Twenty Fourteen

How do I even begin to process this glorious year? Full of highlights, lowlights and everything in between, it's been a huge blessing to have accomplish and experience all that I have this year.

Topping and ending the year with Winter Con is definitely a memorable tradition in a very remarkable way. I have to say that besides my very first winter con in 2005, this was my most favourite one for a number of reasons.

First, I felt the crowd this year, was a generally younger group of English Adults (just speaking on behalf of the track I fall into). Despite this, and hence less couples, young families and parents, the crowd was noticeably mature and hungry for God. I didn't realize this at first, but through the course of the conference and the conversations and discussions that were brought up, I'm really impress with the spiritual maturity and foundation of all those that attended. In the past, there would be a noticeable group of people or selected individuals who didn't come for the right reasons if you know what I mean, but this year, I genuinely felt a deep calling and yearning for God by all those that attended. I'm full of gratitude for all the brothers and sisters I've met and befriended.

Secondly, I love how my anticipation for Winter Con started early on this year. From sharing a presentation at NEAC back in the summer and having had to research on all the background info, its funny how I had convinced myself to attend. Also, I was actually asked to be on the planning committee, but due to my adjustment to a new job and other commitments, I had to turn it down despite how honored I felt to be asked to join (but God made me realize the revelation behind this -will share later). 

Another aspect was reading the main speaker's book leading up to WC and the English track talks. Ken Shigematsu, a pastor from Tenth Church in Vancouver, recently published his book "God in my Everything" and was basing his sermons off of his writings in developing a rhythm to manage our life to glorify God in all ways. It's a great read with approachable applications after each chapter so I definitely recommend it, highly recommend in fact. 

Thirdly, I feel the workshop sessions I chose to attend were all very applicable and relevant to what I needed to hear. More like an answer to prayer as my mind gained so much content from reading the Bible in a new perspective to learning to evangelize in a new light. It was a bonus that the speaker was Pastor Neil, whom I have heard from before. 

Symposiums were another thing that blew my mind. Usually a special topic discussion and group Q & A that many people skip, this year, majority surprisingly went. The reason being was that the focus was centered around inter generational blessings and interactions from gen to gen. It's common that almost every Chinese Canadian church splits themselves into congregations base on the language those people speak, but we lack to see how fruitful it can be when the parent-child or Canto-English come together to enlighten and grow with one another in the midst of translation going on. I love how the planning committee came up with presenting this content in an engaging way and bringing out issues such as dating, use of technology, and cultural understandings to be discussed. The speaker Gordon Smith, President of Ambrose University, was also intelligent yet humorous on this subject. I was very much enriched by all of this.

Fourthly, maybe because I know many people on the planning committee this year as it was a core group of Edmontonians, but I felt so blessed in being able to observe and appreciate all the hard work and effort they put in. It made me regret not saying yes to being a part of the hurdles and joys they went through, but I know very well that God intended it to be this way. Perhaps being a planner myself makes me attentive to details and flaws of an event of this size, but I am very very impress by the committed attitude, creativity and efficient group of individuals they are. They implemented many new and fresh ideas and were the overall youngest average planning committee to date. There was one day where I sat in a meeting they had and I felt the heartbreak they were feeling, and roar of happiness in another moment. All of this were precious and worth it and warmed my heart as their love for one another, like a family shone. 

On a fifth note, my bedside was hands down a beautiful orchestration of sisterhood. There's no way that our group of Godly mature women could've shared and made ourselves vulnerable in the way that we did. It meant so much to me to have a group of support with woman of God all on the same wavelengths. We all desired growth, discussed trials, and smiled, laughed, cried, hugged until the wee hours of the night. I love how connected we became and all the mutual connections that branched out from us. Feeling and being blessed is such an understatement. I am too tired and losing enough vocabulary to justify how tremendous these past four nights have been with them. They are all truly my "anamcara-s".

Lastly, I actually feel like a changed Sarah today. I felt it since yesterday, but this is no exaggeration or a spiritual high of a boast. I honestly feel liberated and free from many things that were holding me back in bondage before coming. My thoughts are composed in a new way, my perspective on certain issues I've been struggling with was made open and new, and I'm so full of joy that I have been having spurts of tears these past few days. I don't recall crying so much or feeling this way at previous winter cons. It's truly been a conference of a faith anew! (theme of this year) and worthy tears of joy. 

I know Jesus is very happy looking down at us this week and more because of how hungry we are for Him and how satisfy we are with His love filling us up. Last blog, I said I asked for some bold prayers, and on this last day of the year, I can tell you that I have made some bold decisions. I'm beyond excited for 2015 to come and all that it has to offer. If you have read this far, thank You because I truly appreciate your support and you engaging with this ministry that I believe in relentlessly. 

So take me a little deeper, draw me a little closer...

I want to know your heart, I want to know your heart.

My Stomach is Full, My Heart is Fuller

Before I start counting blessings, I realize I posted a quick Christmas blog on my travel blog instead of here. So if you like to read it, check it out here. Christmas was very memorable this year, but it'll be a while before I highlight it now that I'm in winter con mode.

So since landing YVR, I've been having so many memories hit me along with nostalgic feelings, years of growth here, and treasured friendships overwhelming my heart. This Christmas season went by so busily and quickly that I haven't had time to even ponder on this trip nor to even anticipate my 7th winter con. Yes, seventh- you read that right. Not only does winter con hold a special place in my heart, but Vancouver (using it to refer to greater Van & BC area) holds so much of my maturity and growth over the years. I still recall my very first life changing Christian experience at winter con in Kelowna back in 2005,  my first internship with Urban Promise the summer of 2009, first trip with my friends to Van in 2010, and my last trip out here in 2012. I feel it's been so so so long and I miss you so much YVR!

I've forgotten how special Van is to me. There's a special aura about this place and I've made a mental note to never bus to BC again. The luxury of paying to fly is too painless, comfortable and quick to let the other option even be an option. It hasn't even been 24 hours of being here, but I don't know why I'm so exhausted already. Maybe the "go go go" habit in yeg has been taking a toll on my mental and physical self without me knowing it, and now that my body has time to respond to rest, it just wants to crash. So much going on in my mind that I've been lacking response of quality reflection. So many people reaching out to see me and catch up despite the distance and length of time we've been separated. My heart is very warmed by these thoughts and also warm in general-BC ple: why is it so warm indoors everywhere I go? I never realize how wimpy you all are at with the cold....it's beautiful out and you're all layered up even indoors!

I've come to realize some of my deepest conversations and friendships are those I've cross paths with at winter con. Despite the years and lack of contact, I'm filled to the brim of joy being able to reconnect knowing that our common denominator of faith keeps us strong and united. I am also reminded how Van has and possibly is still my dream city to reside in. Some things have stayed the same and I'm content with that, but a lot has changed for me and others and I'm perfectly fine with that maturity in Christ as it signifies that we are not stagnant in our lives.

Last night as I was journalling,  I asked for some big and bold prayer requests this conference. Thinking back to some matters, I can't believe I requested for them,  but I know God is able and in his divine timing, prayers do get answered. I also usually commit to being a bedside leader, but because I'm under week pass status and staying at a different hotel, I wasn't able to be designated a leader. Though I was sad about this at first, I realize it's a blessing because God wants me to enjoy and just soak up this conference without the need or desire to serve and do something. I've been so occupied these past few weeks that I've forgotten how nice it is to absolutely have no commitments or household items to worry about. It's definitely not healthy to have such a constantly busy schedule than in extreme let everything go and take such a radical break, but I'm still learning to balance and turn this soon to be negative habit into a better rhythm of life management. 

Well on a last note, I'm really excited for this year's winter con. It never gets old and I'm so excited for all the learnings, revelations, and even rebuke I am going to receive. Here's to another crazy sic bonding experience all for God's glory to end off this epic year.

Amen.

Glory to God

Lately, I've been questioning how God is using me in my position at the mall and how much of a witness I am being on the job. There have been incidents and conversations where in hindsight, I feel I could've mentioned something about my faith or said something better. To be honest, sometimes when someone comments on religious topics or their views of religious matters, I get intimidated and shy away from stating my beliefs and perspective at peril of risking a border line heavy religious discussion. Other times, I honestly just don't know what to say, especially if someone voices a negative experience of the church/people and I can't help but agree with what it was like to be in their shoes. Also, as I'm still fairly new on the job, it's one of those things where I try to gauge how far my expression of my faith can go before I get into trouble for expressing too much spiritual views at work. Since I'm new, I'm cautious about stepping on others' toes.

Thankfully, there are a handful of Catholics, Muslims and Christians that I do work with and so it has made it easier to an extent. I really appreciate and look up to how upfront Muslims are about their spiritual "rules" for lack of a better word and how open they are about stating their beliefs and values. I feel I lack the confidence and boldness to do so, but when I hear and see them do it, I feel I shouldn't be hiding my faith or being too careful of what others will think. It serves as a good reminder for me because often I care more about the judgement of people, than the judgement of God.

I also recall one conversation with my supervisor about sponsoring stuff for a church. She said that in a public organization, you should always stick to straying away from borderline support of 1.politics 2.religions and 3. I can't remember this one right now, but I can see her point. As a public organization such as a mall, you wan't to do and support things, people and places that have market value and bring neutrally positive exposure to the mall. You don't want be too liberal/conservative, or religious in any sense to steer clear that the public's organization is voicing and imaging itself closer to one end of the spectrum. However, it's hard when you believe differently and want to show your faith on the job of course.

Anyhow, on a somewhat side track topic (the relevance will follow), I was watching the award ceremony for a HK broadcasting company, TVB, tonight and I didn't expect to be enlightened in the way that I did. I watch it every year; in fact, I grew up watching HK dramas with my family. Over the years, it has lessened due to the busyness of school and all, but I do enjoy watching them, plus it helps me to retain my Cantonese! So as with every awards ceremony, there are always speeches following the winner's name being called up and over the years, I always remember the ones who thank God first or somewhere along their thank you speech. I always thought it was cool that a celebrity I admire or really enjoy watching is a Christian. That foundation always sparked a further interest in them as I felt like I had a huge similarity. This year, not only was there multiple Christian artists who thank God, one actor even requested the directors and board of CEOs/management to excuse him as he said a prayer right there on stage, right at the podium, in front of the audience and thousands of viewers to pray to God. I found myself getting emotional as he closed his eyes and said a quick prayer of thankfulness and for God to shower his blessings on everyone present. 

I felt really touch because I felt like the fears and hardships to pronounce your faith in an industry such as the entertainment world couldn't compare at all to what I face-it must've been a bazillion times more difficult, and yet they've done what I think is profound. The best winning actor of the night even laid out his struggles of pride, ego, jealousy etc. and made an underlying analogy of how having children has helped him to let go of those selfish pursuits knowing their love for him is so great. My dad even commented that he felt like he was preaching lol. Regardless, it's a good reminder for myself. I've been trying to appeal to many people and events going on lately, and it's a VERY good reminder to know that I can never ever do it on my own, nor can I be that "perfect" Christian image. I need God, and everyone else does too, so there's no excuse to not take that bold step. I never know who will be touched by my acts or the possibility of refraining others from God's blessings if I keep my mouth shut.

I'm learning to be content with other's ridicule and not to take it too personally because I know I can never appeal to everyone. There will always be those for you, and also those against you.

"If you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything"

Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven

-Matthew 5:10

On Graduation

For the longest time, the only reason I anticipated for my convocation was because I was attending so I needed to mark it in my calendar and expect it. I wasn't excited nor did I really want to go. I had deferred it from June due to my travels, but I think I mainly went because I knew my parents wanted to see me cross the stage as I am the eldest and first to finish University and all. So it felt more ritualistic and obligatory rather than a desire to celebrate the end of an academic journey.

As the day neared, I looked forward to it as it was a day off and I got to doll up, but I also started to see it as a wrap up to my academic journey. Thus, I started anticipating it, invited some friends to come despite it being on a weekday and an odd time of day, and wanted it to come and go as to say that my time with the U of A is finally wrapped up.

The day finally came and it started to hit me. From taking public transit to stepping foot on campus again, it felt weird. Odd. Strange. It was a tad surreal that I was finally convocating and a flood of memories of my undergraduate time came flooding back. All those papers, exams, late nights, early mornings, academic events, extra-curriculars, wow everything is all behind me now.

I still don’t think I will ever go back to school, but I am beyond glad to be moving into this new chapter called young-adult-work-life/career-start in my books.

When I went to pick up my gown and all, I still wasn't too stoked, I didn't look forward to having to read over the procedures or having to head to the Jubilee. This sure sounds so pessimistic doesn't it? The procedures to me felt like “school” so I definitely didn't want to be reminded of being in the shoes of a student.

But when I was finally putting on my gown and observing other excited graduates on campus and in the Jubilee, a sense of excitement came over me. I felt like celebrating and I even met a new friend in the washroom. It’s an interesting story of how we met… we both literally just “clicked” if you know what I mean. Anyhow, I was glad to meet her as we were both parent-less and friend-less at the moment so the timing was perfect and we got to know each other a bit and even take photos!

Things started going uphill from here on and I genuinely had so much fun at my convocation. From the photobooth to the smiles and hugs, I realize I had accomplish something big! I think having heard rants about convocation being long and boring and a waste of time probably made me pre-judge what convocating was all about, but I was terribly wrong. I honestly didn't feel the ceremony program was long at all. I felt inspired, the speeches were moving, the videos were touching, and making fun of the president sitting and talking like a boss made my day with a old classmate sitting next to me.

It was also a walk down memory lane. I got to see a very old co-worker I briefly worked with back in grade 12, I saw a T.A. I had in my second year, I saw a fellow highschool classmate walk across the stage, and most of all, seeing and hugging my favourite prof! God’s timing of things is just so peculiar and perfect as I would've never thought that I would cross the stage with these same people that I've crossed paths with. This comes to show (and I'm a firm believer in it) that everyone you meet in life plays a special role in your life, whether it is to learn from, grow with, teach you a lesson, or just to see again.

Well, I can’t believe I'm done, but in all actuality, I'm not. This is really just the beginning of what I do with my degree and where I take it. Though I've mentioned before that retail was never considered an option on my radar, I am happy where God has placed me now and I know it is and will be a period of growth from here on.

Congrats fellow alums!

Indescribable

I can't fully describe how I felt.

I walked into this room, and I immediately felt a surge of excitement, of joy, of immense gratefulness and celebratory evidence all around the room, and this wasn't even where the celebration was at. Faces smiling back at me-new and old, far and near, I felt like tears of joy wanted to burst out of my soul. We were all giddy spirits like graduates awaiting their name to be called up, but this was better.

I sensed something yesterday that lingers strongly in my heart and it was one of the best first steps I've taken into the sanctuary. It was like a zap of happiness from heaven through the doors of NEAC. The sanctuary felt fuller, livelier, and the power of the Holy Spirit was totally taking over. Worship always sweeps me off my feet, but yesterday was a special moment. It was a rare, but domino effect of a worship statement.

After service, I couldn't even wait to get ready and get to the venue for our 30th celebration. I somehow ended up doing some last minute prep work with the MCs and I honestly enjoyed every moment of it. I don't even know how I find myself in these positions, but some how, some way, my love for events just finds opportunities to serve for myself. Feeling the adrenaline rush, time ticking, and expressing stress with those I was with, even though I personally wasn't stressed at all was satisfying. My mind was also thinking about what I was going to wear, how I was going to do my makeup, the photobooth, the videos, the people, the energy, the effort and all the brothers and sisters who was going to be there, as well as all those who make our church what it is today.

I exclaimed at one point that I was having more fun then at a wedding and I'm actually thinking the abundance of truth in that statement. At a wedding, you are celebrating for two people uniting as one, two love birds, and the whole night is focussed on them too, but last night, the celebration was for everyone. We were all uniting as the body of Christ, and God was definitely in our midst and presence as we revisited all the blessings and challenges we've had over these 30 years.

The night ended way too young, but it was a Sunday so I can understand why. However, I couldn't stop recapping the whole night on my way home and at home as I constantly scrolled my social media feed for more. More photos, more hashtags, more smiles, more laughter, more faces. I am totally up for an after party next time. Even today, when I woke up, I was still overjoyed, and one of the first things I did was check Facebook to see if the photobooth photos were uploaded, and to my delight they were! Almost made me late for work, but it was worth it. I think my favourite part was sitting on the floor with other SICs and watching the ending video together. It felt so homey and comfortable just where we were at, like we were in someone's living room. And even though I had the honour to put together this video and watched it a dozen of times already, it felt different watching it then and there with everyone else.

Everything was worth it. One thing is for sure, this is just the beginning and NEAC will surely have many more "30 years!"

Let the JOY remain!

Technology-less

I feel I've logged way too much screen time since the start of September. Though my job does allow me to move and not sit on my butt, I feel I've constantly been partaking in the online world. I guess being in charge of social media at work and also taking on a few "screen" related video projects doesn't help, but I really need to cut it down or at least give my eyes more break time. I honestly feel I need to emphasis discipline in my life in this area (and a few others...) as I've noticed that certain habits that didn't bother me before, are starting to bother me now... I guess there is a turning point to everything-dang, I'm only 23! For example, I feel my eyes buzzing (if you know what I mean) and I don't get a good night's rest if I strained my eyes staring at a screen the night before, so I can't let these things go anymore if I still want 10, 20, 30 years down the road of healthy eyesight and more for myself. A bit of an exaggeration, but I really need to smarten up!

How fitting, because earlier on this month, my beloved HP laptop (don't hate Mac books xP) of three years and a bit decided to crash on me and lose it's internet connectivity. As I mentioned earlier, I took on some video project commitments, so this was quite a hindrance and annoyance as I would have to keep transferring information (photos, text translations) from a ghetto half broken laptop of my brother's that had internet connectivity, but nothing else, to my computer which had everything I needed, but internet. It was so frustrating at first, but as I started adjusting and debating on this dilemma into a good excuse to get a new laptop or not, I realize though that I started to stare at a "screen" less. I would log onto what I needed to log onto at work ( I know, I'm terrible, but it's convenient), such as email and the like, and when I was done, I was DONE. I've ran down my Facebook news feed less and have spent less time "killing" time on the internet and more time being productive with my online screen time as it's been such a hassle lately. So now, even though I'm lying on the carpet using my brother's ghetto laptop to type this blog post (it has to lean against a wall as the screen is broken (yes, it's that ghetto), it doesn't bother me too much anymore,

I don't know when I'll get a new laptop or what kind I will get, but my circumstances aren't so bad. I would put it into the category of first world problems, but it definitely puts my habits into perspective.

So here's to hoping I can cut down my usage even more and invest in more "offline" time with real faces and reality!

Remember to turn your clocks back today! I guess I don't have to worry about changing my broken computer... sigh*

Surprise Surprise

I can't believe my last post was my birthday post. I guess I can believe it, but this period of not blogging makes me feel I've missed out on a big chunk of my life when re reading my posts. I assume it's safe to say that this post might be a long read then. Let's do this Q&A style.

So what went down September?

I mentioned how I am becoming more at peace with the idea of staying in YEG, and though its not what my heart and soul ideally wants, I've come to accept it because God definitely knows my needs better than I do, especially in this present time. He also gave me a restful and maybe even a test of patience kind of summer to prepare me for exactly what I wanted to do, and that is, my current job I've been working at since September 5th!

So what's the dealio with work?

I am working full time at Londonderry Mall as a Guest Services Supervisor and assistance to the Marketing department (which consists of a team of two, so if you count me, three). If you haven't heard the big news, read all about it here. I guess this employment announcement also makes it blog official that I am finally hired and settled? Not really, but from applying to the interview process to signing a line up of paper work to finally starting work, I definitely saw God's hand in helping me get this position I never intended to keep (initially I accepted it because it was a good opportunity and since I had no other options, I thought I would just quit if a better one came along). And as if God likes to tease, He is surely proving to me how wrong I was in thinking that initial thought. Long story short, I actually saw this job posting before I went to South East Asia, so I feel God knew along and kept this job opened for me. It's so bizarre, but I truly feel my name was written all over this job posting but I just never knew it until now, in hindsight.

I honestly never wanted to or thought I would work in retail post-degree, but there are many aspects to this job that is such an answer to prayer that I never thought it would be; such as, getting to run around, do different things, be able to be a self starter, etc. etc. Now that it's been over a month, it hasn't been easy transitioning from full time butt sitting to full time butt kicking at work (who am I kidding?) but it's a blessing in disguise that I really appreciate. As I've progressed along, I felt like this job was the perfect blend of the type of work I did interning in New York in fashion production and my special events experience at Hudson's Bay Southgate. Which comes to show again how God uses every circumstance in your life to nurture and prepare you for the future, or in this case, where I am now so I am beyond thankful!

God also doesn't take prayer requests lightly because one request in my job was to be challenged and boy am I ever pushed out of my comfort zone. From having to communicate to various people and departments in the mall to engaging and building relationships with people I don't know, I am pulling a lot of strength and confidence from God. I am enjoying everything I get to do, but there's an aspect of learning in life that is never finished. That's why when people ask me if  would ever return to school, my answer has been and probably will continue to be a no because I feel there's so much to learn in the work force, through hands on experience, and the mentorship of others that you just don't get in the school system.

How ironic that I mentioned I wanted to leave YEG so bad, because working a 7 minute drive from home does have its perks as well. I don't dread leaving work late or having to wake up in the mornings as work is close by. Which if you've guessed, location was another 'on the list' thing that was prayed for. I was in fact hoping that work would be close by to where ever I would moved to since I would have to move to that new location anyway, but I guess God had different plans in mind.

And the best part?

It's not everyday you get to see a mall transform and be a part of it. Being someone that loves behind the scenes work and curious to the point of no return, I am excited even though the mall is a wreck at this point.

What else have you been up to?

The rest of my time has been with no denial, all consumed to church. If you are seriously out of the loop and have not heard, NEAC is turning 30! I, being one that loves events and being a part of things (I think I have a slight diagnosis of FOMO-fear of missing out), I am just so passionate in being able to contribute and put my efforts in serving and making a difference to NEAC. I feel so blessed to be a part of these 30 years and to see all the growth that has taken place astounds and wows me. I only hope this joy and excitement will continue to be a domino effect. I know 2014 will end off with a bang with the 30th anniversary banquet right around the corner and soon to follow, Christmas! I just cannot wait, more news to come on this one.

I am also gaining so much insight and ideas for the future. I am reminded of those that left, moved on, and those that have stuck through all the way. I don't know how long I will be here, but I know this is where God wants me to be and be a part of right now. There's been so much on my mind lately it's crazy, I really need to write more again so I can keep track and process everything that is coming through my brain these days.

Working full time is a time sucker, but I'm definitely trying to balance my social life as well and other personal projects on my growing lists of to dos. I also want to pick up a few things I started earlier this year such as swimming and building on some other skills, but for the time being, work life is priority as much as I wish I didn't have to work full time...

Final thoughts?

Is it just me or does the blogging world seems kind of quiet? I love to hear how you're doing, so start writing!

Oh and of course, Happy Thanksgiving! I hope it was a turkey full one because my turkey is delayed to next week.

Leaving it all Behind

First off, Happy Birthday to myself!

Not to be boastful or anything, but I feel one can truly get away with much and just be as selfish as they choose to be on their birthday. I feel I got lots accomplished today, perhaps it was doing everything I wanted to do on my own for the most part, but I feel bless in knowing I will be entering a new phase of my life.

I never not look forward to my birthday, I believe every individual's birthday is special and worth a celebration, even a small one. It only comes once a year and is also a great time marker to reflect on one's accomplishments, one's highs and lows, one's growth, one's opportunities and even failures.

A few days ago, I was sitting in my room, staring at my room, the things on my walls, my decor, my bedding, and how it didn't reflect who I am nor turning twenty-three. I realize the last time I decorated my room and put the effort into putting my identity into it was grade six/seven, how embarrassing. Hence the scholastic posters of puppies, chains of handmade cranes, stuff animals on the floor, on my bed, in my closet, and the multitude of Pikachu stickers on my cabinet. I don't know where this surge of inspiration and motivation came from, but the next thing you know I started stripping off these posters, ripped off all the stickers (had to use my nail to scratch off the remaining residue remaining over these years), and un-taped everything I had stuck to my walls (dang, tape was definitely higher quality in the past-this clear tape lasted almost a decade!).

And you know what? I thoroughly felt SO MUCH JOY from doing so! I questioned why I hadn't done so earlier and now I can't wait to fund my new decor and wants for my room.

Perhaps it's the realization that I will be situated in Edmonton that makes me want to dress up my room to suit me more, as I have put this off for as long as I can remember with the hope that I would be leaving. No details yet, but I am close to being at full peace with this decision that God has presented and in the plans He has for me this coming year. It will be different not being committed to school anymore, but change always has trans-formative powers and I just need to constantly remind myself that  God's plans are always good and that He sure knows better than I do. Actually, I am really excited to enter the work force if you can call it that, it will be a directional start at the very least.

I am also in full throttle in living out my identity, dreaming of plans, starting new beginnings, and holding high hopes for this coming year. I am totally refueled and ready to take on this coming 2014-2015. It's going to be a glorious one. I can't wait to get started and see what comes out in a year's time.

Here's to my one, two-three!

A New Start

August is here. I can't believe it. But I love it.

With my post over a month ago, this one will have to sandwich everything in between that went down in July. To be honest, July was quite a hard month for me, and not a very productive one so to speak. Or maybe I just had set some high expectations for myself, but it didn't get on a very high note. Sometimes I wish I could rewind and have structured everything better, but here it goes.

Returning from such a perspective-changing trip and confidence spurring adventure made coming home a concrete smack in the face. It did take some adjustment just to s t o p and refrain my mind from jumping back into the wonderment of my travels and daydreaming what life would be like there then here. I always seek and discover so much growth away from home, and I truly treasure those memories until I have new moments to grasp onto. So I can't gravitate how difficult it was to be back. Not only back, but bored, uncertain, and perhaps even constantly feeling like I don't know where I am going in life.

Job hunting has been an eye sore-literally. Staring at the screen, fixing up my resume, targeting cover letters, reading company profiles, filtering job descriptions and typing up what was supposedly to make myself sound like an ideal candidate became repetitive and dry. It's definitely been a waiting game, and it still is. The thing I ideally thought would happen was that God would deliver favour to my application process in where I think He wanted me to work. I didn't expect it to be quick, but I was hopeful that something 'perfect' was bound to come up sooner or later. I had such clarity and revelation when traveling that I really wanted to go into fashion production, but reality is, with anything fashion, it's unquestionably hard to get your foot in the door as advancement is usually internal. So factoring that in mind I started applying aimlessly, focusing more on the aspect of getting a job than what I wanted to do, even if it was a few steps farther from this initial ideal.

So I guess you can say I got burnt out and quite pessimistic about the prospect of being employed. Maybe I was too set on finding a job ASAP or my expectations are not matching up to what God has in store, but unemployment is not fun at all. I feel I could be doing so much more with all this time I had, instead of constantly being on my laptop. Though I'm holding on to faith that something better will come my way. I gave myself until the end of July to actively look at options in Edmonton (yes, all my desired options so far have been out of town) since staying in Edmonton has never been my first choice, but due to the lack of responses, I'm opted to do so now.

On the highs of this month, I did get to catch up with many friends I haven't had the opportunity to spend time with in a while. I guess I should cherish this unemployed phase more as once I am hired, I probably won't have this luxury as often. Being able to have a seasonal job as a wedding planner assistant has also been a blessing as you wouldn't believe how much joy I have from seeing people get married and all the insight I have to gain from working behind the scenes. And I guess indulging in the festivities of YEG is a noteworthy one since this is my first summer back in two years. So July wasn't all that of a downer, but I aim and hope to make August a new start.

A new start to job hunting, a new start in my perspective on things, a new motivation, and mostly a new month to look forward to as it's also my birthday month! Beyond all this, there's just something so special about August to me. In the past, it be the turning point where I start the dreadful countdown to when school will have to begin again, but this year will be quite different. It's a turning mark to nothing as I don't know what will happen come September. Though, I am holding out for something awestruck and awesome because I know God knows so much better than me.

Cheers, July.

Let's pray harder

Sunny Glorious Summer Camp

When did summer camp feel so short? Or was so short? Or perhaps it was always this short, just that I had such a blast I totally forgot how short it did feel.

The last time I went to summer camp was four years ago in 2010. It feels like such a long time coming and especially since being on committee this time around, it made this summer camp feel especially short, but extra special. I was actually asked to be on the summer camp committee quite late, and thus was the last member to join the fabulous team of six we have in total. Despite initial logistics of not being in town, I'm glad that I was able to serve and pray from afar for the committee and do what I can to contribute when I was physically present.

Summer camp felt especially short for me because I felt like I was almost always doing something (even if it was resting), which tends to make time go by. I was one of the firsts to be there, and one of the lasts to go, which gave me a perspective of all things behind the scenes. I appreciated all the work it takes to put a camp like this together and all the people I got to see and meet throughout this event. I truly am thankful and in honor of every helping hand that made this summer camp a remarkable one. Not only was it our bi-annual summer camp, it was also one that marked our 30th anniversary, which is very endearing to the growth of NEAC.

For me on a personal level, it was a great way to kick off being back in Edmonton, catching up with friendships, meeting new ones, and bonding with old and new. Sometimes I wish summer camp was a a day or two longer so I could continue that conversation I had, start a conversation I wanted to, or got to spend more time with this or that person. The 2 nights and barely 3 days felt like a whirlwind of settling in, moving from one session to another, and finally, packing our bags again. Yet, even with such a quick lineup of scheduling, it felt Deep. Impacting. Spiritual. and one that I would go to again and again.

I'm exciting and in high anticipation for what's to extend from this weekend and more. Thirty years of glory, thirty years of growth, thirty years of highs and lows doesn't stop now. I know God's plans for each and every one of us only goes from glory to glory, especially for a place I can always call my home church. From conceptualizing the idea of being propelled forward and not living stagnant lives into a theme, to hearing it preach as a lifestyle to live by, there is such action attached with "Striving Beyond" that needs to be taken to live it out.

In previous years, I haven't been in town for two consecutive summers, so I'm definitely looking forward to what this coming one has to show and teach me. I feel change is looming heavily these next few weeks, but I know it's only for the better.


See, I am doing a new thing...-Isaiah 43:19

Lost in Time

It's very easy to get lost in time when travelling. Days becomes weeks, dates become blur, days of the weeks are forgotten, and for the most part, you are not bounded by the measure of time. It's actually really nice to be freed from schedules, time restraints, and limits of a manmade clock. Though, such a utopia sense of life always ends with some sadness when a trip of mine comes to a close. Which brings me to this same feeling again upon reflection and going over what I've accomplished in hindsight. When looking back on my itinerary as a whole, I couldn't believe what was suppose to be a six ish week trip turned to an eleven week one, from an original intent of a month and a half, to now two and three quarters of a month. One thing led to another and the more I think about all that has happened, I can't help but think God had foresaw a much bigger purpose and intent for the length of this trip than I could've ever imagined.

I'm already missing the anticipation and excitement I had when starting this trip. All the nights spent researching my itinerary, reading travel blogs and wishing I was already there, budgeting expenditures, figuring out logistics, making bookings, and the list goes on. I feel there isn't anything  of "hype" to look forward to now that all my investment of going on this trip has wrapped up (well maybe except for summer camp this weekend-stoked!). Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change what I have done, but there's this tinge of desire that I wish my travels could continue and go on. But I know there is a season for everything, and for now, my season of traveling is completed and in another perspective, my journey of traveling isn't completely finished as I know I will be sharing frequently about my trip as I rekindle and catch up with friends back home. Along with a compilation of constant thoughts back to then and an application of all that God has taught me and orchestrated behind the scenes, I'm sure much more fruit will be revealed in the days to come.

This sounds bizarre, but I feel like a different person coming out of these eleven weeks. It's cliche and true when one says that you "find yourself" traveling or that you learn things during a trip that you would never learn not traveling. I had one person tell me that he has made the greatest connections and networks with people he would have never had if he didn't travel-some better than networking in a school or work setting, which I can agree on through first hand experience. I've seen and met people of diverse interests and places, realized the opportunities that reside outside of my North American bubble, and dreamed of things I never thought possible. Traveling has inspired me, nurtured me, enlightened me, and definitely has spoken to me. My petition before and during this trip has brought forth an answer of prayers, divine appointments, and blessings upon showers of immeasurable blessings. I feel refreshed from my prior dry routine, renewed without the distractions of home, and reestablished in who I am and what I want to do.

God has truly changed me and given me new eyes from here on. Of course there are uncertainties which leads to worries and fears that grip hold of me on occasion, but I am reminded that my focus and concern should be to please Him first and foremost knowing that He is the one who holds my future in the palm of His hands. I admit that I never want to go home after my travel adventures (in fact, I rarely miss home or get homesick), but this time, I am very content with all that I am arriving back to Edmonton with. It's been a long time coming (or so it feels like it) and I am ready to unload  my bags-physical ones or not.


Awakening

Submission

Never have I ever been so submissive and learnt submission the hard way. I'm not going to beat around the bush as I know how driven and hard headed I can be when I want my way, but it can also lead me to being quite rebellious in nature and defying others just so I can prove to them that I am able to accomplish what they think I can't. There's also a competitive spirit in me that plays into this, but that sharing will be for another time. Being driven can be highly productive and positive, but it can also take me to places for the wrong reasons and bring forth selfish desires as with this case that blinds me from the bigger picture.

So to summarize a bit, my two friends and I had had plans to go to Thailand and one main reason was to visit our sponsor child on behalf of the nine of us that sponsored her from church starting this past January of 2014. As aware as I was of the political situation these past few months from planning my Southeast Asia trip to being in Asia, I was set on going to Thailand regardless of the circumstances as it wasn't all that serious, or so I thought...until recently. All the planning, time, resources and accommodating measures made would've been such a waste if we (or more like I) were to not go. Also, having had the experiences I've had in travelling alone and hearing stories one only hears of abroad, I know the news only showcases the worst pictorials on national television and only depicts one side of a story. I understand of course that if safety wasn't an issue then it wouldn't be on the news, but I was still set on going despite my knowledge of all this. I wasn't being ignorant of the political unrest, military coup or anything, but inquiring local connections in Bangkok proved to me that I was able to travel there despite the present circumstances as they told me everything else is still fine and Thailand is just as safe as any other SEA country. I know that God is bigger than my fears and ultimately, I just wasn't at all scared to go with His strength behind and before me. Yet, my only hesitant was going at the cost of my parentals, friends and leaders' worries and wishes and perhaps I was challenging God?

Also, this trip was not a me-Miss-Sarah-solo-female-take-on-the-world trip so I would be very selfish if I still persisted in going even if my friends had decided not to. This past week there was not a spare moment where I didn't ponder on this thought battle of mine and I felt it sucked a part of my joy from me as well as intimacy in my friendships. I really really realllllly REALLY wanted to go to Thailand and though the political reality is out there, a part of me became apathetic about it. I had so many questions about why it  was so hard to make this decision and if I wasn't to go, a plan B or some alternative would have had to be made ASAP. The clock was ticking and I despised feeling such pressure to submit even though I didn't feel the need or wanted to. It was as if people were praying for a change of heart for me and I myself was also asking God to reveal to me what the outcome of this was to be creating this constant tension in my mind and heart where I was in this repetitive debate.

At the very least, I was reminded that there was no better reason to not go than to honor my parents, but not only them but also the leaders I confided in. So sucking up my ego, my desires, my selfishness, and lack of judgement I may or may not have had, I submitted as hard as it was. To be honest,  I still think I would make it out alive in Thailand and have the faith that it still be a good trip, but I think I would've also spent a lot of I time thinking about what my family and friends would be thinking back home and wouldn't have had the excitement and anticipation I had at the start when planning for this trip. Submitting sucks, submission is hard, and I'm still constantly reminding myself to be at peace with the decision only divine hands could've interfered with, but I'm also learning and growing into who God wants me to be.

Wow I feel I've been so immature in my thinking and acting just writing all of this right now. I wanted my way so bad that I forgot of how great our God is and that even if this door closes, another one in his timing will open-perhaps even better than I could ever imagine. In another perspective, it also confirms how strongly I feel that there's a more significant reason of why I'm to be in Seoul for so long and in what He's going to reveal to me. To be honest, in hindsight I see a handful of scenarios that actually had had me reroute the Thailand leg of my trip...so maybe it wasn't a matter if I was to go or not, but rather a test from God to submit not just this decision but my-self as well as my peace into his hands.

Here's to...I don't know what. I'm still a tad bitter about the issue, but I'm not letting it hold me back.


Let it go.

Hospitable You

I left Singapore astounded at how much God provided, blessed, and opened my eyes to. I realized how much He had prepared in advance for me and how much I don't deserve, yet am freely given. Since praying for this trip back in September, I'm noting how much has already been answered and I don't doubt what God can do and will answer in the days, weeks, and months to come.

Hospitality really stood out for me in Singapore. Friendly city, western style of living, and most of all, hospitable people. I knew Singapore would be comfortable for me from the start as it's not only an technologically advanced country, but I have an exchange friend there, so having a break from hostels and self introductions would be nice after going for an extended amount of time doing so. What was unexpected was being treated so well and catered to by the like of so many others.

Upon arrival, my friend's boyfriend drove to the airport to pick me up and treated me to my very first Singaporean dinner. He basically treated me a lot throughout the whole time I was in Singapore and wouldn't let me pay him back and the same goes for others as well. As wonderful as it was, this made me feel bad and in an awkward position in not knowing how to return all of their kind gestures, but to tell them they must come to Canada one day so I can treat them back.

Knowing I wanted to spend Easter in Singapore, I got to meet my friend's small group and I never felt more welcomed or so loved either. Her leader had asked if it was okay to take me out for dinner despite his busy schedule as a church leader, young father and having a full time job. Yet another small group member kindly gave me a tour of the city after church, while others joined to keep me company as my friend had to study for her final paper that day. I'm literally a stranger to them so initially I felt this was very strange because their  kindness was above and beyond even the expected welcoming etiquette. At the same time though, it felt so awesome to be treated this way, not only as my friend's friend, but as a guest and like their own friend as well.

It's also such a tremendous blessing as initially I had budgeted more for Singapore knowing it had a higher cost to it compared to other Southeast Asian countries. Ironically it turns out I became under budget due to all these unexpected gestures of kindness.

I really came to appreciate not only the acts but the people as well. I even asked one person if they treat new people often and why, in which they replied in agreement because it makes that new comer feel welcomed, and I couldn't concur more. It's not like my friend or any of them are generous because they have plenty to spare, in fact, my friend and her boyfriend are actually going on a grad trip to Europe soon so I didn't want nor expect them to pay for me as I know the need to save when planning for an extended holiday. However, my time in Singapore retaught me the importance of being generous, doing good deeds, and how wonderfully significant treating someone is. I feel the whole 'Going Dutch' (paying separately) style of paying in the western world has water downed down the want to pay for someone else, let alone someone you barely know. It also made me rethink my perspective on how many people including myself use the excuse "I'm broke" to opt out of doing something or going out when we literally aren't just to save money.

I also find it interesting how giving and being generous can create a domino effect. Just think of the buzz of people who pay for the order behind them in a Tim Horton's drive thru or positive messages left randomly on campus, or those heard of that tip an extraordinary amount to help that waiter or waitress pay for their bills/tuition. There's definitely good in the world, but it shouldn't be just a trend or phase people go through, rather a lifestyle as I've experienced.

Thank You so much Singapore! 

On Beauty

This is going to be one honest post. Not saying my other posts aren't, but there's always something new to be revealed about someone, especially when that someone is yourself.

Since the start of this trip and going as minimalistic as possible, I've  realized what a huge learning experience it has been in the extent of attempting to be as low maintanence as possible. I use to be and still am very focus on outwardedly beauty. I think since becoming an adolescent and being exposed to the world of makeup, magazines, and what the media tells you to look likes makes every teenage girl strive to look good, look pretty, and look beautiful rather be-YOU-tiful. They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but I have come to acknowledge that beauty is in the eye of everyone. You shouldn't be less beautiful just because someone doesn't think you are beautiful and neither should you feel ugly because you don't meet standards that are set by another perspective. How odd is it that how we value our own's worth is base on what others think because it shouldn't be that way.

We've all heard that God made us all in His image, and thus we are all made beautiful and good, but how many of us actually believe that whole heartedly? I know for one, this was hard for me to grasp because I never felt good enough and my outwardly self image of myself definitely impacted my confidence and who I am on the inside. I've struggled for outwardly attention in the past, place my identity on other things than God's precious daughter not realizing the amount of how time and effort I spend on myself could've be used elsewhere. Now I'm not saying to look like a bum and not care how you look at all (how ironic this is coming from a textile and clothing graduate), but I feel for girls (and guys) it's important to not prioritize it as the end of the world if you're makeup or hair is not perfect.

A while back I posted on my tumbr about this article here. Though it's quite an interesting take on a female traveller's lifestyle, I know the first point really jumped out at me because I would make sure that my hair looks right or that tan lines are out of the question because I would've always had sunscreen on. What's interesting is that now I'm in her shoes, I actually find myself gradually caring less and respectively putting less time into myself. I notice I'm more confident in my looks and I feel traveling has brought forth a stronger character out of me. Maybe it's the epiphany that most travellers don't even bother with looking good or that it's averaging 30C here in SouthEast Asia that what you have on your face will end up melting, but regardless I'm thankful to see the beauty in myself and others through God's eyes and know that what He thinks is above all.

God is Speaking

One reason I came back to Korea was to find answers. I had feelings that God would speak to me back in a place where I had unforgettable memories that kept me questioning for more these past few months. I had my hesitations, and I had my expectations, but it wasn't made clear to me until a sermon yesterday that it doesn't matter where I am or where I go, because it won't solve my problems now or my questions for the future. Instead, what matters most is what's in my soul, what my intentions are, and how my plans are Heaven oriented instead of (Earthly) destination oriented.

I think I've been prioritizing where I am to "settle" more than what I am to do when I am in wherever God places. Since officially completing all the requirements of my studies, I've been asked what my plans are, what's next, and it makes sense as that tends to be the natural course of our life. I mean, we didn't ust go to school for at least seventeen plus years just to be educated. Ultimately, it's to find a relatively decent job, be financially stable, and be able to maintain one's life style and eventually a family if this ideal plays out.

Though, my responses and thoughts have been full of uncertainty. What's certain is that I'm a curious and greedy one. Curiosity that keeps me going and discontent with the fact of "settling," and greedy in the sense that I want to be everywhere at any point of time and hoping that I can do much with little. I honestly have no clue where to start, but I also know planting seeds here and there won't bear any fruit. Instead, I really need to concentrate and focus my time and resources into one area, allow it to come to fruition, AND THEN branch out. I don't regret where I've gone or what I've done as I wouldn't be where or who I am if it wasn't for the past, but I feel my mind is being transformed and molded closer to who and what God wants me to be doing.

I'm travelling to find answers and I know God is speaking because He already has. I no longer see or feel the pressure to eventually return "home" and have everything put together. Neither do I see returning back to Korea a solution to my uncertainty, but I do know that this trip was planned for a purpose beyond me and where I am to go, what I am to see, and who I am to meet has all been orchestrated by our God Almighty.

If you want to listen to the sermon I mentioned earlier, it is here.  

An Unwritten Friendship

In my last post, I mentioned about preparing for a trip and here I am writing from my aisle seat abroad United Airlines-which for the record hasn't been as bad as people told me...except for the fact that I don't get my own movie screen, but that just justifies my cheap ticket. I still got to watch Frozen though and finally understood all the hype and references that's been all over my Facebook news feed.

So where and why am I headed?

I'm going back to Korea and down to Southeast Asia to visit my exchange friends and church family there. I've been nostalgic and holding onto memories for as long as I've left and this trip will be partly discovering if there's anything more in store for me in Korea besides partly being a vacation and reflection of what's to come. I probably won't be blogging here as often, but my travel blog (Phollow Me There) will definitely be updated with adventures and stories to tell as I go.

As sappy as I am to leave for an extended period of time (as always), I couldn't have felt more confirmation about embarking on this trip. I've been praying for God to fill this trip up with divine appointments and boy did He blow me away this early morning.

On board my first flight from YEG to SFO (San Fran, a young mom and her two year old sat beside me in the window seat. She looked friendly enough for me to start a conversation so I asked her where she was off to. This led to her telling me about how her husband just came back from a mission trip to Africa from Redding, California where they currently reside and she had decided to visit home in Edmonton with her daughter while he was away. I wanted to be sure so I asked if she was a Christian and she confirmed my suspicions as I shared with her that we had the same faith. I could tell she lit up as I did at the fact of our mutual foundation.

I'm so glad I broke the ice (though I'm sure if I didn't she would've) because the more we conversed, the more I realized how uncoincidental our meet up was. Her husband is actually studying at Bethel theology school in Redding and they had moved here on a student visa. They're home church happens to be Sherwood Park Alliance-how neat is that? The Alliance world sure is small. I told her a brief background about my newly graduate self, and shared with her my travel plans in exploring what is next for me. It felt so comfortable to talk with her as if we were friends from the start.

We stopped conversing as she was hoping her daughter would fall asleep and I had the same hope for myself knowing that a long day of air cruising would drain me. Towards the last leg of the flight, I decided to write in my journal to document this divine appointment. I felt embarassed because from my peripheral I saw her glance over and I kept trying to manoeuvre my writing in a sly way so she wouldn't know I was writing about her. I guess there'e not much you can hide when you're right next to each other. Anyhow, shortly after I finished wriiting she brought up the topic of me being in fashion and how she realized what a "light" I could be in an industry that can be quite the other way around. She asked if she could pray for me and laid her hands on my shoulder to do so. She mentioned how divine this moment was and I knew she definitely had looked at my journal because my title was "Divine Appointment #1".

I don't recall everything she said, but her prayer moved me to tears. I realized how amazing God is and how much He was looking out for me despite my worries deep down. I felt she was very on the ball about me in her prayers and I even think she's gifted prophetically. Before we departed on our separate journeys, we exchanged contact information and she even extended a welcome to me to stay with her family if I ever wanted to visit Bethel and Redding.

This has got to be the best in flight conversation with a stranger  sister ever! God melts my heart. Here's to many more of these divine moments.

P.S. She told me she was very thankful because she had been praying for someone nice to sit beside her and her daughter-in her twos, but not a bit terrible.

The Push

Reflecting on this month, I can't believe it's already the last day of March. I can't be more thankful for March and all that I got to partake in.

I finished the abs challenge (Greetings, stronger core!), prepared Coffeehouse with an awesome fellowship, promoted for summer camp, met up with many friends, finished my adult strokes course, anticipated changes during this NEAC transition, wrapped up my trip planning (more details to come), and went to meetings upon meetings with joy, and felt the Push.

What do I mean by the Push?

The "Push" is what I called the works of the Holy Spirit in my life. I can't be more honest and say how much I didn't want to share my deepest and darkest moments in an audience of 60 plus. I can't dare say that it was my own decision because from the start I had built up a wall of excuse of why I shouldn't share. However, I should've known you can't pull a Jonah on God. You can't run away, you can't deny it, and you can't just push the thought aside when it's growing and pushing itself on you.

Yesterday's push was a reality of my life. I never felt so vulnerable in front of my brothers and sisters at my home (and extended) church. I coined the term "sob monster" because that's what I felt I was, though I kept reminding myself that I need to be the change I want to see, and if not, I shouldn't be turning down an opportunity God has given me to glorify and bring praises to Him at the very least. There was no reason not to share.-that would've been selfish if I let my own comfort zone hold me back from doing what God had willed.

Today, I couldn't stop thinking about yesterday. I can't even recall what I said, except telling everyone that I gained a bit of 'hope' from being accepted into swimming lessons (please ask me for deets). God has quite the humor of getting me to do things, oh the irony of it all. Way before the execution of last night, I was the one looking for people to share. It was hard I admit because I kept getting turned down, and I understand that it was a bold request that I was asking, one that was atypical and would make people confront their fears. Finally, I had a list of four, but 2/4 were not a full on yes. I had wagered with God that if any one of the four I had on the list decided not to share, that it meant I had to share (my friend had asked prior to why I didn't considered sharing and I had no good answer to that). But deep down, I had already knew the answer that I didn't want to submit to.

Fast forward, I hadn't heard a confirmation from the two and texting one of them the day before, they had deceided they didn't want to share, which was absolutely okay. I accepted that, but what I wasn't accepting was that it meant I was her replacement. I didn't want to think of it that way because I knew God knew all along. I knew there must've been a reason because even though I kept telling myself I didn't want to share, what God wanted me to say kept flooding my mind leading up to Coffeehouse. I knew there was something more to me just opening my mouth. God was going to speak through me.

And He did. 

And I was more astounded by the feedback (from not only mine, but the other 3 sharings as well) when it all finished. I may have said some things that related to others, may have shocked some people with my sharing, may have made people uncomfortable with my tears, but it doesn't matter. I know I made God happy.

I am also thankful for the gratitude I've received. I love planning, I really do, but it warms my heart that people appreciate it. It warms my heart even more when I hear people want future events like this.

Serving God totally brings me Joy. JOY JOY JOY! On another note, my New York roomie/friend/classmate as mentioned here is GETTING BAPTISED. I'm awestruck by how GOoD He is and the only tinge of sadness about this is that I won't be in town for it, but I know His plans are to prosper and I should rejoice regardless.


It's Your b r e a t h e in my lungs.

Have You Started?

Before the clock strikes twelve tonight I really want to share about what I'm "lenting" on.

Today marks the beginning of Lent, fourty days before Easter. For as long as I can remember, growing up in Catholic schools kept me reminded of something I should give up or commit to doing more of something beneficial during this period. In the past, I've succeeded at giving up chocolate and sweets and it was quite gratifying knowing I was able to deprive myself of those things, but I made a mental note that I didn't want to do something I've given up before.

This time around, it didn't hit me that Lent was coming up until two days ago. Not being in school and being quite occupied lately has made me delirious of dates and all. It's no excuse knowing I was short on time in thinking what I was going to do, so I've been on ponder mode since the awareness of it has creeped in. I actually had a hard time deciding what I was going to do because I felt my desires were quite selfish and just beneficial to myself instead of glorifying God. Finally I had a light bulb moment that instead of giving up something (which I always considered harder), why not work on something that I have been lacking in?! This led to the idea of resting and eventually to a challenge to pray and have quiet time with God consistently and intently these next fourty days. Sounds easy right?

Well it was quite the impulse decision on a whim, but I already foresee how much I had underestimated the depth of this commitment. However, also how fruitful this can be if I listen to the guiding of the Holy Spirit and accomplish this.

I will just have to wait and see. Time will definitely tell and I highly encourage you to give up or do more of something this Lent season. Its a great test of perserverance and I find that it helps build aspects of your character depending on what you choose to do.

Happy Lenting & don't forget the reason for why you are doing so!

March Challenge

Reviewing my Golden goals (basically goals I've made for myself since turning twenty-two), and resolutions so to speak made me feel like I haven't been as proactive as I want in terms of my health oriented goals. I see the same trend repeating over and over when I make healthy goals, and that is that they're not long term, so I have decided to work on my discipline and willpower. So as Spring is nowhere to be seen, and March is already here, I've been motivated to step it up and do a 30 day ABS challenge this month.

I think I'm crazy and I foresee this being quite hard (and me lacking motivation) as my core is quite weak, but also looking forward to the difference it will make 30 days later. I feel time is just crunching on me these days, thus making me eat less healthy and crave junk more often.  Also, I know I really need to focus on my physical self more, prioritize having a Sabbath, and get more mental rest.

It's so easy to have the drive to constantly be doing something and work work work rather then be lazy and couch potato around. It's very ironic, but being still and resting in God's presence is so much harder for me then constantly filling my mind with ideas, to dos, and so on and so forth.

I love this line in my daily devotional book that I read a while back,

"We're human beings, not human doings!"

Balance is definitely key, and certainly what I need as of late.

If you like to join me, JOIN ME! There's actually so many different monthly fitness challenges and ideas online these days.

Time to kick myself in the core.

Mother Sarah

So since I can remember, I had one friend who would remind me of how "motherly" I am and call me the dreaded Mother Sarah to my ears. As a biased me, I know I often like leading and this results in me telling others what to do or just naturally looking out for others and caring for them. I know it`s not a bad thing, but being reference to a mom just made my ears cringe at the thought of that.

I guess over the years I`ve grown accustomed to that friend, and unfortunately others call or mention that to me, but I just take it as a tease and laugh it off as this was coming from peers. Maybe it comes with age and now taking an active role in the shoes of a youth leader, but I`m starting to realize how much I care and feel the responsibility to be that role model and spiritual influence on these youths I see week in and week out. I worry if what I say will make a difference in their lives, feel the urge to be more proactive on certain topics to get them to stay out of trouble (for the record, they are all good kids), and wonder what would happen if I wasn`t in the picture. It`s ironic how I`m saying all of this as only a mere few months ago, I was questioning what in the world had I got myself into here. 

Looking back, I`m acknowledging how much God has changed my heart and ready me for this role, and likewise I can see how much God has used me to open up the youth to think deeper, get involved, and grow as they continue their spiritual walk. I`m humbled and in awe of how God can use my so call `motherly` characteristics to foster love and unconditional acceptance towards these teen-ragers and I can`t wait to see where God is going to take them from here on.

Tonight I`m hosting a youth girls night on relationships and purity as questions and curiosity has arise through our weekly discussions. Having been there as a hormonal youth, I pray that God will grant me His utmost wisdom and discernment when sharing on this topic. I would really appreciate it if you could uplift these youth in your prayer as well.

Here comes Mother Sarah!

ugh...that still sounds horrendous to me.

Tables have Turned

I am enthusiastic about planning. If you didn't have any clue of that, well you definitely do now. Planning events,  jotting ideas, brainstorming, attending meetings (yes, you read this one right!), and especially thinking ahead and getting things accomplished before it should or needs to be done. I've enjoyed being a planner and my Myer Briggs characteristic traits have intellectually confirmed that, but it does take its toll on me.

The down side is, planning is always done in the present towards something happening in the future, and that doesn't work very well when you don't know what is actually in store in the future. You can only predict and confirm so much while everything else is up in the air until it actually occurs, and there's no guaranteed that what you plan will go through. Thus, planning sucks when it constantly is being change, manipulated, and when the tables seem to keep turning on you-Thanks God...just great, you just love to do this to me... just when I thought everything would be concrete. 

Today I think I've reached the tipping point of how much my plans can change on me-especially on short notice. I really felt my heart dropped on this one and how it effects my plans these next few months. I have extended travel plans this Spring and there were a few purposes for this trip, but it seems like my original intent for going on this trip is constantly being reworked and thought out. Just when I thought that everything was going to work out smoothly, I just had to receive some breaking news.

It's honestly bittersweet, I'm complaining about my travel plans changing on me, call it a first world problem? I really don't know, but I'm holding out for a miracle. Circumstances make it seem impossible in the natural, but that only makes me feel that God is going to show me the possible. I would be devastated if what I had planned doesn't work out or my purpose for going didn't include me in the picture.

Here's to holding out on faith and trusting God to show me His divine and devious plans...

Not going to lie, it sucks not knowing! 

In awe of Him

I don't blog too much about my part time sorta now full time job unless its just insightful little timbits on Tumblr or brief and noteworthy sharings, but lately I've come to reflect on how much I love my position as a bridal consultant and more.

Since September of 2012, it has been my longest running part time and retail job. Initially just applying out of an interest for weddings and something more applicable to my studies, I've grown a passion and excitement to being submersed into the wedding industry. It has satisfied a lot of daydreams I had when I was younger upon reflection, such as being able to get dolled up and model for a day, styling models for photo shoots, and of course being able to display my creative side in visual displays I get to assist with. My boss is someone that dreams big and is such a fantastic support and encouragement for me to fulfill my own dreams as well. Other then the pay factor, I can say on behalf of my co workers and I that we thoroughly enjoy collaborating with one another, working with glowing brides and graduates, and being able to manage the boutique as if it was our own (which covers up the rather low pay we complain about, but ironically maintain a content stance on).

Lately, I feel a lot of my hesitations in regards to staying in this industry and making it a career a "reality" being answered. I feel I'm not just working for the sake of just doing my job, but I'm actually doing my job as if this was something personal, as if I was helping a friend find her dress, giving her mutual support, and even tearing with the bride when she got emotional, such as today.

Saturdays are our busiest days of the week and its an understatement to say that we are steadily and maybe even constantly occupied to the point where we don't even get a break (though this doesn't bother me too much-that's how much I enjoy my job!). I've been making a mental note of the brides I work with, pieces of personal information conveyed, and their needs. It's not just a means to getting a brownie point in the customer service department, but I like to feel it closes the distance between just doing a job and displaying enthusiasm and a desire to excel and make each day at work meaningful. Despite the gong-show Saturdays can bring, I feel I've made a 'mark' on these brides in some way or another just being able to assist them in finding that special look for their big day.

Today I had a bride scenario that blew me away. It reminded me why I'm still here and made me realize that though retail can stem from sales, profit, excessive consumption, and further on the stereotype that the wedding industry sells the idea of- large, grand, expensive, glamorous, DREAM parties and people, that its all rooted in love and love stems from God in its whole absolute. When I first saw this bride, her personality just shined as she was very outgoing and bubbly. Throughout our consultation, she and her entourage were so into it-I loved it! Taking photos, being engaged (haha get it?!), telling me what they liked and disliked, and so on. She eventually found the dress and I could tell it on her face too, but since it was her first time trying gowns on, she like many other brides felt she would regret if she didn't look elsewhere. Long story short she went to her other appointment(s), but came back knowing that the dress she was getting had her name written all over it.

As she twirled and beamed in her wedding dress, she was telling us how the 'stars' aligned as her mom wasn't suppose to be in town this weekend, how they weren't able to find one of their appointments before returning (as we weren't expecting her to return the same day), and so on and so forth. To them, it may seemed like 'stars' aligned, but for me, I realize it was so perfect because God had made it that way. I can't describe it as well as I felt it, but I knew so strongly in my heart how good God was to that bride and each and everyone of us-Christian or not. She was so blessed in a divine way that she wasn't able to acknowledge it except by fate, but I just knew by faith that God's presence and His love was all over the boutique today. They were an emotional party, thus I couldn't help but tear up, but definitely tears of joy as I was gladly and sincerely happy to be a part of.

When the bride left, she gave me the sweetest hug over the counter and told me a genuine thank you that I will forever remember. It delivered an upspoken answer that I wanted to continue exploring a potential career in this field and reminded me that God always provides. I don't need to worry about money, what other people think or occupied with doubts and fears of taking risks. There is no need to when the creator of Heaven and Earth is on your side.

The wrong door will always close on you, but the right one will remain open.


God is Good. All the Time.

Swimming into the New Year

I originally wanted to call this blog "Lessons from Swimming" but since it's my first post of the New Year, why not make it more relevant and literal?

So last night I started a new term of swimming lessons at Grand Trunk Leisure Centre. The main reason being is that you now have to a become a member to take lessons at the YMCA. There's other politics to it that's plain stupid to me, but otherwise the switch doesn't bother me, in fact, I'm so glad I made the switch after my first lesson!

Grand Trunk just recently renovated so it's way less crowded and there aren't kids jammed pack in the pool learning to swim while adult lessons are going on. Secondly, though my previous instructor teaches here as well, I'm glad she didn't end up being my instructor because my current one is a really good teacher and she's actually a synchronized swimmer working towards her masters besides coaching it and teaching swimming lessons, how cool is that? Lastly, I swam my first lap without the aid of any floatation belt and here's how that happened.

Towards the end of our lesson (there's only 5 others besides me in the class), the swimming manager comes to us and says she may need to switch us out to 'basics' if we aren't comfortable swimming to the deep end (I'm in 'strokes'). I panicked because I didn't want to learn beginner stuff when I knew how to float, glide, and in a noob manner, tread water. Also, at the Y, I was comfortable as long as I had a floating belt or board with, on or near me, but it sounded like she wanted us to go 25m to the far end of the pool to show her our potential. Right before this, our instructor just taught us the technicalities to doing a front crawl and so we were expected to front crawl, and me being on one end of my swim-mates against the wall had to attempt first. I can't explain how intimidated I was initially because I think I do have a slight fear of drowning-I mean who isn't? AND even though my instructor would be near me, I really wanted to stay in this class.

I think my survival skills and feeling attacked under-pressure kicked in because my whole focus was just getting to the other side in order to pass the 'test' and stay. I started just gliding and blowing bubbles, then I remembered that I had to move my arms, then every third stroke I came up for air. I was so focused that I lost ground to where I even was so I looked down at one point, and that was bad because I panicked as I realized how far deep the other end was, but I kept going because I didn't want to drown! The Y was baby stuff compared to this depth. I went a little farther than grabbed onto the divider near me. My instructor commented that I did a good job and told me to go all the way to the end. I was blown away that I was actually swimming?! How did this happen? I was in shock and disbelief, but the feeling also felt extremely good! 

This experience made me realize how much doubt is in my head and how much time I probably wasted at my Y lessons when I actually had the potential to swim. I don't know why I thought swimming was SO hard and that there must be some 'special' technique to stay a-float without any floatation assistance. I was exhilarated plus out of breath swimming my first lap (I apparently need to work on breathing when I come up for air), but I learned the biggest fear holding me back was and is myself. I'm in no way labeling myself a 'swimmer' as there is still much for me to work on, but I'm ecstatic to have accomplished this mile stone so unexpectedly.

Going with this stamina and relating it back to my life, I want a life coach. One that will continually encourage, push me beyond my beliefs, and keep me working towards my goals realistically despite the dreamer in me. Of course God is my ultimate life lesson coach, but like that swimming manager, I hope I can find a mentor or person in life that is willing to believe, support, and even scare me at times so I stop questioning, and just do it.

I can't wait to see what else I will accomplish this 2014! What a great start =)