Well I have to admit that school has kicked in and hitted me in the face, literally. Just so happens that one day after class as I was heading out of the Business Building to my next class, I opened the door and for some reason it slammed back right into the right side of my face. That's university for you; fast & hard, and lets not forget the "no pain, no gain" mentality.
I've come to realize that I've been forced to be occupied, occupied with homework, labs, projects, and it seems that this stack of mine is just getting higher. If I think about it (which obliviously happens), I think I'm bewildered with all the forth coming deadlines or "midterms" which I like to call exams instead. What a life, and they say your university year(s) is a time of discovery from within. I feel I got no time for that, well to be honest I'm a major procrastinator as well. It takes me a lot of mental power to sit myself down and work, but if I can get myself to do that, I work pretty well I must say (and I mean a LOT of will power).
Other then school priorities, which I don't really think should be one of my priorities, I've try to keep up with my church commitments, as well as balancing a drime schedule, work-out time, yoga class, and most recently I've been convinced into Ballroom Dancing with the U of A's dance club-oh and lets not forget the social life. I must say it was awkward alright, and I so didn't expect the various ages, but we all had one thing in common-we were all noobs. Noobs to the bone. Last night was my first class, and by the end of it, I have to admit it was pretty fun to learn some moves, and one can call it a "slow work-out" but it never hurts to learn new things.
To be honest, I don't like univerisity. I don't like not being able to see friends or having to make an effort to catch up with them rather then always seeing them (well this one goes both ways). Neither do I like running around in the cold, I shouldn't be complaining but I know for a fact the weather is just going to be a gong show. Lastly I feel like everyone is so school focussed even if they don't want to be, everyone is talking school,studying school, staying at school, LIVING school to keep up with their tasks and because we all bought into this education system of ours and unfortunately I did too.
bleh.ick.gross.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Saturday, September 5, 2009
When I grow up I want to be __________ ?
We've all been ask this question and again I come to the point where I'm contemplating what I want to be or do with my life. But I've also hit some walls along this little path of mine. I hit BIG realizations too. Its weird to think so "adulty" or in other words- so in depth and maturely but I think its time even if I don't want to hit this phase of my life.
I guess today was like a breaking point, it does hurt to realize certain truths but the outcome is that it makes you a stronger person for better or for worse. So being a newly 18 teen year old (I'm technically a "teen" still am I not? hence TEEN in eightTEEN!) yea yea I know I'm an adult now, I'm legal, I can choose to drink, vote, and take on responsibilites of an adult but its still so odd to me. When you were a kid you always wanted to grow up faster because you had role models you wanted to be like and to be like them you had to be older and when you were a teen your stuck in the middle, you don't know what you want, and hence that creates tension and conflict in your life because your not a kid, and your not an adult and going through puberty just sucks. Now that I'm technicaly an adult I always ponder on the thought of being a kid again, having nothing to worry, just cry or smile and let the day pass by. I'm accepting of this adult life though, I like the independence and being able to have liberty of my own life and I love it but having to live at home seems to keep you on a leash and if you tug at it too hard, either side may break.
Anyhow what is my point? I realize I still have my immature side, but when it comes to a deeper level of thinking, I've gained a lot of insight from a little birdy today. I realize that some times you got to really ask yourself- in depth, too personal to handle questions for yourself even if its to yourself. I got to be open to these truths and fresh concepts and be accepting of it and not be living in denial since that just hinders the whole process of life, but its a learning process you got to go through as well. So I guess certain factors of my life just got made clear today and although it was an 'ouch' sensation at first, I survived it and I will keep going to discover more about this new phase of my life. Speaking of this new phase, uni is bizarre, its not even school, more like a on your own workshop after workshop you attend and try to be on time. Everyone is in a rush, everyone just wants to book it to class on time, and everyone has their own world to attend to.
All grown UP?... I don't think so.
I guess today was like a breaking point, it does hurt to realize certain truths but the outcome is that it makes you a stronger person for better or for worse. So being a newly 18 teen year old (I'm technically a "teen" still am I not? hence TEEN in eightTEEN!) yea yea I know I'm an adult now, I'm legal, I can choose to drink, vote, and take on responsibilites of an adult but its still so odd to me. When you were a kid you always wanted to grow up faster because you had role models you wanted to be like and to be like them you had to be older and when you were a teen your stuck in the middle, you don't know what you want, and hence that creates tension and conflict in your life because your not a kid, and your not an adult and going through puberty just sucks. Now that I'm technicaly an adult I always ponder on the thought of being a kid again, having nothing to worry, just cry or smile and let the day pass by. I'm accepting of this adult life though, I like the independence and being able to have liberty of my own life and I love it but having to live at home seems to keep you on a leash and if you tug at it too hard, either side may break.
Anyhow what is my point? I realize I still have my immature side, but when it comes to a deeper level of thinking, I've gained a lot of insight from a little birdy today. I realize that some times you got to really ask yourself- in depth, too personal to handle questions for yourself even if its to yourself. I got to be open to these truths and fresh concepts and be accepting of it and not be living in denial since that just hinders the whole process of life, but its a learning process you got to go through as well. So I guess certain factors of my life just got made clear today and although it was an 'ouch' sensation at first, I survived it and I will keep going to discover more about this new phase of my life. Speaking of this new phase, uni is bizarre, its not even school, more like a on your own workshop after workshop you attend and try to be on time. Everyone is in a rush, everyone just wants to book it to class on time, and everyone has their own world to attend to.
All grown UP?... I don't think so.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
UPtown girl.
Where to start? My summer was definitely a bizarre but wonderful one. I think it was the best summer I ever had and a memorable and meaningful one indeed. Urban Promise brought me so much JOY and I miss it very much. Thinking back it was really hard for me to leave Camp Peace, not only me but everyone found it hard, we were all emotionally attached and in a way I still am. When I dig up my memories I realized God has taught me a lot, given me a lot and supported me throughout my internship. It was one of those big phases in my life... like puberty but ten thousand times better.
I still remember the first day of camp, it was the end of the day and one of my fellow intern was saying how she didn't want to be here no more, she couldn't handle the kids and it was not her thing to teach them. I don't know, I didn't complain but I know I felt similar in a way. Reading back in my journal or earlier blogs, I know I was too burnt out and may have prejudged due to how I was feeling. Good thing I didn't jump on a jet plane back or get 'fired' when I was evaluated because I would be regretting right now and I know UP was happy to have me as an intern as well as the other six.
It was so FUN to live in community and I had all the freedom I could get. No need to have parents nagging you or telling you what you should do, hanging out late and going to places with friends without need for permission and lastly being independent and responsible for all that I accomplished. I even felt happy doing laundry or washing dishes for the house just out of duty. Now that I'm home I would give anything to live alone or at least with no one blood related, its a great chance to discover yourself and learn to live by your own means. It sounds odd but I feel God has given me so much confidence and way more patient living with newly met "strangers" rather then family members. We were a conflict-free house of interns and everything slowly adjusted smoothly.
So taking on the role of baking teacher at Camp Peace had its ups and downs. Some days would be difficult because the kids wouldn't quiet down, go crazy or I have to rush from class to class to finish the baking before the end of the day. But overall it wasn't too bad, I adjusted to the fast paced schedule and I went from rushing to finishing with time left over to spend with the kids. It meant alot to be with the kids, before going I wasn't sure if I was a 'kid' person, I know some people are just born to work with kids and they're filled with happiness to be around them. I admit some kids would just tick you off right off the bat or be so annoying you wanted to strangle them, but it came down to doing it out of love, love from above. I'm glad to have met so many cute or mature faces, they always made my day even if they were bad; its their nature to be bad sometimes haha. I also met so many streetleaders and juniors that I befriended and I regretted not breaking the ice earlier with them but I will never forget those out-of-camp hang out days we had or singing and crying together. They inspired me in so many ways; at first I expected everyone at UP to be a christian, it made sense but that was naive of me, because I would've never ever expect some of these non-christians to sing songs about Jesus or love the kids with such passion and fervor. They were all awesome people to work with and everything we did is coming back to me.
God has been great-so great and sometimes I lack in giving him the gratitude he deserved. During my seven weeks I would try to write as much as I could in my little journal but it really help to share. I felt sometimes writing down my thoughts were unnecessary when I was able to share them each night, and just let everything out as if secrets were not meant to be hidden. I discovered many things from the inside out and realize that I was more "myself" in Vancouver. I didn't have anything to hold back or hide from and that is one of the biggest thing God has shown me to do. I'v gained confidence as I said before and with it patience for others and lastly the urge to have a willing heart to serve. Now that I'm back in my home town, the first few days were non-stop comparing between Edmonton and Vancouver, funny how the feeling of missing camp didn't exactly settle in during my time in HK -well I guess I was having a different kind of fun in HK but now its sinking in and drowning me. Speaking of which, I'm so glad to be outta there, its only good for shopping, eating & more shopping and eating which was fun but eventually its meaningless.
I had gone to Vancouver before, but going out of the heart to serve is a whole new experience and makes the ride more enjoyable. It was like a vacation within itself and I'm thankful for this opportunity. I would love to do it again but I know there will be new opportunites to come. I hope to bring back all I learn to the people around me and may they be able to sense my joy and love from my summer internship.
we must go
I still remember the first day of camp, it was the end of the day and one of my fellow intern was saying how she didn't want to be here no more, she couldn't handle the kids and it was not her thing to teach them. I don't know, I didn't complain but I know I felt similar in a way. Reading back in my journal or earlier blogs, I know I was too burnt out and may have prejudged due to how I was feeling. Good thing I didn't jump on a jet plane back or get 'fired' when I was evaluated because I would be regretting right now and I know UP was happy to have me as an intern as well as the other six.
It was so FUN to live in community and I had all the freedom I could get. No need to have parents nagging you or telling you what you should do, hanging out late and going to places with friends without need for permission and lastly being independent and responsible for all that I accomplished. I even felt happy doing laundry or washing dishes for the house just out of duty. Now that I'm home I would give anything to live alone or at least with no one blood related, its a great chance to discover yourself and learn to live by your own means. It sounds odd but I feel God has given me so much confidence and way more patient living with newly met "strangers" rather then family members. We were a conflict-free house of interns and everything slowly adjusted smoothly.
So taking on the role of baking teacher at Camp Peace had its ups and downs. Some days would be difficult because the kids wouldn't quiet down, go crazy or I have to rush from class to class to finish the baking before the end of the day. But overall it wasn't too bad, I adjusted to the fast paced schedule and I went from rushing to finishing with time left over to spend with the kids. It meant alot to be with the kids, before going I wasn't sure if I was a 'kid' person, I know some people are just born to work with kids and they're filled with happiness to be around them. I admit some kids would just tick you off right off the bat or be so annoying you wanted to strangle them, but it came down to doing it out of love, love from above. I'm glad to have met so many cute or mature faces, they always made my day even if they were bad; its their nature to be bad sometimes haha. I also met so many streetleaders and juniors that I befriended and I regretted not breaking the ice earlier with them but I will never forget those out-of-camp hang out days we had or singing and crying together. They inspired me in so many ways; at first I expected everyone at UP to be a christian, it made sense but that was naive of me, because I would've never ever expect some of these non-christians to sing songs about Jesus or love the kids with such passion and fervor. They were all awesome people to work with and everything we did is coming back to me.
God has been great-so great and sometimes I lack in giving him the gratitude he deserved. During my seven weeks I would try to write as much as I could in my little journal but it really help to share. I felt sometimes writing down my thoughts were unnecessary when I was able to share them each night, and just let everything out as if secrets were not meant to be hidden. I discovered many things from the inside out and realize that I was more "myself" in Vancouver. I didn't have anything to hold back or hide from and that is one of the biggest thing God has shown me to do. I'v gained confidence as I said before and with it patience for others and lastly the urge to have a willing heart to serve. Now that I'm back in my home town, the first few days were non-stop comparing between Edmonton and Vancouver, funny how the feeling of missing camp didn't exactly settle in during my time in HK -well I guess I was having a different kind of fun in HK but now its sinking in and drowning me. Speaking of which, I'm so glad to be outta there, its only good for shopping, eating & more shopping and eating which was fun but eventually its meaningless.
I had gone to Vancouver before, but going out of the heart to serve is a whole new experience and makes the ride more enjoyable. It was like a vacation within itself and I'm thankful for this opportunity. I would love to do it again but I know there will be new opportunites to come. I hope to bring back all I learn to the people around me and may they be able to sense my joy and love from my summer internship.
we must go
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