Every weekend in the month of August has been exceptionally fantastic for me. During the weekdays, I would look forward to the plans I have, be it dinners, hangouts, attend churches and really do what I enjoy doing. Some weekends can be quite spontaneous and last minute organized, others more formal, still yet random. If August was a cake, this past weekend would've been the juicy red cherry on top of it. This cherry was the 'wow' factor to farewell this beautiful month. It was even more delicious than last weekend, which was my birthday weekend. So why was this weekend so special?
Last week started and ended with work. Its has become a routine for me to head to Southgate these days and when I think about how I complained about the distance two months ago, it really is nothing now when I think about it. God really did make everything work out and I'm glad. I had considered transferring to a closer location, but I really like this location of The Bay half across town and I feel there is actually so much more to be learned. If i was to quit/transfer, I wouldn't be finishing what I have started. It be cutting my experience short.
So the weekdays progressed and Friday came. Friday, one of my friends celebrated her dinner at Lazia downtown. I realize I have a lot of summer-baby-friends, so having all these birth-day celebrations is always fun. Anyhow, it was a great night of conversation, loitering in public, taking pictures at city hall, and heading to McDees after to 'bond' in our dresses over Mc-ice cream, drinks, and pie. Great destination eh?
Saturday came, I worked, and after work I dreaded having to bus to this place, but my want to go overcame my tired thinking and so I journeyed from the south to the west, got off in a neighborhood I had no knowledge of and sought out my destination after feeling quite lost: Edmonton Chinese Alliance Church. They had a worship night and had invited NEAC to join them. I've been to plenty of worship nights and I just came because I wanted worship, not thinking that an epiphany would hit me hard. Hard to the point of salt water falling from my tear ducts, all because of a realization from a song. One song. I asked myself, 'why am I crying?'
Something had become clear in my head. Since turning twenty, I've been reflecting on a lot of 'things'-mature things, future things, personal things. But this realization was on the topic of love. I don't know why this topic keeps sticking out like a sore thumb, but it just did. God was telling me through this song that I didn't need to search, it was unnecessary to think about this person, I didn't have to wait for the 'one', I didn't need to do any of that or worry about anything related to this person. Why? Because I already have the greatest love of all. We all do. I found myself saying 'I love Jesus Christ' and it became so real that night that He really does love us. Why would I need to feel I need to expect this 'ideal' guy in my life, and expect him to be that faith driven, attentive, caring, loving boyfriend when God is Love, he IS the source of love. And what if this person I've been waiting for shows up today, tomorrow or down the road? He will never, ever be that definition of love I have in mind- were all flawed. I don't need to have a mindset of waiting or seeking when I got the love I want from Jesus already. In fact, He is the definition of love and He is flawless!
But, then I was questioning myself. Why am I trying to sound all miss-so-independent and make myself sound like I'm meant to be single and don't need that 'person' in my life (ironic, because the day before a friend had asked, 'How do people know if they're meant to be single?' and we didn't have a justifiable answer) when so many people in this world are matched, dating or looking? Why do we search for love? I know its a human need to yearn for affection, and then I came up with a similar train of thought. Since God is the best love out there, He is also the best friend we can ever have. Then, why have friends right? Why make friends, why spend time with them, why look forward to be able to see them on the weekend when I've got the BEST friend already? Friends are flawed too, I have great friends that I love to talk to and spend time with, but yet... there may be that one or two traits about them I'm not so fond over. All these thoughts made me so confused and I wanted to figure this mess out in my head badly.
And then it hit me hard again. Because God loves us so much that he sent his one and only son to die for us, so that we may have eternal life. Friendship is a gift. Love relationships are a gift too. God made Eve for Adam so he could have someone there for him. It doesn't matter if you can do it on your own, God wants us to have a relationship with others be it friends or beyond that. And so, I realize I'm just very stubborn. I think about these things and deep down I want it, but then I just have to build a brick wall around those thoughts. That night God broke it all down. Shattered excuses, teared barriers, and relinquished me.
The next day, Sunday came and that night I went out with a friend whose birthday is exactly one week apart from me. So we decided to celebrate it together over dinner downtown at a delicious Greek restaurant that I would recommend (heads up, very hard to find since its tucked in an alley way) and another worship night afterwards. She is a friend I really cherish and I told her what I felt the night before, chit chat on our lives, the future, our amazing waiter (I don't think I ever tipped that much in my life) and faith of course. It was just fabulous!
The part that really stuck out was this worship night my friend and I attended. This worship night was hosted at Evangel Chinese Baptist Church, and its been happening monthly since the start of this year on the last Sunday of each month. What started as a jam session of four from different churches and an audience of two, became a sanctuary full of young adults praising and sharing fellowship with the Lord. I was so happy because I had been so sad to find out the Yic/Yac days had ceased, which were bi-annual worship nights for teens one night, and young adults the next night. I knew 2/4 initiators of this monthly praise night and I'm so glad I got to sit down with one of them and talk about it. I asked if it was stressful to plan, practice, and organize this EVERY MONTH while having to juggle work, school, personal life, etc. His reply, 'No not at all, we enjoy it.' I couldn't believe it, but yet, I enjoyed myself so much that night too. I know I will be going back and bringing others with me. It reminded me that we need to invest time for God and that what we do for him will be returned to us as overflowing blessings.
Okay, so my friend and I had arrived late because we got taken away with our dinner conversation, had a few mishaps along the road, and had to travel FAR. Despite this worship night invite being shared through word of mouth and FB, its intended to be an invite for everyone in the city, yet their location wasn't quite central. This church was pass South Common, but luckily its very easy to find and drive to, and despite the 35min ride from downtown, it was worth it. We arrived to this guy sharing about having faith like Elijah in the bible and as he closed, we all prayed with him. When I opened my eyes, I was speechless. Not because the praise team always gets on stage so quietly and quickly that it feels like they just teleport themselves there, but by the lyrics above them on the screen. I couldn't believe it. It was the SAME song that had got me crying, reflecting, and breaking down the night before. This moment was a total God thing, I turned to my friend and smiled at her, I was overjoyed. It was a confirmation on my part for the doings of the Spirit in my soul the night prior. I was wowed by Jesus.
That night when I got home, I got a call from a dear sic that I had prayed with last year when she received Jesus into her heart (from this post on my tumblr blog). She's been going through some heavy challenges in her life and I've been sharing my personal experiences and advice with her over phone calls. I felt as happy as I did last November when she told me she wanted to surrender her life to Jesus. She told me that God gave her a vision regarding a situation in her life, and that its the very first time she felt Jesus so close to her, right beside her, its the first time she really feels God speaking to her! Praise the Lord.
And what is this song I've been raving about?
How He Loves- David Crowder
I believe this may be the longest post I've ever written. Thank You so much if you have actually gotten through all that. It means a lot.
& this is why this weekend was so juicy
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