You know that feeling you get deep down? Not the butterfly floating around in your stomach kind of feeling, but something deeper that you know is logical and perhaps the right thing to do? The feeling that tugs at your conscience and tries to persuade you towards a particular direction. Well I experienced that today. I knew something was wrong since early this morning, but I placed it aside. I didn't want to deal with it and its easier to shove it to an unknown corner than have to deal with further complications or even just the simplicity of it. That's so human of us, sometimes we don't want to face situations we rather not-regardless of its difficulty, rather, we choose to leave it in the back of our heads with all the other insignificant things. But if those feelings are strong enough, some-time, some-day, you will have to deal with them. You soon realize that running away is never a solution and you should have dealt with those feelings instead of delaying them.
After my first class today, I was force to face those feelings. It felt a little better approaching them, but deep down, I still felt a little out of place. What had I done prior to deserve this? Sometimes situations are confusing and can't be explained. As if my guts had wrapped around itself and were struggling to de-tangle themselves without a doctor. Remember that game we would play as kids? Holding hands with each other in a circle and weave ourselves under and over arms, then calling out for the 'doctor' to deal with the mess we ourselves made? Maybe we are all like that at some point. Waiting for some doctor to come rescue and relieve us of our troubles. Would that be considered irresponsible? Leaving the consequence of our actions to so and so? I'll let you interpret that.
In the afternoon, after my lunch break, I had those feelings appear again. Seriously, I dealt with them, how come they had to resurface? I thought the situation (and those feelings) would die down and cease altogether, maybe I had underestimated the incident. This time, I tried to hold them in, I didn't want to approach them in that moment as that would not be logical and I thought I might as well have some time to think about it before acting out. But then, those feelings mounted and I felt the pressure. Maybe I should have faced them when they came upon me, but I couldn't, no solution would have been found. I felt pretty idiotic all the way home. It was even worse having missed my bus in this freezing white weather. I couldn't hold onto those feelings no more and I had to relinquish them as soon as possible or else consequences may have been worst. Fortunately...
I remembered there was a solution. The solution was there all the time, I was just slow at realizing that it was an easy and free one. How oblivious of me. Focusing on drowning out those feelings when the solution had been there all the time. Maybe that is our lives sometimes- too focused on one side of the test to even realize there was questions on the other side. As a result, we miss out on what was always there for us and meant for us to do.
Well what was my solution? Indigo was my solution. Indigo was at Northgate. Indigo relieved my pressure.
Indigo relieved my diarrhea. xP
On a lighter note, tomorrow is 03,01 (March 1st) and it is predicted to be -31C.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Communication Loss
I realized I never shared the story of how I lost my phone over the holidays in Vancouver. So on boxing day, my friends and I decided to go to Metrotown, a mall in Burnaby, and while I was in Forever 21 (hint hint, nudge nudge, please don't go to F21 on boxing day, there's nearly NO sales, and although its two levels, people are everywhere and line ups are so long that they are intertwined between racks and shelves of clothing and you can't even find the end, and on top of it all, there's a DJ blasting loud music, so you can hardly talk or hear a thing)I lost my phone.
I was holding a shirt I bought in a bag and kept my phone in there for easy accessibility, instead of having to put it back in my bag and taking it out every time I needed it. It was also more convenient, since I had split up with my three other friends- easier to grab the phone when it rang. Anyhow, I was holding onto a bunch of clothes I had grab and because the store was so packed and my thoughts were in a million places, I just put my phone back into my bag without looking if it actually went back into the brown bag, and shortly after, I realized I had lost my phone. I freaked out. This was the first time I had ever loss my phone, and it just had to be in a different city and right when I separated from my friends, all on my own. So I pushed myself through the mobs of people to ask the manager if she could make an announcement, and guess what? She said they don't have an intercom (in my head I was like, how could you not?! Your store is two levels, how do you call an employee to come upstairs/downstairs! Every store has one! I bet she said that to me so I would go away, but to my luck, a nice employee took down my hotel number in case anything turned up (she even felt sorry for me because I was not from Vancouver). Since there was a DJ, I asked if he could turn down the music and make an announcement for me, well he didn't do it, but he put the mic in my face and I made verbal headlines to the shoppers of Forever 21 about a lost green Sony Ericsson with a red bow phone charm. I sounded like an idiot. No News. Nothing. Fortunately, I found one of my friends in the store in line and she notified the others of my lost phone.
I was close to giving up, I really thought my phone was either broken from all the customers walking around in the store or buried under a pile of clothes or stolen. I realize how important communication was. Before I found one of my friends, I kept questioning what I was going to do; I had walked around the store a million times, looked upstairs and downstairs, retraced my steps, did I have to wait until they closed to dig through the piles of clothes and hope that my only means of communication would turn up? I wasn't even aware of how important a phone was until this incident! Even when my friend and I decided to grab lunch and leave the store, I was hesitant because I thought all my chances were gone if I left the store. Typical me, I just kept on ranting and worrying and not buying anything. It was definitely a miserable boxing day and my mood was dictating everything.
So how did I find my phone? Well, one of my friends who was off on her own was logical enough to text my phone in case someone did pick it up. I guess I was too caught up in my conclusions to even logically think of ways of contacting my phone. After an hour or so, YES, there are still nice people on this planet! A girl and her mom had actually picked up my phone and held onto it! I assume they left the store before I made my verbal diarrhea. I was so relieved. I couldn't believe it. Within moments, I had gone from digging up a giant depressing hole to bury myself in to literally lighting up with joy. The power of one's mood eh?! I couldn't thank God enough. But then it hit me, that God had plan this incident so I would focus back on Him rather than on the sales and discounts. I had recalled the night before, praying to God to keep me on track and not let secular things get to me.
Anyhow, the point of this story? I learned a big lesson from that incident, but lately I've been feeling disconnected. I feel as if I lost my phone again, but this time not physically lose my phone. I don't know who or what I should be plugged into and I just don't know about a lot of things. I'm kind of stuck in a way, stuck as if I was hesitating to leave F21 because I thought if I did, all communication would be loss. All of it. I just don't feel connected to any signal and I have planted bushes of "what if" trees in my disconnected garden. If I apply that incident to where I am now, I should know that God will provide a light out of this dim tunnel, that he will lead me and tell me what I should be doing or going or focusing on. But I can't cope with that proposed conclusion because as I said, I'm digging up a giant hole for myself, and until a logical and perhaps miraculous rope arrives to pull me up, I will keep digging.
L O S S
I was holding a shirt I bought in a bag and kept my phone in there for easy accessibility, instead of having to put it back in my bag and taking it out every time I needed it. It was also more convenient, since I had split up with my three other friends- easier to grab the phone when it rang. Anyhow, I was holding onto a bunch of clothes I had grab and because the store was so packed and my thoughts were in a million places, I just put my phone back into my bag without looking if it actually went back into the brown bag, and shortly after, I realized I had lost my phone. I freaked out. This was the first time I had ever loss my phone, and it just had to be in a different city and right when I separated from my friends, all on my own. So I pushed myself through the mobs of people to ask the manager if she could make an announcement, and guess what? She said they don't have an intercom (in my head I was like, how could you not?! Your store is two levels, how do you call an employee to come upstairs/downstairs! Every store has one! I bet she said that to me so I would go away, but to my luck, a nice employee took down my hotel number in case anything turned up (she even felt sorry for me because I was not from Vancouver). Since there was a DJ, I asked if he could turn down the music and make an announcement for me, well he didn't do it, but he put the mic in my face and I made verbal headlines to the shoppers of Forever 21 about a lost green Sony Ericsson with a red bow phone charm. I sounded like an idiot. No News. Nothing. Fortunately, I found one of my friends in the store in line and she notified the others of my lost phone.
I was close to giving up, I really thought my phone was either broken from all the customers walking around in the store or buried under a pile of clothes or stolen. I realize how important communication was. Before I found one of my friends, I kept questioning what I was going to do; I had walked around the store a million times, looked upstairs and downstairs, retraced my steps, did I have to wait until they closed to dig through the piles of clothes and hope that my only means of communication would turn up? I wasn't even aware of how important a phone was until this incident! Even when my friend and I decided to grab lunch and leave the store, I was hesitant because I thought all my chances were gone if I left the store. Typical me, I just kept on ranting and worrying and not buying anything. It was definitely a miserable boxing day and my mood was dictating everything.
So how did I find my phone? Well, one of my friends who was off on her own was logical enough to text my phone in case someone did pick it up. I guess I was too caught up in my conclusions to even logically think of ways of contacting my phone. After an hour or so, YES, there are still nice people on this planet! A girl and her mom had actually picked up my phone and held onto it! I assume they left the store before I made my verbal diarrhea. I was so relieved. I couldn't believe it. Within moments, I had gone from digging up a giant depressing hole to bury myself in to literally lighting up with joy. The power of one's mood eh?! I couldn't thank God enough. But then it hit me, that God had plan this incident so I would focus back on Him rather than on the sales and discounts. I had recalled the night before, praying to God to keep me on track and not let secular things get to me.
Anyhow, the point of this story? I learned a big lesson from that incident, but lately I've been feeling disconnected. I feel as if I lost my phone again, but this time not physically lose my phone. I don't know who or what I should be plugged into and I just don't know about a lot of things. I'm kind of stuck in a way, stuck as if I was hesitating to leave F21 because I thought if I did, all communication would be loss. All of it. I just don't feel connected to any signal and I have planted bushes of "what if" trees in my disconnected garden. If I apply that incident to where I am now, I should know that God will provide a light out of this dim tunnel, that he will lead me and tell me what I should be doing or going or focusing on. But I can't cope with that proposed conclusion because as I said, I'm digging up a giant hole for myself, and until a logical and perhaps miraculous rope arrives to pull me up, I will keep digging.
L O S S
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
When God Winks
A while back I told you guys that I had picked up a book from Shoppers' staff room here. I finally finished reading it today on the way to work (yes, I got called bright and early to cover a shift). At first I really didn't want to take this shift, I already had my day planned out to tackle some assignments and tasks I had to do, but I thought a) what goes around comes around, and I would really appreciate someone taking my shift if I couldn't do so due to unexpected happenings; b)I wouldn't mind earning from the extra shift and c) the not so logical one of them all, I actually thought about my supervisor that morning because I wanted to take a day off in March-weird eh?
Well back to the book, its actually pretty insightful because the author tells of many real-life stories about incidents that happened to people that could be said to be a coincidence, but in faith, there is no coincidence- it was all bound to happen. There were examples of people seeking jobs and how their pathway seemed to be miraculously paved out for them. All they had to do was step a foot onto this path, and they were on there way to not only obtaining a job, but rising quickly with little interference and with more and more open doors that seem to just magically open for he/she. Then there are those who are connected to people from the past, but are connected based on what they both did in a strange way. Its very odd how things happen. I mean, even though I believe that there's a higher power and God is the creator of all things, I find it hard to believe all these cases. Its so bizarre, but yet so cool how things can work out if it is by the works of God.
In the end of this book, the author tells us to not take serendipity lightly. Coincidences are God's way of telling you your on the right track. Take this analogy:
"Along every highway are big signs and little signs. They all have meaning. You wouldn't accept or dismiss a road sign because of its size, would you?"
Words can't explain the works of God and we can never understand the happenings of now that form the bigger picture.
Be not afraid of life.
Believe that life is worth living,
and your belief will help create the fact. -William James
Well back to the book, its actually pretty insightful because the author tells of many real-life stories about incidents that happened to people that could be said to be a coincidence, but in faith, there is no coincidence- it was all bound to happen. There were examples of people seeking jobs and how their pathway seemed to be miraculously paved out for them. All they had to do was step a foot onto this path, and they were on there way to not only obtaining a job, but rising quickly with little interference and with more and more open doors that seem to just magically open for he/she. Then there are those who are connected to people from the past, but are connected based on what they both did in a strange way. Its very odd how things happen. I mean, even though I believe that there's a higher power and God is the creator of all things, I find it hard to believe all these cases. Its so bizarre, but yet so cool how things can work out if it is by the works of God.
In the end of this book, the author tells us to not take serendipity lightly. Coincidences are God's way of telling you your on the right track. Take this analogy:
"Along every highway are big signs and little signs. They all have meaning. You wouldn't accept or dismiss a road sign because of its size, would you?"
Words can't explain the works of God and we can never understand the happenings of now that form the bigger picture.
Be not afraid of life.
Believe that life is worth living,
and your belief will help create the fact. -William James
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Good Morning
This morning I turned on the radio to Shine FM and I hear this lovely quote:
Don't mistaken God's delay for God's denial.
A simple message that ringed so much meaning in my ears.
Don't mistaken God's delay for God's denial.
A simple message that ringed so much meaning in my ears.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
A Phospective on "The Time is Ripe"
It's really funny how I came up with this topic, and why I chose to finally write about it today. I guess the time really is ripe. The bible says there's a time for everything (Ecclesiastes 3. 1-8) and I believe the time is ripe for what I am about to rant on.
As secluded as one may be, we are all aware that Valentines is approaching and while (most) couples are pondering on what to do/get/plan for their significant others, some just don't put that much or any thought into it, because 'you don't need a designated day to show your love-it can be any day or everyday,' true enough. Well, I think today, it has mainly become a mass marketing strategy to get all those in a relationship to spend money on their other half. What happened to quality over quantity eh? But did you know Valentine's day was actually named after a Saint (I googled)? Saint Valentine, in fact, there was three Saints by the the name of Valentine during the time, but February 14 was designated to honor the bishop who was martyred on this day for secretly performing marriage ceremonies for young couples. During the Roman empire, Claudius II, who was ruling at the time banned marriage because he thought married men became too emotionally attached to their families and wouldn't be strong soldiers for battle. As a result, this bishop was sent to jail, and before his death, he wrote a letter to a jailor's daughter and signed it "From your Valentine" and hence, the cliche` its has become today.
So there you have it, a quick history of this supposedly romantic day. I still haven't reached my proposed topic. Okay, so I guess I want to talk about myself, hence a 'phospective' and yes, the 'time is ripe' refers to dating. No, I'm not dating if your reading this with wide eyes. I just want to share some thoughts. I guess since I've entered University or more emphasis on this school year, I've been asked the question if I have a boyfriend or if I'm dating yet? Usually these are asked by my relatives (more than often), than I have friends who are dating (or not), who ask if I'm looking, if I want to date, how's my love life, or even more directly-do I have a boy?
Sometimes I don't even know how to reply because I don't find myself thinking about this topic on a regular basis. Yes I'm aware a lot of my friends are in relationships and many people are being 'set-up' to just meet and mingle, and so in a way, I'm thinking of this topic due to the constant exposure. I think its because I'm in post secondary that people question more and more; acknowledging that the 'typical' next step after obtaining an education and finding a potential job, is marriage. I have to agree, I thought this way when I was younger too, elementary school-more school (jr/sr high)-post secondary school-work-marriage-etc... I guess to arrive at the 'marriage' state you have to meet someone along the way and seeing that school plays a big part in your life and has such big exposure to all kinds of people, its definitely the best resort. Or so you would think. Anyways, I can't avoid this topic or not think about it, and I may be voicing for others who feel this way too.
I was really surprised today though. A group of us happened to be discussing Valentine's Day, and a older leader in church, beyond my age group actually directed a question at me that made me feel taken aback. He asked, "Are you worried?" and I was like, what? me? worry about what... and he said, about finding someone since your turning twenty soon (someone had brought this up). I was like, no, why would I be? and he said, well some girls when they turn 20, they start feeling like they need to find someone or else it be too late... yadda yadda. To be honest, I know others who have blogged about being '20' and I admit I do want to date but then I realize 1) I don't know if I have time to commit to a relationship, since I don't even have time for a social life sometimes and 2) I'm not just going to throw myself on the street and hold a 'I'm single' sign, hoping that my prince charming on a while horse comes striding by and picks me up- oh yea only in my dreams & love definitely does not work that way haha.
And being a girl, I guess I always had my ideals. You know, well you don't know if your a boy, but we tend to make a lists when were younger about the requirements we look for in a guy, or play MASH and pretend whose the guy, what house, what dress, in the future. Oh those juvenile days, but recently I had a conversation with a close friend and we were on this topic, and she said we can't expect to have the ideal guy who loves God more than anything, if we are not the girl that loves God more than anything. This made me ponder on my personality, characteristics and FAITH, because if I'm not a Godly woman myself, how do I expect God to bring a Godly man in my life, right? Most christian-love workshops talk about two being on the same spiritual level and when you reach where the two should be, you meet-well this is not the case every time, I'm just generalizing. I do know rare situations where non Christians and Christians date and it works-either the boy or girl becomes expose to Christianity and actually becomes a Christian and loves and serves God. I'm sure God can work in unbelievable ways and its different for every person.
In the words of my friend,
"God is writing all of our love stories"
&
In the lyrics of Rebecca St. James' Wait for Me,
I am waiting
As secluded as one may be, we are all aware that Valentines is approaching and while (most) couples are pondering on what to do/get/plan for their significant others, some just don't put that much or any thought into it, because 'you don't need a designated day to show your love-it can be any day or everyday,' true enough. Well, I think today, it has mainly become a mass marketing strategy to get all those in a relationship to spend money on their other half. What happened to quality over quantity eh? But did you know Valentine's day was actually named after a Saint (I googled)? Saint Valentine, in fact, there was three Saints by the the name of Valentine during the time, but February 14 was designated to honor the bishop who was martyred on this day for secretly performing marriage ceremonies for young couples. During the Roman empire, Claudius II, who was ruling at the time banned marriage because he thought married men became too emotionally attached to their families and wouldn't be strong soldiers for battle. As a result, this bishop was sent to jail, and before his death, he wrote a letter to a jailor's daughter and signed it "From your Valentine" and hence, the cliche` its has become today.
So there you have it, a quick history of this supposedly romantic day. I still haven't reached my proposed topic. Okay, so I guess I want to talk about myself, hence a 'phospective' and yes, the 'time is ripe' refers to dating. No, I'm not dating if your reading this with wide eyes. I just want to share some thoughts. I guess since I've entered University or more emphasis on this school year, I've been asked the question if I have a boyfriend or if I'm dating yet? Usually these are asked by my relatives (more than often), than I have friends who are dating (or not), who ask if I'm looking, if I want to date, how's my love life, or even more directly-do I have a boy?
Sometimes I don't even know how to reply because I don't find myself thinking about this topic on a regular basis. Yes I'm aware a lot of my friends are in relationships and many people are being 'set-up' to just meet and mingle, and so in a way, I'm thinking of this topic due to the constant exposure. I think its because I'm in post secondary that people question more and more; acknowledging that the 'typical' next step after obtaining an education and finding a potential job, is marriage. I have to agree, I thought this way when I was younger too, elementary school-more school (jr/sr high)-post secondary school-work-marriage-etc... I guess to arrive at the 'marriage' state you have to meet someone along the way and seeing that school plays a big part in your life and has such big exposure to all kinds of people, its definitely the best resort. Or so you would think. Anyways, I can't avoid this topic or not think about it, and I may be voicing for others who feel this way too.
I was really surprised today though. A group of us happened to be discussing Valentine's Day, and a older leader in church, beyond my age group actually directed a question at me that made me feel taken aback. He asked, "Are you worried?" and I was like, what? me? worry about what... and he said, about finding someone since your turning twenty soon (someone had brought this up). I was like, no, why would I be? and he said, well some girls when they turn 20, they start feeling like they need to find someone or else it be too late... yadda yadda. To be honest, I know others who have blogged about being '20' and I admit I do want to date but then I realize 1) I don't know if I have time to commit to a relationship, since I don't even have time for a social life sometimes and 2) I'm not just going to throw myself on the street and hold a 'I'm single' sign, hoping that my prince charming on a while horse comes striding by and picks me up- oh yea only in my dreams & love definitely does not work that way haha.
And being a girl, I guess I always had my ideals. You know, well you don't know if your a boy, but we tend to make a lists when were younger about the requirements we look for in a guy, or play MASH and pretend whose the guy, what house, what dress, in the future. Oh those juvenile days, but recently I had a conversation with a close friend and we were on this topic, and she said we can't expect to have the ideal guy who loves God more than anything, if we are not the girl that loves God more than anything. This made me ponder on my personality, characteristics and FAITH, because if I'm not a Godly woman myself, how do I expect God to bring a Godly man in my life, right? Most christian-love workshops talk about two being on the same spiritual level and when you reach where the two should be, you meet-well this is not the case every time, I'm just generalizing. I do know rare situations where non Christians and Christians date and it works-either the boy or girl becomes expose to Christianity and actually becomes a Christian and loves and serves God. I'm sure God can work in unbelievable ways and its different for every person.
In the words of my friend,
"God is writing all of our love stories"
&
In the lyrics of Rebecca St. James' Wait for Me,
I am waiting
Thursday, February 3, 2011
The opposite of boredom would be?
So a realization hit me recently. I'm not bored no more. I haven't complained about being bored, having nothing to do, or even have nothing to think about.
I remember the days I be at home where I complain to my mom or through a msn conversation to my friends how I had nothing to do, well, except bum around the house or be a lazy couch potato.
Those days have been non-existent since I've entered University. How weird and odd this realization is. Not like I'm not a couch potato now, but I realized how occupied and busy my life has become. Be it school and the work load-exams, assignments, projects, papers or work or church and my commitments there, I guess its not a bad thing to be busy right? But sometimes I wish I could have those days back, where I actually had nothing to do. Nothing at all...
Perhaps its a process of growing up. Another year, another responsibility? Or if I take a different perspective on this, it could be a beneficial thing. I'm learning to prioritize and schedule allotted tasks to designated time slots. Though sometimes, I feel I don't have enough time.
Odd, I'm so odd
I remember the days I be at home where I complain to my mom or through a msn conversation to my friends how I had nothing to do, well, except bum around the house or be a lazy couch potato.
Those days have been non-existent since I've entered University. How weird and odd this realization is. Not like I'm not a couch potato now, but I realized how occupied and busy my life has become. Be it school and the work load-exams, assignments, projects, papers or work or church and my commitments there, I guess its not a bad thing to be busy right? But sometimes I wish I could have those days back, where I actually had nothing to do. Nothing at all...
Perhaps its a process of growing up. Another year, another responsibility? Or if I take a different perspective on this, it could be a beneficial thing. I'm learning to prioritize and schedule allotted tasks to designated time slots. Though sometimes, I feel I don't have enough time.
Odd, I'm so odd
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