I had lunch with some friends after church a few weeks ago and was asked what I do for 'self-care'. In other words, what do I do to keep myself healthy, relaxed, stress-free, and perhaps even sane in between the busyness of work, school, and other commitments I may have. I think I gave a brief and random response about fitness or something related to my hobbies, I can't pinpoint exactly, but I knew that response wasn't a complete one.
I've come to realize that I'm actually not that great in the self-care department. You know the cliche, "when the going gets tough, the tough gets going?" well I kind of feel like that. I just suck up everything I need to do or face and keep on going. I do reflect and share with others what I'm going through, but I'm so driven by means of "doing" that I neglect to set aside time to just do nothing or be at peace with my situation and give time to ponder-think-reflect some more before rushing onto my next item of attack.
I mean, there will always be things to do, but I know achieving a tranquil balance is just as important, if not more.
Something for me to work on in the days to come.
Sunday, October 27, 2013
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Teen-Rage
I was standing there in complete and utterly speechless thoughts to what I had signed myself up for.
Did I actually sign myself up for this?
The sight was out of my mind nuts. Girls running around in circles on an invisible engine of energy that seemed endless, boys grabbing handfuls of chips at a time as if their ultimate goal of the night was to eat up the snack table, and both sexes rushing to hoard as many sugar loaded jelly sticks as they could before they were directed to settle down and listen in an orderly fashion.
Was it too late to not commit to this anymore I asked myself. Maybe it was not being in the shoes of a teen for so long that finding myself at the focal point of it all turned my panic mode on. Or perhaps I was still holding onto some annoyance from the previous weekend working at Grad Expo and having to assist needy teenage girls, but I couldn`t believed how overwhelmed I was.
When I had inquired about serving the junior high fellowship, it was because there was a need for female leaders for this new program starting called Youth Alpha I thought was pretty neat. Partly feeling obligated due to the need, partly acknowledging how critical leaders were to me when I was a teen, and partly clueless that my inquiry had turned into a commitment, God knew all along what my next twelve Saturday nights would be spent doing.
I don`t know if this is funny to you or not, but I find God has quite the sense of humor putting me in this situation. Initially I was very eager to serve and excited to share my spiritual experience with the young girls at a time where establishing their identity and foundation in Christ is so significant, praying for wisdom in these weekly sessions that I would lead, and that God would work in them and transform their hearts. However, I couldn`t believe that in a complete instant, I had changed my mind upon observing this group of hormone raging youth.
WAIT, there`s a turning point though.
I sucked up my predicament and decided that instead of feeling distant and incompetent in this role, why not join them in their fun and just trust my guts that this night won`t be madness?
And surprisingly, it wasn`t.
As if God sense my utmost exaggeration of teenage peril, the night was more smooth sailing than I ever thought it be post teen-rage storm. The first episode of youth alpha was engaging and cool to even my not-so-teen standards, and the questions and discussions stirred was deep and unexpectedly open and honest beyond my comprehension. I even felt like I had to learn from these girls and to change my approach in leading them these next few months.
On my drive home, I praised the ultimate one and decided to stick with my initial thoughts as it`s not me, but Him whose in control of all things and I am but a tool in His hand. I`m looking forward to what God has in store for us, and to see how these youngsters are going to grow in the next eleven sessions.
Please pray for them, and me to survive. Not kidding.
Did I actually sign myself up for this?
The sight was out of my mind nuts. Girls running around in circles on an invisible engine of energy that seemed endless, boys grabbing handfuls of chips at a time as if their ultimate goal of the night was to eat up the snack table, and both sexes rushing to hoard as many sugar loaded jelly sticks as they could before they were directed to settle down and listen in an orderly fashion.
Was it too late to not commit to this anymore I asked myself. Maybe it was not being in the shoes of a teen for so long that finding myself at the focal point of it all turned my panic mode on. Or perhaps I was still holding onto some annoyance from the previous weekend working at Grad Expo and having to assist needy teenage girls, but I couldn`t believed how overwhelmed I was.
When I had inquired about serving the junior high fellowship, it was because there was a need for female leaders for this new program starting called Youth Alpha I thought was pretty neat. Partly feeling obligated due to the need, partly acknowledging how critical leaders were to me when I was a teen, and partly clueless that my inquiry had turned into a commitment, God knew all along what my next twelve Saturday nights would be spent doing.
I don`t know if this is funny to you or not, but I find God has quite the sense of humor putting me in this situation. Initially I was very eager to serve and excited to share my spiritual experience with the young girls at a time where establishing their identity and foundation in Christ is so significant, praying for wisdom in these weekly sessions that I would lead, and that God would work in them and transform their hearts. However, I couldn`t believe that in a complete instant, I had changed my mind upon observing this group of hormone raging youth.
WAIT, there`s a turning point though.
I sucked up my predicament and decided that instead of feeling distant and incompetent in this role, why not join them in their fun and just trust my guts that this night won`t be madness?
And surprisingly, it wasn`t.
As if God sense my utmost exaggeration of teenage peril, the night was more smooth sailing than I ever thought it be post teen-rage storm. The first episode of youth alpha was engaging and cool to even my not-so-teen standards, and the questions and discussions stirred was deep and unexpectedly open and honest beyond my comprehension. I even felt like I had to learn from these girls and to change my approach in leading them these next few months.
On my drive home, I praised the ultimate one and decided to stick with my initial thoughts as it`s not me, but Him whose in control of all things and I am but a tool in His hand. I`m looking forward to what God has in store for us, and to see how these youngsters are going to grow in the next eleven sessions.
Please pray for them, and me to survive. Not kidding.
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
say What?
I can and can't believe it's October already.
I can believe it because even though I'm not in the shoes of a student, never did I thought that my work experience as a special events intern would keep me so preoccupied-physically, mentally, at work and even at home. I have classmates in similar situations that feel the same way and I justify it partly from the pressure we feel to make a good impression, despite the pass/fail requirement to receive credits and progress along towards graduation. Another part, a realization of what is expected in the "real" world, that's why its called work experience right?!
On a positive note, I am learning immensely about my role and even more than I ever did in New York because I am actually responsible over projects and have "authority" to an extent in making my own judgement about how and what it is that is to be done, not just assisting. The realistic aspect makes me question if I am wanting to do this in the long run. It's still too early to make an all encompassing judgement, but I know one major burden I feel is not being able to go to church Sunday mornings due to a good handful of events falling on that day of the week. Initially, I had plans to find an evening night church, but there actually aren't that many in Edmonton north, and one thing I dislike about work life is how drained you are by the end of the day that you just want to sit and stare at a screen.
I had more than succumbed to this couch potato behavior in NYC despite the hypes of the Big Apple. I mean, I was tired from a long day at school when I was a student, but working is a totally different story-at least for me. I'm thankful to be living at home right now and be able to come home to food already made as I can relate to the syndrome of not wanting to cook after a long day at my internship in NYC (thankfully I had awesome roomies!).
This explains the lack of blogging, and me being M-I-A these past few weeks. I'm actually acknowledging the consequences of this obviously as I find that circumstances where I'm usually patient and am able to discipline myself in have fallen short; this past weekend, I felt my attitude was especially nasty about certain things. Needless to say, I definitely know the perks of being in a spiritual community and plugging myself into a family of believers consistently.
So I can't believe its already October because I feel like I haven't done much but work between my practicum and my part time. I did make some 'golden' goals for myself this year that I've started, but other than that, I find myself not being as efficient as I like in my spare time. I don't miss the work load of a student, but I do miss running into people on campus and even lingering to have a quick chat. At work, your main focus is on your tasks, and your network is limited to work relationships which makes it hard to keep up with friends who are still in school.
Well, that was a brief update on what went down in September, hopefully it won't be another month until I blog again.
I hope you're all doing well!
I can believe it because even though I'm not in the shoes of a student, never did I thought that my work experience as a special events intern would keep me so preoccupied-physically, mentally, at work and even at home. I have classmates in similar situations that feel the same way and I justify it partly from the pressure we feel to make a good impression, despite the pass/fail requirement to receive credits and progress along towards graduation. Another part, a realization of what is expected in the "real" world, that's why its called work experience right?!
On a positive note, I am learning immensely about my role and even more than I ever did in New York because I am actually responsible over projects and have "authority" to an extent in making my own judgement about how and what it is that is to be done, not just assisting. The realistic aspect makes me question if I am wanting to do this in the long run. It's still too early to make an all encompassing judgement, but I know one major burden I feel is not being able to go to church Sunday mornings due to a good handful of events falling on that day of the week. Initially, I had plans to find an evening night church, but there actually aren't that many in Edmonton north, and one thing I dislike about work life is how drained you are by the end of the day that you just want to sit and stare at a screen.
I had more than succumbed to this couch potato behavior in NYC despite the hypes of the Big Apple. I mean, I was tired from a long day at school when I was a student, but working is a totally different story-at least for me. I'm thankful to be living at home right now and be able to come home to food already made as I can relate to the syndrome of not wanting to cook after a long day at my internship in NYC (thankfully I had awesome roomies!).
This explains the lack of blogging, and me being M-I-A these past few weeks. I'm actually acknowledging the consequences of this obviously as I find that circumstances where I'm usually patient and am able to discipline myself in have fallen short; this past weekend, I felt my attitude was especially nasty about certain things. Needless to say, I definitely know the perks of being in a spiritual community and plugging myself into a family of believers consistently.
So I can't believe its already October because I feel like I haven't done much but work between my practicum and my part time. I did make some 'golden' goals for myself this year that I've started, but other than that, I find myself not being as efficient as I like in my spare time. I don't miss the work load of a student, but I do miss running into people on campus and even lingering to have a quick chat. At work, your main focus is on your tasks, and your network is limited to work relationships which makes it hard to keep up with friends who are still in school.
Well, that was a brief update on what went down in September, hopefully it won't be another month until I blog again.
I hope you're all doing well!
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