Reflecting on this month, I can't believe it's already the last day of March. I can't be more thankful for March and all that I got to partake in.
I finished the abs challenge (Greetings, stronger core!), prepared Coffeehouse with an awesome fellowship, promoted for summer camp, met up with many friends, finished my adult strokes course, anticipated changes during this NEAC transition, wrapped up my trip planning (more details to come), and went to meetings upon meetings with joy, and felt the Push.
What do I mean by the Push?
The "Push" is what I called the works of the Holy Spirit in my life. I can't be more honest and say how much I didn't want to share my deepest and darkest moments in an audience of 60 plus. I can't dare say that it was my own decision because from the start I had built up a wall of excuse of why I shouldn't share. However, I should've known you can't pull a Jonah on God. You can't run away, you can't deny it, and you can't just push the thought aside when it's growing and pushing itself on you.
Yesterday's push was a reality of my life. I never felt so vulnerable in front of my brothers and sisters at my home (and extended) church. I coined the term "sob monster" because that's what I felt I was, though I kept reminding myself that I need to be the change I want to see, and if not, I shouldn't be turning down an opportunity God has given me to glorify and bring praises to Him at the very least. There was no reason not to share.-that would've been selfish if I let my own comfort zone hold me back from doing what God had willed.
Today, I couldn't stop thinking about yesterday. I can't even recall what I said, except telling everyone that I gained a bit of 'hope' from being accepted into swimming lessons (please ask me for deets). God has quite the humor of getting me to do things, oh the irony of it all. Way before the execution of last night, I was the one looking for people to share. It was hard I admit because I kept getting turned down, and I understand that it was a bold request that I was asking, one that was atypical and would make people confront their fears. Finally, I had a list of four, but 2/4 were not a full on yes. I had wagered with God that if any one of the four I had on the list decided not to share, that it meant I had to share (my friend had asked prior to why I didn't considered sharing and I had no good answer to that). But deep down, I had already knew the answer that I didn't want to submit to.
Fast forward, I hadn't heard a confirmation from the two and texting one of them the day before, they had deceided they didn't want to share, which was absolutely okay. I accepted that, but what I wasn't accepting was that it meant I was her replacement. I didn't want to think of it that way because I knew God knew all along. I knew there must've been a reason because even though I kept telling myself I didn't want to share, what God wanted me to say kept flooding my mind leading up to Coffeehouse. I knew there was something more to me just opening my mouth. God was going to speak through me.
And He did.
And I was more astounded by the feedback (from not only mine, but the other 3 sharings as well) when it all finished. I may have said some things that related to others, may have shocked some people with my sharing, may have made people uncomfortable with my tears, but it doesn't matter. I know I made God happy.
I am also thankful for the gratitude I've received. I love planning, I really do, but it warms my heart that people appreciate it. It warms my heart even more when I hear people want future events like this.
Serving God totally brings me Joy. JOY JOY JOY! On another note, my New York roomie/friend/classmate as mentioned here is GETTING BAPTISED. I'm awestruck by how GOoD He is and the only tinge of sadness about this is that I won't be in town for it, but I know His plans are to prosper and I should rejoice regardless.
It's Your b r e a t h e in my lungs.
I finished the abs challenge (Greetings, stronger core!), prepared Coffeehouse with an awesome fellowship, promoted for summer camp, met up with many friends, finished my adult strokes course, anticipated changes during this NEAC transition, wrapped up my trip planning (more details to come), and went to meetings upon meetings with joy, and felt the Push.
What do I mean by the Push?
The "Push" is what I called the works of the Holy Spirit in my life. I can't be more honest and say how much I didn't want to share my deepest and darkest moments in an audience of 60 plus. I can't dare say that it was my own decision because from the start I had built up a wall of excuse of why I shouldn't share. However, I should've known you can't pull a Jonah on God. You can't run away, you can't deny it, and you can't just push the thought aside when it's growing and pushing itself on you.
Yesterday's push was a reality of my life. I never felt so vulnerable in front of my brothers and sisters at my home (and extended) church. I coined the term "sob monster" because that's what I felt I was, though I kept reminding myself that I need to be the change I want to see, and if not, I shouldn't be turning down an opportunity God has given me to glorify and bring praises to Him at the very least. There was no reason not to share.-that would've been selfish if I let my own comfort zone hold me back from doing what God had willed.
Today, I couldn't stop thinking about yesterday. I can't even recall what I said, except telling everyone that I gained a bit of 'hope' from being accepted into swimming lessons (please ask me for deets). God has quite the humor of getting me to do things, oh the irony of it all. Way before the execution of last night, I was the one looking for people to share. It was hard I admit because I kept getting turned down, and I understand that it was a bold request that I was asking, one that was atypical and would make people confront their fears. Finally, I had a list of four, but 2/4 were not a full on yes. I had wagered with God that if any one of the four I had on the list decided not to share, that it meant I had to share (my friend had asked prior to why I didn't considered sharing and I had no good answer to that). But deep down, I had already knew the answer that I didn't want to submit to.
Fast forward, I hadn't heard a confirmation from the two and texting one of them the day before, they had deceided they didn't want to share, which was absolutely okay. I accepted that, but what I wasn't accepting was that it meant I was her replacement. I didn't want to think of it that way because I knew God knew all along. I knew there must've been a reason because even though I kept telling myself I didn't want to share, what God wanted me to say kept flooding my mind leading up to Coffeehouse. I knew there was something more to me just opening my mouth. God was going to speak through me.
And He did.
And I was more astounded by the feedback (from not only mine, but the other 3 sharings as well) when it all finished. I may have said some things that related to others, may have shocked some people with my sharing, may have made people uncomfortable with my tears, but it doesn't matter. I know I made God happy.
I am also thankful for the gratitude I've received. I love planning, I really do, but it warms my heart that people appreciate it. It warms my heart even more when I hear people want future events like this.
Serving God totally brings me Joy. JOY JOY JOY! On another note, my New York roomie/friend/classmate as mentioned here is GETTING BAPTISED. I'm awestruck by how GOoD He is and the only tinge of sadness about this is that I won't be in town for it, but I know His plans are to prosper and I should rejoice regardless.
It's Your b r e a t h e in my lungs.
