Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Soul Cravings

I have mentioned in my first post of the year that I had attended a Drime workshop during winter conference. At this workshop, I also received a book, well a prequel of a book titled Soul Cravings by Erwin Raphael McManus (2009). So last Wednesday I had the opportunity to open up this book and finish it within a matter of hours. Its a mini fifty-nine page book and the message is really simple and straight forward. What's noteworthy, is that not only is it an easy and good read, it digs deep within and makes you reflect on some deep DEEP questions the author poses and reflect on some good pointers.

Below are some key items that touched my heart, (bolds/italics are my own)

p.15
"As children we assume that greatness is within our grasp. Whatever inspires us, we begin to dream that one day we will be the best. It is only as we lose our childlike innocence that we begin to settle for far less. A part of growing up seems to be acquiescing to mediocrity. It's easy to say that we're just becoming realistic, that it's a part of growing up. but, in fact, it's just the slow death of our souls. When we stop dreaming, we start dying."

p.26
"...we can't earn love, we can't buy love, and we can't live without it. We know in the pit of our stomachs that if love is conditional, it can't really be love at all. We also know that if love is unconditional, we are neither the sources nor the instigators of such love, which again is a part of our conflict. We want what we do not give. We long for what we seem incapable of producing."

p.30
"When it comes to love, it has to be face-to-face. There has to be contact. Love cannot exist where there is only distance. Love can survive distance, but only by the strength of what comes through intimacy."

p.33
"Love Is Not a Four-Letter Word
LOVE IS ALL YOU NEED.
GOD is Love."

p.40
"Truth does not exist in a vacuum. Truth exists because God can be trusted. When our souls drive us to search for truth, we are actually longing for God. It's easier just to trust in myself. If you think it's easy to believe in God, you can't even begin to imagine how hard it is to put your trust in him."

p.42
"You can't let the name on the label fool you. You're not getting what you think you're getting.Just because Jesus and his logo are imprinted on the outside of the container doesn't mean that what you're drinking is the real thing. If you find yourself keeled over in agonizing pain, wondering why you're sick to the stomach, it may be that what you got was a counterfeit version of the Christian faith." (in regards to those who step away from Christianity because of an negative/false experience)

p.45
"Sometimes I feel like my soul is nothing more than a leaky facet. You know, the kind that drips all night long. It's not really a loud sound, but after hours and hours of drip, drip, drip, the sound not only echoes, it begins to intensify. ...After a while, it the water keeps dripping long enough, it moves from deafening to silence. It becomes white noise, backdrop. It's still making noise; it's still calling out, but you can't hear it anymore.
Soul Cravings are like that. They scream in your head until your ears hurt. But after a while, it's a silent scream. You can't hear it anymore, and you could almost deny it completely except for the echo deep within the hollowness of your soul."

Is God calling for your attention?

p.49
"From your first breath you have been on a journey. There are things your soul longs for, and whether you have yet recognized it or not, your life is shaped by your search for them."

p.53
"Maybe that's what Jesus meant when he said, " What is it worth to gain the whole world, but to lose your soul?" Was he describing someone like you or me? We spend our whole lives as slaves to our desires, determined to somehow satisfy the deepest longings of our souls. We take everything we can get; we keep everything we can grab; we become human versions of a black hole."

p.57
"My soul doesn't crave something from God; my soul craves God. And by the way, so does yours."

I think if I could, I would've quoted the whole book, its just that interesting! I'm so going to buy the full version. If you want to read this book, let me know, I'll let you borrow it =)


Food for Thought

Sunday, January 16, 2011

a remembrance day

Exactly a year ago, on this date, an incident occurred that made me think negative about every aspect of it. I really thought to the extreme of EXTREMES and because of the circumstances, it was the end of the world to me.

Its great looking back, because obviously, I can say it wasn't the end of the world. Despite overreacting over the whole scenario, I'm still living and thriving. If that incident didn't occur, I wouldn't have learned my lesson or be who I am today.

Perhaps I now see the 'plan' God intended which I didn't 365 days ago.

Well what had happened is in the past down, I can only learn from it for the future (and I have), and as of now, I can only bookmark this date as a day to remember.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Things to Ponder on

Last night I had a pretty decent conversation with a close sic. We discussed a lot of topics including faith, relationships, the future, and what to do when were cooped up in a stress ball. Half way through the conversation, we decided to hold each other accountable and at least try to fit in a talk once a week to catch up on each others' lives and keep ourselves sane. After this great conversation I started reading parts of a book called "Everyday Justice" by Julie Clawson (a Christian perspective). A pastor at church had lent it to me because there was a chapter on ethical consumption regarding clothing, and knowing that I was a textile student, she thought of me. I've had this book in my possession for a while now and I didn't really read too much into it (some topics were actually boring), also, I felt like I should return it soon, so I thought I should read into it just a little bit more. However, as I was reading it yesterday, a few verses popped out at me and made me reflect on them a lot. As a matter of fact, I've been reflecting a lot these last few days of my break and I got reminded of my role as a Christian and what it truly means to be Christ-like.

Here it goes:

"We are called to seek first the kingdom of God- including the call to love God and love others" - Matthew 6:33 & 22:37-39

This one stuck out like a sore thumb because its not easy at all. I know my priorities aren't set on things above and it crossed my mind how everything we do on Earth is suppose to contribute for God's kingdom and HIS plans, so I definitely have to work on this one and be less selfish and more self-less.


"Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; life does not consist in an abundance of possessions" -Luke 12:15

I know I spent quite a bit over this holidays, and January will definitely be pay the bills month-especially the Visa bill. But when I really think about it, its so easy for us, as humans to get caught up in sales, up to _ _ % off, BOGO, discounts- but were the things I bought really necessary?


"the Sabbath made for people, not people for the Sabbath" -Mark 2:27

I know I've been not treating the Sabbath day as a holy day of rest, sometimes it a work work work, finish errands, run around & get things done (possibly last minute too) day and mentality- a polar opposite from rest


I tend to worry a lot on a usual basis, but I find myself worrying A LOT lately.I really don't know my future at all. I find myself tossing ideas of where I will be or what I will be doing a few years from now, but then I'm held back by something or posing "what ifs," so again and again I turn to this:

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" -Jeremiah 29:11


&& lastly, my favorite, keeps me going and assured that God will always provide. Always.

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you" -Matthew 7:7

Cheers to a great break and it ended off just right.
we'll just have to wait and see what good cheer this term brings...

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Time to leave Neverland

Rereading my last blog, I felt like it was a very squished and quick summary of my holidays. I also feel like it was pretty random in a way, more like a plot moving from one paragraph to the next, somewhat lacking in detail. Thank You if you read all of that and coping with my speedy narration of my last few days of 2010.

This entry, I want to focus on how God told me to "GROW UP SARAH PHO. SERIOUSLY."
I briefly mentioned my internal struggle with going to the English Adults (EA) or English Teens (ET) side. I hate decisions, lets put it that way. If I see a menu with more than like one item, it still takes me a while to decide. I realize I want the best of both worlds, but I end up always choosing what came into my head first. Sometimes I just want everything, but I got to change my mentality from thinking "this might me by one and last chance getting this" to "I will be back." I'm just weird that way.

In this case though, I guess I may have been brainwashing myself into denial. I wanted to be situated in my comfort zone, something I experienced before and knew would be "fun." Attending what I thought I would get something out of, based on past results/experiences, at a annual conference, turned out to be a eye-opener. God really tugged the strings of my heart to go next door (literally). But I was stubborn and just wanted to stay put. Even though the first full day's EA symposium was about Ethical Consumption and was a topic I really wanted to soak up, since I'm a textile student, I turned it down to attend the Teens Program. All throughout the program I was actually lacking interest, it just felt like I've been through all of this, and if I continued to sit through the session, living in the shoes of a teen I be stuck in my faith. I felt uncomfortable and even though I could have freely walked out that door and explored the topic that stirred curiosity within, I didn't.

I usually don't use the term "regret" because if you regret, you wouldn't have learned from what you did and didn't do. Maybe I don't even need to use "regret" in this context, but I did feel like I missed out on a really good symposium. I found out it was a documentary about Forever 21 and how it took the employees a lot of effort and rioting to get the owners for F21 to pay them fair wages and give them their ethical rights as a worker (how ironically, since Jaeson Mah said the couple that started F21 donates 90% of their profits to the poor-I guess being compassionate for the poor doesn't equate to ethical treatment of employees, despite sounding like an oxymoron). It definitely shocked me because I love to shop at this store, and at the same time I missed out on a session I could have learn from and apply to my education in school. Well, at least the documentary is accessible on the web (It's called "Made in L.A." if your interested).

So what made me take a leap of faith and head to the EA side? I don't know. I guess you just know when God wants you to get yourself off your butt and do something He wants you to do (like Jonah perhaps?). I guess it was just obvious to me, my friends who were even younger than me by a year and went to the EA side or just the feelings of "I shouldn't be here," I kept suppressing because being in in ET has been so life changing in the past-why not now? It was just so odd to have this voice of God push me to go next door when he has spoken to me so much through ET. He's been so good to me through this door, and now he's shutting it down and shoving me elsewhere. I didn't like that and I know I'm making God sound like a bully.

Having said all of that, I realize I wasn't allowing myself to grow up spiritually and intellectually/physically/socially. Once I step foot into the EA room, I was more at ease. Although I didn't meet as much new friends (since most people were young adults, they had part time or evening passes due to work) and we didn't play games, didn't take as much pictures, and everyone was serious because no one had been "forced" to come to conference and actually came for spiritual reasons and not fun, I left Neverland. It felt more belonging to be with people in post secondary and knowing that people PAID to come here with their own money, for the right reason, allowing and wanting God to change them.

I feel 2010 was a year of growth for me: through my faith, education, mentality. It was totally a growing up year. I know I'm not done growing, it's just like how this quote goes:

"The more you know, the more you know you don't know"


So if I'm not pulling a Peter Pan anymore... who am I?

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

From Everlasting to Everlasting... You are God

well, well, what do we have here, obviously not 2010...
Welcome 2011!

So today is the fourth day of the new year and I finally have time to sit at one of the new furnishings in my house(the dinner table), and write a reflection of how my time in Vancouver and WC went.

I want to say time flies, but it actually didn't. Everything felt right during my ten days in Vancouver. It was lots of fun catching up with friendships across the border and seeing faces I haven't seen in a while. Spending time with my three other SICs and bringing them around to some of the hot spots of Vancouver was an experience in itself as well. Sometimes I would get sick of being with so and so, I guess being and living with someone for twenty-four hours or more is different than just seeing so and so once a week. I definitely found myself get frustrated over minor circumstances, but thank God for just keeping the peace and being the center of our interactions.

So I did mention in my last post that I wouldn't mind taking in the view God has painted as I endeavored my long Greyhound ride. Yes, God always paints a beautiful view but... the ride was over night so I didn't catch much view of the Mountains, and by the time we arrived in Kamploops, it was already raining. The first few days in Vancouver did consist of a lot of rain. We were smart to have brought our umbrella, well, one of us didn't, but Daiso saved her life. In fact, Daiso brought so much JOY to us! If you know me... I always, always leave with more than I expected going into that store. We went two days in a row too, and on the second day, Christmas day (practically the whole Richmond was opened (guess Asians love to make money, or else they just don't celebrate Christmas a whole lot)). We also bumped into some NEAC faces who were in Vancouver for Christmas-speak of a small world!

Christmas was a quieter one than usual, since we didn't spend it with family, but we did have a nice Christmas Eve service at a friend's church, and had a meal that was on the lighter side! Instant noodles and lots and lots of fruits (we were all not doing well on #2 due to the abundance of carbs and protein consumption).

Okay, so the long awaited WC. Boy do I have lots to say. So I knew when I was registering it took me a while to decide if I wanted to join the Teens or English Adult Category. I knew I would probably get more out of the EA, but Teens is always more enthusiastic and "funner." I had forgotten which one I ended up signing up for until I got my registration package at the hotel, and according to one friend, I had "betrayed my age," since I had signed up for Teens. I thought it was no big deal, I went to the first morning talk and the pastor was interesting (for those of you that went to 1040, he's so like JAESON MAH, but "less Black" as many have said). The speaker was also very hip and stylish for a dad with two young kids. So it wasn't like he had a bad talk or whatever, but throughout it, I just kept feeling that God was telling me to go to the EA side. My friend had also posed this to me: "Are you coming here to have 'fun' or to get something out of it?" The Teens always starts off with break the ice games and meeting people from other places, and that was when it hit me I'm not a teen no more. Yes, games are fun and do make people interact, but I really don't need to play a game in order to meet people. Speaking of which, the guy I met beside me said he was in gr.9, I didn't say how old I was (I wasn't ashamed or anything, it just didn't feel right). Even during Teens program in the afternoon (a more slack, easy going, entertaining & games time for teens), I felt out of place. I just felt like I really would gain more knowledge if I went to the EA side. So guessed what? That night I did attend the EA talk and I liked it! The speaker was older, his English was sometimes hard to understand, but I gained a few important pointers that night and the rest of the talks during the conference.

I just realized that God will go out of his way to make things clear to you if it is His plan for you. I even went to one of the EA symposiums which has a reputation of being boring and just a panel of speakers with a subject to debate on. The one I went to focused on being "single in the (chinese) church." I thought it be about how to go about meeting people God's way and how to approach dating and marriage through a Christ-like perspective, but it was totally different. It was more focused on being single in your late adulthood (late 30s, 40s?), being single and the PROs to being single or if you ever felt lonely/ponder on is there a soul mate for me? sort of thing. So this symposium wasn't very applicable to me but I know that no knowledge is bad knowledge.

I think the best workshop I went to was the DRIME WORKSHOP! I always thought the word 'Drime' was made by combining drama + mime, and it is in an unintended way. The origin of 'drime' actually stands for 'Disciples Ready In Mobile Evangelism,' and started by a young women in Langley, BC in the 90s I believe. She had a dream to spread the word through the use of drimes and look how far she has come. Cool EH? The reason this movement spread so fast, is because as the popularity of drimes grew and more people were interested with this means of evangelizing (seeing that there is no language barrier with body language)it branched out to other countries and this group now does mission trips to Asia, South America, Europe, etc. to set bases each year. Guess where they plan to set up a base next in Canada? EDMONTON!!! I'm so stoked (even if it will take a few years)! Their workshop was really inspiring and I bought one of their DVDs which consisted of three basic drimes. I know from the feedback of our last two drimes, they have gone downhill for lack of a better word, so I hope to learn from this group and improve to present a more meaningful message. Churches can also 'rent' one of their drimers to have a two hours training session for their drime teams. In two hours they can teach three drimes! I was truly amazed since it usually takes like 5-7weeks for us to organize a drime, get people to meet once a week and practice together.

Well that is all I have to say for now, there will definitely be more. Its only the beginning of a great year!

Cheers to 2011.