down right ugly.

Well I had a bad day, a really bad day that I, Sarah Pho started and did not end very well. This morning I had a really WW3 argument with my grandma, yes I was the mean granddaughter that went on rage and may have went as far to as hurting my grandma's feelings (yes I did). Then I left the house early to go to school for a run, and through the run emotions and thoughts just kept rewinding in my head from that morning and I had too big of an ego to even consider apologizing when I went home.

After the sweat and cooling off I started to feel bad and I know I didn't respect my elder or show the love of a Christian in me (my granny is not a christian) but I just hate how some elders never listen-especially to young people, always stick with methods of the past, and are just ugg!? I don't know, then I thought, I probably be in my grandma's shoes one day... then again I was like No I won't, I'm not going to have kids then I won't have grandchildren.

During my run I really wanted to get out of Edmonton and move to Vancouver for school if I could or just get out of the city because I always feel like I buttheads with so and so in my family so often. Of course I admit, its my fault too and I got to take responsiblity of what I say and HOW I say it( this quote came into my head "what you say is just as important as how you say it"). But its so hard and I definitly got driven by my emotions and attitude today. I feel so bratty; you can't choose your family and your family can't choose you, God made if fair, and we have to learn to live with one another and not only live but LOVE.

I need anger/emotional/attitude managment at home and contemplating of moving away gave me more anguish feelings and I realize wanting to leave deadmonton would just be running away from the problem.

=(

Joy of Praying

Last night me and a SIC (sista in christ) attended our church's prayer meeting, for me it was my very first time (yes, im finally doing my job as a member) and it was different from what I expected. It was actually fun! Upon arriving, all the regular attendees were shock to see the two of us, but none the less it was a great night, and even felt like a girls' bonding night when we broke off into smaller groups to pray.

I realize how much I've been missing out on other peoples' lives and how much there is to pray about: church activities, world disasters, the ill, missionaries, each other, and the list goes on. But as humane as I am, I always start prayers about me, myself and I. Its so natural to approach God when I need him the most, and that is why I believe God lets negative events happen, to draw us close to him, but then again, there is so much to pray about I think I prayed one of the longest prayers ever yesterday. Despite the laughs and chuckles throughout our prayers, my sic and I realize the importance and significance of prayers all over again.

For the record, prayer meeting wasn't the : boring, long, time consuming kind of thing, its meaningful, try it out, give God a shout ;D

oh Joy, de-sweat.

These past two days I've been feeling relaxed, maybe its the fact that I've finished two papers, and feeling good about it, yes it might just be that. Two down, one more to go. I find myself surrendering to God, at least more than last week (if you read my last blog- that was one ugly post) and recently this song kept re-singing in my head lately "I Surrender," and it hit me how much I've forgotten that we got to surrender everything. Absolutly everything to the Big G. Its hard though. Definitely a difficult task when you realize your not suppose to hold back anything from Him, but at the same time it's a good thing because you don't have to worry about anything. You can just freely let go and leave it in the hands of God and let him deal with your stress, pain and troubles. (Kind of selfish thinking in a way, but God is God, he can work with anything you throw at Him!)

I'm going to take things slow, God sent me a phone call the other night, it was truly a blessing and she reminded me to take things one step at a time. No use worrying about things down the road when you don't even know what's going to happen tomorrow.

Another thing that made my day is one of my fave bands is reunited and the olympics mascots are on sale online, all 4 of them in a boxset: saves me time trying to run around and find Quatchi.

Give a SHOUT. LET it OUT.

Memoirs of a Child

I HAVEN'T BLOGGED IN SO LONG. Although I've been sitting for like majority of today and yesterday trying to get a 2000 word essay done for English, and every other day, I'm going to continue writing because I need to update not only you guys but myself on my life.

First off I'm so STRESS! Life is so busy, University is slowly sucking my youth away and I'm always sitting which makes me feel unproductive (although I am working on the laptop) and tired. Where shall I start, uni ain't easy if people haven't realized, and juggling a five-course load is a lot to handle. I get home each day, grab a snack or perhaps a meal and then surprizingly, I automatically plot myself infront of the labtop and start working. Uni really smacks your procrastination away, well for me anyways since I recall the multiple times I would push homework aside until the very last minute back in highschool. Sometimes I find myself not even having time to focus or think about non-school stuff. I really am prioritizing school and school and school. Why am I? I'm such a hypocrite, I even find myself getting feelings of not going to fellowship and my excuse is "I have to get things(homework) done." Fortunately, bible study was canceled last Sunday night. But still, that was a dilemic mentality.. if that's even a word.

I'm still trying to obtain that balance, but for now its still leaning towards-you guess it! School.=( I feel so drained and its so difficult to meet up with friends and have a nice chat with them, for now I keep hoping for April 23 when I will have accomplished and hopefully aced my term with flying colours. BEING A STUDENT IS SO DIFFICULT. I feel crazy buying into this education scheme.... why did I again? Oh yes, I remember now, that degree everyone wants to obtain in order to get a pretty sweet paying job. Despite my sarcasm, I know education has its benefit, but wow am I in need of a break with a massage on top. TIME GO BY FASTER please? All in all I'm pretty happy about the fact that I finally finished one of my three essays all due in the last week of March. That's another thing I hate, uni and their due dates falling so close with each other. Hopefully that saying is correct: "Work hard; Play hard!"

Recently I have had many recalls about the past as a wee girl. I remember things I would say or do and compare to now, I realize how different I am. I can't believe I ever thought of doing a full IB course load and consider getting an IB diploma when I was in gr.6 or so... I think I was on durgs xP. So happens that I went to the Shrine Circus with my family last night, and going as an 18 yr old is totally abstract from an 7 or even 12 yr old's mind. I realize how small the rings, animals and stage looked and I even asked my mom, did things get smaller or is it just me? Obviously she responded that I'm older now, of course things don't seem as "exciting" to me as it would to little kids. Take my elementary cousins for example, who were so over the top to get their face painted and buy helium balloons. I miss those times. No worries, no troubles, just Fun. Now at my age, people just like sucking the helium out of the balloons to have a high squeaky voice, like those three chipmuncks that made it to the big screen.

Well to wrap things up, I feel better putting my thoughts into words and sharing it. I'm sorry if my moodiness crossed your mind as you read this. Nonetheless, I wish you a great week! Talk to people, embrace your thoughts, and let it flow out. It helps. Promise.

p.s. oh job where art thou?!