6 more days!). Four out of my five anticipated Christmas items are now crossed off from my last post and I couldn't be happier with how the EMC Christmas celebration turned out. Despite some odd and ends and crazier moments, I'm glad it was a night of fellowship, food, and fun just as we wanted it to be. The new basement was a cheery atmosphere of laughter, hilarious moments, ridiculous question and answers, and the gift of giving shared by one another. As one of the hosts of the night, I felt the unity and togetherness of our church as we bonded over festive activities and Christmas carols.
Last night, at the 43rd baptism, a fellow brother in Christ mentioned how he always found himself going back to church despite the ups and downs in his life during his testimony (props, I enjoyed your testimony a lot!)and when he mentioned that, I felt the same way. I always anticipate attending special and regular church events and being able to be present makes me feel comfortable and the sense of belonging to a loving community. I believe church should make everyone feel this way. One should walk into church feeling welcomed and wanting to be there. Though, I know some people who may not feel this way when entering a church, and perhaps even feel a cold vibe, which I find very unfortunate. Anyhow, that fellow brother's testimony stirred an unexpected and sappy feeling in my heart knowing that I will be away from my home church in the near future. Church has always been a part of my life, and I really cherish all those wonderful memories I have as a member of this wonderful family in Christ.
So without further ado, I announce on this blog that I will be going to Seoul, South Korea for a four month student exchange next term. Its been a long process and now that this term has finally ceased, I have a long break to prepare myself and blog more about what's to come. I will be starting another blog soon in regards to this study abroad, so I'm going to designate and "define" my blogs.
Blogger: will always be my home page- after writing my prayers in journals on and off, I finally and consistently started and continued my first blog ever. Main focus: Faith and life
Tumbler: inherbasement.tumblr.com
started as a way for me to keep my friends on top of my "store's" happenings and the progress of my post secondary education. Even though I don't sell clothes no more, this blog has become a random mix of visuals, quotes, and updates on my school work.
This leads in to my debate on where to start my third public blog, I find blogger better for long posts as it has a more organize and simple dashboard structure.It is also more clean and easy to follow. In terms of photos though, blogger is lacking and not as dynamic.
Tumblr on the other hand is more engaging and has an easy format for photos, though it can get distracting and overwhelming with all the 'reblog' tabs and million things my followers blog on my dashboard, making you skim a lot and sometimes, skipping over long posts to see the next thing on the list.
Any suggestions or perhaps a new blogging site you know of?
Well, that's all for now, keep in store for more to come!
P.S.Congrats to all of you that got baptized yesterday. Every time I sit in those pews and watch as each one of you makes your 'splash' of faith, it reminds me of when I got dunk. I hope you all indulge in your gift and savour life's moments. =)
It has been non-stop since Friday and I haven't even had time to process all my on going thoughts. This past weekend really kicked off my Christmas spirit (6 more days!). Four out of my five anticipated Christmas items are now crossed off from my last post and I couldn't be happier with how the EMC Christmas celebration turned out. Despite some odd and ends and crazier moments, I'm glad it was a night of fellowship, food, and fun just as we wanted it to be. The new basement was a cheery atmosphere of laughter, hilarious moments, ridiculous question and answers, and the gift of giving shared by one another. As one of the hosts of the night, I felt the unity and togetherness of our church as we bonded over festive activities and Christmas carols.
Last night, at the 43rd baptism, a fellow brother in Christ mentioned how he always found himself going back to church despite the ups and downs in his life during his testimony (props, I enjoyed your testimony a lot!)and when he mentioned that, I felt the same way. I always anticipate attending special and regular church events and being able to be present makes me feel comfortable and the sense of belonging to a loving community. I believe church should make everyone feel this way. One should walk into church feeling welcomed and wanting to be there. Though, I know some people who may not feel this way when entering a church, and perhaps even feel a cold vibe, which I find very unfortunate. Anyhow, that fellow brother's testimony stirred an unexpected and sappy feeling in my heart knowing that I will be away from my home church in the near future. Church has always been a part of my life, and I really cherish all those wonderful memories I have as a member of this wonderful family in Christ.
So without further ado, I announce on this blog that I will be going to Seoul, South Korea for a four month student exchange next term. Its been a long process and now that this term has finally ceased, I have a long break to prepare myself and blog more about what's to come. I will be starting another blog soon in regards to this study abroad, so I'm going to designate and "define" my blogs.
Blogger: will always be my home page- after writing my prayers in journals on and off, I finally and consistently started and continued my first blog ever. Main focus: Faith and life
Tumbler: inherbasement.tumblr.com
started as a way for me to keep my friends on top of my "store's" happenings and the progress of my post secondary education. Even though I don't sell clothes no more, this blog has become a random mix of visuals, quotes, and updates on my school work.
This leads in to my debate on where to start my third public blog, I find blogger better for long posts as it has a more organize and simple dashboard structure.It is also more clean and easy to follow. In terms of photos though, blogger is lacking and not as dynamic.
Tumblr on the other hand is more engaging and has an easy format for photos, though it can get distracting and overwhelming with all the 'reblog' tabs and million things my followers blog on my dashboard, making you skim a lot and sometimes, skipping over long posts to see the next thing on the list.
Any suggestions or perhaps a new blogging site you know of?
Well, that's all for now, keep in store for more to come!
P.S.Congrats to all of you that got baptized yesterday. Every time I sit in those pews and watch as each one of you makes your 'splash' of faith, it reminds me of when I got dunk. I hope you all indulge in your gift and savour life's moments. =)
Sunday, December 4, 2011
A discovery of Joy
Today officially marks my countdown to all the events I look forward to this month.
-3 days left of classes
-2 weeks until EMC Christmas celebration
-2 weeks and one day until NEAC first December baptism (from what I know of)
-15 days until all my exams/school is officially done and a list of celebrations begin!
-21 days until Christmas is here and a joyous week post Christmas =)
I'm overjoyed just thinking about all these dates. My festive spirit backfires though, because when I'm excited and hyped up, I tend to be counter productive and only want to do things that appeals to me, and not school-related stuff. Calm down girl! You need to get through school BEFORE all the feasting, decorating, celebrating etc!
These days, I've been finding joy in serving God. My latest task is planning the EMC Christmas celebration with two fellow SICs. Sometimes, it feels as if were getting nothing done, other times, I wish our planning would never end. I think I can confirm that I have the gift of planning and organizing events. At one point, I wanted to be a wedding planner (you can actually be one over the course of a weekend o.O and it actually be a practical 'diploma' to have under your belt). Anyhow, that's besides the point. I just feel I have a constant creative engine running in my head and for the most part, is cranking up innovative ideas. But in some moments, I tend to squish myself into the shoes of a leader too much and forget that others' are able to fit into them too (Stop me when I'm a shoe hogger please!)
Right now, I highly enjoy what I'm doing and I praise God for that. Its a blessing to realize this trait of mine and acknowledge the capabilities I have to serve Him. I hope that in the future I am able to have a career that reflects this aspect of mine too(another topic for me to explore some day).
May this season brings new discoveries for you too.
Joy to the World
-3 days left of classes
-2 weeks until EMC Christmas celebration
-2 weeks and one day until NEAC first December baptism (from what I know of)
-15 days until all my exams/school is officially done and a list of celebrations begin!
-21 days until Christmas is here and a joyous week post Christmas =)
I'm overjoyed just thinking about all these dates. My festive spirit backfires though, because when I'm excited and hyped up, I tend to be counter productive and only want to do things that appeals to me, and not school-related stuff. Calm down girl! You need to get through school BEFORE all the feasting, decorating, celebrating etc!
These days, I've been finding joy in serving God. My latest task is planning the EMC Christmas celebration with two fellow SICs. Sometimes, it feels as if were getting nothing done, other times, I wish our planning would never end. I think I can confirm that I have the gift of planning and organizing events. At one point, I wanted to be a wedding planner (you can actually be one over the course of a weekend o.O and it actually be a practical 'diploma' to have under your belt). Anyhow, that's besides the point. I just feel I have a constant creative engine running in my head and for the most part, is cranking up innovative ideas. But in some moments, I tend to squish myself into the shoes of a leader too much and forget that others' are able to fit into them too (Stop me when I'm a shoe hogger please!)
Right now, I highly enjoy what I'm doing and I praise God for that. Its a blessing to realize this trait of mine and acknowledge the capabilities I have to serve Him. I hope that in the future I am able to have a career that reflects this aspect of mine too(another topic for me to explore some day).
May this season brings new discoveries for you too.
Joy to the World
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Looking Forward
God is my hero.
I can be a broken record and elaborate on how wonderful He is in all the little things he does for me and makes me feel. I know that in my weaknesses, he is strong. He is able to conquer all things, and make all things possible. I may not be aware of this all the time, and I may even stray away and forget that its not how I should be pleased by God, but the other way around.
My last post was miserably in the dumps. Yes, I have lots to do, yes, sometimes I feel like I'm losing it, and yes, sometimes I say yes to things too often to too many commitments when a no is needed. All those feelings still reside in me, but I am more at ease, have found a new joy, and am looking forward to all things festive. Its utterly amazing how God can allow me to feel this way even knowing I only have eight days of school left and a load of sewing, drawings, writing, and presenting to do!
There's no point wasting time worrying, when I can get down to business and rev my productivity engine instead.
I think my new found quote has helped to remind me of what's worth striving for:
"What worries You, masters You." - Haddon W. Robinson
Well, best of luck to all you students out there. Just imagine the happiness you will feel after your very last exam.
Make it a strong ending.
I can be a broken record and elaborate on how wonderful He is in all the little things he does for me and makes me feel. I know that in my weaknesses, he is strong. He is able to conquer all things, and make all things possible. I may not be aware of this all the time, and I may even stray away and forget that its not how I should be pleased by God, but the other way around.
My last post was miserably in the dumps. Yes, I have lots to do, yes, sometimes I feel like I'm losing it, and yes, sometimes I say yes to things too often to too many commitments when a no is needed. All those feelings still reside in me, but I am more at ease, have found a new joy, and am looking forward to all things festive. Its utterly amazing how God can allow me to feel this way even knowing I only have eight days of school left and a load of sewing, drawings, writing, and presenting to do!
There's no point wasting time worrying, when I can get down to business and rev my productivity engine instead.
I think my new found quote has helped to remind me of what's worth striving for:
"What worries You, masters You." - Haddon W. Robinson
Well, best of luck to all you students out there. Just imagine the happiness you will feel after your very last exam.
Make it a strong ending.
Friday, November 18, 2011
Occupy This
I'm Exhausted.
I thought this term would be pretty straight forward for me, but no its not. I anticipated busyness and stress this month, as with every third month of my semester, but I'm doubting to the point that I'm not having faith in God. I tell people, 'God will never give you more than you can handle,' yet, I'm not believing in it, I'm such a hypocrite. I'm not having faith and I'm trying to. There's so much on my plate and I feel I may have to just let some items slip by and hope for the best, but I really don't want to do that! Though, I may have unintentionally done so already...
Last weekend I was bombarded with the work from my sewing class. If I was to spend the amount of hours sewing as with studying, I would probably be an A, if not A+ student with a at least 3.9GPA (I'm bluffing I know, but it sure feels like it). 35 hours and counting, my oh my, I'm really taking a second look into my future of being hunch back and having a bifocal prescription of +1000. Speaking of which, I've been thinking about my future a lot lately, and it just adds another dish to my already bloated life. Therefore, due to so much focus towards this one class, it totally left my mind that I had a bunch of Korean homework due for Monday and a vocabulary test on Wednesday which I ended up guessing on... and probably flunking, and I tend to use my agenda wisely and write every single thing I need to accomplish until there is no more space for me to write in it. I believe I have reached my memory capacity, mind you, my dear and faithful memory hasn't been as faithful to me these days. I find myself being so forgetful, is 20 the new 40? AHHHHHHHH!
The more I think about what needs to be done until the very last day of this term, the more I just want to cry, sulk, and complain. I remind myself to focus on God and rely on him, but it may just be one of those phases as a student. I'm not lost, just tired, really tired, and out of fuel. I want these days to slow down, I want rest, I want to watch TV, I want to splurge, I want peace, I want clarity, I want to fellowship (I know your giving me the 'tsk tsk' look, I've kept track, I haven't been to fellowship for 4 weeks now, but it sure bothers me more than ever). I have constantly been occupied with something, physically, socially, or mentally, and man, can someone just crash into me please so that my outer and inner vehicle will just stop? Either that, or I will break down on my own.
This is my rant of the night, Thankyou for listening, and all I want for Christmas is sleep and prayer.
God, I really hope I will grow from this and acknowledge what I do not know, see what I cannot see, and brave, what I don't want to bear.
I thought this term would be pretty straight forward for me, but no its not. I anticipated busyness and stress this month, as with every third month of my semester, but I'm doubting to the point that I'm not having faith in God. I tell people, 'God will never give you more than you can handle,' yet, I'm not believing in it, I'm such a hypocrite. I'm not having faith and I'm trying to. There's so much on my plate and I feel I may have to just let some items slip by and hope for the best, but I really don't want to do that! Though, I may have unintentionally done so already...
Last weekend I was bombarded with the work from my sewing class. If I was to spend the amount of hours sewing as with studying, I would probably be an A, if not A+ student with a at least 3.9GPA (I'm bluffing I know, but it sure feels like it). 35 hours and counting, my oh my, I'm really taking a second look into my future of being hunch back and having a bifocal prescription of +1000. Speaking of which, I've been thinking about my future a lot lately, and it just adds another dish to my already bloated life. Therefore, due to so much focus towards this one class, it totally left my mind that I had a bunch of Korean homework due for Monday and a vocabulary test on Wednesday which I ended up guessing on... and probably flunking, and I tend to use my agenda wisely and write every single thing I need to accomplish until there is no more space for me to write in it. I believe I have reached my memory capacity, mind you, my dear and faithful memory hasn't been as faithful to me these days. I find myself being so forgetful, is 20 the new 40? AHHHHHHHH!
The more I think about what needs to be done until the very last day of this term, the more I just want to cry, sulk, and complain. I remind myself to focus on God and rely on him, but it may just be one of those phases as a student. I'm not lost, just tired, really tired, and out of fuel. I want these days to slow down, I want rest, I want to watch TV, I want to splurge, I want peace, I want clarity, I want to fellowship (I know your giving me the 'tsk tsk' look, I've kept track, I haven't been to fellowship for 4 weeks now, but it sure bothers me more than ever). I have constantly been occupied with something, physically, socially, or mentally, and man, can someone just crash into me please so that my outer and inner vehicle will just stop? Either that, or I will break down on my own.
This is my rant of the night, Thankyou for listening, and all I want for Christmas is sleep and prayer.
God, I really hope I will grow from this and acknowledge what I do not know, see what I cannot see, and brave, what I don't want to bear.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Relief
Hello November??
Say What?
ALREADY?!
I can't believe this term is more than half way; time is just ticking and tocking away. It seems like the more things I have to do, the less I notice how the duration of the school term is shortening day by day, week by week, and there goes a month.
Where is daylight saving by the way? I really can't take another pitch black 6am morning call for class no more.
I was in exasperated pain this morning, and it had to do with the washroom, so to save you from another disturbing post like this one (but quite the opposite), I'll just leave it for you to interpret.
Thus, I had planted a seed in my head that it was going to be a bad day. Though, I did managed to do a quick 180 with my mindset and was determined to make it a good one and not let any negative aspects get to me since I tend to dwell on one negative factor for a while.
As usual, today I went to class, went for a run, went to another class, went to my sewing lab, got lots accomplished, and there goes the same routine as any other day. Nothing special happened, nothing bothered me, nothing stood out, my education filled day finished its course and I was heading home.
I took out my phone to check the time and I realized I had missed a call and I had one voice message. So I called my voice mail and I listened. The more I listened to this unknown voice, the more interested I became in what he had to say, and by the end of the message, I was completely overjoyed. I called the person back to confirm everything and there I was sitting happily as I waited for the bus driver to drive me home, sitting and smiling over a scholarship I am now the recipient of.
I couldn't help but say a quick prayer and realize that its been a while I prayed in public. All the while, I felt it was an encouragement from God, relieving all my worries, doubts, and circumstances for the future. When my to do list is a mile long, I forget that He should be at the top with me to endure through everything, not at the bottom where "I'll get to Him when everything is done" mentality. I feel so blessed that God never ceases to provide and surprise me in the most unexpected ways.
And when He's not on my mind, I'm always on His.
P.S.
Dear Fruits & Veggies:
Sorry for neglecting you, but thanks for reminding me of your providence of fiber in helping my body digest food and allow for easy waste relief. I have learned my lesson the hard way to always listen and eat my daily allotment of fruits and veges. (I think You should too!)
Say What?
ALREADY?!
I can't believe this term is more than half way; time is just ticking and tocking away. It seems like the more things I have to do, the less I notice how the duration of the school term is shortening day by day, week by week, and there goes a month.
Where is daylight saving by the way? I really can't take another pitch black 6am morning call for class no more.
I was in exasperated pain this morning, and it had to do with the washroom, so to save you from another disturbing post like this one (but quite the opposite), I'll just leave it for you to interpret.
Thus, I had planted a seed in my head that it was going to be a bad day. Though, I did managed to do a quick 180 with my mindset and was determined to make it a good one and not let any negative aspects get to me since I tend to dwell on one negative factor for a while.
As usual, today I went to class, went for a run, went to another class, went to my sewing lab, got lots accomplished, and there goes the same routine as any other day. Nothing special happened, nothing bothered me, nothing stood out, my education filled day finished its course and I was heading home.
I took out my phone to check the time and I realized I had missed a call and I had one voice message. So I called my voice mail and I listened. The more I listened to this unknown voice, the more interested I became in what he had to say, and by the end of the message, I was completely overjoyed. I called the person back to confirm everything and there I was sitting happily as I waited for the bus driver to drive me home, sitting and smiling over a scholarship I am now the recipient of.
I couldn't help but say a quick prayer and realize that its been a while I prayed in public. All the while, I felt it was an encouragement from God, relieving all my worries, doubts, and circumstances for the future. When my to do list is a mile long, I forget that He should be at the top with me to endure through everything, not at the bottom where "I'll get to Him when everything is done" mentality. I feel so blessed that God never ceases to provide and surprise me in the most unexpected ways.
And when He's not on my mind, I'm always on His.
P.S.
Dear Fruits & Veggies:
Sorry for neglecting you, but thanks for reminding me of your providence of fiber in helping my body digest food and allow for easy waste relief. I have learned my lesson the hard way to always listen and eat my daily allotment of fruits and veges. (I think You should too!)
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Big Foot {tres}
Sometimes I have issues with finding that right pair of soles.
It wasn't until working in a shoe retailing environment that I've gained so much knowledge on different footwear brands, the fit of particular styles, the quality of the shoe, where it was made, and how to provide excellent customer shoe-vice. Neither would I have the opportunity to be able to try on multiple pairs of shoes in the stockroom when the sales floor is not busy; ranging from innocently cute flats to skeptical sky high heels.
As much as I crush on some of these gorgeous foot candy, it saddens me when the one I've been eyeing for the longest time falls short of my expectations. Too flat for my feet. Tight around the calf. Not me. Too pointed. Colour is a no. Just too much. Sometimes, I'm tempted to buying a size too large just because everything else fits and that pair just happens to be on sale. So its a dilemma between buying my size for full price or waiting for sales and risking my size being gone OR filling big shoes.
Don't we all wish we could fit into shoes that were too big for us miraculously? I have been feeling the need to do just such. Lately, I've been reminded of my duties as a christian. Christians are suppose to be Christ-like, were suppose to love, give, and show the care that Jesus did when he was on Earth. Ideally, we should live a life fulfilling God's purpose for us, by using our God given talents to share the word with others. We are all called to fill big shoes-shoes too wide, shoes too long, shoes that slip, shoes that may even trip us. All the while, people will ridicule us for wearing footwear that doesn't fit properly, and we will feel stupid having done such an act. But if were are able to do so, others will point to our feet and go, "Hey, look at that person, their capable of wearing shoes too big for them, and still walk normally!"
I don't think I have been working on fitting His shoes. Not at all. I like being comfortable and having proper fitted shoes. If I'm wearing runners, there better be shoe laces to tie myself into or Velcro to secure my feet in place. As with heels, the heel of my foot better not slip out when I walk or give my foot blisters by the end of the day. Some days, I don't even notice what I put on, the action of putting on shoes has become routine. I dress according to my personal interests and motives and don't think twice about His plans. Shoes are an essential part of our attire, they protect us in every step of our walk. Everyone needs shoes. Everyone yearns to find the perfect pair. Everyone has their reasons to buying shoes, but we tend to equate big shoes with not being the right fit for us.
I know I have big shoes to fill. and it's not easy wearing shoes too big for me. The distress of stumbling and even falling out of my shoes will be a struggle. I know I can overcome this though; walking by faith and not by what is sensible.
What is right for one [sole], might not be right for another. It may mean having to stand on your own and do something strange in the eyes of others.
-Anonymous
Thankful.
Uno.Dos.Tres
It wasn't until working in a shoe retailing environment that I've gained so much knowledge on different footwear brands, the fit of particular styles, the quality of the shoe, where it was made, and how to provide excellent customer shoe-vice. Neither would I have the opportunity to be able to try on multiple pairs of shoes in the stockroom when the sales floor is not busy; ranging from innocently cute flats to skeptical sky high heels.
As much as I crush on some of these gorgeous foot candy, it saddens me when the one I've been eyeing for the longest time falls short of my expectations. Too flat for my feet. Tight around the calf. Not me. Too pointed. Colour is a no. Just too much. Sometimes, I'm tempted to buying a size too large just because everything else fits and that pair just happens to be on sale. So its a dilemma between buying my size for full price or waiting for sales and risking my size being gone OR filling big shoes.
Don't we all wish we could fit into shoes that were too big for us miraculously? I have been feeling the need to do just such. Lately, I've been reminded of my duties as a christian. Christians are suppose to be Christ-like, were suppose to love, give, and show the care that Jesus did when he was on Earth. Ideally, we should live a life fulfilling God's purpose for us, by using our God given talents to share the word with others. We are all called to fill big shoes-shoes too wide, shoes too long, shoes that slip, shoes that may even trip us. All the while, people will ridicule us for wearing footwear that doesn't fit properly, and we will feel stupid having done such an act. But if were are able to do so, others will point to our feet and go, "Hey, look at that person, their capable of wearing shoes too big for them, and still walk normally!"
I don't think I have been working on fitting His shoes. Not at all. I like being comfortable and having proper fitted shoes. If I'm wearing runners, there better be shoe laces to tie myself into or Velcro to secure my feet in place. As with heels, the heel of my foot better not slip out when I walk or give my foot blisters by the end of the day. Some days, I don't even notice what I put on, the action of putting on shoes has become routine. I dress according to my personal interests and motives and don't think twice about His plans. Shoes are an essential part of our attire, they protect us in every step of our walk. Everyone needs shoes. Everyone yearns to find the perfect pair. Everyone has their reasons to buying shoes, but we tend to equate big shoes with not being the right fit for us.
I know I have big shoes to fill. and it's not easy wearing shoes too big for me. The distress of stumbling and even falling out of my shoes will be a struggle. I know I can overcome this though; walking by faith and not by what is sensible.
What is right for one [sole], might not be right for another. It may mean having to stand on your own and do something strange in the eyes of others.
-Anonymous
Thankful.
Uno.Dos.Tres
Friday, October 7, 2011
Playing Judge {dos}
Its one matter to have an expressive voice, but another matter to release words, even unspoken words in an unruly manner.
I have always acknowledge the power of one's voice. I never believed in that century old saying:
"Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me" -Unknown
As cliche as this line is, I always considered it to be thirteen words of falsity. Other than being literally correct, who ever came up with this was oblivious to the strength of one's speech. I'm voicing bluntly, but I remain genuine in what I have to say.
I never thought I would be accused of my own words. Maybe when I was younger, but definitely not now. A friend told me earlier this week that I was judging her: I was judging her for her actions, I was judging her for something she had done, I was judging her by my voice, which didn't even speak outloud. It all came down to the verdict of a text message. That was what initiated the accusations imposed upon me by my dear friend. Who would've thought that a mere ten words or less could've sparked trial and sent me to the court of friendship?
To say I was hurt by her choice of words would be an understatement. I felt as if her tone of voice shattered me as high notes quiver glass. It brought back memories of grade school and how I would be accused of lying, passing on a rumor and even leaking the highest pinky-swear code of a friendship: letting a secret out. I admit I wasn't the "best" friend to have when I was younger. I didn't know what was my right to be shared, even if I had made a promise. Thus, throughout elementary I had best friends that in my friendship equation converted to just 'good' friends, to even what I eventually termed 'bad' friends.
So, I made a decision to change myself. I would be honest, use what logic a eight to ten year old had to make right from wrong decisions and make an effort to keep my mouth shut when told secrets. I wanted to maintain my friendships and be a "best" friend my friends could have. This planned was pretty effective and as I grew older, I would take the first step to say "sorry," I would write a letter to ensure my friend wasn't mad at me, and I would definitely ask for forgiveness when I broke the law book of friendship.
All in all, I'm not boasting that I'm a great friend now, because I'm just as human as all my friends are-flawed. To this day I don't designate anyone as my best friend, perhaps because of my loss and gain cycle of friends back in my childhood. Yet, having this close friend accused me was painstakingly awful. It felt like a rendition of a past voice from my encyclopedia of bad mouthing friendships. Yes, she may have said it out of her emotions, but little did she know the effect it had on me.
When the prolonging of her voice slowly trailed off, I was able to reflect on the conflict underlying our words. After a quick meditation, I couldn't let this horrendous feeling linger in me nor her. I decided to take the first step as I had done when I was younger, but in a 21st century sympathetic manner, via text message (due to the setting we were in, this was the quickest means and sometimes it's way easier to confront silently than face to face). I worded my sorry carefully while still showering my opinionated voice in a way that was sincere, rather than in an attitude-giving kind of way as I had done with the first text. I never thought that the initial statement I had sent would've made her think that I was better than her, but in all honesty, I realize the intention of my words what I hadn't at the time.
She was right. I was judging.
With my mouth, I reasoned it as care, but in her eyes, my alignment of words were raucous. I was a revised version of the bad friend self I was more than a decade ago. And that feeling was worse than the agonizing chill she had sent me.
Fortunately, some things don't change and being the initiator revitalized the situation. My apology had not only released our tug of words, but it also opened up my friend to share with me how my strong voice was the last blow to her current struggles.
It may be a different situation, a different friend, a different set of words, a different means of communicating, but the message will always remain the same. Sometimes, it just takes more than one trial to realize the truth in one's voice.
and the accusations were dropped
I have always acknowledge the power of one's voice. I never believed in that century old saying:
"Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me" -Unknown
As cliche as this line is, I always considered it to be thirteen words of falsity. Other than being literally correct, who ever came up with this was oblivious to the strength of one's speech. I'm voicing bluntly, but I remain genuine in what I have to say.
I never thought I would be accused of my own words. Maybe when I was younger, but definitely not now. A friend told me earlier this week that I was judging her: I was judging her for her actions, I was judging her for something she had done, I was judging her by my voice, which didn't even speak outloud. It all came down to the verdict of a text message. That was what initiated the accusations imposed upon me by my dear friend. Who would've thought that a mere ten words or less could've sparked trial and sent me to the court of friendship?
To say I was hurt by her choice of words would be an understatement. I felt as if her tone of voice shattered me as high notes quiver glass. It brought back memories of grade school and how I would be accused of lying, passing on a rumor and even leaking the highest pinky-swear code of a friendship: letting a secret out. I admit I wasn't the "best" friend to have when I was younger. I didn't know what was my right to be shared, even if I had made a promise. Thus, throughout elementary I had best friends that in my friendship equation converted to just 'good' friends, to even what I eventually termed 'bad' friends.
So, I made a decision to change myself. I would be honest, use what logic a eight to ten year old had to make right from wrong decisions and make an effort to keep my mouth shut when told secrets. I wanted to maintain my friendships and be a "best" friend my friends could have. This planned was pretty effective and as I grew older, I would take the first step to say "sorry," I would write a letter to ensure my friend wasn't mad at me, and I would definitely ask for forgiveness when I broke the law book of friendship.
All in all, I'm not boasting that I'm a great friend now, because I'm just as human as all my friends are-flawed. To this day I don't designate anyone as my best friend, perhaps because of my loss and gain cycle of friends back in my childhood. Yet, having this close friend accused me was painstakingly awful. It felt like a rendition of a past voice from my encyclopedia of bad mouthing friendships. Yes, she may have said it out of her emotions, but little did she know the effect it had on me.
When the prolonging of her voice slowly trailed off, I was able to reflect on the conflict underlying our words. After a quick meditation, I couldn't let this horrendous feeling linger in me nor her. I decided to take the first step as I had done when I was younger, but in a 21st century sympathetic manner, via text message (due to the setting we were in, this was the quickest means and sometimes it's way easier to confront silently than face to face). I worded my sorry carefully while still showering my opinionated voice in a way that was sincere, rather than in an attitude-giving kind of way as I had done with the first text. I never thought that the initial statement I had sent would've made her think that I was better than her, but in all honesty, I realize the intention of my words what I hadn't at the time.
She was right. I was judging.
With my mouth, I reasoned it as care, but in her eyes, my alignment of words were raucous. I was a revised version of the bad friend self I was more than a decade ago. And that feeling was worse than the agonizing chill she had sent me.
Fortunately, some things don't change and being the initiator revitalized the situation. My apology had not only released our tug of words, but it also opened up my friend to share with me how my strong voice was the last blow to her current struggles.
It may be a different situation, a different friend, a different set of words, a different means of communicating, but the message will always remain the same. Sometimes, it just takes more than one trial to realize the truth in one's voice.
and the accusations were dropped
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Fallen Reflection {uno}
Splashes of warm colours on tree branches, whiplash of morning breezes, and lingering gray skies is how Mother Nature welcomes us to her Fall season. The weather can be such a reflection of one's mood. Sometimes a chime of contentment like the bright colours we see, other times, a hit of gloom as quick as that once beautiful sight that leaves us.
This natural phenomenon is depicting my transition. Though, I have come to appreciate the beauty of Autumn despite placing this season as my least favorite in the past. The return of busier and stressful school days has restarted a race in my mind. Once the whistle blows, I need to finish that next match... of assignments, even though my spirit yearns for a ceasing of time and a period of serenity. I want to be the hare all the time, I want to keep up, I want to stay ahead. But when I reflect on this mentality, I am envious at how the tortoise can be at ease going slow and steady, and yet, still hit the finish line. Or just the mere fact that the tortoise is able to balance more races than me and am capable of doing so brilliantly.
I think during these races, I have lost track of my surroundings, and the importance of other matters that are more significant than understanding that next concept by the books. I may have won a race, but I am losing out to myself.
I am falling short as the leaves are falling off of this season.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Criminal by Night
I was on 66 street and I made a right turn into a familiar neighborhood. I was heading to church in the black of the night. Everything seemed really dark despite my familiarity with the directions in that area. Then I started seeing construction signs and they were reflecting off of the van's headlights. I was surprised to see so many construction signs and all of a sudden I lost control of the wheel due to the abundance of lights blinding my eyes. I was heading towards a face that appeared to get bigger and bigger and the next thing I recognized was a female construction worker on the road holding a 'slow down' sign. I heard a screech, my van was jolted forwards, my adrenaline was on fire. Everything was happening too fast and before I could capture what had happened, I found myself sitting in the police office filling out papers. Then a police officer was heading my way and I asked hesitantly,
"Did I kill someone?"
Before I could hear his response, I heard a distant noise. My eyesight was very unfocussed, I found it hard to open my eyes. I was slowly pulled away from my whelm of shock. I sat up and touched my face, my heart was pumping fast and my mind was in a state of remorse. I felt awful and I looked out the window, it was still pitched black and it reminded me of what had just occurred. I was confused and a little off course, "what had happened?" Then I looked at the noise I had grabbed to silent, it was my phone. There was a text message from a friend sent at 5:56am. Why was she up so early I thought... why was I up so early?
Then I realized it was only a dream and I was awakened by my phone's alarm. It was time to get ready for my 8am class.
What a nightmare. I couldn't concentrate all morning, my unconsciousness was unsettled and my heart rate is still going.
"Did I kill someone?"
Before I could hear his response, I heard a distant noise. My eyesight was very unfocussed, I found it hard to open my eyes. I was slowly pulled away from my whelm of shock. I sat up and touched my face, my heart was pumping fast and my mind was in a state of remorse. I felt awful and I looked out the window, it was still pitched black and it reminded me of what had just occurred. I was confused and a little off course, "what had happened?" Then I looked at the noise I had grabbed to silent, it was my phone. There was a text message from a friend sent at 5:56am. Why was she up so early I thought... why was I up so early?
Then I realized it was only a dream and I was awakened by my phone's alarm. It was time to get ready for my 8am class.
What a nightmare. I couldn't concentrate all morning, my unconsciousness was unsettled and my heart rate is still going.
Monday, August 29, 2011
an unspoken melody
Every weekend in the month of August has been exceptionally fantastic for me. During the weekdays, I would look forward to the plans I have, be it dinners, hangouts, attend churches and really do what I enjoy doing. Some weekends can be quite spontaneous and last minute organized, others more formal, still yet random. If August was a cake, this past weekend would've been the juicy red cherry on top of it. This cherry was the 'wow' factor to farewell this beautiful month. It was even more delicious than last weekend, which was my birthday weekend. So why was this weekend so special?
Last week started and ended with work. Its has become a routine for me to head to Southgate these days and when I think about how I complained about the distance two months ago, it really is nothing now when I think about it. God really did make everything work out and I'm glad. I had considered transferring to a closer location, but I really like this location of The Bay half across town and I feel there is actually so much more to be learned. If i was to quit/transfer, I wouldn't be finishing what I have started. It be cutting my experience short.
So the weekdays progressed and Friday came. Friday, one of my friends celebrated her dinner at Lazia downtown. I realize I have a lot of summer-baby-friends, so having all these birth-day celebrations is always fun. Anyhow, it was a great night of conversation, loitering in public, taking pictures at city hall, and heading to McDees after to 'bond' in our dresses over Mc-ice cream, drinks, and pie. Great destination eh?
Saturday came, I worked, and after work I dreaded having to bus to this place, but my want to go overcame my tired thinking and so I journeyed from the south to the west, got off in a neighborhood I had no knowledge of and sought out my destination after feeling quite lost: Edmonton Chinese Alliance Church. They had a worship night and had invited NEAC to join them. I've been to plenty of worship nights and I just came because I wanted worship, not thinking that an epiphany would hit me hard. Hard to the point of salt water falling from my tear ducts, all because of a realization from a song. One song. I asked myself, 'why am I crying?'
Something had become clear in my head. Since turning twenty, I've been reflecting on a lot of 'things'-mature things, future things, personal things. But this realization was on the topic of love. I don't know why this topic keeps sticking out like a sore thumb, but it just did. God was telling me through this song that I didn't need to search, it was unnecessary to think about this person, I didn't have to wait for the 'one', I didn't need to do any of that or worry about anything related to this person. Why? Because I already have the greatest love of all. We all do. I found myself saying 'I love Jesus Christ' and it became so real that night that He really does love us. Why would I need to feel I need to expect this 'ideal' guy in my life, and expect him to be that faith driven, attentive, caring, loving boyfriend when God is Love, he IS the source of love. And what if this person I've been waiting for shows up today, tomorrow or down the road? He will never, ever be that definition of love I have in mind- were all flawed. I don't need to have a mindset of waiting or seeking when I got the love I want from Jesus already. In fact, He is the definition of love and He is flawless!
But, then I was questioning myself. Why am I trying to sound all miss-so-independent and make myself sound like I'm meant to be single and don't need that 'person' in my life (ironic, because the day before a friend had asked, 'How do people know if they're meant to be single?' and we didn't have a justifiable answer) when so many people in this world are matched, dating or looking? Why do we search for love? I know its a human need to yearn for affection, and then I came up with a similar train of thought. Since God is the best love out there, He is also the best friend we can ever have. Then, why have friends right? Why make friends, why spend time with them, why look forward to be able to see them on the weekend when I've got the BEST friend already? Friends are flawed too, I have great friends that I love to talk to and spend time with, but yet... there may be that one or two traits about them I'm not so fond over. All these thoughts made me so confused and I wanted to figure this mess out in my head badly.
And then it hit me hard again. Because God loves us so much that he sent his one and only son to die for us, so that we may have eternal life. Friendship is a gift. Love relationships are a gift too. God made Eve for Adam so he could have someone there for him. It doesn't matter if you can do it on your own, God wants us to have a relationship with others be it friends or beyond that. And so, I realize I'm just very stubborn. I think about these things and deep down I want it, but then I just have to build a brick wall around those thoughts. That night God broke it all down. Shattered excuses, teared barriers, and relinquished me.
The next day, Sunday came and that night I went out with a friend whose birthday is exactly one week apart from me. So we decided to celebrate it together over dinner downtown at a delicious Greek restaurant that I would recommend (heads up, very hard to find since its tucked in an alley way) and another worship night afterwards. She is a friend I really cherish and I told her what I felt the night before, chit chat on our lives, the future, our amazing waiter (I don't think I ever tipped that much in my life) and faith of course. It was just fabulous!
The part that really stuck out was this worship night my friend and I attended. This worship night was hosted at Evangel Chinese Baptist Church, and its been happening monthly since the start of this year on the last Sunday of each month. What started as a jam session of four from different churches and an audience of two, became a sanctuary full of young adults praising and sharing fellowship with the Lord. I was so happy because I had been so sad to find out the Yic/Yac days had ceased, which were bi-annual worship nights for teens one night, and young adults the next night. I knew 2/4 initiators of this monthly praise night and I'm so glad I got to sit down with one of them and talk about it. I asked if it was stressful to plan, practice, and organize this EVERY MONTH while having to juggle work, school, personal life, etc. His reply, 'No not at all, we enjoy it.' I couldn't believe it, but yet, I enjoyed myself so much that night too. I know I will be going back and bringing others with me. It reminded me that we need to invest time for God and that what we do for him will be returned to us as overflowing blessings.
Okay, so my friend and I had arrived late because we got taken away with our dinner conversation, had a few mishaps along the road, and had to travel FAR. Despite this worship night invite being shared through word of mouth and FB, its intended to be an invite for everyone in the city, yet their location wasn't quite central. This church was pass South Common, but luckily its very easy to find and drive to, and despite the 35min ride from downtown, it was worth it. We arrived to this guy sharing about having faith like Elijah in the bible and as he closed, we all prayed with him. When I opened my eyes, I was speechless. Not because the praise team always gets on stage so quietly and quickly that it feels like they just teleport themselves there, but by the lyrics above them on the screen. I couldn't believe it. It was the SAME song that had got me crying, reflecting, and breaking down the night before. This moment was a total God thing, I turned to my friend and smiled at her, I was overjoyed. It was a confirmation on my part for the doings of the Spirit in my soul the night prior. I was wowed by Jesus.
That night when I got home, I got a call from a dear sic that I had prayed with last year when she received Jesus into her heart (from this post on my tumblr blog). She's been going through some heavy challenges in her life and I've been sharing my personal experiences and advice with her over phone calls. I felt as happy as I did last November when she told me she wanted to surrender her life to Jesus. She told me that God gave her a vision regarding a situation in her life, and that its the very first time she felt Jesus so close to her, right beside her, its the first time she really feels God speaking to her! Praise the Lord.
And what is this song I've been raving about?
How He Loves- David Crowder
I believe this may be the longest post I've ever written. Thank You so much if you have actually gotten through all that. It means a lot.
& this is why this weekend was so juicy
Last week started and ended with work. Its has become a routine for me to head to Southgate these days and when I think about how I complained about the distance two months ago, it really is nothing now when I think about it. God really did make everything work out and I'm glad. I had considered transferring to a closer location, but I really like this location of The Bay half across town and I feel there is actually so much more to be learned. If i was to quit/transfer, I wouldn't be finishing what I have started. It be cutting my experience short.
So the weekdays progressed and Friday came. Friday, one of my friends celebrated her dinner at Lazia downtown. I realize I have a lot of summer-baby-friends, so having all these birth-day celebrations is always fun. Anyhow, it was a great night of conversation, loitering in public, taking pictures at city hall, and heading to McDees after to 'bond' in our dresses over Mc-ice cream, drinks, and pie. Great destination eh?
Saturday came, I worked, and after work I dreaded having to bus to this place, but my want to go overcame my tired thinking and so I journeyed from the south to the west, got off in a neighborhood I had no knowledge of and sought out my destination after feeling quite lost: Edmonton Chinese Alliance Church. They had a worship night and had invited NEAC to join them. I've been to plenty of worship nights and I just came because I wanted worship, not thinking that an epiphany would hit me hard. Hard to the point of salt water falling from my tear ducts, all because of a realization from a song. One song. I asked myself, 'why am I crying?'
Something had become clear in my head. Since turning twenty, I've been reflecting on a lot of 'things'-mature things, future things, personal things. But this realization was on the topic of love. I don't know why this topic keeps sticking out like a sore thumb, but it just did. God was telling me through this song that I didn't need to search, it was unnecessary to think about this person, I didn't have to wait for the 'one', I didn't need to do any of that or worry about anything related to this person. Why? Because I already have the greatest love of all. We all do. I found myself saying 'I love Jesus Christ' and it became so real that night that He really does love us. Why would I need to feel I need to expect this 'ideal' guy in my life, and expect him to be that faith driven, attentive, caring, loving boyfriend when God is Love, he IS the source of love. And what if this person I've been waiting for shows up today, tomorrow or down the road? He will never, ever be that definition of love I have in mind- were all flawed. I don't need to have a mindset of waiting or seeking when I got the love I want from Jesus already. In fact, He is the definition of love and He is flawless!
But, then I was questioning myself. Why am I trying to sound all miss-so-independent and make myself sound like I'm meant to be single and don't need that 'person' in my life (ironic, because the day before a friend had asked, 'How do people know if they're meant to be single?' and we didn't have a justifiable answer) when so many people in this world are matched, dating or looking? Why do we search for love? I know its a human need to yearn for affection, and then I came up with a similar train of thought. Since God is the best love out there, He is also the best friend we can ever have. Then, why have friends right? Why make friends, why spend time with them, why look forward to be able to see them on the weekend when I've got the BEST friend already? Friends are flawed too, I have great friends that I love to talk to and spend time with, but yet... there may be that one or two traits about them I'm not so fond over. All these thoughts made me so confused and I wanted to figure this mess out in my head badly.
And then it hit me hard again. Because God loves us so much that he sent his one and only son to die for us, so that we may have eternal life. Friendship is a gift. Love relationships are a gift too. God made Eve for Adam so he could have someone there for him. It doesn't matter if you can do it on your own, God wants us to have a relationship with others be it friends or beyond that. And so, I realize I'm just very stubborn. I think about these things and deep down I want it, but then I just have to build a brick wall around those thoughts. That night God broke it all down. Shattered excuses, teared barriers, and relinquished me.
The next day, Sunday came and that night I went out with a friend whose birthday is exactly one week apart from me. So we decided to celebrate it together over dinner downtown at a delicious Greek restaurant that I would recommend (heads up, very hard to find since its tucked in an alley way) and another worship night afterwards. She is a friend I really cherish and I told her what I felt the night before, chit chat on our lives, the future, our amazing waiter (I don't think I ever tipped that much in my life) and faith of course. It was just fabulous!
The part that really stuck out was this worship night my friend and I attended. This worship night was hosted at Evangel Chinese Baptist Church, and its been happening monthly since the start of this year on the last Sunday of each month. What started as a jam session of four from different churches and an audience of two, became a sanctuary full of young adults praising and sharing fellowship with the Lord. I was so happy because I had been so sad to find out the Yic/Yac days had ceased, which were bi-annual worship nights for teens one night, and young adults the next night. I knew 2/4 initiators of this monthly praise night and I'm so glad I got to sit down with one of them and talk about it. I asked if it was stressful to plan, practice, and organize this EVERY MONTH while having to juggle work, school, personal life, etc. His reply, 'No not at all, we enjoy it.' I couldn't believe it, but yet, I enjoyed myself so much that night too. I know I will be going back and bringing others with me. It reminded me that we need to invest time for God and that what we do for him will be returned to us as overflowing blessings.
Okay, so my friend and I had arrived late because we got taken away with our dinner conversation, had a few mishaps along the road, and had to travel FAR. Despite this worship night invite being shared through word of mouth and FB, its intended to be an invite for everyone in the city, yet their location wasn't quite central. This church was pass South Common, but luckily its very easy to find and drive to, and despite the 35min ride from downtown, it was worth it. We arrived to this guy sharing about having faith like Elijah in the bible and as he closed, we all prayed with him. When I opened my eyes, I was speechless. Not because the praise team always gets on stage so quietly and quickly that it feels like they just teleport themselves there, but by the lyrics above them on the screen. I couldn't believe it. It was the SAME song that had got me crying, reflecting, and breaking down the night before. This moment was a total God thing, I turned to my friend and smiled at her, I was overjoyed. It was a confirmation on my part for the doings of the Spirit in my soul the night prior. I was wowed by Jesus.
That night when I got home, I got a call from a dear sic that I had prayed with last year when she received Jesus into her heart (from this post on my tumblr blog). She's been going through some heavy challenges in her life and I've been sharing my personal experiences and advice with her over phone calls. I felt as happy as I did last November when she told me she wanted to surrender her life to Jesus. She told me that God gave her a vision regarding a situation in her life, and that its the very first time she felt Jesus so close to her, right beside her, its the first time she really feels God speaking to her! Praise the Lord.
And what is this song I've been raving about?
How He Loves- David Crowder
I believe this may be the longest post I've ever written. Thank You so much if you have actually gotten through all that. It means a lot.
& this is why this weekend was so juicy
Monday, August 22, 2011
I GREW!
Haha! I wish I did grow a few inches taller today, if only puberty didn't cease in my life yet, but this day welcomes personal growth in non-physical ways.
I'm excited already. Today is the day I unintentionally, but with anticipation have waited for. I am a whole new number today and pun intended, a new whole number too (when is an age never a whole number right?)!
My single digit and teen years are before me and today shuffles in a new decade of life. Two Decades has passed already. I still remembered the day I turned ten and told myself 'I'm a DECADE OLD,' now I'm ready to make that two decades proud and clear. I don't feel old, twenty is anything but old; there's still plenty of learning to absorb, more room for me to quench, and so much life to saturate myself into.
This past year has taught me a lot about myself. Mentally, I've been stuck in the era of the teens and I remember that it wasn't until Winter Con '10 that God had really told me to grow up(you can read that post here). Soon later I was situated in one of the worst terms ever and I still recall that blanket of stress and struggles I was wrapped around in the dead cold of March. I was force to be in a balancing act between commitments and schedules and assignments after papers after exams week after week after week. I'm sure glad that's over! Ironically, not so long after, I blogged about wanting to be challenged because without challenges, one can only be so happy with being where they are at.
Relationally, I understand myself in particular ways I haven't before. As cheesy as it may be, I 'found' myself in new ways. I'm more clear on what I'm looking for beyond friendship (well maybe not quite but you get my drift) and through an expected epiphany or not, every moment of life delivers a purpose, a lesson, a moral. I know me better and I acknowledge the abundance of blessings and passions God has blessed me with as a well-rounded person. This August has been a noteworthy month of reminiscent memories from the past. I reflected on thoughts I always pondered on but never had shared. I'm starting to untie many strings within.
I can't finish this post without mentioning the spiritual factor. Its always surrounded me in every aspect of my life, but its been the most prominent as of last month. My post, How it all started pretty much summarizes the miraculous doings of the Lord. Every time I share about that crazy Friday, my mind is speechless despite non-stop emotions and feelings being poured out from the heart. Lately, I feel God being persistent in some parts of my life I rather leave undiscovered at the moment. I'm not ready to delve into these areas of unknown, but who knows when I will be ready. Well, He definitely will and I will just have to wait for what 2-0 has to reveal.
Just by skimming my blogs I`m in recognition of the happenings in my life. Last year I had 41 posts in total, and today this blog has reached its 41st. I'm beyond thankful for all that has occurred and what I have accomplished as of today.
Life is not without its superficiality though- the world is ugly, reality is harsh, people are sinful, and yes you can be influence by all of that, but I believe that your the only person who can keep your own dreams alive, remain that childhood innocence at heart, mature in unseen ways, judge everyone as an infant, clench your hands into hope and never let go.
Dear 20:
I embrace you and take you on like no other age before. Love me, mold me, inspire me, and guide me with help from the higher hand. This year will be magnificent. Extraordinary. AND, even captureable (Thank Yous to you & you & you & you & you & you & you & you & you & you & you & you <3 !)
Yours Truly,
Sarah Pho
Cheers!
I'm excited already. Today is the day I unintentionally, but with anticipation have waited for. I am a whole new number today and pun intended, a new whole number too (when is an age never a whole number right?)!
My single digit and teen years are before me and today shuffles in a new decade of life. Two Decades has passed already. I still remembered the day I turned ten and told myself 'I'm a DECADE OLD,' now I'm ready to make that two decades proud and clear. I don't feel old, twenty is anything but old; there's still plenty of learning to absorb, more room for me to quench, and so much life to saturate myself into.
This past year has taught me a lot about myself. Mentally, I've been stuck in the era of the teens and I remember that it wasn't until Winter Con '10 that God had really told me to grow up(you can read that post here). Soon later I was situated in one of the worst terms ever and I still recall that blanket of stress and struggles I was wrapped around in the dead cold of March. I was force to be in a balancing act between commitments and schedules and assignments after papers after exams week after week after week. I'm sure glad that's over! Ironically, not so long after, I blogged about wanting to be challenged because without challenges, one can only be so happy with being where they are at.
Relationally, I understand myself in particular ways I haven't before. As cheesy as it may be, I 'found' myself in new ways. I'm more clear on what I'm looking for beyond friendship (well maybe not quite but you get my drift) and through an expected epiphany or not, every moment of life delivers a purpose, a lesson, a moral. I know me better and I acknowledge the abundance of blessings and passions God has blessed me with as a well-rounded person. This August has been a noteworthy month of reminiscent memories from the past. I reflected on thoughts I always pondered on but never had shared. I'm starting to untie many strings within.
I can't finish this post without mentioning the spiritual factor. Its always surrounded me in every aspect of my life, but its been the most prominent as of last month. My post, How it all started pretty much summarizes the miraculous doings of the Lord. Every time I share about that crazy Friday, my mind is speechless despite non-stop emotions and feelings being poured out from the heart. Lately, I feel God being persistent in some parts of my life I rather leave undiscovered at the moment. I'm not ready to delve into these areas of unknown, but who knows when I will be ready. Well, He definitely will and I will just have to wait for what 2-0 has to reveal.
Just by skimming my blogs I`m in recognition of the happenings in my life. Last year I had 41 posts in total, and today this blog has reached its 41st. I'm beyond thankful for all that has occurred and what I have accomplished as of today.
Life is not without its superficiality though- the world is ugly, reality is harsh, people are sinful, and yes you can be influence by all of that, but I believe that your the only person who can keep your own dreams alive, remain that childhood innocence at heart, mature in unseen ways, judge everyone as an infant, clench your hands into hope and never let go.
Dear 20:
I embrace you and take you on like no other age before. Love me, mold me, inspire me, and guide me with help from the higher hand. This year will be magnificent. Extraordinary. AND, even captureable (Thank Yous to you & you & you & you & you & you & you & you & you & you & you & you <3 !)
Yours Truly,
Sarah Pho
Cheers!
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Stories told from a room
This month I've been in the process of cleaning my room. As you've probably acknowledged that I like to keep things neat, this shouldn't come as a surprise. It was actually enjoyable despite the time it took to clean my room. Though my room isn't that big, it took quite some time and a few days (that were spread out over two & a half week ish)to throw some things out, reorganize stuff, wipe layers of dust away (I really hate dust!) and do an annual donation.
I think the last time I did a major clean up of my room was probably in high school, but every time I do a clean up, its very rewarding. I get to acknowledge "things" from the past and discover how much I've grown attach to some things or become dis-attached to other things. Take stuff animals for examples, I have a LOT of stuff animals: a huge collection of beanie babies, assorted sizes of cute, furry animals, dolls, etc. and they take up a lot of room and collect dust. Each time, I don't move them or place them in a new location if I don't have to. I like them smiling on top of my shelves, drawers, closet or even on the floor. They actually take up a lot of room, and if you've seen my room before, you could say its quite childish and a typical room for a little girl. I still love my stuff animals, and each one of them tells a story. Who gave it to me? Where was it from? When did I receive it? Why?. This time around though, I didn't even think twice before taking them off my shelves and placing them all in a brown bag. I wanted new things in their place and I just didn't have enough space to keep them all where they were occupied.
I realize I'm growing out of grade school days. I remember when my mom would force me to clean my room and barge in with a garbage bag to throw out what she considered "junk" in my room and I would cry. I liked holding onto what I had and I just recently recycled my grade twelve notes, not like I really cared for them anyways (didn't come in handy for Uni at all). Sometimes it can be difficult and I struggle between keeping an item that is useless, but holds some sort of meaning to me, or donate it to a person who would use it more than I would and give it more worth than I did.
When I do an annual clean up of my closet, I always find pieces I've only worn once or twice and my principle is that if I haven't worn it in the past six months, it should go (not including formal dresses or occasion/weather-oriented items). Then I ask myself, why did I wear it so little? Is it because I didn't like it that much in the first place, it shrunk or doesn't fit well or it grew out of style? But I give in to donating it when I think of someone less fortunate and who would wear it, rather than have it just sit comfortably in my drawers until the next time it has a chance to be dressed on someone. I really need to consider what I buy and invest in-it'll definitely save me money in my pocket, AND not buy out of impulse (oh retail therapy...). Other times, I tend to keep worn-out and even ripped garments because they signify so much more- despite not capable of being worn (such as my black capris that ripped at the crotch on my first and only camping trip ever).
Today, the last day of my cleaning, I organized all my cards I've ever received in my life. Well, I only had the ones since grade five/six, but that's still a LOT of cards. The cards I receive are usually just in a pile in a box I have, but I decided to organize them according to category: Birthdays, Valentine's Day, Christmas/NY, Invitations, Baptism, Thankyou(s), Random Letters & Notes. As I opened each card and read the message inside in order to place them in their proper pile, memories flooded my mind. Words of encouragement, funny insider jokes, saying 'Thanks' for something I did, an update on one's life or what they're going through-each and every one so genuine. It felt like that writer was actually speaking to me in that time. I couldn't help but laugh at some of these cards from so and so at their younger age and how they've changed. Yet some things just don't change.
Cleaning my room has been an experience. I invite you to clean yours too. You never know what treasures you'll discover and what package of joy is waiting to be open.
I wish my camera didn't die so that I could take and show some pictures, but since memories don't need to be capture to be remembered, words will do.
Seeing through the eyes of things
I think the last time I did a major clean up of my room was probably in high school, but every time I do a clean up, its very rewarding. I get to acknowledge "things" from the past and discover how much I've grown attach to some things or become dis-attached to other things. Take stuff animals for examples, I have a LOT of stuff animals: a huge collection of beanie babies, assorted sizes of cute, furry animals, dolls, etc. and they take up a lot of room and collect dust. Each time, I don't move them or place them in a new location if I don't have to. I like them smiling on top of my shelves, drawers, closet or even on the floor. They actually take up a lot of room, and if you've seen my room before, you could say its quite childish and a typical room for a little girl. I still love my stuff animals, and each one of them tells a story. Who gave it to me? Where was it from? When did I receive it? Why?. This time around though, I didn't even think twice before taking them off my shelves and placing them all in a brown bag. I wanted new things in their place and I just didn't have enough space to keep them all where they were occupied.
I realize I'm growing out of grade school days. I remember when my mom would force me to clean my room and barge in with a garbage bag to throw out what she considered "junk" in my room and I would cry. I liked holding onto what I had and I just recently recycled my grade twelve notes, not like I really cared for them anyways (didn't come in handy for Uni at all). Sometimes it can be difficult and I struggle between keeping an item that is useless, but holds some sort of meaning to me, or donate it to a person who would use it more than I would and give it more worth than I did.
When I do an annual clean up of my closet, I always find pieces I've only worn once or twice and my principle is that if I haven't worn it in the past six months, it should go (not including formal dresses or occasion/weather-oriented items). Then I ask myself, why did I wear it so little? Is it because I didn't like it that much in the first place, it shrunk or doesn't fit well or it grew out of style? But I give in to donating it when I think of someone less fortunate and who would wear it, rather than have it just sit comfortably in my drawers until the next time it has a chance to be dressed on someone. I really need to consider what I buy and invest in-it'll definitely save me money in my pocket, AND not buy out of impulse (oh retail therapy...). Other times, I tend to keep worn-out and even ripped garments because they signify so much more- despite not capable of being worn (such as my black capris that ripped at the crotch on my first and only camping trip ever).
Today, the last day of my cleaning, I organized all my cards I've ever received in my life. Well, I only had the ones since grade five/six, but that's still a LOT of cards. The cards I receive are usually just in a pile in a box I have, but I decided to organize them according to category: Birthdays, Valentine's Day, Christmas/NY, Invitations, Baptism, Thankyou(s), Random Letters & Notes. As I opened each card and read the message inside in order to place them in their proper pile, memories flooded my mind. Words of encouragement, funny insider jokes, saying 'Thanks' for something I did, an update on one's life or what they're going through-each and every one so genuine. It felt like that writer was actually speaking to me in that time. I couldn't help but laugh at some of these cards from so and so at their younger age and how they've changed. Yet some things just don't change.
Cleaning my room has been an experience. I invite you to clean yours too. You never know what treasures you'll discover and what package of joy is waiting to be open.
I wish my camera didn't die so that I could take and show some pictures, but since memories don't need to be capture to be remembered, words will do.
Seeing through the eyes of things
Friday, August 12, 2011
Like a Kid
I remember as a kid I was in love with Ashley and Mary-Kate Olsen movies. They were my favorite childhood stars for a long time. I admired them, I wanted to be like them and I still am inspired by how they made a name for themselves as fashion designers despite having been famous from their day of birth. My mom would take me to Blockbuster quite often to rent movies and every time I would rent a MK&A movie on VHS. My favorite movie of theirs was "You're Invited to Mary-Kate and Ashely's Ballet Party." I would watch this one for as many times as I possibly could during the week. I absolutely adored these twins in their tutus and the theme of dancing that captivated me.
I remember when I was seven, a flyer for ballet lessons at a new studio in Castledowns came in the mail. I remembered it so well because I really wanted to take dance lessons. I wanted to be a dancer, I wanted to learn how to dance and I wanted to go to this open house. I told my mom, but she worked late that day, I told my auntie who was living with me at the time and she took me to the open house. I had anticipated this night for days and I was so happy to be able to go. Disappointment settled in fast though. Not only were those lessons costly, I had a fear of doing the splits because other kids at school had told me you had to "break a bone" in your hip to be able to stretch that way. As I saw little girls in their tutus in the studio showing off their dance moves and even some doing the splits- I was wishing I could be one of them, but without hesitation I made the decision to not take dance lessons.
I remember also around that age, my mom would take me to a restaurant she knew the owner of. This restaurant had performers each weekend and some of these performers included mothers and daughters. They would dance, do skits, basically just entertain their dinner guests. I enjoyed watching them even if it was just basic entertainment and had mentioned to my mom how we should join in on the fun and be performers too. One day my mom came home and told me she had sign us up to join that group of performers. But for some reason, I said no and made my mom 'un-sign' us. I knew deep down I had wanted to do it, but why did I reply with such a firm disapproval?
I guess as a little girl I had yearned to dance or perform, but I just lacked the confidence to do so. I didn't believe in myself that I could do things I thought were impossible. I was stubborn and didn't give myself a chance. I want to call this a regret of mine, yet, life is a learning experience and I believe that every opportunity taken or not, you take away something, move on, and try to come back as a better person.
Yesterday was the finale of SYTYCD (So You Think You Can Dance for those of you that aren't avid followers). I love the talent in this show just like how I loved the ballet movie from Ashely & Mary Kate Olsen back in my childhood days. Since I was introduced to it in the summer of 2007, I have watched and tried to follow it as much as I can. I find myself especially drawn to the genre of contemporary dancing. Every time I see a piece, I feel compelled to be able to dance that way and wish I had taken up dancing as a child. The graceful movements of the bodies, the precise flow and rhythm of the partners, the fearless depth of their twirls,leaps and bounds, the expressive faces that justify their roles and impacts the crowds. I can't put it any other way. The act of expressing themselves and the story behind their talent makes me speechless. Sometimes I cry with them, other times I smile to myself over how sweet their dancing made me feel.
Sometimes I think I like creating and directing drimes, and delivering a message to an audience through unspoken words is due to my love for dance. I am very fond of stories being told without one opening their mouth. Its an amazing and powerful perspective and being able to share that with others is joy. Though, I can't say all the drimes I've been involved with have told a touching story, but the artsy side of life is just aesthetic. Lively. Heart warming. Beyond what science can tell.
I don't know where this fervour for art started, I just know its been with me since I was a child. My ability to be creative and derive nifty ideas is not from me but a heavenly spirit who knows me more than I know myself. There's a reason, I know there is. And like a kid, who wished they could have a time machine to play with, I do too as an adult.
I remember when I was seven, a flyer for ballet lessons at a new studio in Castledowns came in the mail. I remembered it so well because I really wanted to take dance lessons. I wanted to be a dancer, I wanted to learn how to dance and I wanted to go to this open house. I told my mom, but she worked late that day, I told my auntie who was living with me at the time and she took me to the open house. I had anticipated this night for days and I was so happy to be able to go. Disappointment settled in fast though. Not only were those lessons costly, I had a fear of doing the splits because other kids at school had told me you had to "break a bone" in your hip to be able to stretch that way. As I saw little girls in their tutus in the studio showing off their dance moves and even some doing the splits- I was wishing I could be one of them, but without hesitation I made the decision to not take dance lessons.
I remember also around that age, my mom would take me to a restaurant she knew the owner of. This restaurant had performers each weekend and some of these performers included mothers and daughters. They would dance, do skits, basically just entertain their dinner guests. I enjoyed watching them even if it was just basic entertainment and had mentioned to my mom how we should join in on the fun and be performers too. One day my mom came home and told me she had sign us up to join that group of performers. But for some reason, I said no and made my mom 'un-sign' us. I knew deep down I had wanted to do it, but why did I reply with such a firm disapproval?
I guess as a little girl I had yearned to dance or perform, but I just lacked the confidence to do so. I didn't believe in myself that I could do things I thought were impossible. I was stubborn and didn't give myself a chance. I want to call this a regret of mine, yet, life is a learning experience and I believe that every opportunity taken or not, you take away something, move on, and try to come back as a better person.
Yesterday was the finale of SYTYCD (So You Think You Can Dance for those of you that aren't avid followers). I love the talent in this show just like how I loved the ballet movie from Ashely & Mary Kate Olsen back in my childhood days. Since I was introduced to it in the summer of 2007, I have watched and tried to follow it as much as I can. I find myself especially drawn to the genre of contemporary dancing. Every time I see a piece, I feel compelled to be able to dance that way and wish I had taken up dancing as a child. The graceful movements of the bodies, the precise flow and rhythm of the partners, the fearless depth of their twirls,leaps and bounds, the expressive faces that justify their roles and impacts the crowds. I can't put it any other way. The act of expressing themselves and the story behind their talent makes me speechless. Sometimes I cry with them, other times I smile to myself over how sweet their dancing made me feel.
Sometimes I think I like creating and directing drimes, and delivering a message to an audience through unspoken words is due to my love for dance. I am very fond of stories being told without one opening their mouth. Its an amazing and powerful perspective and being able to share that with others is joy. Though, I can't say all the drimes I've been involved with have told a touching story, but the artsy side of life is just aesthetic. Lively. Heart warming. Beyond what science can tell.
I don't know where this fervour for art started, I just know its been with me since I was a child. My ability to be creative and derive nifty ideas is not from me but a heavenly spirit who knows me more than I know myself. There's a reason, I know there is. And like a kid, who wished they could have a time machine to play with, I do too as an adult.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
A case of Alzheimer's
We all have times when we forget things. To do lists, a task on our agenda, forgetting to call a friend, to write a message, to reply a text. There's been times its just so easy to let something slip by and it may not even be significant. It could be due to a busy schedule, a spur of the moment incident that went in one ear and out the other, or we may have been ignorant and rather careless about what we were suppose to remember.
Personally I dislike forgetting things. I use my agenda wisely, write to do notes, scribble ideas that come to mind and even resort to the palm of my hand if there's nothing else. I prefer being organized and accomplishing what I need to be done before it needs to be done. Yet, I am writing about a forgotten case of music.
Yes, music.
I took piano lessons since I was in grade three. I had always wanted to take lessons, maybe because my friends did and so I told my mom. She found me a teacher from church and my knowledge of the piano took course from there on. I remember the cost of these lessons, each year the cost would go up, and as I went into higher levels, I had to take more lessons and theory, as well as pay for expensive piano exams and books. I enjoyed playing, but I disliked practicing. Sometimes I wouldn't practice until the day of my lesson. My teacher could always tell how if I practiced or not, I always wondered how she knew, but it showed. Practice makes Perfect right?
I remember when I started ear training I was so frustrated. I just couldn't get it. There must be a problem with my hearing I thought because how could I not be able to even GUESS a note? Thinking back to this, it makes me annoyed at myself. I didn't think I was musically challenged at all. One day I decided that I would quit piano lessons after finishing grade eight. That day came and gone in the summer of 2008. Its been close to three years now. During this time, when I bumped into my piano teachers (I had two, one moved away and I switched to her relative), I felt somewhat ashamed. I had told my teacher I wanted to take a break when I quitted (she had really wanted me to pursue to grade ten, even if it was just for fun). I felt ashamed not because I didn't take lessons with her no more, but because when she would ask about how my practice was going I found myself changing the topic or giving an indirect (and not very honest) answer, reason being, I stopped playing. I haven't touched the piano on a regular basis since that summer.
One day, which so happens to be about two weeks before the Aruba mission trip, I found myself having a yearning to play. An auntie told me once you can never forget a learned skill, its like driving, yes you may need to brush up on it having not played in a long time, but you would never forget the skill. So I opened a rather easy piano book and played some popular children songs, it took some time for both my hands to match up on the notes and timing, and my mind had to adjust to the delay from reading the notes and sending the message to my fingers, but I played and ended up playing for an hour, clumsily. They were really basic songs though.
Speaking of the mission trip, when my friend couldn't go because of her grandfather's death, the group didn't know what to do, my other friend would be the only other person for the 'praise team' and they had lost a piano player for the trip. When I stepped up to the plate, they knew I could play and they were satisfied with me as a replacement. Yet, I didn't know if I could actually play for an audience-all the fear and nervousness from previous piano exams built up and took its toll on me. AND, playing praise songs and hymns, no way! When I got to Aruba and looked through the music sheets, I felt so lost. I couldn't remember how to do chords, my fingers were all over the placed and my mind was struggling to read the sharps, flats or recall F-A-C-E and 'All Cows Eat Grass?' I was confused and I was frustrated with myself for not understanding this language I had knew so well at one point. It was like all that money, effort, and practicing for eight years had gone to waste.
In the end, even though we didn't have a legit pianist, we realized we didn't even need one, the kids were satisfied with a Hillsong DVD and watching us make a fool of ourselves by dancing (though many of them loved it and joined in!). During sharing last week, one of the members of the mission trip had mention how despite each of us on the team not being the most talented in the field of music, we all pulled through and enjoyed praise and worship the most each day of camp. God absolutely love weaknesses and this week I've been reminded so much of Aruba and our work there. I miss it.
As for my early case of Alzheimer's, it'll take a lot of time and practice, but I hope to play as I did three years ago one day. Its rather disappointing that even though I wasn't a very good pianist that I could forget so much. At least its not a memory forgotten forever.
What will I do if I ever do get Alzheimer's?
Personally I dislike forgetting things. I use my agenda wisely, write to do notes, scribble ideas that come to mind and even resort to the palm of my hand if there's nothing else. I prefer being organized and accomplishing what I need to be done before it needs to be done. Yet, I am writing about a forgotten case of music.
Yes, music.
I took piano lessons since I was in grade three. I had always wanted to take lessons, maybe because my friends did and so I told my mom. She found me a teacher from church and my knowledge of the piano took course from there on. I remember the cost of these lessons, each year the cost would go up, and as I went into higher levels, I had to take more lessons and theory, as well as pay for expensive piano exams and books. I enjoyed playing, but I disliked practicing. Sometimes I wouldn't practice until the day of my lesson. My teacher could always tell how if I practiced or not, I always wondered how she knew, but it showed. Practice makes Perfect right?
I remember when I started ear training I was so frustrated. I just couldn't get it. There must be a problem with my hearing I thought because how could I not be able to even GUESS a note? Thinking back to this, it makes me annoyed at myself. I didn't think I was musically challenged at all. One day I decided that I would quit piano lessons after finishing grade eight. That day came and gone in the summer of 2008. Its been close to three years now. During this time, when I bumped into my piano teachers (I had two, one moved away and I switched to her relative), I felt somewhat ashamed. I had told my teacher I wanted to take a break when I quitted (she had really wanted me to pursue to grade ten, even if it was just for fun). I felt ashamed not because I didn't take lessons with her no more, but because when she would ask about how my practice was going I found myself changing the topic or giving an indirect (and not very honest) answer, reason being, I stopped playing. I haven't touched the piano on a regular basis since that summer.
One day, which so happens to be about two weeks before the Aruba mission trip, I found myself having a yearning to play. An auntie told me once you can never forget a learned skill, its like driving, yes you may need to brush up on it having not played in a long time, but you would never forget the skill. So I opened a rather easy piano book and played some popular children songs, it took some time for both my hands to match up on the notes and timing, and my mind had to adjust to the delay from reading the notes and sending the message to my fingers, but I played and ended up playing for an hour, clumsily. They were really basic songs though.
Speaking of the mission trip, when my friend couldn't go because of her grandfather's death, the group didn't know what to do, my other friend would be the only other person for the 'praise team' and they had lost a piano player for the trip. When I stepped up to the plate, they knew I could play and they were satisfied with me as a replacement. Yet, I didn't know if I could actually play for an audience-all the fear and nervousness from previous piano exams built up and took its toll on me. AND, playing praise songs and hymns, no way! When I got to Aruba and looked through the music sheets, I felt so lost. I couldn't remember how to do chords, my fingers were all over the placed and my mind was struggling to read the sharps, flats or recall F-A-C-E and 'All Cows Eat Grass?' I was confused and I was frustrated with myself for not understanding this language I had knew so well at one point. It was like all that money, effort, and practicing for eight years had gone to waste.
In the end, even though we didn't have a legit pianist, we realized we didn't even need one, the kids were satisfied with a Hillsong DVD and watching us make a fool of ourselves by dancing (though many of them loved it and joined in!). During sharing last week, one of the members of the mission trip had mention how despite each of us on the team not being the most talented in the field of music, we all pulled through and enjoyed praise and worship the most each day of camp. God absolutely love weaknesses and this week I've been reminded so much of Aruba and our work there. I miss it.
As for my early case of Alzheimer's, it'll take a lot of time and practice, but I hope to play as I did three years ago one day. Its rather disappointing that even though I wasn't a very good pianist that I could forget so much. At least its not a memory forgotten forever.
What will I do if I ever do get Alzheimer's?
Sunday, July 24, 2011
How it all started
Last last Friday, I woke up to a text that had notified me to pray for a relative's situation in the hospital. I prayed. A few hours later another friend texts me and tells of this same friend deciding to change her plans of going on their mission trip due to a death of her relative. I was in shocked. We both prayed and tried to convince her to not let her emotions get to her. Little did we know that there was no turning back, her flight had been canceled earlier that morning. Throughout the day my friend who texted me of my other friend's change of plans was devastated. She didn't know if she could do it on her own, she didn't know if things would have worked out as planned, she needed encouragement and most of all, help. She was now the youngest and only girl left on the team now.
She texted me asking "Can you come?" and I called her back. I didn't know what I was thinking, but I said " I could, just that... is it possible?" In my mind I knew it wasn't... how could it be? Getting a flight last minute, not having gone through any paperwork or church interviews, and most of all what was I going to tell my manager when I just came back a little over two weeks from San Fran? And of course the parental issue hmmm. We discussed the possibilities but I was doubting and shortly we had to hang up because I was heading to work. I left my chances up to my friend. On the way to work I kept feeling I should go, I kept feeling a push to go, I didn't know how though. I arrived work and my mind wasn't even on work, I talked to my co workers about the dilemma and I asked for advice from a Christian co worker. Same faith or not, they all told me to go, they said, "Its Aruba! Who cares about work, if you got the chance, Go, I would go." I didn't know what to do.
Prior to work I had told my friend to keep me posted of updates on what would happen since our friend decided not to go to Aruba, nor her brother. That was two out of eight members gone, 75% left, and technically you needed at least 7 people to have a mission trip be able to go. But, my friend couldn't reach me, I was at work, and my phone had little to no connection at southgate. Then while I was near the cash desk,the phone was ringing. I thought it was a call from another store asking for a shoe check, but I picked it up and a familiar voice asked "Is Sarah there?" I said "Yea, this is me," and she said her name (it was my friend) and told me with excitement, "We got you a ticket! Can you come!?" I accepted, how could I not? I was overjoyed and my next move was to tackle my manager. I approached her and told her I had something urgent to talk to her about. I told her of the whole situation and how I would have to fly out that night and won't be back for a week. I could tell she was disappointed as she was lacking employees, and she already needed people to cover for those on vacation. Yet, she nodded and said okay, and that it was fine for me to go. I called my mom shortly after, called my friend back on my break, called another friend to express my craziness-all my doubts had been solved and everything was falling into place.
I was still in disbelief. I couldn't believe I was actually flying out to Aruba on a last minute decision. I was skeptical and then I started getting scared. What did I get myself into? I don't even know what I would be doing there for Heaven's sake! Right after work I went straight home to pack. I was rushing like mad and I had so many mixed emotions. There was also a chance that all my packing would go to waste and that I wouldn't be able to go if something went wrong with my ticket. Since I'm laying down my memories of that day, everything surely worked out. Even though I was so overjoyed, I didn't want to feel so happy because I didn't want to see my opportunity as a result of a death. I broke down when I got to church and saw my friend whose relative had past away earlier that morning. I really wish we were all going together.
Its ironic how I got to go. When I was asked a few months ago to go on this mission trip, I did consider it, but I turned it down. I didn't think it was the time for me to go. As well, I found out soon after that my dad had signed up to go help since they needed more people and he's been there before. This made my 'no' an even stronger 'no' because I'm not that close to my dad. We don't talk alot, were not that tight and I didn't want to go if he was going. But in the back of my head I always thought if, just if, my dad couldn't go, I could always take his place. I never would've thought I would be replacing my friend's position because her grandpa died. Never would I have wanted that to happen. As well, when I met the people from Aruba, I wanted to go even more due to what they told me their happy island was like, their lives there, how their church is growing and telling me to go visit them one day. The night before that friday, I was even writing goodbye notes to the teens from Aruba and I had written "Maybe I'll see you again some day in Aruba." Little did I know that some day would become two days later.
It made me realized that if God wants you to go somewhere, it will happen. I guess that feeling in the back of my head was always right. I should have said yes from the beginning. But I'm glad it wasn't too late either and having chosen to go last minute, it all worked out, and this mission trip has been wonderful. I got to know everyone on the team and its been a great week of struggles, challenges, sweat, ocean view, kids, and friendships. Oh funniest of all, when my friend had texted me and asked if I could come, she told me later on she was actually joking, but God definitely wasn't!
She texted me asking "Can you come?" and I called her back. I didn't know what I was thinking, but I said " I could, just that... is it possible?" In my mind I knew it wasn't... how could it be? Getting a flight last minute, not having gone through any paperwork or church interviews, and most of all what was I going to tell my manager when I just came back a little over two weeks from San Fran? And of course the parental issue hmmm. We discussed the possibilities but I was doubting and shortly we had to hang up because I was heading to work. I left my chances up to my friend. On the way to work I kept feeling I should go, I kept feeling a push to go, I didn't know how though. I arrived work and my mind wasn't even on work, I talked to my co workers about the dilemma and I asked for advice from a Christian co worker. Same faith or not, they all told me to go, they said, "Its Aruba! Who cares about work, if you got the chance, Go, I would go." I didn't know what to do.
Prior to work I had told my friend to keep me posted of updates on what would happen since our friend decided not to go to Aruba, nor her brother. That was two out of eight members gone, 75% left, and technically you needed at least 7 people to have a mission trip be able to go. But, my friend couldn't reach me, I was at work, and my phone had little to no connection at southgate. Then while I was near the cash desk,the phone was ringing. I thought it was a call from another store asking for a shoe check, but I picked it up and a familiar voice asked "Is Sarah there?" I said "Yea, this is me," and she said her name (it was my friend) and told me with excitement, "We got you a ticket! Can you come!?" I accepted, how could I not? I was overjoyed and my next move was to tackle my manager. I approached her and told her I had something urgent to talk to her about. I told her of the whole situation and how I would have to fly out that night and won't be back for a week. I could tell she was disappointed as she was lacking employees, and she already needed people to cover for those on vacation. Yet, she nodded and said okay, and that it was fine for me to go. I called my mom shortly after, called my friend back on my break, called another friend to express my craziness-all my doubts had been solved and everything was falling into place.
I was still in disbelief. I couldn't believe I was actually flying out to Aruba on a last minute decision. I was skeptical and then I started getting scared. What did I get myself into? I don't even know what I would be doing there for Heaven's sake! Right after work I went straight home to pack. I was rushing like mad and I had so many mixed emotions. There was also a chance that all my packing would go to waste and that I wouldn't be able to go if something went wrong with my ticket. Since I'm laying down my memories of that day, everything surely worked out. Even though I was so overjoyed, I didn't want to feel so happy because I didn't want to see my opportunity as a result of a death. I broke down when I got to church and saw my friend whose relative had past away earlier that morning. I really wish we were all going together.
Its ironic how I got to go. When I was asked a few months ago to go on this mission trip, I did consider it, but I turned it down. I didn't think it was the time for me to go. As well, I found out soon after that my dad had signed up to go help since they needed more people and he's been there before. This made my 'no' an even stronger 'no' because I'm not that close to my dad. We don't talk alot, were not that tight and I didn't want to go if he was going. But in the back of my head I always thought if, just if, my dad couldn't go, I could always take his place. I never would've thought I would be replacing my friend's position because her grandpa died. Never would I have wanted that to happen. As well, when I met the people from Aruba, I wanted to go even more due to what they told me their happy island was like, their lives there, how their church is growing and telling me to go visit them one day. The night before that friday, I was even writing goodbye notes to the teens from Aruba and I had written "Maybe I'll see you again some day in Aruba." Little did I know that some day would become two days later.
It made me realized that if God wants you to go somewhere, it will happen. I guess that feeling in the back of my head was always right. I should have said yes from the beginning. But I'm glad it wasn't too late either and having chosen to go last minute, it all worked out, and this mission trip has been wonderful. I got to know everyone on the team and its been a great week of struggles, challenges, sweat, ocean view, kids, and friendships. Oh funniest of all, when my friend had texted me and asked if I could come, she told me later on she was actually joking, but God definitely wasn't!
Friday, July 22, 2011
Dushi Yiu
This past week has neither been fast or slow, its actually progressed timely and each day got better and better as we worked to improve on the flaws and mishaps of the day before. And now, we are done, MISSION POSSIBLE no?!
Last night I led devotion from 1 John 2: 15-17 and I focused on the following verse:
"The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever"
I encouraged everyone to continue on with their energy and strength despite today being the 'last day.' Though the acts and things of this world will fade, our work will be continued and we never know how we have impacted the kids at this kids camp. This week has been highly enjoyable and had a satisfying ring to it for the whole team.
Tonight we are going to fellowship with brothers and sisters from the Aruba alliance church and the remaining of us who didn't share at the prayer meeting earlier this week will be sharing our testimony. As I was writing it just now, I realized my life hasn't been all that difficult. Though I complain about challenges or things I rather not do, in shortly a month when I turn 2-0, I realize this almost two decades has been a steady life. When I look back on what I have accomplished in the years prior, everything seems to have fall in place, expecially my internship with Urban Promise. I feel God has been setting me up for this mission trip all along. I guess I did handle and entertain the kids pretty well having decided to come last minute and not knowing anything that was planned. Yes, plans were shuffled, roles were overlapped, but somehow God's plan has never changed. What my experience at UP was more than just a seven week baking teacher, it taught me how to work through my weaknesses and take up the role of leading.
And now its time to say goodbye. This goodbye is different from UP because even though its only been a week of camp, the kids will be kids and are attached to you and ask if your coming back next yr; they even ask us to bring the leaders from last year back to Aruba(they definitely don't forget you). But, its not a sad goodbye, I'm not sobbing like a baby and I'm not wishing I could stay longer. I know it was a spontaneous trip to start with, but it won't end that way for sure.
I look forward to how pieces of my life will fall together down the road. Life is a wild ride, and everywhere you go is an adventure.
Dushi Yiu means "Sweet One," we were souvenir shopping today and so many kids have shirts with this printed on it and it really made me want to get one, but I ended up with the iconic I <3 _____ tees I collect, in this case Aruba!
Lets' Fly
Last night I led devotion from 1 John 2: 15-17 and I focused on the following verse:
"The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever"
I encouraged everyone to continue on with their energy and strength despite today being the 'last day.' Though the acts and things of this world will fade, our work will be continued and we never know how we have impacted the kids at this kids camp. This week has been highly enjoyable and had a satisfying ring to it for the whole team.
Tonight we are going to fellowship with brothers and sisters from the Aruba alliance church and the remaining of us who didn't share at the prayer meeting earlier this week will be sharing our testimony. As I was writing it just now, I realized my life hasn't been all that difficult. Though I complain about challenges or things I rather not do, in shortly a month when I turn 2-0, I realize this almost two decades has been a steady life. When I look back on what I have accomplished in the years prior, everything seems to have fall in place, expecially my internship with Urban Promise. I feel God has been setting me up for this mission trip all along. I guess I did handle and entertain the kids pretty well having decided to come last minute and not knowing anything that was planned. Yes, plans were shuffled, roles were overlapped, but somehow God's plan has never changed. What my experience at UP was more than just a seven week baking teacher, it taught me how to work through my weaknesses and take up the role of leading.
And now its time to say goodbye. This goodbye is different from UP because even though its only been a week of camp, the kids will be kids and are attached to you and ask if your coming back next yr; they even ask us to bring the leaders from last year back to Aruba(they definitely don't forget you). But, its not a sad goodbye, I'm not sobbing like a baby and I'm not wishing I could stay longer. I know it was a spontaneous trip to start with, but it won't end that way for sure.
I look forward to how pieces of my life will fall together down the road. Life is a wild ride, and everywhere you go is an adventure.
Dushi Yiu means "Sweet One," we were souvenir shopping today and so many kids have shirts with this printed on it and it really made me want to get one, but I ended up with the iconic I <3 _____ tees I collect, in this case Aruba!
Lets' Fly
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Faithfulness
Yesterday was really tiring for us, there were a lot of unexpected time gaps where we had to last minute plan games or jokes or just pure entertainment for the kids-thus we were unorganized in those areas, but it was nice to have the kids be close and open up to us by the end of the day. I realized this camp feels like Urban Promise all over again for me, except twice or triple the amount of work due to less people involved and more work on our part to plan everything from scratch.
Its tiring. After lunch I was slowly losing energy and I couldn't even tell the kids to stop running around by the time they were waiting to leave. The heat and constant "go-Go-GO" must have got to me and the team. Yet, God has been great and it was nice to befriend the kids, get to know each other and work to make this camp progress each day.
Also, there is a HUGE language barrier. In Aruba, the kids pick up Papamento (Aruba's lingo) as they grow up, canto/mando speaking with their families, learn Dutch in school, and by around gr.6, they tackle English. Spanish may also be learned in school or picked up from certain areas of Aruba. So what do we do? Thank God for two teens who are wonderful helpers and help us translate almost everything to Papamento, its a pretty sweet language and I'm bewildered at how many lanugages these kids know! Some kids don't talk at all and were still trying to figure out what they do speak haha.
Today was a better day, debriefing and conversing about the goods and bads of camp as a group helped and we were also more organized and perfect on the schedule and timing. Yet, there is a big gap between the ages; there's about 20 ish kids under 10 and 6-7 12-17yr olds, so we really have to do things differently to make it applicable for them, and sometimes be creative and think of things to do that are not too childish or too mature. And some kids, just don't want to be part of anything regardless.
It really hit home when I was playing charades with the kids and I had wanted this one little boy to act out "Jesus", "Do you know who he is?" I asked and he said "no" and told me he wanted to act out something else.
Otherwise, camp has been fun and its not that hot here as everyone had told me, yes you have beads of sweat on your nose and if your outside you just keep sweating but its manageable. Yesterday we also had the priviledge for one of the church members to take us on a tour of Aruba to do some sightseeing! We climbed a mountain!!! 561 steps =D what a work out! It was a challenge to make it to the top, but rewarding to "finish the race".
I hope we will do the same for this camp as well.
Also, I learned to FLOAT today in super salty sea water but in return...
my camera dropped into the water =(.
Its tiring. After lunch I was slowly losing energy and I couldn't even tell the kids to stop running around by the time they were waiting to leave. The heat and constant "go-Go-GO" must have got to me and the team. Yet, God has been great and it was nice to befriend the kids, get to know each other and work to make this camp progress each day.
Also, there is a HUGE language barrier. In Aruba, the kids pick up Papamento (Aruba's lingo) as they grow up, canto/mando speaking with their families, learn Dutch in school, and by around gr.6, they tackle English. Spanish may also be learned in school or picked up from certain areas of Aruba. So what do we do? Thank God for two teens who are wonderful helpers and help us translate almost everything to Papamento, its a pretty sweet language and I'm bewildered at how many lanugages these kids know! Some kids don't talk at all and were still trying to figure out what they do speak haha.
Today was a better day, debriefing and conversing about the goods and bads of camp as a group helped and we were also more organized and perfect on the schedule and timing. Yet, there is a big gap between the ages; there's about 20 ish kids under 10 and 6-7 12-17yr olds, so we really have to do things differently to make it applicable for them, and sometimes be creative and think of things to do that are not too childish or too mature. And some kids, just don't want to be part of anything regardless.
It really hit home when I was playing charades with the kids and I had wanted this one little boy to act out "Jesus", "Do you know who he is?" I asked and he said "no" and told me he wanted to act out something else.
Otherwise, camp has been fun and its not that hot here as everyone had told me, yes you have beads of sweat on your nose and if your outside you just keep sweating but its manageable. Yesterday we also had the priviledge for one of the church members to take us on a tour of Aruba to do some sightseeing! We climbed a mountain!!! 561 steps =D what a work out! It was a challenge to make it to the top, but rewarding to "finish the race".
I hope we will do the same for this camp as well.
Also, I learned to FLOAT today in super salty sea water but in return...
my camera dropped into the water =(.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Bon Dia!
Hello from Aruba. So our team has arrived safe and sound to this little wee island that is neither part of North or South America, as I've googled, this island is the property of Holland, or am I actually in Europe? The source also says its part of the Carribeans, which is technically North America, so I guess I didn't step foot on a new continent as I had wished, BUT we are so so CLOSE to South America on the map, I wish I could just hop over, some day, probably spontaneously again.
Were settled into an amazing house that was rented to us by a pastor who lives in Canada for half the year I believe. There's a mini pool, a hut, a view by the Atlandtic Ocean? and IQUANAS IN THE MORNING! It was hard to imagine that we were all here for a mission trip as it feels like we're coming for vacation, living in a resort and enjoying the beach (which has minimal sand...). I always thought a mission trip wasn't all that dressed up, more bare, and work to it, but were very thankful for such a nice villa to stay at and I guess as everything is provided we can focus on our work to be done here.
Today we visited the church we will be hosting a camp at and drove around to get use to the area as well as made our own map to and from the church. There are barely any traffic lights, speed limit signs, or pedestrian signs. Mainly just stop and yield ones, safe eh?! but the streets are usually quiet and not much cars during the day (fun fact: you can drive around Aruba in less than two hours!).
We also hosted a service for the church today and though they're congregation is SUPER SMALL, like 15 people? and we were another 7, it was encouraging to see the Chinese community of Aruba come together to worship and learn about our God. We were also incharge of hosting a kids service for the kids, but there was technically only three kids so we didn't get into the bible story or lesson planned, but they enjoyed playing the "name" game and "BANG!" with us!
I'm starting to understand more about Pastor Gabriel and his wife's work here and what they have done these past four years (yea.. I don't really understand just from reading the bulletin or what missionaries do in general). Though the attendance is small, tomorrow we are expecting about 30 kids and I pray that we can reach out to them with the gospel and get to know their lives. Its feels like this is just another kids camp that can be done anywhere, by anyone right? Why Aruba? But these past two days, I realize the church wouldn't be able to make this happen without us as I once again emphasize the size of their church and the lack of full time staff they have. The parents work a lot and their kids also help them out, its like a part time job, thus planning could not been done without outsiders.
Even though this "happy" island is beautiful and full of sunshine, please continue to pray that we stay focus on our tasks at hand and grow spiritually as we venture to mission to the kids.
Ayo!
Were settled into an amazing house that was rented to us by a pastor who lives in Canada for half the year I believe. There's a mini pool, a hut, a view by the Atlandtic Ocean? and IQUANAS IN THE MORNING! It was hard to imagine that we were all here for a mission trip as it feels like we're coming for vacation, living in a resort and enjoying the beach (which has minimal sand...). I always thought a mission trip wasn't all that dressed up, more bare, and work to it, but were very thankful for such a nice villa to stay at and I guess as everything is provided we can focus on our work to be done here.
Today we visited the church we will be hosting a camp at and drove around to get use to the area as well as made our own map to and from the church. There are barely any traffic lights, speed limit signs, or pedestrian signs. Mainly just stop and yield ones, safe eh?! but the streets are usually quiet and not much cars during the day (fun fact: you can drive around Aruba in less than two hours!).
We also hosted a service for the church today and though they're congregation is SUPER SMALL, like 15 people? and we were another 7, it was encouraging to see the Chinese community of Aruba come together to worship and learn about our God. We were also incharge of hosting a kids service for the kids, but there was technically only three kids so we didn't get into the bible story or lesson planned, but they enjoyed playing the "name" game and "BANG!" with us!
I'm starting to understand more about Pastor Gabriel and his wife's work here and what they have done these past four years (yea.. I don't really understand just from reading the bulletin or what missionaries do in general). Though the attendance is small, tomorrow we are expecting about 30 kids and I pray that we can reach out to them with the gospel and get to know their lives. Its feels like this is just another kids camp that can be done anywhere, by anyone right? Why Aruba? But these past two days, I realize the church wouldn't be able to make this happen without us as I once again emphasize the size of their church and the lack of full time staff they have. The parents work a lot and their kids also help them out, its like a part time job, thus planning could not been done without outsiders.
Even though this "happy" island is beautiful and full of sunshine, please continue to pray that we stay focus on our tasks at hand and grow spiritually as we venture to mission to the kids.
Ayo!
Friday, July 15, 2011
Life is a Whirlwind
I can't believe this is all happening. I am speechless and in disbelief. I don't even know where to start and I have no clue what to expect.
All I can say is, God, you do the impossible and you have shown yourself to be in BELIEVABLE WAYS. I can't doubt You ever again. Man, I don't even have time to lay down the details, these past 8 or 10 hours has been surreal. All through work today, so many things were spinning through my mind and I couldn't even focus.
Okay, suspense has been building, WHAT HAPPENED?
So... I'm flying out of here in less than five hours. Where am I going?
ARUBA!
Yes, I know, I have tons of explaining to do later on. Right now, I just want to ask for Your prayers for this mission trip (please and thank you!) and the team. I see many circumstances where the devil has and am kicking down each of the members on this team.
Regardless, God always does the impossible if its in his plans, he works with the whirlwind of life and calms the seas.
Amen.
P.S. My heart is pumping, adrenaline is rolling, and I'm just going crazy.
All I can say is, God, you do the impossible and you have shown yourself to be in BELIEVABLE WAYS. I can't doubt You ever again. Man, I don't even have time to lay down the details, these past 8 or 10 hours has been surreal. All through work today, so many things were spinning through my mind and I couldn't even focus.
Okay, suspense has been building, WHAT HAPPENED?
So... I'm flying out of here in less than five hours. Where am I going?
ARUBA!
Yes, I know, I have tons of explaining to do later on. Right now, I just want to ask for Your prayers for this mission trip (please and thank you!) and the team. I see many circumstances where the devil has and am kicking down each of the members on this team.
Regardless, God always does the impossible if its in his plans, he works with the whirlwind of life and calms the seas.
Amen.
P.S. My heart is pumping, adrenaline is rolling, and I'm just going crazy.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
The Golden City
Its been two weeks since I'm back from San Francisco and I realized I haven't really reflected on my trip. I guess this will be the reflection and highlights of my mini summer vacation.
Prior to going I had blog about difficulties with using airmiles and finding the flights, well that was all solved and I realized that despite going a little longer than I had wanted to, there was a plan to it. One of my summer goals was to get out of the city, and as this opportunity had arised, I wouldn't have let it slip just because of a later departure. Also, when I had planned this trip, I thought it be quiet going alone or not as exciting. I didn't know if I would get bored of my auntie, or if my auntie would not be use to having another body in the house as she lives alone. One of my friends had wanted to come later and join me, but she got a full time job so timing didn't work out. I had even brought some work todo in San Fran for the days I would be on my own when my aunt would be at work, but fortunately, I didn't have the opportunity to just sit around and work on "work" during my trip of course (what was I thinking?!).
Each day I had activities to do, places to see, destinations to explore, and food to enjoy, it was itinerary-ful. I'm really thankful that my auntie catered to me and brought me out and about. She took care of me and enriched me in many areas regarding my family, history, education, life-she is a very well rounded lady and I'm happy I got to know her more as I don't see her very often. Sometimes I did find myself becoming Americanized-she is very American. We travelled to nearby cities together, all of them are so close: San Jose, San Mateo, Millbrae, etc. She lived in San Mateo which was about half an hour from San Fran but the cities are probably like the distance between Edmonton and St.Albert, or even shorter so it was very convenient. Each city had farmer markets and events going on during the weekends and lots and lots of food! There's food everywhere, the US is rich in franchises and local eateries. I was pretty much bloated by the end of my time there.
My favorite tourist attraction was Fisherman's Wharf. This was a harbour/pier along the coast of San Fran and was busy with seafood and more seafood. This city is always full of tourist, but this was where it was at. Ghiradelli Chocolate Square, The Wine Cannery, Aquarium, Lazy Sea Lions, Bakeries, Souvineir shops, a park area to enjoy the sunshine, performers and artists on the street-you name it! I was lucky to experience some of the hottest weather during my stay, the ocean breeze was nice at times, yet brutally cold when crossing the Golden Gate Bridge. Speaking of which, I highly recommend Sausalito (see the photo below), an island area that's on the other side of the bridge where a lot of the really wealthy people live. Its so warm and relaxing and the view is absolutely stunning! Enjoying my clam chowder in a bread bowl and reflecting on where I was was amazing.
When I ventured on those hop on/hop off day tours, I gained a lot of knowledge about the history of this city. The population of San Fran is only about 850 000, but each day it reaches TWO MILLION due to tourists like me. As well, the demographic is quite young, with more couples owning pets than having children, thus pet markets and commodities are huge with dog spas and dog sitters. Lots of celebrities and high socialites tend to have made some kind of impact or influence here too, either it be Marilyn Monroe taking pictures with her husband infront of a church on street 666 (ironic eh? also, they couldn't marry in the church as one of them was divorced) or this sugar tycoon who owned a sugar company and married a girl 22 years younger than him, hence the arrival of the term "Sugar Daddy." All in all it was a very insightful city and I must say, I LOVE THE VICTORIAN ARTCHITECTURES!
Well that pretty much wraps it up, yet I had forgotten grade school had ended already the week I was leaving so when I arrived to the airport 60min before my flight (yes, I could've been earlier), there were line ups and more line ups inside and outside. People were lining up outside the doors to checkin. My flight was at 8:33am and I checked in close to 8, and I still had to go through security. Luckily (and funny story) this Indian family was going to Honolulu and families were called to go to a shorter line so they said I could follow them and pretend I was traveling with them so I did. When we arrived at the free-line up line, the security guard was looking at me oddly and was like "your with them? (directing at the Indian family, obviously I'm not a child of theirs), I said no, I was just following them so he directed me to the regular line and it was 8am already and I had to board in 10minutes! However, this lady infront of me, her flight was at 9am and she was worried she wouldn't get through security on time so she talked to one of the airport workers and he let her go through the firstclass/business line (with way less people), and I was like, oh I think I should go in that line too, my flight is at 8:30, and he was like "your joking right?" I'm like, no and I showed him my ticket and he was like, "your late!, get in that line."
That's what I get for traveling alone and being late. Well, I made it back, that is what counts!
I hope You have a great trip this summer wherever life takes you to!
I would totally recommend San Francisco! I didn't even go to all the places I wanted to visit-the city itself IS a tourist attraction.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
A Blessing in Disguise
This past Sunday, I initiated church hopping with one of my friends and we "hopped" our way to Gateway Alliance Church (the one across from Leons). I really liked how it was very multicultural and that they had a countdown on the screen before the start of service while the praise team was already rocking it. The PT was kind of a YC style, very modern and loud, though a lot of the songs were unfamiliar to me. I also liked how their news of the week was made into a video format with two hosts Q&A instead of having someone read straight from a bullentin. It was more engaging and interactive that way and a few good laughs here and there.
What stuck out the most to me was the sermon. It was about money and giving our share back to God. The pastor was from Scotland and had a heavy accent, but he delivered his message very well. He told the congregation how we tend to think of giving as losing something, losing monetary value, decreasing our bank account, taking something out of our pocket and not getting anything in return. Well, we are giving to the Lord right? But, multiple times, God talks about how the weak will be the strong, the poor will be the rich, and how abundantly he will bless those that give. "Don't think of giving in terms of losing something, think of it as gaining returns!" In his words, when pastors preach about God's love, they want you to have that love, when they preach about forgiveness they want you to have that forgiveness, and when money is preached, its not about taking money from you, but giving it back to you through blessings! So we ought not to think about tithing as a negative thing, because it's not, in fact giving a 1/10 is only a start (did you know to tithe means to give a 10th?).
This message really spoked to me because earlier that morning I had decided to donate $50 to a friend going on a mission trip this summer. At first, I didn't want to give that much, but I really felt that value was from God, so that's what I decided on. But I kept feeling uncertain about this value because I was like, I'm losing money, and I'm just working part time, and I could save that amount for something else. I felt stingy and wanted that money for myself instead. But hearing this sermon relieved my uncertainities or so to speak, the devil's temptations in telling me to keep that money for my personal pleasures.
To my suprise, two days later, I did reap the benefits (God sure does work fast). I got my first cheque for this coming year's GST/HST credit and it was close to double the amount I had donated. I felt it was another reassurance from God.
But...
Today, I come home to find out I got a speeding ticket dated May 22, 2011. Way to delay my mail Canada Post. I guess the money came in time for something I hadn't expected.
A blessing? Only God would know.
Give thanks with a grateful heart
What stuck out the most to me was the sermon. It was about money and giving our share back to God. The pastor was from Scotland and had a heavy accent, but he delivered his message very well. He told the congregation how we tend to think of giving as losing something, losing monetary value, decreasing our bank account, taking something out of our pocket and not getting anything in return. Well, we are giving to the Lord right? But, multiple times, God talks about how the weak will be the strong, the poor will be the rich, and how abundantly he will bless those that give. "Don't think of giving in terms of losing something, think of it as gaining returns!" In his words, when pastors preach about God's love, they want you to have that love, when they preach about forgiveness they want you to have that forgiveness, and when money is preached, its not about taking money from you, but giving it back to you through blessings! So we ought not to think about tithing as a negative thing, because it's not, in fact giving a 1/10 is only a start (did you know to tithe means to give a 10th?).
This message really spoked to me because earlier that morning I had decided to donate $50 to a friend going on a mission trip this summer. At first, I didn't want to give that much, but I really felt that value was from God, so that's what I decided on. But I kept feeling uncertain about this value because I was like, I'm losing money, and I'm just working part time, and I could save that amount for something else. I felt stingy and wanted that money for myself instead. But hearing this sermon relieved my uncertainities or so to speak, the devil's temptations in telling me to keep that money for my personal pleasures.
To my suprise, two days later, I did reap the benefits (God sure does work fast). I got my first cheque for this coming year's GST/HST credit and it was close to double the amount I had donated. I felt it was another reassurance from God.
But...
Today, I come home to find out I got a speeding ticket dated May 22, 2011. Way to delay my mail Canada Post. I guess the money came in time for something I hadn't expected.
A blessing? Only God would know.
Give thanks with a grateful heart
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Hello, My name is
Friendly.
You guys are awesome, beyond awesome. Though I am outgoing and like to talk, I can't live up to you guys. You guys approach me in such a new way, offer to shake my hand and introduce yourself with such openess. Your sincere, caring, and apologize for things that aren't even your fault (and I thought I'm the one whose Canadian). I feel like I take my first impression and being friendly or not for granted, as if it was a choice to be nice or not. But, for you guys, friendly is the way to go, smiling is automatic, and giving a helping hand is a must in your world.
These past few days, I have been thinking a lot about how I thought prior to the arrival of this friendly group. I keep mentioning friendly because, friendly pretty much sums them up. They really go out of the way to help, and they help with a such a genuine attitude- no second thoughts, no doing-it-for-something-in-return mentality, just out of a pure and humble heart, real love. They enjoy talking to everyone, they don't judge, they are the definition of welcoming.
In contrast, I feel unwelcoming even though I am the one who is suppose to welcome them. A few weeks ago, I didn't even want these people here, I didn't want to get to know people I didn't know nor met before. I can't believe I didn't want this friendliness to stay in my house! To think that I didn't even want to share my bed despite not even being home (I was in San Fran), yet, now, I don't even have words to describe how pleasurable and happy it has been with all these friendly faces and have a smile to turn to every time I see these friends from Aruba. I'm going to miss these friendly faces.
They are definitely showing their love like Jesus. Being Christ-like really shines through, and it makes me wish I had chosen to go somewhere now.
Jesus rides the subway
You guys are awesome, beyond awesome. Though I am outgoing and like to talk, I can't live up to you guys. You guys approach me in such a new way, offer to shake my hand and introduce yourself with such openess. Your sincere, caring, and apologize for things that aren't even your fault (and I thought I'm the one whose Canadian). I feel like I take my first impression and being friendly or not for granted, as if it was a choice to be nice or not. But, for you guys, friendly is the way to go, smiling is automatic, and giving a helping hand is a must in your world.
These past few days, I have been thinking a lot about how I thought prior to the arrival of this friendly group. I keep mentioning friendly because, friendly pretty much sums them up. They really go out of the way to help, and they help with a such a genuine attitude- no second thoughts, no doing-it-for-something-in-return mentality, just out of a pure and humble heart, real love. They enjoy talking to everyone, they don't judge, they are the definition of welcoming.
In contrast, I feel unwelcoming even though I am the one who is suppose to welcome them. A few weeks ago, I didn't even want these people here, I didn't want to get to know people I didn't know nor met before. I can't believe I didn't want this friendliness to stay in my house! To think that I didn't even want to share my bed despite not even being home (I was in San Fran), yet, now, I don't even have words to describe how pleasurable and happy it has been with all these friendly faces and have a smile to turn to every time I see these friends from Aruba. I'm going to miss these friendly faces.
They are definitely showing their love like Jesus. Being Christ-like really shines through, and it makes me wish I had chosen to go somewhere now.
Jesus rides the subway
Friday, June 17, 2011
Waiting & Welcoming
After much waiting & anticipating these past few weeks, I am finally welcomed by San Francisco. I can't wait to get started on my itinerary!
I have arrived after much sitting with two seats to myself as the plane wasn't full and the asian lady who was suppose to sit beside me, moved infront of me thinking that she get two seats to herself by the emergency doors, but her plan backfired, because another lady came late and sat beside her. As I was waiting for my auntie to pick me up, I enjoyed my very first American purchase, a matcha green tea freddo with whip cream from Peet's Coffee & Tea.
Yum.
Catch ya later.
P.S. Going through US customs is quite different, you have to take off your shoes when getting a security check and the customs officer asked me detailed questions regarding why I'm going to San Fran, as if I was going to be a terroist. He even asked me about the tea I got for my auntie as declared on my declaration card... Oh well, at least I'm here. =)
To Adoria: HELLO Twenty!
I have arrived after much sitting with two seats to myself as the plane wasn't full and the asian lady who was suppose to sit beside me, moved infront of me thinking that she get two seats to herself by the emergency doors, but her plan backfired, because another lady came late and sat beside her. As I was waiting for my auntie to pick me up, I enjoyed my very first American purchase, a matcha green tea freddo with whip cream from Peet's Coffee & Tea.
Yum.
Catch ya later.
P.S. Going through US customs is quite different, you have to take off your shoes when getting a security check and the customs officer asked me detailed questions regarding why I'm going to San Fran, as if I was going to be a terroist. He even asked me about the tea I got for my auntie as declared on my declaration card... Oh well, at least I'm here. =)
To Adoria: HELLO Twenty!
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Vice Versa
My title can pretty much sum up what I have learned to realize about our God, well at least in my case. I've come to grasp that God loves to do the opposite of my personal desires.
Take my employment history for example, the very first job I got was working in an industry I didn't want to work in, in fear that I would always be eating due to the perks of being employed, yes, the food industry. Ironically, out of all the places I applied, only a cafe` called back and being fifteen, I was overjoyed to be considered and have the chance for an interview (and even got hired during my interview), let alone struggle with the idea of handling food and cleaning and frequently eating etc. A year after, I quit because I felt God telling me to move on, so after a while I started job hunting, and guess what, my next job was ALSO in the food industry, but this time, I had only applied for cafes' and such as my resume was lacking in experience, so any job is better than no job. As much as I had wanted to work at Three Bananas Cafe when I started, three months after, I dreaded it because I had to work Sunday afternoons, and due to church and school commitments (I was in grade twelve) I resigned.
This brings me to my most recent employments. Last year, I applied absolutely everywhere. I really wanted to find a job in the retail industry as it would be applicable to what I'm studying in school. I never ever wanted to be a cashier because it be so tiring and boring to stand for hours, scanning items after items. I didn't even want to apply at Shoppers, but my friend did, so I followed. Yet, God did just the opposite of what I wanted, I got a call from Shoppers Drug Mart, and got hired during my interview again. I really disliked this job from day one, but I stucked with it, and ended up staying there over a year. It so happens that the day I got hired, I had got phone calls from actual RETAIL stores that night. I was in a huge debate, I still remember wrestling with all these opportunities in my head and I ended up turning down interviews that might not be a success? Why take the chance when I'm already hired and am getting paid a satisfactory salary? I didn't know what God had in mind, and I couldn't make up a decision, but looking back, I see shoppers as a stepping stone, so I guess it wasn't that bad of a job now that I reflect on it.
After quitting shoppers and finishing my three week spring course, I was extremely motivated and deteremined to find a job before I leave for my trip. I wanted a job that was definitely in the fashion industry because I yearned for retail experience, I wanted to work with an older age group, not teenagers or tweens, more like moms or working ladies who had disposable income, I wanted to be able to dress up and not wear a crappy uniform that got holes in it after the first wash and most of all, I wanted it to be location friendly: convenient and close because I didn't want to waste time bussing for an hour when I could've been working during the duration of my transportation.
Okay, so despite having a confident interview at H&M after being called the day after I had applied online, God didn't give me that job. I was very disappointed.I ended up landing a job pretty much during my next interview. This job met all the requirements that I had in mind, and more, the department manager is so nice and so flexible with my schedule and would allow me to get off earlier on weeknights, acknowledging that I live in the North side. So the only problem was obviously the location, nothing is ever perfect. So I took the job, but once I took the job, I got calls, calls from CLOSER and MORE convenient retailers, I got calls more and more frequently, opportunities that would possibly cut my travel time by more than half. I was flusterred these past few days because I'm already indecisive enough, so why did God give me a job that met my criteria, and yet, kept opening these doors, potentially better? I wouldn't have known the result of these jobs, but after inquiring friends and family, I stucked with the job I got during my second interview. Most of all, I reflected back on my experience regarding the day I got hired by Shoppers and how what I was going through, seemed to be repeating history.
Though I complain the distance is far, in reality, its not that bad, just a tad farther than my trip to school everyday. I don't know what card God is playing or what he is going to teach me through this current employment opportunity, but I'm already seeing signs. I met a young lady whose a Christian, and another today whose Catholic and its just a bonus to be working with others of the same faith. There's also another girl whose the same age as me and in my program (and I thought my program was small enough to know everyone-guess not). He's also providing, and despite getting off work late, I managed to make the train in the nick of time and only in God's timing would I bump into a friend who happened to get off school early and be able to hitch a ride (thankYOU!).
I can't read God, but he can read me, so I am sticking to blind faith. God has never let me down, and dissecting previous incidents, I recognize His work in my life and how a piece from a few months ago and a piece from now can fall together so wonderfully-only through Him can such be done, so I know this time won't be any different. I should stop 'what ifs' in my head. Jeremiah 29:11
Life must be lived forwards, but it can only be understood backwards
P.S. I work at The Bay Southgate: Ladies Footwear
P.S.S. This post wasn't all that interesting (actually, it may have even been LONG & boring), but if you made it to here, thanks for listening to my semi resume!
Take my employment history for example, the very first job I got was working in an industry I didn't want to work in, in fear that I would always be eating due to the perks of being employed, yes, the food industry. Ironically, out of all the places I applied, only a cafe` called back and being fifteen, I was overjoyed to be considered and have the chance for an interview (and even got hired during my interview), let alone struggle with the idea of handling food and cleaning and frequently eating etc. A year after, I quit because I felt God telling me to move on, so after a while I started job hunting, and guess what, my next job was ALSO in the food industry, but this time, I had only applied for cafes' and such as my resume was lacking in experience, so any job is better than no job. As much as I had wanted to work at Three Bananas Cafe when I started, three months after, I dreaded it because I had to work Sunday afternoons, and due to church and school commitments (I was in grade twelve) I resigned.
This brings me to my most recent employments. Last year, I applied absolutely everywhere. I really wanted to find a job in the retail industry as it would be applicable to what I'm studying in school. I never ever wanted to be a cashier because it be so tiring and boring to stand for hours, scanning items after items. I didn't even want to apply at Shoppers, but my friend did, so I followed. Yet, God did just the opposite of what I wanted, I got a call from Shoppers Drug Mart, and got hired during my interview again. I really disliked this job from day one, but I stucked with it, and ended up staying there over a year. It so happens that the day I got hired, I had got phone calls from actual RETAIL stores that night. I was in a huge debate, I still remember wrestling with all these opportunities in my head and I ended up turning down interviews that might not be a success? Why take the chance when I'm already hired and am getting paid a satisfactory salary? I didn't know what God had in mind, and I couldn't make up a decision, but looking back, I see shoppers as a stepping stone, so I guess it wasn't that bad of a job now that I reflect on it.
After quitting shoppers and finishing my three week spring course, I was extremely motivated and deteremined to find a job before I leave for my trip. I wanted a job that was definitely in the fashion industry because I yearned for retail experience, I wanted to work with an older age group, not teenagers or tweens, more like moms or working ladies who had disposable income, I wanted to be able to dress up and not wear a crappy uniform that got holes in it after the first wash and most of all, I wanted it to be location friendly: convenient and close because I didn't want to waste time bussing for an hour when I could've been working during the duration of my transportation.
Okay, so despite having a confident interview at H&M after being called the day after I had applied online, God didn't give me that job. I was very disappointed.I ended up landing a job pretty much during my next interview. This job met all the requirements that I had in mind, and more, the department manager is so nice and so flexible with my schedule and would allow me to get off earlier on weeknights, acknowledging that I live in the North side. So the only problem was obviously the location, nothing is ever perfect. So I took the job, but once I took the job, I got calls, calls from CLOSER and MORE convenient retailers, I got calls more and more frequently, opportunities that would possibly cut my travel time by more than half. I was flusterred these past few days because I'm already indecisive enough, so why did God give me a job that met my criteria, and yet, kept opening these doors, potentially better? I wouldn't have known the result of these jobs, but after inquiring friends and family, I stucked with the job I got during my second interview. Most of all, I reflected back on my experience regarding the day I got hired by Shoppers and how what I was going through, seemed to be repeating history.
Though I complain the distance is far, in reality, its not that bad, just a tad farther than my trip to school everyday. I don't know what card God is playing or what he is going to teach me through this current employment opportunity, but I'm already seeing signs. I met a young lady whose a Christian, and another today whose Catholic and its just a bonus to be working with others of the same faith. There's also another girl whose the same age as me and in my program (and I thought my program was small enough to know everyone-guess not). He's also providing, and despite getting off work late, I managed to make the train in the nick of time and only in God's timing would I bump into a friend who happened to get off school early and be able to hitch a ride (thankYOU!).
I can't read God, but he can read me, so I am sticking to blind faith. God has never let me down, and dissecting previous incidents, I recognize His work in my life and how a piece from a few months ago and a piece from now can fall together so wonderfully-only through Him can such be done, so I know this time won't be any different. I should stop 'what ifs' in my head. Jeremiah 29:11
Life must be lived forwards, but it can only be understood backwards
P.S. I work at The Bay Southgate: Ladies Footwear
P.S.S. This post wasn't all that interesting (actually, it may have even been LONG & boring), but if you made it to here, thanks for listening to my semi resume!
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