Leaving it all Behind

First off, Happy Birthday to myself!

Not to be boastful or anything, but I feel one can truly get away with much and just be as selfish as they choose to be on their birthday. I feel I got lots accomplished today, perhaps it was doing everything I wanted to do on my own for the most part, but I feel bless in knowing I will be entering a new phase of my life.

I never not look forward to my birthday, I believe every individual's birthday is special and worth a celebration, even a small one. It only comes once a year and is also a great time marker to reflect on one's accomplishments, one's highs and lows, one's growth, one's opportunities and even failures.

A few days ago, I was sitting in my room, staring at my room, the things on my walls, my decor, my bedding, and how it didn't reflect who I am nor turning twenty-three. I realize the last time I decorated my room and put the effort into putting my identity into it was grade six/seven, how embarrassing. Hence the scholastic posters of puppies, chains of handmade cranes, stuff animals on the floor, on my bed, in my closet, and the multitude of Pikachu stickers on my cabinet. I don't know where this surge of inspiration and motivation came from, but the next thing you know I started stripping off these posters, ripped off all the stickers (had to use my nail to scratch off the remaining residue remaining over these years), and un-taped everything I had stuck to my walls (dang, tape was definitely higher quality in the past-this clear tape lasted almost a decade!).

And you know what? I thoroughly felt SO MUCH JOY from doing so! I questioned why I hadn't done so earlier and now I can't wait to fund my new decor and wants for my room.

Perhaps it's the realization that I will be situated in Edmonton that makes me want to dress up my room to suit me more, as I have put this off for as long as I can remember with the hope that I would be leaving. No details yet, but I am close to being at full peace with this decision that God has presented and in the plans He has for me this coming year. It will be different not being committed to school anymore, but change always has trans-formative powers and I just need to constantly remind myself that  God's plans are always good and that He sure knows better than I do. Actually, I am really excited to enter the work force if you can call it that, it will be a directional start at the very least.

I am also in full throttle in living out my identity, dreaming of plans, starting new beginnings, and holding high hopes for this coming year. I am totally refueled and ready to take on this coming 2014-2015. It's going to be a glorious one. I can't wait to get started and see what comes out in a year's time.

Here's to my one, two-three!

A New Start

August is here. I can't believe it. But I love it.

With my post over a month ago, this one will have to sandwich everything in between that went down in July. To be honest, July was quite a hard month for me, and not a very productive one so to speak. Or maybe I just had set some high expectations for myself, but it didn't get on a very high note. Sometimes I wish I could rewind and have structured everything better, but here it goes.

Returning from such a perspective-changing trip and confidence spurring adventure made coming home a concrete smack in the face. It did take some adjustment just to s t o p and refrain my mind from jumping back into the wonderment of my travels and daydreaming what life would be like there then here. I always seek and discover so much growth away from home, and I truly treasure those memories until I have new moments to grasp onto. So I can't gravitate how difficult it was to be back. Not only back, but bored, uncertain, and perhaps even constantly feeling like I don't know where I am going in life.

Job hunting has been an eye sore-literally. Staring at the screen, fixing up my resume, targeting cover letters, reading company profiles, filtering job descriptions and typing up what was supposedly to make myself sound like an ideal candidate became repetitive and dry. It's definitely been a waiting game, and it still is. The thing I ideally thought would happen was that God would deliver favour to my application process in where I think He wanted me to work. I didn't expect it to be quick, but I was hopeful that something 'perfect' was bound to come up sooner or later. I had such clarity and revelation when traveling that I really wanted to go into fashion production, but reality is, with anything fashion, it's unquestionably hard to get your foot in the door as advancement is usually internal. So factoring that in mind I started applying aimlessly, focusing more on the aspect of getting a job than what I wanted to do, even if it was a few steps farther from this initial ideal.

So I guess you can say I got burnt out and quite pessimistic about the prospect of being employed. Maybe I was too set on finding a job ASAP or my expectations are not matching up to what God has in store, but unemployment is not fun at all. I feel I could be doing so much more with all this time I had, instead of constantly being on my laptop. Though I'm holding on to faith that something better will come my way. I gave myself until the end of July to actively look at options in Edmonton (yes, all my desired options so far have been out of town) since staying in Edmonton has never been my first choice, but due to the lack of responses, I'm opted to do so now.

On the highs of this month, I did get to catch up with many friends I haven't had the opportunity to spend time with in a while. I guess I should cherish this unemployed phase more as once I am hired, I probably won't have this luxury as often. Being able to have a seasonal job as a wedding planner assistant has also been a blessing as you wouldn't believe how much joy I have from seeing people get married and all the insight I have to gain from working behind the scenes. And I guess indulging in the festivities of YEG is a noteworthy one since this is my first summer back in two years. So July wasn't all that of a downer, but I aim and hope to make August a new start.

A new start to job hunting, a new start in my perspective on things, a new motivation, and mostly a new month to look forward to as it's also my birthday month! Beyond all this, there's just something so special about August to me. In the past, it be the turning point where I start the dreadful countdown to when school will have to begin again, but this year will be quite different. It's a turning mark to nothing as I don't know what will happen come September. Though, I am holding out for something awestruck and awesome because I know God knows so much better than me.

Cheers, July.

Let's pray harder