Reunited

From the look of things last year, this year is quite the opposite. I'm reunited with many traditions and I am so overjoyed I'm reunited with Winter Conference. I knew I had  to go when my very first WC speaker from seven years ago was the teens speaker again this year. Though, acknowledging that times have changed and my matured faith, English Adults is where I will situated despite the initial desire to join teens.

So having said that, in a few hours I will be on a bus and heading down to Surrey!

Pray that I will have a speedy, yet safe trip there!

Looking forward to filling you in on what goes down these next five days =)

Be Bless! 


 

Love Language

1.Quality Time
2.Gifts
3.Words of Affirmation
4. Affection
5.Service

Above is the order of my preferences in terms of receiving my love language. I know its different from person to person and my preferences of delivering my love language is slightly different than receiving them as well.

Now that my final Fall term has ended, I'm relinquished from the limits of being a student and free to make the most of this Advent season. I love being able to catch up with friends, gathering with family over a festive meal, and above all, giving back to God. I'm so easily distracted and I know its an excuse, but when its exam time, its hard to prioritize my relationship with the Lord.

Despite the freedom from my invisible school chains, my schedule is filling up quickly with multiple get togethers, parties, dinners and reunions. Its a battle between finding rest in Him and attending the next Christmas event on the list. Sometimes I find that the celebration of the reason for the season is lacking among the mass amount of plans we all have. Its ironic as Christ is the root and the origin of Christmas, yet I'm sure we are all guilty of not emphasizing this point as we attend one activity to the next.

Quality time is at the top of my love language because I don't feel I have enough of it. I love one-on-one cafe dates, chit chatting endlessly with a group of friends without the need for time checks, and spontaneous adventures with a sic or two. It really sucks when I give all this time to school, when relationships are the most significant matter I should invest in. When it comes to the end of my life, I won't remember that grade or how I did on that final, rather, the special ones who are still at my side. 

Having said that, this year I decided not to host or plan any gatherings, instead I told other people to. The reason being is that I haven't acknowledge how much rest I've been missing out on. The other day, I was surprised that I slept for eleven and a half hours upon waking up because I didn't know that was possible of me (at least not since my not-wanting-to get-out-of-bed days in grade school). To be honest, I feel slightly burnt out jumping into all the plans awaiting for me and finishing my list of to dos right after my finals have ended. Don't get me wrong though, I'm still excited to see people, dress up, and celebrate the festivities of this season, I just wish everything lasted longer.  The advent weeks of peace, hope, joy, and love drives our hearts towards the anticipation for Christmas, and the next thing you know, this special month wraps up and a new year begins.

Now that I have shared this, every memory made and every moment spent with my friends and family are going to be treasured, captured, and remembered. I'm so thankful for this time of year, and thrilled to celebrate the significance of Jesus' birth. Even though December 25 is just one day, Christmas spirit can linger in our hearts daily as Jesus is a gift to us; His never ending presence is our present.

#FiveDaysUntilChristmas

What is your love language? 

Just for the sake of....

NUMBERS.

When will I ever live through 01/01/01 to 12/12/12 again?

I will not in fact, so I might as well take this chance to document this significant matter of numbers here on my blog.

Its amazing how numbers can impact our lives in so many ways; from telling time, to a celebration of ---dates, to even planning a wedding to officiate at that precise moment (or as a matter of luck, China planned the 2008 Olympics to initiate on August 8, 2008 at 8pm). Numbers play such a huge role in society and can even be a matter of a life or death in terms of tragedies (how fast a person can be rushed to the hospital), or to some people, a miniscule difference in a test score can be a "life or death" scenario and impact what grade they receive. A change in one's scale in the weight department can drive some up the wall as well.

Regardless of one's superstition, anniversary, or favorite/ideal numeral they may have,  for the sake of numbers just being numbers, lets give a toast to today! 

HAPPY 12-12-12 bloggers!

12 DAYS until Christmas Eve!

There's a new bug in town

I'm very fortunate to have a strong immune system as I only catch a cold or burn up with a fever  once or twice a year. It's usually during the Winter months and so far, I'm happy to say that I have remained healthy despite feeling the cold blues.

However, I've been rather itchy lately and its been getting worse. I want to relieve myself of this itchiness, but it seems like there's no clear medication for it right now. Or at least nothing the doctors can prescribe for me. I wouldn't say there's no cure, just that its quite limited at the moment in terms of finances and a lack of research.

This is definitely a unique case.

What solution do you have for my itch to travel?

This itchiness is driving me up the wall!

I guess I've caught the travel bug...

The Road Less Travelled

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference

-Robert Frost

 

With classes finishing in April, the final component of my program is a 200 hour practicum placement in a field of work I'm interested in. Its similar to an internship where I get to implement everything I've learned these past four years into a professional work setting. However, I don't get paid, in fact, this course is worth six credits so I actually have to pay to do this and to graduate.

 

It's been a fairly long process as I had started applying for this student placement (before I left Korea for my abroad experience in fact) as you are suppose to do it a year in advance before your final year of courses. I feel I've always known where I wanted to do this practicum, but I never really looked into it until the beginning of this term. I had my hopes up with one ideal place, but that fell through, and it took a while before I figured out what I really wanted to pursue as a career. I still remember how much joy I found when I discovered a job description and title that had my name written all over it. It was so me, it seemed so achievable, and could I dare say it was my calling? 

 

Without giving this job title away, jobs in this field were actually harder to obtain than I thought as most people under this job title worked in boutique firms and pretty much ran their own show with their fairly small team of assistants, so I didn't find any open doors on my own in terms of my student placement. 

 

So a little background info...

 

My adviser is one of the sweetest and most positive lady on this planet. Nothing could ever go wrong in her book and she is always so on top of things. She's the coordinator of every student's practicum and has a few tricks up her sleeves in the networking and professional world. So to speed this story up, my adviser found me a couple of potential placements and I had finally narrowed it down to two, but knowing me, I couldn't choose between option A and option B. Both had pros and cons. Both were ideal. Both  lacked what the other had. Both had what the other didn't. 

 

I kept pushing my decision deadline and I just couldn't decide at all. Since the end of Fall Break last week I decided to surrender the options to God. He knows best, and I asked Him to show me loud and clear which route He wanted me to pursue. I was just too bias in my own head to make a decision. A few friends I had mentioned it to told me to pursue Option A: away from Edmonton, a corporate company, had the tendency to hire, offered potential career advancements, and was a huge focus on my marketing minor-advertising. The only drawback was a lack of fashion, whereas Option B: had a large component of fashion and was under the job title I wanted to pursue, but I would be situated in Edmonton, work under one major person (though I would gain the tricks of the trade being mentored one on one), and I wasn't sure about any career advancements or having any job security in this picture, as this person I would be working under only has a part-time position in this option.

 

For the longest time, I honestly thought I knew what I wanted. I guess having had the intention to leave Edmonton, parental ideals of wanting me to be job-secure, and going through a 'quarter life crisis earlier (read all about it here), I personally thought option A would be better for me. Despite this justification, I was so unsettle about the lack of fashion. When I thought about seriously considering Option B and what I would gain from it, I was unsettled about it too because the future seem so blurry afterwards. I just kept hopping back and forth the fence these past few days and wishing I could just do both, but this isn't a multiple choice test where option C is all of the above. 

 

Well Saturday came and a dear sic of mine was sharing at E3C so I went to support her. She's always been a confident and humorous speaker so I knew she would nail it. I just didn't know she would nail the answer right in my heart during her speech. Her speech was the tipping point of my decision and I just knew right there and then, sitting in that second row, where God wanted me to be. She talked about how God is the only one who knows what you are going through, that we should seek our maker who knows us best, rather than try to fix what we think are just petty problems ourselves-just like how you would go to the cell phone manufacturer/company to complain about a malfunction than figure it out on your own, and that it really takes faith for you to know what you don't know because God always Always ALWAYS knows. 

 

To move in faith you must be willing to be uncomfortable. Faith is not comfortable. Faith is always outside of your comfort zone -Jaeson Ma

It's amazing when you seek and ask God for help because He always answers. In this case, through bits and pieces of my friend's speech, the above quote, and God-cidences, I chose the road less traveled. Despite many people telling me to opt for Option A, a connection I probably would've never made on my own (PTL for advisers) and gain an experience like no other with a internationally known corporate company, I finally realized I was leaning towards it for the wrong reasons. Yes, it would be wonderful to  get hired from an internship, settle in a new city, and have the prosperous pay, but it all went back to why I'm studying what I'm studying. I never enrolled in Human Ecology for the money in the first place, I never decided on studying this program to get me somewhere big (though it be nice if it did happen), and I realized that I didn't want to go for a job just to feel comfortable and secure. 

 

Instead, as hard as it may be as I'm saying this, I think the prospect of being insecure, of stepping out in faith, of allowing God to reveal his glorious plans for me through Option B would be better. Whose to say that God won't bring another corporate opportunity my way again? Whose to say I can't network in a wee little city like Edmonton? I did. When I was sitting on the fence with my decision. I'm sick of doubting and taking control of my life, so from here on, God is going to take the wheel before I swerve and and crash on the road more taken. I'm not going to leave skid marks where everyone else has, instead, I will pave my direction through Him who leads.

 

Let's see where this takes me. 

What is your Clock telling you?

I've been looking for daylights savings for a while now... since mid October? I'm not fond of how politics decided to change it to the weekend after Halloween rather than before, but at least its still here. Did you know that Asia doesn't have day lights saving?

Anyhow, I've been lacking sleep lately due to late nights and early mornings (last 8am class ever please), so looking forward to having an extra of sleep this weekend just felt dandy.

Last night I had set my phone and clock in my room to 'fall back' one hour and had gone to bed by midnight (though technically, it was 11pm). I woke up this morning feeling great from being so well rested! I know I have enough sleep when I wake up before my alarm and am so ready to get out of my bed and get ready! On the plus side, the sun was out and triumphs waking up to darkness any day. I also felt warm and cozy waking up as chilly mornings tend to be frequent when one has to wake up before the sun rises.

I had woke up shortly after 7am as my phone told me and my alarm was set at 8:30am. Since I had beyond sufficient time to get up, I thought I just lay in bed a little longer. I finally got up by 7:30am and decided to do some stretches before getting ready. I like it when I'm not being rushed by anyone or having the need to rush to get to somewhere on time, in this case, church. After taking my time with my rare morning exercise, a light breakfast and hygienic routine, it was 8:30am. I made a mental note that I had a half hour before I needed to leave to church and grab a snack for my Sunday School girls. My parents had left for China early this morning at 6am so I was lucky to have the van to myself for the next three weeks.

After getting ready and failed attempts at waking up one of my brothers, I decided to head out on my own. I made a mental note to change the clocks on the microwave and oven as they both read 10am. I decided on Save Ons to buy fruits, but ended up getting Quaker's rice crackers as pre cut fruit is SO EXPENSIVE! However, walking in I was greeted by a middle age man employee at the door and walking out without a plastic bag I thought I approach him to show my receipt as he was watching me leave. He said it was okay and attempted at his Chinese 'sheh sheh' (thankyou) which made me feel like.. ahh why do people do that? Just because I'm noticebly Chinese doesn't mean I don't speak English and I was obviously communicating in proficient English. Anyhow that's besides the point to this blog, but maybe I'll rant about that another day.

So I am finally on my way to church and it was 9:26am already and I assumed I would probably arrive late for sure. Luckily, 7 minutes later I had arrived, parked farther than usual due to my tardiness, and headed to my Sunday School (SS). I entered church and there was more people than usual in the lobby as they are usually in their SS class, so I was wondering if their SS class had been canceled or just didn't start yet. Was briefly stopped by one of my friends and headed upstairs to my usual SS room. A bunch of boys was coming out of my SS and I had forgotten that my class had switched rooms with them and are in the office now. However, the boys were leaving their classroom so I was asked if their SS class was canceled, and to my shock, they said it's over. I was like what? So fast? Isn't it 9:30? One of them showed me his phone and I was jaw dropped seeing 10:46am on his phone.

What in the world had happened? Didn't I change my phone's time? How could SS be done now? I felt terrible, my class!!! *bolted down the stairs...

I left to the office to find my girls and my co-teachers (thank God I was relieved of teaching this week) and interrupted in disbelief about my situation and apologize for my stupidity. It took me a few minutes to sort out how this all happened and turns out, my phone had automatically 'fell back' on its own, thus the clock got turned back twice-once manually, once automatically.

Wow. I feel so embarrassed, and this is the first time ever in my lifetime I managed to be confused about the time change. What a funny story to pass on.

Go ahead and laugh at me. 

So this is what you call a Crisis

This crisis has got my mood swinging like a pendulum earlier this week. I felt like a terrible wreck as if I was being tossed side to side by super storm Sandy, though my problems are incomparable to Sandy's victims. At work this past Monday, I was totally not pleasant to work with and I really thank you my awesome coworker (whose name is also Sarah) who was so patient and kind towards me. Sarah maintained her 'chill' factor the whole shift when I would have honestly wanted to pull my hair out working with someone who constantly ranted, complained, and rambled about every little thing that was throwing her off course.

I questioned if it was one of those times. People talk about mid-life crisis, quarter life crisis, but what was mine? In my logic, if I was to live to 100, I'm 1/5 of the way there.. so is there such thing as a 'one fifth' life crisis? Though, my rather logical coworker reminded me people usually live around 80s, so I guess it's fair to say it is one of those times. Yes, I diagnosed myself with a quarter life crisis. 

So what's up?

To be honest, now that I reflect on these past few days, I have to admit I may have been over the top on some matters and investing too much of my thought process into items that don't seem as bothersome to me now (or could it be that I'm not dwelling on it anymore so it seems less ramble worthy?). I don't know. I just know I've just been a pile of tangled strings, one big mess that can't seem to untangle itself!

Crying. Emotionally eating. Over thinking issues out of my control.  Ticked off which leads me to being extremely blunt and rude to particular people. Yea you probably never seen this side of me... at least not all at once.

I don't want my personal issues to contaminate anyone, but I will mention about it in a general sense.  I guess it started on the weekend and what were supposedly miniscule issues...snowballed into my crisis. I usually look at things in terms of a bigger picture and I think that that became the root of my problem. I started to feel the burden of all the future-oriented decisions I need to make soon, the changing dynamics of my friendships, questioning if what I valued in life still matter as much as they do now, and just wanting to hibernate and be a porcupine-away from people.

T R A N S I T I O N S!

I can't recall feeling this way in the past. I adjust well to changes, different cultures, am an advocate for trying new things and being adventurous, but what is up with me? Are these mid-quarter-what ever they may be-crisis a stage of life?

It wasn't until Tuesday that my mood drastically picked up (what a difference eh? Monday's storm, Tuesday's calm) and I truly believe it was because I messaged one person what I was struggling with. A while later, I sensed strongly that she prayed for me because my spirits couldn't have possibly lifted that quick. Which reminded me to not estimate the power of prayer. You don't know how God is shifting another person's mood when you send them a heavenly blessing. On the other hand, I felt terrible investing so much of my energy into this so call crisis when I should've seek God right away. I shouldn't have fed into these issues more than they deserved.

What the devil calls a crisis, God calls for your faith.

Well, as I enter November, I don't want this month to go, because once it leaves me, December rolls around and this term is pretty much over. Its just very bittersweet for me at this moment.

Lastly...

Dear blog,

I miss you very much, but I'm back now!

Love,
Girl-in-okay-life-matters

Humble Bumble

Once school starts, everything seems to pick up its pace. Homework, assignments, group projects, meetings, and the list goes on. Not only school-related items, but I find my commitments with my extra-curriculars and serving in church coming at me faster than I thought. It made me realize how much I had commit to this year... and maybe even a potential job on top of these things too.

One thing that has been different this term compared to all my other terms is that I have a lot of peace. A lot of peace because I am putting more and more of my faith in God rather than myself. In the past, I would always worry, blog about worrying, rant to others about my worries, and worry some more. A long while back I had posted this quote below,

What worries you, Masters you -anonymous

which  made me rethink everything that consumes me. Though, I feel I'm worry-free not because my term is easy, not because I have a perfect schedule to do everything, but because I'm slowly giving my all to God.

Cast all your anxiety on Him because he cares for you-1 Peter 5:7

This above verse is slowly becoming a reality for me. It dawned on me lately how I'm so thankful we  were told to  memorize bible verses as a kid in fellowship and Sunday School. You don't realize how powerful a verse can be until you need it-until you try to recall one and realize its no where to be found in your memory. Also, its not until you share the word with someone that it really shows how much you know, and don't know. I've found a burning desire to "take up the cross" and I want this flame to never die. I've never been so on track in my spiritual walk and even though I'm still confused about a lot of things, my investment in my faith has delivered satisfaction and joy like no other means.

Since Korea, I've been more consistent in my quiet times with God, and not to my surprize, it actually gets harder once I put the effort into praying and reading the bible. The enemy always fills my time up with junk, with foolish decisions and sometimes overdoing my schedule. Though, its also a test of my priorities and where I am dedicating my energy to.

If the devil doesn't make you lazy, he makes you too busy -anonymous

Since coming home, I've been sad- yes, that my travels have ended, excited, yes-for my last year in University, but also ambitious and out of my head regarding certain goals I have. I feel I have the abilities to do all these ideas swirling in my head but other times, I realize how challenging my circumstances may be when reality hits me across the forehead like a wooden hammer hitting those gophers that pop up at arcade games. I've also been reminded that I am a servant of God, one that is humble and willing to do God's will in the environments he places me in. Its so easy to get caught up in myself and my capabilities that I forget that its God who is in control, not me, myself or I. On a side note, mentioning God's will reminds me of a funny Christian pickup line I saw on my friend's facebook haha:

 Anyways, for the most part, I am looking forward to what this year has to teach me. With graduation in a little over a year, I need to stop thinking its the end, but rather, only the beginning of so much more. I'm already anticipating those  blessings God has hidden for me to find down the road.

Have faith in all that you do my friends.

Below, I present to you my most recent finding and favorite quote of all (as of now),

When you feel like God has put a vision on your heart, don't chase it. Chase Him. He'll never lead you to leave you. Pray that your desires align with his design. He always comes through. -anonymous

There comes a time...

It's already the last day of August.

What have I been doing?

Where did the time go?

How can this be?

Since coming back, I find myself having a lot of time, yet, I feel it's a lot of selective time that I haven't used productively. Time I choose to make use of and time I just receive and make a waste of. For one thing, I haven't got down to reflecting on what has become of these past few months. I have had random thought processes here and there, but nothing worthy to capture some blog attention. I guess this is my way of saying to myself to get some reflection done before another busy semester rolls around.

Alright mind, heart, and soul, time to reflect! 

a New twist to an Old tale

I'm Coming Home

The lyrics "I'm coming home," holds so much significance in this moment.

Where do I even begin?

Tell the World I'm coming Home

Railroad Track Reflections

5 weeks later, and my time with the Explore program has wrapped up. Looking back at my decision process in April, it’s been quite a journey. I don’t know if I have been used in the way I thought I would be by God when I decided to come to Montreal, but it’s been a heavy learning experience for me.

At the start of this program, I had said I felt like I was walking on egg shells, sensitive to what I did and said and reserve about who I decided to befriend. Luckily, things changed after the first week and God opened up my heart to His heart and showed me His great love for Montreal, the people, and the Explore students. 

There were many times I struggled with myself and with the secularity of situations I was placed in. I realize how uncomfortable I can be around people who valued things on the opposite end of the spectrum then I did and how hard it was to stand up for my beliefs. At times like these, I couldn’t help but feel tested or question why people do what they do. It made me realize the importance of having a strong Christian community around me to help me stay grounded and I never felt such a powerful urge to surround myself around believers until that first Saturday. However, God was shifting my heart throughout this and instead of wanting to be away from certain people, I felt drawn to get to know them and be around them. I became curious about their lives and wanted to get to know them. It’s so much easier to be around people who believes in what I believe in, but then, I would never to be as relatable to others who live so differently from me, if I agree with their lifestyles or not. 

Near the end of this program, I kept thinking if I could’ve done things differently or maybe if I could’ve been bolder about my faith. I know the adjustment gradually got easier with spiritual set ups and connections, but I can’t help but think what if I said this in that situation, or did this during that time? I guess I can’t keep posing “what ifs” as life is meant to be lived forwards, but what if what ifs right? 

 

This time around though, leaving wasn’t hard. When I realize there was 10 days left, I just wanted to do everything left on my bucket list. I didn’t feed into any feelings of sorrow as I have faith that I will see the friends I bonded with as we’re all within a few provinces or less.  Montreal is a very unique Canadian city, but I’m not attached to it. It’s been a fun-filling five weeks and I’m very blessed for being able to have many adFRENCHtures here. I would definitely visit Montreal again and maybe even work temporarily if God calls me back, but for now, this French chapter of my life is closed. 

But, another one is just opening…

 Where I’m headed next really came unexpectedly. I had kept this place at the back of my mind since two years ago, and when I knew I would be going East this summer, I just had to go for it. How the trip turned out and those I will be seeing very soon is such a gift from God. Everything planned out flawlessly, and as if I didn’t have the greatest gift of all already this year being in Korea, God surprizes me with a follow up. 

ChoooCHOOOOO choooCHOOOOO CHUGGACHUGGA chooooCHOOOO 

Once this train stops… something big awaits!

3 6 5 rewind

Exactly one year ago, on this day, things were cray cray. Rereading my posts from last year not only brought back that beautiful ocean of memories, but that crashing wave of emotions as well. I can't cease to be reminded of God's life changing plans and unforeseen love in all that He does for us.

It makes me reflect on what is to come. If I fast forward 3 6 5 from now, where will I be? what will I be doing? I'm already anticipating and it gets me all giddy and excited like a little girl rushing down to open her Christmas presents.

There's been so much learning for me these past few months and I seriously cannot express my gratitude enough to God and to just all those around me be it my family, my friends, and all those who I befriended this year. 

It seriously goes from Glory to Glory.

I'm excited to see how God is going to use the Aruba mission team this year and I claim in faith great works will be accomplished by them.  I really can't wait to hear them all share their personal stories  from that lovely island filled with lovely faces.

A shout out to all those on mission trips, you're Bless to be a Blessing =)

Home a w a y from Home

Its been shortly after a week since coming to Montreal, moving into dorms again, and kicking off the Explore program, but it has been challenging to my spiritual health to say the least. It has been quite a change of scene from being in such a strong and tight knitted Christian community in Seoul, to being placed in an environment of non- believers. This has made me realize how much I took for granted the significance of being in a non-secular setting and having the support of brothers and sisters around me constantly.

Before coming to Montreal, I’ve heard so much about this “party” city and its crazy night life, and I knew it be difficult from the start to be live among this lifestyle. Coming here, I was full of mix emotions, part sad because I was leaving Seoul, part nervous in terms of coming home, and a part of hesitant excitement to see what this next chapter of my life had in store.  Since starting this program, I feel like I’ve been walking on egg shells-cautious about the people I would befriend, and how I act and speak to others, especially when I mention church related topics. This feeling kept growing and I felt like it became a big ball of fear about me worrying about how to beat around the bush when others would invite me out, to even how people would react if I pray before meals or mention going to church. I never been so afraid to show my faith and I was consume with the idea of what others would think rather than what God would think. 

I’ve been praying for Montreal and the dorm life here as well. I guess I took for granted living in dorms in Korea as well as I feel North American dorm culture is much wilder. I’ve been praying for a revival in this city and for me to find a Christian community to bond with and relate to. Up to Saturday morning, I had felt so dry and unsatisfied with the community around me.  It was a constant struggle and I was just feeling in the dumps no matter how much I prayed or tried to lift my spirits on my own. As much as this program has to offer in terms of a diverse selection of tours and activities planned for us, I decided to have a break and make Saturday my own. It felt better to just have a break from going out each day and to have time to myself to reflect on some issues I’ve been faced with.

That night, I decided to attend a bible study with the post-secondary fellowship at Montreal Chinese Alliance Church.  To be honest, the decision was quite last minute as 1. I only been to the church for service once (first Sunday I was in Montreal) and 2. I didn’t know anyone (though, two girls and an uncle I met that Sunday were really welcoming so I felt comfortable going despite not really knowing anyone else). The bible study didn’t really change how I felt, but just being surrounded by those of the same faith made me feel so warm and thanks to God’s divine timing, I was able to share with one of the girls that night what I had been going through.

The next day I decided to check out the mandarin speaking counterpart of MCAC, Grace church which offered an English service as well (mainly because I didn’t like speaking style of the English speaker at MCAC). Before the sermon even started, the bulletin spoke to me. There was a mini summary of last week’s message and it was about how God saved us not to do our works, but His works, how Jesus promised we will do even greater works than He, and how the quality of our works will be tested. It really got me thinking how there’s a purpose for me here in Montreal, but that I’ve been blinded by all my insecurities to acknowledge that purpose. I realized how much more I was putting my faith in myself rather than in God. Also, the sermon was great; I loved the African Canadian pastor and his enthusiasm and upbeat energy. Throughout the service, I felt so alive and filled with joy again and at one point, I felt like all my brothers and sisters from New Philly were worshipping with me there. God was comforting me. 

That Sunday, too many things happened to be a coincidence. God had gone before me and had planned the setup of the stage; all He needed was for His actress, me, to come and start the action. Before this weekend, I was contemplating on church hopping week to week or calling one church home so that I would have the spiritual covering I needed for my time in Montreal (since, I’m only really here for five weeks), turns out, this was the one, and I didn’t need to check out all the other churches some of my SICs had recommended to me. 

It seems like it has been a while already, but Sunday was only yesterday and I’ve been feeling so blessed with my prayers answered and all those angels I’ve met that have gone out of their way to make me feel welcomed and loved again. 

My Joy is in Him alone.

Hardships are Discipline, Discipline is His Love for Us

Hebrews 12:1-13

Light my way

I can't believe that my time in Korea has wrapped up as of now. The feeling of coming home last week and being home at present, shattered my heart. I feel a lack of Canadian identity and everything was so different be it my surroundings, the community, and even how I spoke relative to Korea. The thought of coming home was hard, but physically being home wasn't; everything came at me so naturally and I adjusted fine (minus my mindset of course). I guess it only made sense since I was born and raised in Edmonton, and everything I did should be automatic, like instinct. I joked to some that I would forget how to drive having not driven for almost five months, but even then, driving is so routine, and once I put my hands on the wheel, my feet on the pedal, I did what I knew how to do for nearly five years now.

Knowing that I would only be in town for a few days, I didn't even want to see anyone. I know I needed rest and to have some alone time to recuperate, but God brought some divine appointments into my life and I was able to share my story with two close sisters and some fellow brothers and sisters at church. Despite the lack of communication during my time abroad with my SICs, there was no distance between us. We picked up from where we left off and we just talked for hours. By the end of it, I felt the urge to just stay in Edmonton and not have to leave again.

When I was still in Korea, I had push the thought of leaving to the back of my head. Instead of focussing on my departure date, I invested the remainder of my time with my friends and church family as much as I could. To be honest, I was carrying that heaviness of saddness more and more as the date of my flight approached, but I just kept going and didn't dwell on that fact. The last weekend prior to leaving though, that cloud of saddness just got too heavy, and I caved in. Once I step foot into New Philly, the church I've been calling home this term, I starting bawling like a baby. I was so strong all the way there, but the tears just kept coming.

As much as I love travelling, it hurts inside and outside having to say see you later/farewell/goodbye etc every time I leave a place. I always grow so much as a person away from home and God always blesses me with such sweet people in my life, but it really hurts not knowing when I will see them again. Where ever I go, its not the place, or what I do that makes it so special, its really the people that God intended to cross my path. I just have to walk in faith knowing that it won't be the only time our paths will cross, and who knows, God may reunite me with them sooner than I think.

Everyday is an adventure, and this brings me to where I am now-YEG, again. Its funny how I mixed up my flight time and realized the ACTUAL time of my flight the day of. Man, if God's grace wasn't all over me, I don't know where I would be.

Praise the Lord.

Montreal, I'm coming!!!

Divine Appointments

It has been way too long. I didn't neglect this blog, I have just been so busy since midterms ended the last week of April. Visits from friends back home, involvement with my church here, group projects, planning trips, and fitting in as much face time as I can lately that I haven't blogged here, even though I have a handful of topics to blog about.

Fast forward, I am doing fantastic in Seoul and am here to update you. I can totally reflect on my time in Korea, but I will save that for my PhotoSeoul blog. My purpose for this blog is actually about evangelizing. So every third Friday of the month, New Philly (the church I've been attending), does an outreach event targeted towards foreigners in an area known as Itaewon. Itaewon is known for its pubs, mutlicultural restaurants, and vast amount of foreigners. If I had to choose a place to relate to in Edmonton, it would probably be Whyte Ave. Its a nice area, but also quite shady with some beggars on the street, frequent sight of drunk people when the sun departs, and a sketchy vibe here and there.

I've been meaning to write a post about this since last month you see, but never got around to it, so here it goes.

I was hesitant to go outreach the first time I heard about this event in April, but thinking that this might be my only and last chance before I leave Korea (thinking at the time that I wouldn't go in June as its during finals week), I left with many Emmaus students that third Friday of May to New Philly's K1 House of Prayer in Itaewon where they kick off this monthly event. After a brief praise and worship time, we broke up into groups with a leader from the church and were given a place to be positioned at for the night in that area, such as cafe, restaurant, on the streets, or even in a bar. Before heading out, we would pray and ask God for a sign, what we term as "treasure" hunting, so we have an idea of what kind of person we were seeking before we go out and evangelize. As my group was praying together, a bundle of white cords popped into my head, they were sturdy and thick, resembling ropes, so I had made that my treasure image of the night.

We were situated at Nescafe and upon arriving, we had notice that the crowds were mainly local Koreans, predominately females, which meant a lack of English speaking foreigners. The only foreigners we had notice were probably those smoking in the smoking room on the second floor of the cafe (smoking rooms are common in Korean cafes). My group of five split up acknowledging that we could expand our territory more, so 3 of us went into the smoking room, while our group leader and I situated ourselves in the main area outside of the smoking area and looking over the street on the second floor. Our group leader was Ted, Caucasian who teaches English to kids in Korea. He only knew the bare necessities to Korean and wasn't likely to carry a Korean conversation. I, on the other hand, have taken three semester of Korean before this term and would've been the better one to communicate if we did choose to target any of the Koreans in that cafe.

We sat for a while and waited to see if anyone stood out to us or if more foreigners would arrive as there was a fat chance that any of these Koreans knew English. There was a girl sitting alone in front of the washrooms who was concentrating on her studies. Usually, when I see people looking busy, I like to leave them alone and don't bother to stir up any conversation, let alone someone I didn't know. The thing is, another guy in our group had got the image of a book and pencil when he was praying as his "treasures," so we kept noticing this girl and finally decided that we should go for it. However, the language barrier issue arrived, and knowing my Korean background, Ted asked me if I would be okay striking a conversation with her. I really wanted to decline, but for some reason, I said alright, I'll try. So I took some time to form some Korean sentences in my head to introduce myself and tell her that we were playing a "treasure hunting" game and she has what we were looking for. Before  I figured out how to say 'notebook' in Korean, Ted asked if I was ready and said that he would go with me. I was not ready at all.

We got up from our seats, headed to the girl and fortunately, Ted introduced us in English. Surprisingly, she responded in English, so I asked in Korean if she knew English and she said yes, a little (it wasn't a little, she actually new a lot, and very proficiently might I add). We told her how she had the treasures we were looking for and sparked a conversation going by asking what she was studying. It was so amazing because I never once sense a vibe of awkwardness, hesitation, or fear from her throughout our talk. Near the beginning of our conversation, she thought we wanted her to be our language exchange partners, but we found out she was actually studying for a test the next day and was planning to be an exchange student the following term in Germany. Once she said that, I knew God had positioned me to be talking to her in that hour because I could relate to her so much. Next thing you know, we told her we were Christians finding people to share the gospel with and she was so willing to listen. She told us how many of her friends were Christians but she never thought it was a religion for her. She has never been to church before and had so many child like questions about church. I'm so glad Ted was there with me because he shared the gospel so smoothly, and maybe because he's a teacher and knows how to deliver messages in an easy to digest manner for kids, but he definitely was there for me to lean on during our conversation.

Turns out, she was so hungry for God and had so many naive, yet curious questions. Does church have tests? Do you get into trouble if you don't go a Sunday? I felt like she had so much misunderstanding about Christianity and church because of her previous experiences that it has hindered her from even wanting to attend a church or get to know this amazing faith of ours. When we had to wrap up our conversation, we asked to pray for her and she told us after that it was her first time praying in her life. I felt I was part of something so special in that moment. We had introduced what church we were from earlier, but near the end, she initiated a yearning to check out our church that coming Sunday. I was so excited and happy for her, AND I noticed halfway through our conversation with her, but sitting on the table infront of me was a bundle of white ear phone cords connected to her ipod-Say What?!

Well, Sunday came, and she actually couldn't make it because her parents didn't want her coming out to a church she got introduced to by "random" people in a place such as Itaewon. I understand of course because that does sound sketch, but Ted and I encouraged her to find a Korean church, or any church for that matter that she and her family feels comfortable with.

This is just the beginning and I can't wait to see how God is going to sprout this little seed. 

a Fast decision

I can't believe its been almost a month since the Emmaus retreat, and that was only a glimpse of what God has been doing in me. I've been meaning to write this post, but due to school and midterms, I've finally been able to get around to it.

The following Tuesday of retreat I decided to fast for 24hours. One of the pastors who spoke at the retreat told us his testimony about how God gave him his calling. For a period of time, he fasted every Thursday, and instead of eating during his meal times, he would pray. He would pray, and not just a short and simple prayer, but one that was lengthy and in tune with how the Holy Spirit was moving in him and what God had planned for his future.

At that time, I really contemplated extending my stay in Korea. God was doing so much in me and I had fallen so in love with Seoul that I would get sappy just thinking about leaving towards the end of June. I knew staying here for another term would be out of the question as 1. I don't have any more credits to justify the extension, and 2. it wouldn't be worth it financially. Regardless, I needed a confirmation from God if my desires were His desires for me as well.

Another pastor had shared how she had asked God to answer her three distinct prayers two ish years ago: going to bible school (her calling), being able to stay at New Philly (church I'm attending), and that God would provide for her to stay in Seoul financially (she was from another city in Korea, Busan). To her amazement, the next day she attended service, New Philly had presented a seminary scholarship opened to members of the church, with room and board provided, and afterwards, he/she would intern for New Philly. Just imagine how she felt. Not only had God answered her prayer, He provided solutions to all three of her requests, all at once! God is SO Good.

So with those two examples in mind, and a hunger for an answer from God, I decided to fast. Like the latter example, I asked God for three things: my purpose in Korea if I was to stay, for housing, and for finances to be provided to meet my first two prayer requests.The last time I fasted, was probably for 30hr famine back in grade twelve. However, I didn't waste time thinking if I was physically capable, I just did it in faith.

Fast forward and 24 hours was not as hard as I though it be, I mean, obviously I did get hungry, but my desire for an answer from God was bigger than my desire for food.

That night, I checked my email and I shouldn't have been surprised, but I got an acceptance notice from the Explore program. So, before I came to Korea I had applied for this program, which is basically a bursary to learn French anywhere in Canada (I chose Montreal) and all tuition, accommodation, and fees would be covered by the government as they want to promote French culture and language. I had been expecting a reply in April, but I didn't think it would come so early on. Plus, I had my intentions set on extending my time in Korea at this point, so I thought, if I got rejected, it wasn't a big deal, and if I did get accepted, I could always turn it down.

Here's the catch though, I only had ten days to make a decision for this program. With my head wrapped around the idea of what I was praying for that day, I thought it was just such bad timing. Why did this email have to come at a point when I was so set on extending my time in Korea? I know God didn't give me any answers that day in terms of what I prayed for (or so I thought at the time), but I was fighting for my own desires. I wanted to wait it out as long as I can just in case God shows me His answers.

The next few days drove me nuts. I jumped back and forth between options of rejecting or accepting this email. I discussed it with a handful of friends, emailed friends who has participated in Explore before, and talked about it with my mom. The number one reason why I had applied in the first place was because I wanted to not only have an all expense paid for language experience, but to also be able to check out Montreal and find possible internship opportunities for my practicum component next year.

To be honest, I already knew the answer. In hindsight, I feel the confirmation stronger than ever. God had answered my prayers-purpose,financial needs, housing-all in one email! Despite applying for the Explore program back in January, God had already set me up for this. God had set me up for me to fast and pray to Him for those three things for Korea, to only have Him show me that his plans for me were in Montreal. He was testing me. I was so caught up in what I wanted, that I lost sight of the bigger picture. I know I have become really attached to Seoul, and its when you feel so comfortable in one place that God calls you out of your comfort zone.

It wasn't a decision I needed to make, it was a matter of trusting in God and stepping in faith. I feel like I  had knew my decision from the moment I opened that email, but I just wasn't at peace with it. With much contemplation and reflection, I made a decision. I had thought back to everything I've been blessed with over the years and how God never disappoints me. From Urban Promise, to my student tour to Taiwan, spontaneous mission trip to Aruba, and now this unforgettable exchange in Seoul-I acknowledge that what is coming will be another experience that calls for growth.

The next day, one of my friends who had did the Explore program last year, replied me. If she had replied me the day before, I would've been set on rejecting my acceptance email. She had went to Quebec City instead of Montreal, but she told me how spiritually dead the city was, and how the people there cursed everything, even religion. She told me how uncomfortable she was as a Christian in that city with only a handful of Catholic churches to attend, and even encouraged me to choose staying in Seoul over Montreal. In only God-known ways, I felt that the decision I had made before her response, was confirmed. I actually felt it was more of a reason for me to go, to be that light, to be that salt.

My decision wasn't a selfish desire no longer, and believing that God's desires for me are better than my present desires, I said yes to the Explore program.

I still don't know what is in store for me, or what God has planned, but since that day forward, every decision I've made in regards to the Explore program didn't make me second guess myself. Everything that followed felt so right, and all it took was me stepping in faith.

I'm looking forward to the revelations God has for me this summer.

Since then, I have been fasting once a week. Not only for God's answers to my prayers, but for Him to break down strongholds keeping me back, and for me to be able to be draw closer to Him as well.


God knows best.

Easter Anniversary

Today is my fifth anniversary of getting baptized and it so happens to fall on the exact day of the week as it was five years ago. In God's divine plan, today is also my brother's baptism, exactly on Easter Sunday like mine was five years ago.

Five years.

Looking back on these five years has shown how much growth I've experienced. Either it be through church, through other brothers and sisters, through school, through my travels, or through my family, I acknowledge all of the plans God has had for me.

Five years later.

I wonder where will I be, what will I be doing, and how I will be doing. I'm excited just thinking about what God has in store for me. The possibilities of growth are endless.

Thankyou Jesus for this special day.

Receiving New Wine II

It's been two days since the retreat and I'm still running on this new found love for God. Trust me, its not another 'Christian high,' if anything, this retreat was far from it. My faith is at a whole new dimension and being at the Emmaus large group today confirmed how much we have all changed just by looking at each others' faces. We were all glowing with a renewed foundation of our identity in Christ and worshiped passionately.

One thing that I still can't get over about this retreat is something I haven't figured out how to explain. I never thought I would experience it in my life. Being home in wee little Edmonton and having heard and discussed it, I never thought I would experience it for myself. I always thought God gifted it to 'special' believers (for lack of a better word), and ones he called out to have this ability. Perhaps those in unknown parts of the world or third world countries where I would never have the chance to witness this. Another side of me lacked faith to believe in it, faith is to believe what you do now see, yet, I was not believing with all my heart that this was capable of being real. Saturday night, God not only proved my lack of faith wrong, He demonstrated it to me, and even shared with me that I could have this ability too.

During praise and worship before the sermon on Saturday, we had our arms around one another and were praying out loud to God. All of us. One of the Emmaus staff leaders came and put her arm on me and another girl beside her. She sang out loud, she prayed loud, and then something unusual happened. She was speaking in a way that was unfamiliar and sort of strange, while at the same time, her hand on me, and possibly her whole body was shaking in a perfect rhythm. I kept listening and then it hit me. I asked myself, could it be? No way. What... and I even heard it coming from behind me from another person as well. OMG. It is. She really was. She was speaking in tongues. I made a mental note of it to myself because I knew I had to confirm it. I was blown out of my mind. It was actually a beautiful experience. I thought it was just 'blablabla' to me, but the more I heard it come out, the sweeter it sounded.

After the sermon that night, we went to our small groups and shared what spoke to us from the sermon. I couldn't help it and my excitement jumped to what I had experienced earlier. My small group leader looked at me so calmly and thought I said I had spoken in tongues, but after the minor confusion she threw a question at me that sent me flying. Do you want this gift? I was like what are you talking about? I can have it? Huh?! Turns out, my small group leader had that gift too and she was actually blessed with it through another believer, same goes with another girl in my small group. She asked, yes or no, if you want it we will pray for you to receive it, if you don't, then you don't. I was so hesitant, I never thought you can just the gift like that, how is that even possible? I thought God gifted it, how did so many believers here at the retreat have this gift? I couldn't even let it sink in that all this was all happening, let alone asking for the possibility of having this spiritual gift. Anyhow, we ended up praying that this other girl and I would receive it, and after praying for us in English, my leader and this other girl who knew how to speak in tongue prayed for us in tongues. Hearing them speak within such a close proximity and in such a clear voice got me curious. I felt like I was dreaming, is this all real? It felt out of this world.

After the prayer, my friend and I didn't speak in tongues. Not like it was an anti climax, but I realize so many people have it because they asked for it with faith like a child's. No questions. No double thinking it. No hesitance. I, on the other hand, didn't have that faith at the moment, and I was in the process of being transformed into a new wine skin. Like I said in my last post, God cannot bless you with better blessings if you are stuck in your old shell. I know God won't give me more than I can handle, and maybe at this time, having me listen to it and be a witness for it was enough. Also, not everyone is gifted with this gift, we read 1 Corinthians 12 about spiritual gifts and how God equips each of us with different gifts for His purposes. So even though I was prayed for to receive it, God has the final say in all of this.

Through this whole experience though, I felt God's endless strength. You can't doubt His power, you can't doubt His glory, and you can't doubt what He can do through you and for you. All you have to have is faith. We can choose to put our faith in ourselves, or in God.

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for. By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God's command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible" -Hebrews 11:1-3

Where is your faith at?

Receiving New Wine I

Sometimes what you want the most comes comes in the least expected packaging.

This past weekend I went to a retreat with Emmaus campus ministry. Going in with expectations, I left with even more expectations for myself and from God. Unbelievably, this retreat shook me up, awakened me, and even showed me God's works in new ways I have never experienced before.

On Friday night, Pastor Myungwha, an intern pastor at New Philly shared an in depth testimony and passage to us about receiving a new wine skin, hence the theme of this retreat. At only the age of twenty-five, Pastor Myungwha is a recent graduate from seminary, receiving the call to go into full time ministry not too long after graduating Edae Women's Univeristy. Dressed in a white top, gray zip up hoodie and dark wash skinnies, she looked far from being a pastor. In fact, she wasn't that much older than us, and before she had been introduced, I thought she was just another student. However, don't underestimate the impact she had on us, her testimony opened up our hearts and allow feelings we had been suppressing to arise.

Back in the day, wine was precious and new wine was even more precious as it needed to be treated specifically. New wine cannot be poured into old wine skin because doing so, the old wine skin would break. In the same way, we cannot be blessed with gifts from God if we have not let the "old" go- the past, the hurts, the scars, the cuts, the pains. If we were able to receive this new wine, we would break like old wine skin would. God won't give you more than you can handle, and as such, you are not able to receive greater blessings from the Lord if you are holding on to your old self- you just won't be able to handle it. There was a girl who came to the retreat who didn't believe in God, but during the retreat when everyone was praying and crying out to the Lord, she questioned why she didn't wasn't reaching out to God like everyone else did, and this was because God knows she is not ready for it physically and spiritually. Instead, God works in crazy ways and sent her a vision while a leader was praying for her. In her vision, she saw a figure that resembled God, and he was looking right into her eyes. When she told one of her friends, they interpreted that God loves her so much that He wants her attention. He wanted her to feel important, He wanted to make it known to her that He wanted her like he wants everyone else.

As kids we are vulnerable. Growing up and on the hunt for our identity, everyone of us is side tracked, distracted, and tempted onto other paths. Satan loves to target us and draw us away from God before we mature and find our identity in him. He feeds us lies about ourselves, selfish desires, and bounds us with an endless about of suffering. We hold on to these things for so long that we adapt and feel as these secular ambitions and feelings are normal and right. It is when we come to a point where we can let all these things go, and rather, allow our creator to fill us up, that we find freedom. Knowing that regardless of every sin, wrong turn or mistake, our heavenly father still loves us, cares for us, and desires for us each and every day. Imagine that feeling when you realize there is no need to seek your own way or find that ideal future for yourself because it has already been taken care of by someone who knows and loves you more than you know and love yourself. The beauty of this concept is so hard to grasp, but I believe I have encountered this beautiful sight.

That night, God spoke so strongly to me and I felt His fierce and zealous affection upon me. A lot of people around me were crying, but I just sat there, still and paralyzed, embracing my brokenness and wondering what this epiphany was going to lead to. At one point, one of the leaders laid his hands on me and prayed. Nothing stuck out, nothing he said really moved me, nothing was aligning with the Holy Spirit, except one thing near the end. He told me that sometimes you may experience God in ways that are unusual, ways that you have never felt before. This was so true because what I had felt at the time was very unfamiliar and even unknown to me.

God desires for us. If anything, God truly desires to have us- all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength. We think we know our desires and what we want, but he knows of something even better than what we know ourselves. He is God, He is our maker, He is the creator of all things, He has plans far greater than ones we have for ourselves. As humans, we are so limited in our capacity of knowledge compared to that of our heavenly Father's wisdom, but if we draw closer to Him, we find out more about ourselves and what is in store for us because our purpose and identity lies in God.

Yes, my identity and purpose lies in God's almighty hand.

Hungry

I am so hungry.
Famish. Unsatisfied. Craving.


I didn't realize that I could be so hungry. I usually make sure my stomach is satisfied before my hunger even begins to trigger my mind to tell me to eat. For the longest time now, I thought I was full, I thought I was filled to the capacity of my stomach, I thought I had taken in everything I could. Who knew that I would discover a new aspect to hunger? Who knew that everything I had eaten up to now was not as filling as I thought it be? Having eaten so much in my life, who knew that there could be something on the table that was new and more filling than anything I have ever tasted in my life?

If you followed my blog, you know I love analogies. I love depicting my feelings and describing my thoughts by comparing it with something else that I think to be easier to digest. Today, I have come to realize how hungry I am in my spiritual walk.

Since my first Emmaus large group, to attending Sunday Service at New Philly church, I've been feeling something stirring from within. I have been wanting more of that feeling and I have been absolutely fallen in love with in. Its like nothing I have felt before and it is so so satisfying. I never find myself getting enough of it, and I sense myself over flowing with this sensation and even outpouring it onto others. It's indescribable in one sense, and beautifully empowering me to share it with others. This feeling is drawing me closer to God and if faith was hunger, I find myself not getting enough. I'm wanting to eat more and more each time, each day, each week. This starvation is unstoppable and I want to binge into a bottomless bowl of spiritual goodness.

It may be the energy from the Emmaus staff, or the enthusiasm from New Philly's service, but regardless of its origin, its definitely radiating all around me. Before I started my exchange, all the feedback from previous exchange students have told me I will have the 'greatest time of my life.' Since my arrival, many people have told me 'you will love Seoul so much that by the end of your semester, you won't want to leave,' and through Emmaus, its been repeated that 'this term will change your life.' At first, I thought all these things sounded too exaggerated, running on an initial honeymoon stage of energy, which more than often happens when your having fun and enjoying every bit of a 'new' thing. To be honest though, I don't have this perspective no more because I find myself living out these exaggerated words. Maybe it is an exaggeration, but a truthful one.

Faith is a whole new topic coming to Korea. it's not just about being a Christian, its about being a living and breathing son and daughter of Christ with a HUGE focus on evangelism- be it walking down the streets with signs written, 'Jesus Loves You', to early morning praise and worship outdoors on campus, to on the spot prayer meetings . I find myself hungering for church day in and day out and wanting to know God more than all my previous Sunday schools, bible studies and fellowships have ever taught me-my hunger is beyond the knowledge I have. Its an out cry of having a personal relationship with Jesus on a whole new level and people don't think twice about how they pray, how they sing, how they worship and praise our heavenly Father. Its so freeing and wonderful to be surrounded with such an amazing and inspiring vibe.

Seoul is seriously stirring up an appetite in my soul.

Another helping please!

a month teared away

I didn't expect to tear up on the day that happens to be an exact month away from home. They just kept coming while peace and joy continually settled into my heart.

Why the cry?

Tonight was Emmaus first large group meeting on campus. If you read my previous post, you probably acknowledged how much I yearned for this day. I anticipated a wonderful night of kick off, meeting new friends, and some deep fellowship with brothers and sisters. However, I hadn't expect this.

After epic and hilarious introductions from the Emmaus staff members, Pastor Erin, the wife of Pastor Christian, whom both are the pastors at New Philly church (the church I have been attending) shared a powerful testimony. She started talking about how we like to question things. Sometimes asking 'why' can lead our curiosity to new findings, other times, asking 'why' can just be unnecessary-some things are just the way they are. We read from Luke chapter 24, titled On the Road to Emmaus, and it explained where and why this Christian fellowship's name was derived from. Basically, two disciples had seen Jesus on the way to Emmaus, a place seven miles from Jerusalem. They had not known initially that this person talking to them was Jesus, the one and only son who had risen from the dead. When they had found out, they ran back the seven miles to Jerusalem to tell the others. Emmaus is a telling of the good news, it tells of a journey where you find the truth , as vs. 32 says "Were not our hearts burning within us while he talked with us on the road and opened the Scriptures to us?" It doesn't matter what your plans were or are, be it heading to Emmaus, or running back to Jerusalem, you will always be able to encounter Jesus as he is with you wherever you go. Emmaus describes just as such, and regardless of plan A,B,C, or Z, God will be there like he was yesterday, like he was today, and like he will be tomorrow.

Aside from the background info, Ps. Erin was AMAZING. Her testimony got our attention, got us laughing and even got us weeping and praying to one another. I never heard such a strong and honest testimony before. I believe everyone's testimony is special and one of a kind, but her's was just out of this world. I couldn't believe the truth I was hearing and how easily she spoke of the dead life behind her. She was a living testimony of her testimony and the immense relationship we can all have with our loving Saviour. I was so touched by her genuine persona and the tears just came. They came, and came, and then it triggered the nose to weep, the face to turn red, and the hand to grab tissue. I wasn't even going to bring my pocket size tissue, but I thought it may come in handy if the washroom didn't have paper towels-only God would've known the main purpose for it earlier on. I can't express how much God was speaking to me. When she finished, the staff were there to pray with us and I found myself walking towards a sweet staff member named Judy. I felt so bad sobbing on her, but at the same time, every word coming out of her mouth hit me hard like a boulder. She wasn't speaking to me-GOD was, and every hit was mighty, bold, and relieved me of my shame, sin, and selfishness.

I was not ready for all this to happen, especially early on in the term. I did not think God would be enlightening me during this exchange. How naive of me to think everything would go as I had planned when God is with me every step of the way. I realized how much I had needed this, how much I yearned to hear God's voice and know that he loved me. I'm glad to be on the right track again and have my eyes set up on him. I've drifted and detoured long enough, it's time to run His race and be set free with his words.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!
-2 Corinthians 5:17

Believe it.

P.S. Here is the link to the sermon if your interested

Church Withdrawal

One said to not judge a book by its cover, but you can judge this blog by its title.

These past three weeks have been extraordinary. Skimming all the photos I took, I can't believe I was able to actually see, eat, and do so much. Not everyone gets an opportunity like this and I'm really happy and satisfied with all that has happened. However, I have been feeling home away from home-away from my church community, christian friends, and being close to God: church withdrawal that is.

As much fun as I have been having, I feel that its just on the surface if you don't have a spiritual aspect within capturing all of it step by step, sort of like a inner lens reflecting on every miniscule detail. To be honest, at times I do feel I have forgotten about God or have distanced from him, sometimes by my own means as I have just been directing my plans as I wish, other times, I just haven't had the opportunity to go to church. Despite all of it, I hear that little voice in my head calling me and directing my conscience when I am afar. In a way, when you lose sight of God, and am not talking to him on a regular basis, I find that your values and standards start to break down. Its like if you don't wash your mug after one drink, you barely notice the stains, but after a second, third, or fourth time, the stain will become distinctly visible and it gets harder to wash it off. Temptation has taken its toll on me in this sense and I feel I have fallen into the devil's traps and lies more than I should have.

Having said all that, I was really looking forward to finally being able to go to church with the English speaking Christian club on campus today, Emmaus (pronouced E-may-us). I didn't know if I had expectations as I have heard a lot about Korean churches and their giant congregations, but this one was oriented towards a more younger generations so I didn't think it be one of those traditional churches people talk about. The service started at 1pm but we headed out from our dorms at 11am as it took almost and hour to get there. Also, they provided lunch before service for the cost of 1000won ($1cad).

Entering the sanctuary, it was about one and a half times the size of NEAC's fellowship hall, but it was packed with people of different ethnicity and was predominantly composed of college students, young adults, and young families. They had a countdown clock going to ensure that they started right on time. It was so amazing to be able to worship with familiar songs again and knowing that I was worshiping at the same time as NEAC at one point (as there was a praise & worship night going on with ECAC during that exact time) felt like we were all one in a spiritual connection, drawn together by the song lyrics (I had wrote on the wall of the P&W event that I be there in spirit and it actually felt like I was!). The congregation was also very enthusiastic and would say things outloud, shout Amen, and even say their prayers and feelings while singing, which was a new experience for me. The pastor was also very contemporary in his speech and even used slang. His sermon was very humorous and engaging and despite feeling sleepy, I was attentive for the most part.

The part that I wasn't accustomed to was that the culture of Korean churches, as they tend to pray a lot and how they pray. When we were given time to pray after the worship, people just said their prayers aloud (loud and clear), I didn't at first and it was actually hard to concentrate praying in my mind, so I ended up praying outloud too, though, not as loud as the others did. Near the end of the service, the pastor also called out on first timers and random people in the congregation up front to pray for them with a ministry or staff member infront of the whole congregation. I felt uneasy for the people up there, especially if it was their first time, but everyone was very welcoming about it and didn't show any sign of discontent. After service, they had a room for new comers to go to where they received a little bag of goodies, engaged in ice breakers, and snacks for you to enjoy.

Also, there doesn't seem to be an issue with the time frame of services in Korea. Service went from 1pm to 3pm (the pastor joked it use to go until 4pm) and afterwards they have a snack break followed by a bible study from one of the classes you have chosen. I found out there was also a prayer session before service, so I assume church in Korea can last the whole day. It made it clear to me why the streets and public transit were so quiet on Sundays, and why even some independent stores closed or opened later than usual. Church is highly respected and attended by many in Korea and it was really heart warming to acknowledge that.

Overall, the experience was really friendly and welcoming, I don't think there was anyone I didn't make contact with that didn't come approach me and say hi or shook my hand or even give me a hug (and I just met them). Some moments were more unusual than what I'm use to, but that's just because it was different and new to me. For now I will continue to come to this church, but I don't know if it will be a 'home' church yet. I will have to church hop more and experience God in new settings.

I don't usually ask for anything in my blogs, but I would like you to pray for me. Pray that I pursue God during this exchange and accomplish the plans he has for me this term. I get distracted and lose sight of my path easily, but like I learned in the sermon today, "God is the ultimate GPS system, even if you step a little off the track, or head out on your own path, He will reroute you back to the destination he wants you to be."

God will also keep track of us no matter where we go, what we do, who we see, how we think, and when we think of Him or not.

I'm Officially Missing You

I'm so sad I'm leaving. I've been anticipating for a long time now that this one emotion will arrive, and finally it has come to take it's toll on me. It's eating me inside out and it has override all my other emotions. I know I won't be gone forever, but I'm so sappy knowing I won't see my family, pets, friends, church, school and even Edmonton for tentatively five months!

I'm so grateful for all the well wishes, blessings and messages showered on me lately. It means so much and I can't imagine going away for so long now. It makes me wonder what I will do if I choose to move one day.

Boo. I'm sounding like a twenty year old and a half cry baby. But really, from the bottom of my heart, I will miss all of you lots!

LOTS!

Bye now.

A Life Without

If I had to choose one of the five senses to be without, I would choose the sense of smell or taste. I don't think I could ever possibly manage without the sense of sight, having ears to hear, and absolutely not the feeling of touch. I guess you will never come to appreciate or realize how important your senses are unless you lose them. I'm sure we have all heard of the saying "You don't know what you have until it's gone," or something along the lines of that.

This past weekend, I was enriched through a powerful testimony. I don't think I could ever be in his shoes, and I definitely hope not. Just thinking about it makes me question how on Earth I would be able to cope with it. Yet, everything happens according to God's plan, and in this person's case, saying his circumstances is a living testimony would be an understatement-it is above and beyond. His testimony has changed lives, given life to the meek, and has delivered eternal life to those who surrendered their lives over to Christ.

I had decided to attend Breakforth one Sunday having found out that Nick Vujicic would be one of the main speakers. I didn't plan on going for the full weekend since I just wanted to here him talk, but since the group rate was for the whole weekend, I ended up attending Breakforth for the first time ever. To my surprise, I found out that it was the 15th anniversary of Breakforth and the 35th anniversary of the ministry. It was a light bulb moment as I remember how a few years back, I had a thing with attending events that had anniversaries associated with multiples of 5 or 10.

Anyways, back to Nick Vujicic, with all the buzz and hype surrounding him all over the media, on Youtube, in church, and from what I have heard, I had my expectations and he did not disappoint. Going into his workshop and seeing him for the first time was a bit surreal. I couldn't believe that that was actually him in his limbless frame. It was odd to see a person in a physique like that, but already, I felt a humbling and faithful presence about him even before he spoke. Throughout his talks, I sensed how blessed he was despite his physical circumstances and wanting to suicide as a little boy. God is doing miracles through him and it made me wonder, if God can do so much with Nick, what can he do with me? with you? with us? We can literally be Jesus' hands and feet and yet, I don't feel I have accomplished anything with what God has blessed me with. Seeing his works in Nick and the opportunities that he has provided Nick with made me a little jealous as Nick is able to travel all over the world, to people of all backgrounds, and share about his faith in Christ. It's astounding to see a person with so much positivity, so much love, so much humility, and so willing to do God's will.

If nothing else, what I really took away was in Nick's words "We don't need to know God's reasons for our circumstances," we don't need to know 'why this is happening to me, why that? why ME?' because he is God and we are not, and we will have our answers one day when we see him at the gate of Heaven.

Lastly, congratulations to Nick who is engaged to his beautiful fiance, a little boy who once thought no one could love him, and now, will be getting married in 12 days.

Check this faithful servant out! www.lifewithoutlimbs.org

Timeless

Its been a while since I have had a break such as this. This period before I leave for Korea has made me appreciate being able to relax. I love not being driven by deadlines, not rushing to accomplish errands, and absolutely not being controlled by a power call time.

Since the start of my second year, my mind has been constantly occupied with work. From going from Fall to Winter to Spring term, to signing myself up for an online course that lasted longer than the summer months, to enduring through the most recent and time consuming term, there has not been an actual cut off from the academic world for me. Though I'm employed, retail is dead this month, thus I barely consider myself employed either. I would think I would start complaining about the lack of shifts and things for me to do, but I'm feeling quite the opposite surprisingly.

I adore the freedom I have and being open to the possibilities of each new day. I look forward to meeting up with friends, enjoying conversation over a delicious meal, accomplishing my errands at an unrestricted pace, and being able to reflect when I can, even in the middle of a yoga pose. My schedule is so flexible and diversely flamboyant- its lightness and easy going spirit surely delights me.

Its not like I have zip-o things to do either, I go about completing the course of my day,and believe it or not, I still wake up early each day to make the most of it (its drilled in my internal clock). I guess I'm more of an early bird than a night owl, but if this is what's in store for retirement, I'm anticipating!


May you be filled with the Lord's peace in light of the stress or worries you are holding on to. Let it go and let His work flow.

What's on your mind?

Today marks a day short of my car accident two years ago on January 16, 2010. Last year, I had made note of it as a remembrance day, so if the you thought that post was short on detail, now you know.

Reflecting on that accident, I felt it was a preventable one, but only because it had occurred. If it hadn't occur, I probably would've never learned my lesson, nor would I acknowledge God's plans down the road for me. Last Saturday, I was just recalling that incident and realizing how close I was to be accident-free for two years now (if nothing else, my insurance would be happy). That night I also went to junior high fellowship and we had a spontaneous night of literally "breaking the ice" in the parking lot, setting up a fire pit, and burning/eating marshmallows. I also slipped quite frequently despite the teens salting the ice... and feeling like my toes were about to ice off (for that I blame my poor circulation and wearing keds and not proper footwear). Otherwise it was a pretty good night and I had a pleasant time fellowshipping with the youth.

On my way home, I made a quick stop to my friend's house to drop off the sewing machine she had lent me since mine was giving me difficulties (during the times I needed it most, but that's another story). As I was reversing the car out of the driveway, I checked my side and rear view mirrors as usual and started reversing. I was backing out of her drive way much more than needed as the street was wide and I didn't see any cars coming. Reversing, reversing, reversing, and BAM!, my mind totally screamed 'NOT AGAIN', quickly switch gears back to drive, that car's alarm went off outrageously loud, and I parked in front of it on the street. I saw my friend come out of her house and every cell in my body was freaking out.

What if I hit and run? (To be honest, the devil just kept tempting me)
Why am I standing here.. why don't I just leave?
Why didn't I see this car? (Why had I reverse so much?)
How did it happen?
Blame the darkness? (Why didn't I see it?!!!?!)
Blame the icy street? (should've been more careful as I had slipped earlier)
Oh no..my insurance! ..
PARENTS!
What next... What now... I'm never driving again..
I suck. WHY WHY WHY

So... sensibly, I remained calm and discussed it with my friend. There was no one around (though I was pretty sure the neighbors all heard the alarm and may have peaked out of their window to see what was going on),the alarm had turned off after two minutes or so and my head was not clear at all. I just felt so miserable, like come on... I was so close to having a clean record of two years and now this.. WHY GOD WHY?!?! WHAT in the world are you trying to teach or show me? AND WHY NOW? Why less than a month before I leave? There goes my savings for Korea =(. What was I going to do?

Fast forward, I left for home without writing a note or anything, the damage was quite severe though: front left bumper dented, scratched and light broken. My van only had minor damage on the back right bumper. I didn't tell anyone, but the guilt was unbearable. I called my friend when I got home, and automatically, the sensible spell had broken, and the emotional side was erupting. I was crying and scenes from my first accident was reappearing and rewinding in my head. The guilt kept building, and though I knew I could probably get away without doing anything-I didn't. I told my friend over the phone to write a note with an apology, my number and name on it. That felt better, but I was very unsettled about the issue. I had prayed with my friend and I knew she would be praying for me as I was praying for forgiveness myself that night. I think the fear of the consequences was holding me back all weekend, and I'm sure some of you had sensed it last Sunday. I decided that I wouldn't say anything about it until the mysterious party called back.

If I had thought being honest was tough, waiting for a response was gradually tearing me apart. That whole night and Sunday, I kept jumping to conclusions and wondering if the other party had read my note yet. Why hadn't they call? It was utterly painful waiting, and I was about to blow with all these unanswered questions. The devil really had his fingers wrapped around me too, I just felt so depressed about the whole situation and I had no self esteem at all. I wanted pity, I wanted assurance, I wanted an answer from God and a call back, but at the same time, I didn't. I didn't want to face the consequences, I didn't want to be responsible, and I didn't want to deal with any of it at all. I had really wish I could rewind time or pretend it was just a bad nightmare.

After service that Sunday, my parents picked my brothers and I up, and as my dad tends to walk around the car before he drives everytime...crap!, before I even sat my butt down, the first question when we got into the car was, "Did one of you get hit by a car or did you guys hit a car? The bumper is broken." I knew then I couldn't lie, I had to let my parents what had happened. Surprisingly, they didn't take it as bad as I thought they would, and the only thing we could all do now was wait it out.

All afternoon, I religiously checked my phone and there was no message or missed calls. I went to fellowship for jeopardy, but I couldn't concentrate, my mind was obviously else where. Finally, half way through the game, I checked my phone and there was a missed call, I called my voice mail and hesitantly called back the soft, heavy-accented, Asian, middle age, male voice from the message. I be lying if I said I wasn't scared, I was just bounded by so much fear of what was to come. Our conversation was another shocker, I carried it better than I thought and the other party on the line was very understanding and caring about it. I told him of an auto body shop he could take his car to and that we would pay for all the damages. It didn't occur to me to mention about the insurance part, but my happiness was cut short when he brought it up. Unexpectedly, my happiness soared again because he had read my mind and assumed that I probably didn't want to contact insurance or else it would stay on my record for ten years. PRAISE THE LORD.

I'm still bitter at myself and I'm not exactly sure how God's work will kick in this time, but I have acknowledged all the support I have from family and friends and for that, I'm grateful.


Honesty is definitely the Best Policy