Five Alive

Tonight I will be off to, you guessed it! VANCOUVER! I'm looking forward to it a lot. It's the trip that I have been looking forward and forward to-and now its finally arrived. I'm almost done packing and in a few hours I will be heading to the Greyhound bus station with two other friends. I'm actually looking forward to riding on a long bus ride. I haven't had a 'road trip' since I was in junior high? and snow is pretty, so I wouldn't mind looking out the window and taking in the view God painted.

Vancouver is known for good food, Richmond- even better food in comparison to Edmonton and I just love how alive and festive this city can get. Its a major reason I love to go visit time after time, especially having made so many friends there from Urban Promise, Taiwan trip, and Winter Conference. Yea it sucks to have no family members there and I always tell myself that if UBC had my program, I would go there in a heartbeat. But God has his plans for me, gotta respect them, even if at times I'm clueless about my future.

So Winter Conference, long awaited Canada Chinese Christian Winter Conference. I anticipate attending WC year after year and this year will be my fifth time going. Thinking back its quite a funny story to why I wanted to attend my first ever WC in December 2005. I was only in grade 9, a fourteen year old who was in a phase of spreading the love of God, telling people about Him, and being involved in multiple events. I was running on a full tank of gas. I didn't know where this spirit came from (well God of course, but you know...) and I really had a knack for events that ended in multiples of 5s or 10s. I thought, wow this event must be doing something marvelous if it has lasted so long. When I first saw WC on our church bulletin, I sensed a yearning to go, but I didn't think much of it because it was in Kelowna and I didn't know if my parents would let me, and it was quite costly. But I really really wanted to and to me it was a big thing that it was the '45th anniversary.' In the end, my mom was surprised when I brought it up, but I had permission to go and I never looked back.



This year, is also the 50th anniversary of WC. It amazes me to know how much I have grown spiritually and physically over the years and see how God has worked in me and through WC. Every winter break I look forward to a faith revival, and it means so much to me to be able to attend this with so many other Christians from all over western Canada and praise and worship our Savior-Lord Jesus Christ. Even though I'm heading into my fifth year of WC, I never get bored, there's always something new, always something for me to grow and learn from, and friends to meet.

I'm speechless. I don't want to expect anything this year because I know God has laid out everything already. I just want to take it all in, immerse myself in love, grace, humbleness, and hope that I may be challenged further. I know I will be. I love how they decided to bring back WC to the city it originated in, a city I love and enjoy to be in.





I wish You all the best as 2010 wraps up and 2011 reveals.
Have a Merry CHRISTmas everyone and Happy New Year!

The Power of Estrogen

I love late night talks that can last forever (even though we never seem to have enough time)

I love spontaneity in spurs of the moment

I love talking about deep topics touching on aspects of faith, family & yes, boys

I love being with my sic friends and having a good time, laughing for no reason at all- to the point of tearing up

I love finding out new information and letting my curiosity drive me

I loved last night!

CHEERS to many more.

term ceased: 2010

WOW. I can't believe it. It hasn't even sunk in. This term has worked me good and push me to my emotional and physical limits. I feel so intelligent from all the information I have in my stuffed in my head, which has yet to be released into unknown areas. My mind is telling me I'M DONE! I'M DONE! GOING TO VANCOUVER IN TWO DAYS! PARTY! WINTER CONFERENCE! at the same time... I'm so exhausted.

I'm someone who likes to sleep early, say 11pm usually? but last night I dragged it out until 12:30am... okay for a university student that is not bad at all, I know people who pull 3ams' or even all nighters, but I am none of those. I can't believe I even had the energy to stay up (usually I sleep at 11pm or a little earlier knowing that sleep deprived will do you harm on your test the next day), so I have to thank those who called or gave me a shout of energy (prayer!- Amen to that). So from getting up at 6:45am this morning to heading to school I was brutally sleepy from staying up and trying to concentrate and cram in last minute definitions, concepts, and all that jazz. In between my two finals I was falling asleep on a couch trying to cram for my FINAL FINAL and it couldn't have been easier. My Korean teacher is really straight forward and nice: everything on the test was what on the study sheet she gave us. This test was a great way to end my Fall term.

I really liked this term, I think it has to do with the courses I'm taking. When you have an interest in something, you put more time into what you do and focus better on what you are studying. Having said that, I spent a LOT OF TIME on school work this time and looking back its amazing how I balanced a part time job side by side. God has been great, and I'm glad he forced me to draw close to him in times of hopelessness or situations I had no control of.

Alright, enough of school, CHRISTMAS TIME! I can't wait to go to Vancouver, even if it is by greyhound (yes, its going to be a long ride and I know a lot of you have been jaw dropped when I told you, but I'm so stoke). I can't wait to spend time with my SICs and celebrate Christmas in a city I love. I'm also so excited for what's to come at Winter Conference 2010! That's a whole other blog to expect *hint hint*

Anyhow, I think I just need some rest right now, praise the Lord for being able to sleep in tomorrow!


Done.

& the Countdown beings

Half way through Finals!

10 days until Christmas!

One week until Vancouver!

12 days of

CLASSES HAVE FINALLY ENDED!
YAY!

Exams start in less than a week...
NAY!

Need to start studying & plan my study schedule:
TBA

Christmas is in the air, but I have no time to spare,
as of today

Hopefully in 12 days time, I will jump for joy
and Christmas spirit shall be mine!

=)

Diagnosed

So I feel like I just diagnosed myself through self rehabilitation and who do I have to thank? My course syllabus and mandatory readings. I just finished reading an article in my course pack on "Materialism and the Evolution of Consciousness." I dreaded it at first, but it just kept getting more and more interesting and I felt and urge to blog about concepts brought to my attention.

This article is basically about the psychology of materialism and the drive of our consciousness in regards to making choices. This article states that in life we have three main 'axioms.' First in life there are sequence of events in consciousness; aka experiences, and in order for experiences to appear in consciousness, it require the allocation of psychic energy; attention, hence the last axiom is that the quality and content of a person's life depend on what he or she has paid attention over time.

In one part of this article it mentions how sometimes people tend to build themselves with material goals and material experiences, while being caught up with an unconscious striving for wealth and power: seeking pleasure, instead of enjoyment of one's circumstances. Enjoyment, as defined in this article is doing something not always pleasant, and which can be very stressful at times, but will lead to delayed and more note worthy rewards. On the other hand, seeking pleasure is just being satisfied with just the fulfillment of present want and needs and doesn't produce change, only comfort and relaxation 'in the moment.' Pleasure is plopping yourself in front of a TV screen when you get home from work or school while enjoyment is like a mountain climber, who may be close to freezing, and in danger of falling, but yet they would not want to be anywhere else. Enjoyable "may be physically painful and mentally taxing; but because it involves a triumph over the forces of entropy and decay, it nourishes the spirit." Enjoyment is also said to build confidence, enrich lives, and give confidence in facing the future.

In contrast to the things I have said, it says that when a person feels that there is nothing to do, the quality of experience tends to decline. One feels less alert, less active, less strong, less happy, and less creative and self-esteem declines. The author says humans need an 'experiential' need, focused on some activity that requires attention, because when there is nothing to do, attention starts to turn inward, begin to ruminate and frequently, get depressed. Attention towards ourselves turns to deficits and we become negative and our mood, sour. Our downhill skiing is only interrupted when attention is again engaged by some need that suggests a goal.
Sometimes school or work makes one more attentive than being at home with nothing to do or focus on because you have goals clearly outlined for you, work to be accomplished, etc...

Well, in my case not everything I've stated is true, but it just made me ponder and reflect on why I have been so out of it lately. Maybe it is the lack of things to do, but there is stuff to do, just I'm not doing it. I think I'm just in a state of seeking what to do even though I know what I should be doing and the build up of prior to dos and present to dos list have put pressure on me to come up with to dos and actually do my to dos that haven't been decided on yet.

Yup, I'm speaking nonsense now.

BLOOOD.

Today I donated blood for the very first time! I was really hesitant, and I really dislike looking at blood or getting needles, but I knew I was doing a good thing and I really wanted to donate and help someone in need.

This 'want' of mine to donate blood started earlier this week when I saw an ad in the Metro. Canadian Blood Services said this time of year is when people miss or don't show up for their blood donation appointments, since everyone has their head wrapped around consuming, buying presents, decorating the house and just getting ready for Christmas. I really wanted to do more 'giving' this year, not just giving gifts to friends or family, but to those out of the 'norm.' Giving my time, money, and in this case, my 'blood.'

I didn't even think I be able to donate because I found out from my last body check that I have low blood pressure. If you don't have a 'normal' blood pressure, and you donate blood, that means you may have even lower blood pressure post-donation (seeing that 610ml + 40ml (the sample) of blood is taken out of you) and this isn't good because you may feel faintness or nauseous after. So when I got my blood pressure check, it was quite low (80/59 and they needed at least a 90 for the 'above' number) so the nurse told me to go drink some juice and get some sugar in me and after 15min they would check again. So I drank two juice boxes and ate two Oreo cookies, but I was scared this may not be enough, so when I was in the washroom (and when I was the only one left in there) I did some jumping jacks! I didn't want to come all this way and be half way through the process and yet, not be able to donate, so had to do everything possible xP! Fortunately, in 15 minutes, my blood pressure went up to 91! Success!

So overall the process went pretty smoothly. I found out that sometimes I feel light headed when I bend down and stand back up because of my low blood pressure. Also, this time of year is when blood is needed the most (how ironic its the month with the least donors) due to more parties, accidents, etc... and even though I dislike blood, needles, hospitals, it felt good to give. The process took about an hour and my veins being small and hard to find, they ended up filling the whole bag of blood despite taking 16minutes (average is about 10 minutes). Oh and the best part of all, free food, and hot soup!

If you have time, go donate, you never know whose life you will save =)

Is it time to get addticted to...

Coffee?

Seriously, my energy levels has been so low this past week. Not like anything is going terribly wrong, but everything I'm doing or feeling is tiring. Why am I so tired? Perhaps it's the buildup of work, school, thinking about finals and final assignments to accomplish before the end of the school year?

I really think I got depressed from getting a C+ on one of my four papers that I spent the most time on in mid October/early November. I stressed over it, was near tears over it, tried to make it good, better, appealing to my professor, yet I got a C+?! A mark shouldn't dictate how you think of yourself, but I think this paper initiated a avalanche of tiredness and poor thinking. Maybe the devil is using this time to tackle me as well...

On another note, remember when I mentioned this book I found in the staff room at work ("When God Winks at You") ? Well one day at work I saw it in the staff room but it had moved from a shopping basket to the GARBAGE! I was like this book is not in the greatest condition, but did we really need to dispose of it? I guess I can assume I'm one or the only Christian at work that cares, so I took it. I hope to get around to it once things die down and see what the book has to say to me. I'm sure it was God's purpose.

I need to dig myself out of this tiring rut. ugh.

I put you infront of me so everybody can see my Love, this is my Love.

God is Good. So many things have come cleared to me in this past weekend. Last night was unbelievable and it wasn't just a 'christian high' that some people would call it; it was meaning; it was life; it was a passion and fervor for the Glory of God; it was a Revival. I could attend another Jaeson Ma event all over again. From arriving at like 4 pm (event started at 5pm) to not checking my clock until people started to leave, I checked my phone and... I couldn't believe it... it was PAST 10PM! I just sat though five hours?! Worship, JMA's documentary, his performance, and most importantly his sermon that dug deep and spoke to the core of us. It was engaging the whole time, his passion for Christ and his Ministry is all GOD. ALL OF IT. I hope everyone could have a chance to experience what I experienced last night with 600+ students or even watch the documentary and realize how fortunate we are, but yet we don't have the drive to do even 10% of what people do in Asia. Crazy. Sick. Really SIC.

It really hit me hard when I learned that two pastors debated over an hour who would DIE (when 23 Korean missionaries were kidnapped by the Taliban in Afganistan) to save the rest of the group. It was overwhelming and so real hearing all of this. You may have questioned it before-could you die for your faith? what you believe in? That's a tough one, yet people LONG to die for God's ministry. An eye-opener, jaw-dropping one right there. Personally, I don't know, sometimes I feel I don't even have 10% of the faith some people in Asia have. Its so true that you don't give your all to God unless your in a state of devastation and have no one else, nothing else but faith, and yet 'faith is to believe what you do not see and the rewards of this is to see what you believe' -Augustine. I'm speechless, I even feel ashamed of myself and fearing my peer's judging me rather then fearing God. What is wrong with me? Why do I think this way?

Ironically, in Sunday School yesterday morning, we were sharing about how to apply our knowledge of what we have learned from the book of John so far. I was in a small group with two other girls and I found myself sharing how hard it is to share the gospel with my friends or even touch on the topic of church. One girl told me its so hard because its just natural for people to 'fit in,' to 'belong.' Why start controversy when the status quo can be maintained right? But in order to have faith, you have to FEAR God, you have to take that next, step up and do something that 'scares' you- not OMG haunted house scary, but seriously something that is ultimately fearing and amazing at the same time. Its unexplainable in some ways, but in the end it was a great Sunday, I compromised studying but Jaeson reminded me that we shouldn't be 'worshiping school' and sometimes I feel I may be doing just that unexpectedly, but that doesn't mean I stop studying well, obviously.

Anyhow check JMA's Ministry out, God is working with him non-stop. I know God can do great things in each of us if we give us everything. Literally everything. Can We?

Amen

Three Quarters

I feel a little relieved.
I even feel some weight off my shoulders.
I feel like I need a massage.

Yes, that last one hits the spot. Three quarters, 3/4 papers tackled; now its just the waiting for the prof to tell me it really was a touchdown. I can't express my gratitude enough towards tomorrow being the last day of class-for the week at least. Even thought Fall break won't be much of a break for me, at least its class-free.

I also have work on Remembrance Day and this Friday. I thought I ask for some extra shifts seeing that I have a break, and since I want to earn some extra money (pay & a half on Remembrance Day (but of course this day is not about the money, even though it is an holiday (Speaking of which, I lose my poppy EVERY year))). I kind of feel stupid for asking for these shifts, seeing that I have work to do, but despite working part time this term for the very first time of my university experience, to my surprise, I find myself working harder.

My theory is that since I know I have days during the week where I won't be able to do any school-work, at least bare minimal, I try to get as much done as I can on days that I don't have work or anything planned. Smart am I not? but it is tough, its definitely been a test of time-management and priorities lately.

To be honest, I miss my friends, I miss being able to spend time with them and talk about random things, do random things, be spontaneous, and just see them basically, but I find myself not calling them up or finding them in my spare time because I'm so school-oriented (which I remember I said I didn't want to happen prior to starting post secondary :( ) and my spare time has been filled with what I need to get done.

This weekend I had a taste of the good ole days and I realize how bland my social life has become. To all my chums I haven't contacted or spoken to in a while, Sorry.

These bitter days will soon go away.

Laminin

My friend told me she was going to Chris Tomlin's How Great is Our God tour in Vancouver this weekend and she happened to tell me about this pastor who is an AMAZING speaker: Louis Giglio!I never heard of him before and she made him sound so interesting so she told me to search him up and I did :)

I just finished watching his sermon from his last years' tour I believe, and although it was on Youtube in five separate parts, he is REALLY SO GOOD. His way of sermoning with science kept me captivated and he proved to me all over again how our God is ALL powerful in so many ways that you can't even seem to grasp the concept. I mean, no one can deny there is a God, even science LEADS to Him.

My favorite was part 4 and I think its definitely going to be remembered for light years to come. When you have a chance, watch it:




God never ceases to surprise me.

surprise; Surprise

If you haven't known already, school is really bringing me down. I find myself trying to PICK up after myself everyday; after a day of sitting in front of the computer writing and researching or hitting my head and soul inside a book. I feel taken over by school, which I despised with a passion. I realize shopping does do its trick for me, I find myself treating myself to something each week and I'm thankful I'm employed but at the same time; the time I spend on a work shift could been invested into school work-although I feel that would be a bad investment since you don't get paid, and you may not even end up getting a good grade. Funny how things work eh? But education is suppose to be for the better in the long run so anyhow...

Today I had work after three weeks of no working (since I took off two weekends for midterms) but I really didn't want to go to work. I thought I was stupid for taking two weekends off in a row; I should have planned better and left one of those "off" days for this weekend or the next knowing that I have four papers all due beginning of November... ugh. So from mid September to early October, Shoppers had a donation drive for breast cancer and we decided to make a competition out of it. The top three cashiers that got the most donations from customers (by asking them to donate a $1, $5, or $50 (although the most obvious and popular donation was of course one dollar)) would win a prize. To my bewilderment, I got to work finding out I had won fourth place! Me? Having only one shift a week? Not only was I shocked, but my co-workers were too! They said even though I only had a few shifts during this drive, other cashiers didn't bother to ask for donations too much. At first it was only going to be prizes for the top three, but they had an extra one, and that ended up in my hands. :) This proves to me that effort does pay off and I hope it works the same way for school.

Secondly, as I have mentioned about my "pick-me-up" aka "shopping therapy" in my ocean-bottom times; I had my eye on this item at Sears for a while now; and I would check on it before my shift every time. Since its been a month or so, I expected the item to be gone or be on sale by now- the LATTER assumption was correct and of course I purchased it. :)

To top it off, I spent my shift training a new girl, so I didn't have to deal with customers too much. Some of them were really grouchy purchasing a large amount of candy for Halloween or the fact that there was long lineups. Why bother if you don't feel good about what your doing? Just be the Grinch tomorrow or Grumpy then.

God is good, I thank Him for all these little surprises that made a BIG difference to my day. Going to work didn't end up being a drag, and I feel recharged to tackle my papers.

OH YEA. Today I found a book in Shoppers' staff room (I assumed it was free to take because it was in a shabby state but I didn't) called "When God Winks at You" by Squire Rushnell. After skimming the back cover, inside cover, first chapter, and experiencing the things I did today, I can't lie that God did wink at me today. First line in the book? "You didn't pick this book up by accident, some point in your life God had intended you see this" (something along the lines of this). I continued reading the first chapter and it talks about how nothing is a coincidence, everything was intended to happen by a higher being. One example was you had a thought about someone you haven't seen in a long while and the next thing you know, you see that person! I'm sure this has happened to people before or just everyday moments that make you in awe.

Did God wink at you today?
;)

burnt out

I don't know why but I feel so tired today. I posted the other day about sleeping late due to caffeine and all but yesterday I slipped into my covers at 10:16pm and fell asleep shortly after. It was a good nights' rest and I felt good about going to bed earlier.

But today, after going for an early run before class, to going to my two classes, heading home, eating and getting some work done, I feel I have not accomplish much. Tuesdays and Thursday I end at 3:30pm and I try to rush home to beat rush hour.. but I feel like... for lack of a better word, crap.

There's so much work to do.

So it has hit me that I have four papers due in the month of November. One next week which I found out about it today (UGH.), two the week after before Fall break (thank God) and one after the break. And the cherry-not-the-topper-I want for this week? I still have one more midterm in two days.

Man, how come I didn't realize this when I spoke up and volunteered to lead bible study in two Sundays' time? I know God won't shoot anything at you that is BEYOND your capabilities but I really need to pick up the pace and get things done, yet today is not the day.

I can't wait until this term is over and the Christmas Joy punctuates me.

a new ponder

So I don't know why I tend to do this to myself when I love my sleep but I did it anyways. Last night I had a chip ahoy flavoured cappuccino from 7-11 (used my 7-11 buck) and decided to look through my summer snapshots and memories on my camera before I tucked myself in, which meant tired eyes and a lot of rolling in bed due to the caffeine. I don't even know what time I went to bed, last time I looked at the clock it was midnight... but i couldn't sleep for a long while.

I awoke to twitchy eyes but as I went to the washroom I looked out the window and saw... not to my surprise but SNOW on my neighbor's roof! I go back to my room, look out the window and saw snow on my lawn (my room faces the backyard), and all the other houses' lawns! Old Man Winter is definitely upon us (what a disappointment, see below) although the snow did go away by the time I left church.




Speaking of which the sermon made me think a lot today. I realize a lot of times I get annoyed by people who don't show up at church consistently because of personal reasons aka excuses. Today I realized that maybe instead of always picking on those negatives when they don't show up or serve, I should be praying more and help them in realizing what they should be doing instead. Its not as easy as it sounds, but maybe this new approach will turn things around for that person? A friend also reminded me today that "its all up to God". Just the answer I needed, sometimes the answer is God. Let God do his work and step away. Maybe when I step out of the picture, God can finally do what he wanted to do. Maybe I have been trying to help his plans, and in turn it backfired.

Maybe.

Blessed.

Well its never to late to tell people you feel blessed despite the fact that Thanksgiving just passed, but being blessed might not be quite the same as being thankful.

I read three newspapers today: 24 hours, Metro Edmonton and U of A's Gateway. Its become a daily routine when I get my hands on a newspaper and it makes me feel "in" with the world and don't have a "ah-ha" moment when I find out a news item that was way too long ago for my memory or just the fact that I didn't keep up with the world around me. But usually I just read the Metro.

So today I read 24Hrs and the news item that stuck out to me was about U of A's Frat and their hazing video aka their admission To Dos. I heard about it earlier this morning on the radio but didn't catch the University's name. Basically they force freshmans(or other potential males) who have no clue what they are getting themselves into except for the fact that joining a Fraternity is all fun and games (drinking parties included), to do a series of things over a weekend that is not plain Jane. A weekend of stuffing themselves so full that they puke and as a result having to eat their vomit while being high from the amount of alcohol they are "encouraged" to drink. Not only this but having to run on one half hour and five 15 minute intervals of sleep in 72HOURS all the while being forced to do extraneous workouts while being mentally tormented by "Frat brothers" whom they want to become. Once the Pledges started this weekend long mayhem, you HAVE TO finish the course of the weekend and expect this: everyone is told they didn't make it into the club (which is a lie they tell everyone at first to mess with their minds after all they had done to TRY to be accepted). Reading this and knowing that these male victims were not allowed to tell anyone of what happened because of some "Bro-code" makes me sick to the stomach. The only reason that I'm not about to puke myself is for the fact of those alumni Frats that finally spoke up AFTER this video was released to U of A's Gateway.

So what does this have to do with me feeling blessed? Blessed that I'm a girl and I didn't choose to join a Sorority? No, both Frats and Sororities in the past have had these hazing allegations and this is not why I feel blessed. As I read other news items in the newspapers, there are students rioting in the streets of Athens for their educational rights, and yet these boys have nothing better to do than repeat history done to them. Young protesters in Paris standing up for elderly rights, natural disasters, "intended bomb that killed nine", "life sentence for a military commander that sexually assaulted and murdered two innocent females as well as more than a handful of disturbing acts" and so on.

I feel blessed to be alive. I'm glad that what I read everyday in the newspaper doesn't have to do with me(but it does affect me) or is about me. There is so much going on everyday and I really like how they named themselves "24HR Newspapers". There is only so much you can do in a day and yet SO much CAN happen in 24hours. So much crime, so much disasters, or so many that take their life for granted and intentionally do such unfair and immoral acts to others when they could do so much more for the world.

I just have to Thank the Lord for giving me His blessings in the past 24hours and more.

So much more then 24 hours.

Relinquished

Just finished reading a bunch of blogs and food for thought and I feel more "aired-out" if that makes sense.

Really don't want to start my homework or reviewing. Its been a long day and the weather is rather chilly.

I've been thinking a lot about Christmas holidays in between my two midterms today. I can't wait until this term is over. This time of term is the worse.

Time to devour some Vegetable Soup + Crackers.

10-10-10

It's been over a month since I've blogged? Really? Its been that long? It didn't feel like it but I know its true. Blogger has been calling my name in these past few weeks just that I keep putting it off because... "school is piling up" and it definitely is, three midterms next week and four papers due early November, I really feel for lack of a better word, death.

But no, its not "death" I believe hard work will pay off and that's why I try to work hard during the week so I can get as much done as I can and enjoy my weekends either it be work(yes, its not all that great but its a different day vs. school) and spending time at church and going to fellowships. With God All things are Possible.

So here's to a special Thanks-Giving weekend, and a renewal to my blogging life. Its really exciting to hear testimonies from brothers and sisters getting baptize either it be Thanksgiving or Easter. I get so happy for them and I remember the day I got baptized all over again. Its so memorable and getting 'Dunk' will always be something I hold close to my heart.

This weekend has been off to a good start, leading up to it I spent a lot of time doing something I really enjoy, wrapping gifts and making presents for two birthday girls and three baptism candidates! I love it, I wish I could make a living out of making things pretty... maybe. Last night was a thoughtful worship night for the high school and junior high fellowships and although some of the younger "teens" didn't take it seriously, I still hope it touched them in some way. This morning was a declaration of faith for the three believers and the speaker brought out a engaging message to the congregation. It reminded me of my FIC (Faith In Christ) and so much more. Then I had lunch with some of my family on High Street at a neat little Italian restaurant call Valeno and headed to WEM and got some shopping done. Beautiful day.




Happy Thanksgiving!


Our God is an Awesome God. Thank Him.

How are you today?

As a cashier, I ask people this question quite often and they would ask me in return as well. More than often my answer would be 'not bad', sometimes it be 'alright, the store is quite busy today' and I would ask them in return and obviously their answer tends to be along the lines of the ones I have mentioned or in agreement to them.

I find that its one of those polite things you say as a cashier, kind of like a cashier's manner to do so but I never really thought about the answer the person would give or myself for that matter... all until recently that is.

Sometimes line ups would be really long and most people reply 'I'm good' so they can just buy their stuff and get out of the store as soon as possible (these shoppers are usually people working in and around the mall, in a rush to get out since they're on their breaks and stuff). Seniors tend to take up more time at the cashiers and may ramble about us implementing our 5 cents charge on plastic bags or how so and so is cheaper than us. Well too bad then, I can't do anything about it

Anyhow the point is, I have replied 'I'm good' a lot of times before but I caught myself lying the other day. I wasn't feeling okay, in fact I felt like crap, I had a bad night and a bad morning and everything was just terrible. But if I didn't say what I said that'll just spark the person's curiosity and they may or may not question further which I wouldn't have wanted them to anyways. So sometimes I wonder if people just give a short-with-no-strings-attached answer just to hinder further questioning like I did.



How are you today?

Rewind & Repeat

Just like how you love taping your favorite show, rewinding that tape you taped it on and re watching it over and over again, I feel I have been living that kind of life for the last few weeks of August, expect for the fact that you don't love it. Last week I had five shifts in a row, and I know some people are work-alcoholics and put in more than 40 hours a week so I'm not blogging to put forth a complaint but rather to share a horrendous thought that has hit me.

So I guess I've worked before and probably have done five shifts in a row, Monday to Friday but I realized life is pretty routined when it comes to working. You get up, go to work, get off work, go home, relax a bit, head to bed, hopefully have a good night's rest then wake up to start the day before all over again. All the way until Saturday hits if your lucky to not work despite the fact that Monday is just two days ahead again. But when I'm not employed I feel bored and there's nothing to do (out-of-school wise): friends maybe busy to call up and go out with, the house doesn't require excess cleaning or I'm just a couch potato, and your just being occupied by some screen. So I guess the positive side to working is one, of course the money! and two, you have something to do. But is that it? ... Pretty much.

I came to realize that when I finish my degree and get my ideal career (let's hope) will it be a routine as well? I get bored of doing repetitive work and that is one of the reasons I don't take charge of organizing specific events more than once even though I can approach it in a new way, but with anything, there are exceptions. I want a job that allows me to do different things, gives me fresh opportunities and challenges in a way so I don't repeat the same answer twice you see.

On a side note, weekends do put a smile on my face since I don't work Sundays so I always have a day just to attend church, have a nice afternoon nap, and maybe if I'm lucky I get to get ready for an outing or fellowship that night. The Sabbath has a purpose and I'm glad it was made for us to rest our bodies and not work.

Maybe that's why some people wish they were back in school once they've finished and has entered the work field. Ironically students always want to rush their education, get employed and start working. So in a week or so round 2 of university will begin and I can believe it. Its already bye-bye August.

Round 2, promise you won't K-O me.

Aiya!

I MISS MY 32CM/12" OF HAIR!

-yes it went to a good cause
-yes I will get a certificate soon in the mail saying I am a hair-donor
-YES I DO miss it and I'm pulling and tying my hair so my roots will be pulled and aid my hair's growth ;)

GROW HAIR GROW!
I believe in you dead cells!

Something to Say

I had a lot to say, but I read someone's blog just now and now I have a lot to think about and allow that to sink in. Oh how the blogging world works sometimes eh?

Alright, so as I approach the dreaded 1-9, I can say I had my first ever surprised birthday party, HOLD UP... I just remembered a bunch of school friends popped up at my house once (I think when I turned 15?), so never mind, first CHURCH surprise AT church and presented to be by my SICs (Siblings in Christ). I always cherished being a Christian and multiple times I would question where I would be if I was not: if my mom didn't bring me to church since I was a wee little girl, if I rebelled enough as a teen to detour me from this thing I believed in, if, what if. So in the end I always knew if the world ended, if all was to come crashing down, I would always have my faith to grab onto. People may come and go, certain events may not be as popular as it once was but being a christian girl I can say with all my heart, soul and mind that church is close to home. Unlike school friends or individuals you meet elsewhere, church identities will always be there no matter what, no matter if you are tight or not, no matter if you hang out weekly or just keep up with each other occasionally, it all comes down to our common denominator: Faith. "One Lord, One Faith, One Baptism."

Where was I going with that? I really don't know, but I guess I just felt like making that public even though its just generic stuff. All I can say is I felt really happy on Thursday despite knowing and expecting a 'surprise' party. I have to admit I was quite jaw dropped at some people that came, some stuff that happened but basically I just felt loved (not the gf/bf type) but just as a family member loves one another, I felt really at home. Sometimes friendships can run deeper then relationships at home and I just find a hint of irony in that.

That's a wrap, but I will always remember my friend's first ever msn name when I conversed with her in gr.5, and it goes like this:

"Friends are like Angels without any Wings,
Blessing our Lives with the most Precious things"

Home

So I've been back in town for five days now. Work has started again and being at home is pretty plain Jane. Instead of sitting in front of the computer and let Facebook or Msn occupy my time, I decided to get off for a bit earlier today and decided to go tidy up my room and closet. I actually got a lot of organizing done, and I feel there's more to be accomplished. Not long after, I had a friend come over and we had a pretty nice chat: it's been a while since we had some real FACE time so it was nice to catch up and hopefully that wasn't the last time we see each other before she heads off for vacation.

My last week in Vancouver was just amazing, staying at my friend's place, being able to visit Urban Promise, catch up with friends and just being able to see the Olympic Cauldron was wonderful! I really miss it, I miss being away from home although it is nice to be back, and just have time move slower. Soon another school year will start again, AGAIN? I feel like I could use more Summer time, but these past 3+ months were quite an experience. I learned a lot, traveled a lot, and grew up a LOT! Man, I just don't want summer break to end, it just gets better every year. I'm sure there's more to follow this coming school year, but I anticipate more 'work' then fun, but that's life for you, it just has to balance out or everyday would be a routine.

On a brighter side, my birthday is soon but a few of my close friends seem to be out of town and half my family will be on vacation, so as nineteen approaches, I anticipate a quiet scene.

Bags all pack; semi-ready to go

I can't believe I'm stating that I'll be leaving in seven hours. ALthough its been a great three weeks, I don't want to go. I WANT TO MISS MY FLIGHT. I want to see my friends, but having to leave at 11PM tonight, meant me having to say goodbye multiple times throughout today to those who left earlier, and that prescribed thunderstorms of tears.

SIGH* These camps are a love-hate relationship for me. poo. I'm so tired, I can't believe I'm running on 3 hours of sleep and swollen eyes! I've told many that we will meet again, we will see each other again and that I plan to travel and backpack here, and there. I hope I stay true to my word and I pray that God provides future travel plans. I miss them all too much, too too much.

As for what is next, VANCOUVER! I am devastated to leave Taiwan based on all the friendships and memories I made here, but at the same time I'm ready to reunite friendships and people from last summer. I'm glad I have this chance to stop in Vancouver for a week and I hope I can make the most of it and see all the people I want to see, and do what I want to do. Most importantly, I want to take this coming week as a time to reflect and absorb all that has happened, and all that I learned about myself as I mentioned in my last blog. It be nice to just sit on the beach, watch the view, chit chat to a friend or two and just chill =)


Memories are a Merry-go-Round~

Squat; SMquat!

You guessed it! I squatted yesterday for the very first time since a long long time ago.. such as when I was eight, and held in my pee until I pee-d my pants! But in a way I was forced to squat because we were at a restuarant and it was a nice one and I expected it to have at least ONE sit-a-ble toilet, but it didn't and after the waiting so long to get to the washroom, it felt like a waste if I didn't go, so I did and it...
wasn't so bad, I just had to make sure I 'aimed' right... okay I can't believe I said that, I just sounded like an immature little boy. Afterwards though, I found out I faced the squatter the wrong way, but at least I didn't stain my pants! =)

I re-read my last blog and I had said its only been SIX days, and you know what, because I got a complained for not communicating about my trip enough, I realize there's only SIX days LEFT now that I am blogging =(. I'm sad now, and tired; late nights and early mornings are worse then school days but it sandwiches in the fun of shopping, eating, walking, touring, etc. so I guess its balanced you could say.

Well this is the second longest period of time I've been away from home on my own: last year with Urban Promise/ HK and this summer now. I realize everytime I am away from home, I grown more as a person in many ways, especially intellectually and socially. Its cheesy, but I feel grown up, I don't know how to explain it all in one blog but just the way I think is a 180 twist (sort of). Maybe I've been having conversations with older girls and I've become more matured, or the fact of just being away from home that allows me to think and wander in my mind. I don't mean change as in interests... for an example, I still love Love LOVE shopping, but relationship wise I figured out what I really want, and personally, I acknowledge and cherish certain events more then I did a few years before.

Yes that is it! When your on a trip you have nothing to worry about: no deadlines, no work shifts, no homework, no stress, its VACATION! Well there is some work to it but its minor, and fun work, not much pain, more gain though. I feel free, which is ironic because this tour does have some strict rules and boundaries but free from everyday school or work life. I don't want to countdown, because I hate leaving stuff like these, I recall sobbing like a baby on the last day of camp at Urban Promise, and I anticipate at least some tears on the last day.

I really didn't like hearing our leaders ask us if we needed airport transportation on the day we leave today, just too soon! As well, a few of us has questioned, will we ever see each other again? It is a small small world after all... right?

WOAH. its like almost 1:30am, but I realize the importance of fellowship, I'm so happy when I find out so and so is a Christian, I approached a girl and asked because I saw her close her eyes and say a quick prayer at lunch time: she's in my group and eats at the same table with me every meal time but for some reason I never caught her pray, maybe its always a quick prayer and stuff, but I was glad I finally saw her pray and personally, I don't witness enough, and I tend to say a short "Thank you for my food" kind of thing in my Mind, so she wouldn't have ever known I was a Christian either if neither of us showed it, so that just made me think alot, but that's a whole other tale to tell. But back to fellowship, sometimes I just find my self fall short of holding up a Christ-like image when I'm around non-christians, I feel certain morals or values are not as strong as they should be, so I got to remind myself since I don't have many brothers or sisters here to remind me.

Alright, good night.
;)

Wo hung LEI!

I can't believe it has only been 6 DAYS but it seems like I've been in Taiwan forever and I feel I've known the people here for months, but its only ALMOST a week.

I'm having lots of fun and I've met people from all over the world and although there is this thing call a "language barrier" and multiple ones too, and I'm constantly asking others to translate for me or teach me how to say this, how to say that, its really been a great time. I am really glad I decided to come and maybe I didn't come with the highest expectations and despite the first few days being sweaty, boring (since we were in university lecture rooms 'learning'; felt like school all over again), and me not knowing mandarin and feeling so out of place, I'm really thankful for my extroverted personality God has given me and there's twenty-six Canadians, and I'm proud to say we are the proudest group here, we cheer for one another, and we just are so well-rounded. EH?!

But anyhow, these past few days we've toured night markets (OOBER GOOD FOOD), had a bicycle tour, and me and my sweet new Canadian buddy used a TANTUM for the first time. It was quite the work-out and it felt good when we accomplished our designated biking path. I feel like I'm trying many things for the first time and today we went to a Aboriginal theme amusement park where I rode on a bunch of upside down, twisty-turny roller coasters, dropped down from high towers and oh I have to mention my washroom dilemma! I feel like I'm always holding in urine, I'm seriously gonna kill my bladder... all because I dislike/can't/incapable what ever you want to call it... to squat! =( But most places has at least ONE toilet, THANK THE LORD, and if there isn't ... I pray. We also had a singing and dancing party, and our group of leaders put so much effort to make this tour a fun one for us, and it reminds me of Winter Con in a way and how the leaders always put up with late night planning just to let us teens have a good time.

Well that is all for now, I'm really tired, wo hung lei! wo shan shui!

=)

feeling the call.

My time to fly.

Well the time has come. I can't believe in a matter of hours I will be on a plane again, I actually really like flying and I'm really excited to be in VANCOUVER! Even if its for a short 6 hours, well at least I will be spending time there after experiencing Taiwan.

In a way I'm oober head over heels over these next three weeks but I'm also scared. I got reminded last night that I don't know how to speak or write or understand Mandarin except for counting 1-10, "I Love You", "I don't know" haha... it will definitely be a different trip. I do hope to learn lots though seeing that I will be immerse in Taiwan's culture, people, and language for three weeks! Hopefully I feel the pressure to absorb it, let it sink in, and come back with a new language under my belt... or weight since everyone is telling me the abundance of snacks and food they have.

I feel like there's a few things I should do before I go, like check what I'm not allowed to bring as carry on; I'm sure my mini swiss knife is still in my wallet xP

Gota fly, Bye!

P.S. For the record I actually like plane food, its all prepared and portioned and ready for you to devour it!

Addiction.

So one of the many duties of being a cashier is to sell Lottery and I utterly HATE IT. I feel like I'm indirectly feeding so and so's addiction to gambling. Some people win nothing, some win $2, $5, $20, the most I've seen is $50 in cash BUT majority is not HAPPY enough with their winnings, and decides to buy more lottery with the amount they just won.

WHY. I question this all the time. Why not work for your money? Why not save that few dollars, why not use your pay cheque towards something else more beneficial, more useful.

Once I had two different, unrelated guys buy $100.00 worth of lotto max tickets... like SERIOUSLY.. what are the chances of you winning? Today on shine FM.. I heard its like 1 in 28 million or something like that... secondly what if you don't win, that $100 bucks just went down the drain, when you could have done so much more with it!

So this got me thinking... say you DO win, that allowed you to not have to work so hard, or work at all. You've traveled the world a few times, maybe bought everything you needed: big house, sweet ride, and if he/she is compassionate, maybe they've donated some to a local charity or local disaster fund, then What?

Maybe this is why some celebrities resolve in drug use, plastic surgery, and all that ugly stuff... you've got so much money, you don't know what to do with it anymore. I even have customers tell me that if I gave them the winning ticket they would come back and buy me a car (eyes roll, yea right, you probably forget me right there and then)not like I feel obligated in getting something in return or that I doubt their chances of winning (actually, I do doubt) but just sensing their greediness drives me up the wall. Others say they're going to quit their job if they win, others get so mad at the cashiers if you give them a wrong ticket or you don't understand their lotto-lingo. Oh what I find ridiculous is that customers are WILLING to wait in a LONG line up that sells lottery, rather than go to a empty cashier just to pay for the rest of their goods and get out of the store.
SEE what people will do for a chance of BIG MONEY?!

Sigh* I wish I didn't understand lotto-lingo, but I'm starting to, and it just gets worse as Lotto Max raises the grand prize amount, but its just a job. JUST a job.

People should look to other things rather than money for happiness.

On a happier note, I was sewing a personal project today, and my auntie saw me turn down a lunch outing when my grandma had asked me to go, and she was like, "just let her sew, it can get addicting."

Well there's my personal addiction, and its not harming others, so maybe I shouldn't complain about those lotto-addicts but in the end, I hope you acknowledge where I'm going.

The Catch Up Effect

How many times do I have to talk about how time flies? Five weeks ago I thought it be dreadful making myself take a spring course when I just finished my first year of University and should be savoring my FOUR months of legit summer or not holidays, and fast forward, I'm almost done, one more week to go; 5 classes.

I'm actually really happy I took this course, HECOL 254, a beginner sewing course I'm required to take for my Textile & Clothing program, and its only offered in the Spring time anyways. At times, I love what I am doing, like how I accomplished my skirt:

Other times... I just wanted to relieve myself of all the seam ripping & needle-prodding-in-finger chaos. Well lets think positive and aim for a well-done shirt as my final project for this course. As I journeyed through this course I just realize how much there is to learn beyond shopping and picking items off the walls. I also realize how God has opened so much doors for me all the while.

Before this spring course, before this school year, before last summer 2009, before the end of grade 12 I had wanted to brush up on my sewing skills and find a summer course for 2010 at a local company or school and voila, HECOL 254 opened up. Not only that, two years ago,my summer of grade 11, my friend had an opportunity to go study Mandarin in Taiwan for six weeks, and despite my mixed thoughts about going to MY open door now, I remembered how jealous and full of admiration I was about HER going and I be stupid to say No and shut this door when God has left it ajar for me.

So what can I say, maybe it is a pleasant thing that time flies, so when you look back on it, you realize just how much you and I have changed, how time has evolved, and experiences are opening up.

Lately, I have been enjoying my student-employment-faith life, taking this spring course was less hectic than I thought it be and despite working life, I'm earning a pay cheque and it feels good to earn money and even better to spend it. Its so hard to control my spending now, thinking back, it was way easier to be stingy and save when you are NOT employed and DON'T have a job. Now that I am employed, I feel as if I have a steady 'income' and am able to buy that shirt or that thing I want. Hopefully this mentality of mine ceases shortly so I can save for the long term plans I have. As for my social life, I feel like I'm back on task; I caught up with eight people last week! I'm so glad I just got to go grab a snack, bubble tea, yoga, shop, enjoy a meal, share a movie, or just sit around together. It was definitely cherished bonding time and I hope to continue this while I can. As for faith, not the best for last, I realized I haven't prayed as much as I use to, maybe I should attend a prayer meeting to pick up on that and there are prayer needs, but maybe because of all the things going on, I have been letting my prayers slide, so that is a TO DO must!

{God forgive me; I know you already have, so Thank You for your almightyness forever and always}

Aging Flashback

So this past Saturday I attended my friend's grade nine graduation. It was quite an experience and filled with enthusiasm. The girls were all in lovely dresses, hair & make up done, boys prim and proper, ties & suited up, even some parents were looking pretty good head to toe. Well I admit, I took this event as an opportunity to dress up too, I miss all the excitement of grad from last year.

As an attendee of someone's grade nine grad, I started pondering about my own grade nine grad four years ago. That just sounded like ages ago but wow, I realize how much I have grown emotionally and socially as a person. As I was there, it was easy to pick out those whom were likely to be the class-clowns of the graduating class since they acted similar to the class-clowns of my class four years ago), others whom were the silent type, etc. etc. I thought back to my grade 9 grad back in 2006 and wondered if we were like those students sitting happily and anticipated for our names to be called so we can have that ten seconds of glamor on stage from getting our certificates, and posing for a photo to be taken, - was I like that? did I ever act like that? Did my grad year scream and shout and do stupid crazy things to grab attention? Oh yes. The years of being a teenager, the puberty era, it seems like it was so far away, but at the same time I'm glad I've outgrown it.

I finally realize that I'm a young woman, and like I'm not a kid no more, I even felt "old" at one point being there with all those grade nines. But what is the definition of being old? Its just the opposite of not being young, but if you consider yourself young at your age, then your not old, because your starting a whole new whelm of experience being YOU at that particular age, and everything is fresh as it can be for a freshman heading into post secondary. I just found it a "reality-check" moment in a way and I just got to thank God for pulling me through those raging-attitude-drama-filled-friendships-fluttering hormone times or else I wouldn't be who I am today. Aren't you glad your reading words from the mouth of a legit eighteen year old and not a fourteen year old girl anticipating the arrival of high school because word of mouth has it that there are a lot of cute guys?!

Like what was I thinking right? I've grown to maturity, and I'm happy where I'm at! Maybe four years from today I will have another reality-check and reflect on life as it was as an eighteen year old whose claiming she's a young lady.


Time will tell~

Disbelief.

Well where shall I start? Back in February an opportunity came up for me to participate in this international summer exchange program to Taiwan. At first I was hesitant and I didn't really want to be gone for at least half of my summer (even though I always rant about my hometown not-so-home-sweet-DEADmonton). The catch was that this exchange thing was really cheap: I would only have to pay for airfare and $200CAD ish fee for a duration of three weeks in Taiwan including accommodation, food, transportation and all that jazz. But an even more unbelievable thing is that they only took twenty, yes TWENTY Canadian youths from age 17-25 from across Canada... while taking 100+ from Malaysia/Thailand,I know what your thinking, does Taiwan dislike Canadians? LOL But anyhow I decided to give it a try because I applied thinking I wouldn't make it, even though it was such a hassle to get a full body check up, urine & blood tests, and an chest x-ray done to prove that I'm in good health in order to apply. I dislike going to doctors, so to me it was inconvenient to the max.

So guess what I received in my email today?! I'M ACCEPTED?!?! a few weeks ago, I had received a "your on a waiting list" note and all of a sudden I'm in, and I have to send in my flight information by May 30? Like.. I didn't even expect to get in, and now I'm bombarded with admission information.

At the same time, it seems like so much is coming up this summer and the other day my family had got a call from California (family friends) inviting us to go down during the summer to attend their daughters' wedding and catch up. Also around the same time, I was planning to use my saved up air miles to visit a friend that had moved to Toronto this summer and I was looking into tourist attractions, flights, dates, etc, etc. So now this. I'm not in a dilemma, but ironically last night I was praying to God asking Him to help me decide what I should do this summer, Toronto vs. California with my family, and now a THIRD opportunity came up... not to mention my want to pay a visit to Vancouver and visit my camp kids from last summer.

If only I could have four summers all in one go eh? So I'm indecisive and I have to use some brain power to think things through and make A choice.

For once, I'm not gonna rant about Edmonton since the weather is lovely, sunny and HOT and I'm going to savor a fugdesicle!

Sundae on a Sunday

Its late at night, the sun has not set, and its my 50th blog, and we shall all agree that its a great day out for a sundae especially since tomorrow is a SUNDAY.

<3

I'm Happy.

Never Ending

Well if you haven't heard me rant about my family's 2 vans, your definitely in for a joy ride. So for the past like three? months if its not my mom's van having problems, its my dad's van. It all started when... oh I can't even recall the first incident but my mom's van just kept dieing so easily and would be in need of a car boost (her vehicle is only five years old), so that happened quite a few times and it would be a pain. Then after my mom's van finally died for the last time because the battery actually ceased its living, and we got a new one, my dad's van started having car problems. Its a seven year old Kia and I guess like any other thing that gets old, it starts breaking down. I remember the first time it died, we couldn't fix it because the car fixing place we go to was actually going through renovations! Well eventually my dad's van was thought to be 'fixed', and parts were repaired and things were back to normal for the family, home sweet home right?

NOPE.

Not until last night was I driving home from church that I noticed the brake light didn't turn off and the battery light came on, and then the radio I was listening TURNED OFF ( this is sounding like a movie scenario, I know, it gets worst!!) then the lights in the car slowly started dimming, and right then I totally knew what was happening and I was praying to God that I could make it home before the battery would die... yet again. Luckily as this was happening I happen to be driving around the same speed as a close friend and her mom. We both stopped at the intersection parallel to each other (the one right before my house..oh SO CLOSE right.. but not close enough) and right then when I stopped and braked before the red light, all the lights died and I knew I was screwed. The lights turned green, my car wouldn't go, I got honked of course, I turned on the emergency signal, it came on, then went off, then came on with some squeaky noises, I call my dad and tell him what happened (and since this happened before, he thought it was the same problem as last time so I did what he told me to), I turned the car off, turned it back on, emergency lights were gone, this creepy noise from the engine started coming on.. eek ek ek ek ek.. my dad tells me he's on his way, and even though from my position to my house was a 10min walk ish... I was wondering how in the world my dad was going to reach me because he didn't have a car (my mom had gone to work with her van already)... so I just kept praying to God and hoping a miracle would happen and hoping I wouldn't die ( I know I'm exaggerating but in that moment it really felt like the end of the world).

As I was waiting (and since all the lights and the emergency lights were out) I decided I should get out of the car and signal to cars to switch lanes instead of them constantly honking themselves and realizing my car is dead plus I wanted to get out because the car was making all these weird noises and everything was dead in the car and I really felt like it may have exploded. Initially when I tried to unlock the doors it wouldn't work and I thought... crap maybe because the battery died nothing is working, I'm gonna die, would I have to kick the windows if, If, IF something worst happened? but I tried again (and maybe I was just overwhelmed by everything the first time) and this time it worked, and I stood there in the freezing cold waiting how in the world my dad was to reach me as I signaled cars off. WHY did this have to happen on a day where the weather was so unpleasant and beeping cold?!!?

Finally my dad came, and I saw a car off to the side that had driven him here, and I assumed it was my neighbors' but it was my friend and her mom whom had driven and stopped at the intersection beside me. They noticed I wasn't following behind them and driven home to get my dad! It was God's grace, and I felt it despite all the things going through my head. I also felt the love of Canadians, two different African American drivers and had stopped to offer to boost our car and the one whom tried boosting, our car didn't budge at all. We had to call in a family friend (whom probably been called by the Phos' constantly in these past three months) and he brought another battery... but it seemed like it wasn't really working, but at least it got the car home where we found out some other internal organ in the car was dead and yadda yadda car talk.

So what is my point over this big rant from the last night? I don't know really, but first I'm sick of car problems, secondly I really felt God answer my prayers in a moment I thought the car may explode, and lastly, I pray to God and hope that in all his power, that this may be the last car incident. Sigh* if only.

On a happier note, I got a job! Thank God for that =))

I MADE IT.

YEAR ONE! IS D-O-N-E.

I'm so happy, and its been such a busy bee weekend since ending my exam on Friday. I just feel so so relieved after having accomplish four finals in a row... kinda (2 on Thursdays, 2 on Friday). Now that I'm looking back, I feel so slack having nothing to do. Studying does help pass time, well I guess anything that keeps you steadily occupy will keep time going, but wow what a weekend. From job hunting yesterday to a sic coffee house that I desperately needed to replenish myself with fellow brothers and sisters to a farewell party today, its been hectic but wonderful. I'm really blessed by how far I've come and how much there is to do, and I know God will only have more and more in store so I'm keeping my fingers cross that at least a company or two will give me a shout.

I can't believe I'm done this nutty year, I'M SO HAPPY!
The weather went from gloom to gorgeous, its so LOVELY!

1,2,3!

Today is my third anniversary of getting baptised along with many brothers and sisters on this date. I still remember many fine details even thought time cannot be rewind. The memories of that day was a big step for my "splash" of faith and thank the Lord!

Lately I've been questioning my education and my career path ahead of me. I'm in dilemma between which courses to take, course A or course B first?, what if that course is not offered later on?, I would also love to do a student exchange abroad at least during the summer or ideally for a whole term. Being the oldest I just feel its expected of me to finish school in four years, come out and find a job, but reality is, it doesn't always work that way: having a degree doesn't mean having a job and coming out four years later means I'll only be 21, I feel like that's such a small number. I would like to accomplish more in a way.

I'm also fighting within to figure out what I really want to do, I don't know how to depict this but as a struggle; I'm in a tug of war between decisions, decisions, decisions.

Well for now I will just focus on these remaining two days of class, anticipate the end of finals and voila' there goes first year!

Easter Time.

Well its been a great long weekend especially since I miss having these long weekends seeing that university doesn't have 'PD-days' or school-free days that grade school gives you because the curriculum doesn't take the entire 10 months. I guess university is a big difference in this case.

Today is Easter and Lent is officially over and I may have eaten more chocolate than expected for breakfast (speaking of which, I'm craving some). I can't believe I have lasted for the 40 days without chocolate and it came to me this morning that despite how hard it was to not to consume chocolate, it must've been like infinite times harder for God to give up his son (I got reminded of this on Good Friday). I'm happy to say I made it, and I think this is the first ever Lent that I made it all the way; it sure helps doing it with a buddy and makes chocolate even more savory.

Another thing that I'm reminded of is why I'm a Christian and how great God's love is. I take this for granted a lot, just like how I take driving for granted and I haven't driven in a while, seeing that one of the two vans died on my family and it gets unconvienient having to share and adjust schedules if I do need to drive, but sharing is caring.

It was yet another fun pleasure to witness brothers and sisters get baptised again, reminded me of my baptism almost 3 years ago on April 8th, 2007. Time flies, and being in the shoes of a Christian is difficult, we are always tested through our faith and there are many times we realize its hard to live up to it. But as one sister mentioned through her testitmony today, there is no standard, and God is with us through the good and bad.

One more week of classes, I can't believe it, can't even grasp that concept and how happy I will be, despite the fact I'll probably be taking a spring course. I really want to work, I want to earn money and save up, but I've been rejected directly and indirectly multiple times. I wish some companies would give you a chance and not turn you down base on your resume. I mean, how are you suppose to gain more job experience if people don't hire you. Sigh, I'm just going to wait and see what God has in store.

The sun is shining brightly out and its a beautiful day, not only beautiful, but a HAPPY DAY.
soak it up!

down right ugly.

Well I had a bad day, a really bad day that I, Sarah Pho started and did not end very well. This morning I had a really WW3 argument with my grandma, yes I was the mean granddaughter that went on rage and may have went as far to as hurting my grandma's feelings (yes I did). Then I left the house early to go to school for a run, and through the run emotions and thoughts just kept rewinding in my head from that morning and I had too big of an ego to even consider apologizing when I went home.

After the sweat and cooling off I started to feel bad and I know I didn't respect my elder or show the love of a Christian in me (my granny is not a christian) but I just hate how some elders never listen-especially to young people, always stick with methods of the past, and are just ugg!? I don't know, then I thought, I probably be in my grandma's shoes one day... then again I was like No I won't, I'm not going to have kids then I won't have grandchildren.

During my run I really wanted to get out of Edmonton and move to Vancouver for school if I could or just get out of the city because I always feel like I buttheads with so and so in my family so often. Of course I admit, its my fault too and I got to take responsiblity of what I say and HOW I say it( this quote came into my head "what you say is just as important as how you say it"). But its so hard and I definitly got driven by my emotions and attitude today. I feel so bratty; you can't choose your family and your family can't choose you, God made if fair, and we have to learn to live with one another and not only live but LOVE.

I need anger/emotional/attitude managment at home and contemplating of moving away gave me more anguish feelings and I realize wanting to leave deadmonton would just be running away from the problem.

=(

Joy of Praying

Last night me and a SIC (sista in christ) attended our church's prayer meeting, for me it was my very first time (yes, im finally doing my job as a member) and it was different from what I expected. It was actually fun! Upon arriving, all the regular attendees were shock to see the two of us, but none the less it was a great night, and even felt like a girls' bonding night when we broke off into smaller groups to pray.

I realize how much I've been missing out on other peoples' lives and how much there is to pray about: church activities, world disasters, the ill, missionaries, each other, and the list goes on. But as humane as I am, I always start prayers about me, myself and I. Its so natural to approach God when I need him the most, and that is why I believe God lets negative events happen, to draw us close to him, but then again, there is so much to pray about I think I prayed one of the longest prayers ever yesterday. Despite the laughs and chuckles throughout our prayers, my sic and I realize the importance and significance of prayers all over again.

For the record, prayer meeting wasn't the : boring, long, time consuming kind of thing, its meaningful, try it out, give God a shout ;D

oh Joy, de-sweat.

These past two days I've been feeling relaxed, maybe its the fact that I've finished two papers, and feeling good about it, yes it might just be that. Two down, one more to go. I find myself surrendering to God, at least more than last week (if you read my last blog- that was one ugly post) and recently this song kept re-singing in my head lately "I Surrender," and it hit me how much I've forgotten that we got to surrender everything. Absolutly everything to the Big G. Its hard though. Definitely a difficult task when you realize your not suppose to hold back anything from Him, but at the same time it's a good thing because you don't have to worry about anything. You can just freely let go and leave it in the hands of God and let him deal with your stress, pain and troubles. (Kind of selfish thinking in a way, but God is God, he can work with anything you throw at Him!)

I'm going to take things slow, God sent me a phone call the other night, it was truly a blessing and she reminded me to take things one step at a time. No use worrying about things down the road when you don't even know what's going to happen tomorrow.

Another thing that made my day is one of my fave bands is reunited and the olympics mascots are on sale online, all 4 of them in a boxset: saves me time trying to run around and find Quatchi.

Give a SHOUT. LET it OUT.

Memoirs of a Child

I HAVEN'T BLOGGED IN SO LONG. Although I've been sitting for like majority of today and yesterday trying to get a 2000 word essay done for English, and every other day, I'm going to continue writing because I need to update not only you guys but myself on my life.

First off I'm so STRESS! Life is so busy, University is slowly sucking my youth away and I'm always sitting which makes me feel unproductive (although I am working on the laptop) and tired. Where shall I start, uni ain't easy if people haven't realized, and juggling a five-course load is a lot to handle. I get home each day, grab a snack or perhaps a meal and then surprizingly, I automatically plot myself infront of the labtop and start working. Uni really smacks your procrastination away, well for me anyways since I recall the multiple times I would push homework aside until the very last minute back in highschool. Sometimes I find myself not even having time to focus or think about non-school stuff. I really am prioritizing school and school and school. Why am I? I'm such a hypocrite, I even find myself getting feelings of not going to fellowship and my excuse is "I have to get things(homework) done." Fortunately, bible study was canceled last Sunday night. But still, that was a dilemic mentality.. if that's even a word.

I'm still trying to obtain that balance, but for now its still leaning towards-you guess it! School.=( I feel so drained and its so difficult to meet up with friends and have a nice chat with them, for now I keep hoping for April 23 when I will have accomplished and hopefully aced my term with flying colours. BEING A STUDENT IS SO DIFFICULT. I feel crazy buying into this education scheme.... why did I again? Oh yes, I remember now, that degree everyone wants to obtain in order to get a pretty sweet paying job. Despite my sarcasm, I know education has its benefit, but wow am I in need of a break with a massage on top. TIME GO BY FASTER please? All in all I'm pretty happy about the fact that I finally finished one of my three essays all due in the last week of March. That's another thing I hate, uni and their due dates falling so close with each other. Hopefully that saying is correct: "Work hard; Play hard!"

Recently I have had many recalls about the past as a wee girl. I remember things I would say or do and compare to now, I realize how different I am. I can't believe I ever thought of doing a full IB course load and consider getting an IB diploma when I was in gr.6 or so... I think I was on durgs xP. So happens that I went to the Shrine Circus with my family last night, and going as an 18 yr old is totally abstract from an 7 or even 12 yr old's mind. I realize how small the rings, animals and stage looked and I even asked my mom, did things get smaller or is it just me? Obviously she responded that I'm older now, of course things don't seem as "exciting" to me as it would to little kids. Take my elementary cousins for example, who were so over the top to get their face painted and buy helium balloons. I miss those times. No worries, no troubles, just Fun. Now at my age, people just like sucking the helium out of the balloons to have a high squeaky voice, like those three chipmuncks that made it to the big screen.

Well to wrap things up, I feel better putting my thoughts into words and sharing it. I'm sorry if my moodiness crossed your mind as you read this. Nonetheless, I wish you a great week! Talk to people, embrace your thoughts, and let it flow out. It helps. Promise.

p.s. oh job where art thou?!

I have a Break?

Well-WOW I just realized I haven't blogged since the first week of this year, so I better keep tabs on blogging again. So I guess this term is just swell, I'm living it day by day and it keeps me busy and I'm happy that I've been able to review what I learn daily so I don't pile up, and I've been putting that UoA gym pass to good use =)

Since the start of this term, I've been wanting to find a job, and I have done my part, called places, send out resumes, been to an interview, got turned down, places don't call, I get lazy and want to give up but I guess the good thing is I can focus on school and other things I need to do. Now that I'm on my first reading week ever, its nice not having to wake up for those 8am classes, but I do feel busy studying for my midterms for next week and just running errands, like getting my first ever body check done.. which I got stressed out over, but so far I'm healthy, thank God! I also raided my closet today and filled a bag of old clothes, shoes, etc for this organization coming to pick up donations tommorw. It always feels good to give and not only that, its great to empty out stuff you don't wear anymore and give that item a chance to be worn by those who are less fortunate.

So back to the job hunting thing, I'm still looking, but then I think, do I have time to be employed? That would mean giving up...well my tv time, which ain't that valuable but it comes down to organizing my time and just living a balance of church, school, home, and possibly a work life. I'm so keen on finding a job before end of term because I know once April hits, the demand for jobs is going to rise and the supply will be low (Econ does come in handy=D) Although I have pretty much four midterms coming up, I'm not as stressed as I use to be, God already knows what kind of marks I'll end up with, not saying I'm just going to leave it as it is and not try my best, but I guess going with the flow is better then stressing over things you can't control.

Recently I find myself, keeping to myself a lot, I know I'm an extrovert but a lot of times I like solving my own problems or figuring out how do to something differently without asking for little to no help at all. I wouldn't say its a bad thing, but in a way it is, because not allowing people to associate in your life is a sign of neglecting their concern and love for you, so I got to let go and open up those itty bitty things that I think I can handle, but really, I may be lieing to myself.

Overall, its been a pretty good week following the initiation of Olympics, Chinese New Year, Valentines' (altho n/a for me), Family Day, and this rather short break.


Goal for Lent: giving up chocolate, now lets see how I do this time.

everyDate.

So I just wanted to blog today because I thought of blogging when I wrote out the date for the first time of this year: Wed/Jan 5th,01, yes I wrote 01, but its 10! We've reached another decade and I'm still psych for this year to reveal itself one day at at time.

A lot of realizations has occurred today, I guess I had time to do a lot of thinking while heading to school on a 50min ish ride, buying my textbooks (luckily I don't have to buy that many this term, yay to saving money!), waiting in line (went early, so wasn't too long), waiting for class, dreading class, and daydreaming here and there. I really feel God in me as of today, I really feel he's helping me control all my insecurities, anger, sorrow, madness, hatred, stress,anxiousness,neverousness, happiness, and thoughts.

God is awesome. God is great. I will praise God with all my might and every date!