Twenty Fourteen

How do I even begin to process this glorious year? Full of highlights, lowlights and everything in between, it's been a huge blessing to have accomplish and experience all that I have this year.

Topping and ending the year with Winter Con is definitely a memorable tradition in a very remarkable way. I have to say that besides my very first winter con in 2005, this was my most favourite one for a number of reasons.

First, I felt the crowd this year, was a generally younger group of English Adults (just speaking on behalf of the track I fall into). Despite this, and hence less couples, young families and parents, the crowd was noticeably mature and hungry for God. I didn't realize this at first, but through the course of the conference and the conversations and discussions that were brought up, I'm really impress with the spiritual maturity and foundation of all those that attended. In the past, there would be a noticeable group of people or selected individuals who didn't come for the right reasons if you know what I mean, but this year, I genuinely felt a deep calling and yearning for God by all those that attended. I'm full of gratitude for all the brothers and sisters I've met and befriended.

Secondly, I love how my anticipation for Winter Con started early on this year. From sharing a presentation at NEAC back in the summer and having had to research on all the background info, its funny how I had convinced myself to attend. Also, I was actually asked to be on the planning committee, but due to my adjustment to a new job and other commitments, I had to turn it down despite how honored I felt to be asked to join (but God made me realize the revelation behind this -will share later). 

Another aspect was reading the main speaker's book leading up to WC and the English track talks. Ken Shigematsu, a pastor from Tenth Church in Vancouver, recently published his book "God in my Everything" and was basing his sermons off of his writings in developing a rhythm to manage our life to glorify God in all ways. It's a great read with approachable applications after each chapter so I definitely recommend it, highly recommend in fact. 

Thirdly, I feel the workshop sessions I chose to attend were all very applicable and relevant to what I needed to hear. More like an answer to prayer as my mind gained so much content from reading the Bible in a new perspective to learning to evangelize in a new light. It was a bonus that the speaker was Pastor Neil, whom I have heard from before. 

Symposiums were another thing that blew my mind. Usually a special topic discussion and group Q & A that many people skip, this year, majority surprisingly went. The reason being was that the focus was centered around inter generational blessings and interactions from gen to gen. It's common that almost every Chinese Canadian church splits themselves into congregations base on the language those people speak, but we lack to see how fruitful it can be when the parent-child or Canto-English come together to enlighten and grow with one another in the midst of translation going on. I love how the planning committee came up with presenting this content in an engaging way and bringing out issues such as dating, use of technology, and cultural understandings to be discussed. The speaker Gordon Smith, President of Ambrose University, was also intelligent yet humorous on this subject. I was very much enriched by all of this.

Fourthly, maybe because I know many people on the planning committee this year as it was a core group of Edmontonians, but I felt so blessed in being able to observe and appreciate all the hard work and effort they put in. It made me regret not saying yes to being a part of the hurdles and joys they went through, but I know very well that God intended it to be this way. Perhaps being a planner myself makes me attentive to details and flaws of an event of this size, but I am very very impress by the committed attitude, creativity and efficient group of individuals they are. They implemented many new and fresh ideas and were the overall youngest average planning committee to date. There was one day where I sat in a meeting they had and I felt the heartbreak they were feeling, and roar of happiness in another moment. All of this were precious and worth it and warmed my heart as their love for one another, like a family shone. 

On a fifth note, my bedside was hands down a beautiful orchestration of sisterhood. There's no way that our group of Godly mature women could've shared and made ourselves vulnerable in the way that we did. It meant so much to me to have a group of support with woman of God all on the same wavelengths. We all desired growth, discussed trials, and smiled, laughed, cried, hugged until the wee hours of the night. I love how connected we became and all the mutual connections that branched out from us. Feeling and being blessed is such an understatement. I am too tired and losing enough vocabulary to justify how tremendous these past four nights have been with them. They are all truly my "anamcara-s".

Lastly, I actually feel like a changed Sarah today. I felt it since yesterday, but this is no exaggeration or a spiritual high of a boast. I honestly feel liberated and free from many things that were holding me back in bondage before coming. My thoughts are composed in a new way, my perspective on certain issues I've been struggling with was made open and new, and I'm so full of joy that I have been having spurts of tears these past few days. I don't recall crying so much or feeling this way at previous winter cons. It's truly been a conference of a faith anew! (theme of this year) and worthy tears of joy. 

I know Jesus is very happy looking down at us this week and more because of how hungry we are for Him and how satisfy we are with His love filling us up. Last blog, I said I asked for some bold prayers, and on this last day of the year, I can tell you that I have made some bold decisions. I'm beyond excited for 2015 to come and all that it has to offer. If you have read this far, thank You because I truly appreciate your support and you engaging with this ministry that I believe in relentlessly. 

So take me a little deeper, draw me a little closer...

I want to know your heart, I want to know your heart.

My Stomach is Full, My Heart is Fuller

Before I start counting blessings, I realize I posted a quick Christmas blog on my travel blog instead of here. So if you like to read it, check it out here. Christmas was very memorable this year, but it'll be a while before I highlight it now that I'm in winter con mode.

So since landing YVR, I've been having so many memories hit me along with nostalgic feelings, years of growth here, and treasured friendships overwhelming my heart. This Christmas season went by so busily and quickly that I haven't had time to even ponder on this trip nor to even anticipate my 7th winter con. Yes, seventh- you read that right. Not only does winter con hold a special place in my heart, but Vancouver (using it to refer to greater Van & BC area) holds so much of my maturity and growth over the years. I still recall my very first life changing Christian experience at winter con in Kelowna back in 2005,  my first internship with Urban Promise the summer of 2009, first trip with my friends to Van in 2010, and my last trip out here in 2012. I feel it's been so so so long and I miss you so much YVR!

I've forgotten how special Van is to me. There's a special aura about this place and I've made a mental note to never bus to BC again. The luxury of paying to fly is too painless, comfortable and quick to let the other option even be an option. It hasn't even been 24 hours of being here, but I don't know why I'm so exhausted already. Maybe the "go go go" habit in yeg has been taking a toll on my mental and physical self without me knowing it, and now that my body has time to respond to rest, it just wants to crash. So much going on in my mind that I've been lacking response of quality reflection. So many people reaching out to see me and catch up despite the distance and length of time we've been separated. My heart is very warmed by these thoughts and also warm in general-BC ple: why is it so warm indoors everywhere I go? I never realize how wimpy you all are at with the cold....it's beautiful out and you're all layered up even indoors!

I've come to realize some of my deepest conversations and friendships are those I've cross paths with at winter con. Despite the years and lack of contact, I'm filled to the brim of joy being able to reconnect knowing that our common denominator of faith keeps us strong and united. I am also reminded how Van has and possibly is still my dream city to reside in. Some things have stayed the same and I'm content with that, but a lot has changed for me and others and I'm perfectly fine with that maturity in Christ as it signifies that we are not stagnant in our lives.

Last night as I was journalling,  I asked for some big and bold prayer requests this conference. Thinking back to some matters, I can't believe I requested for them,  but I know God is able and in his divine timing, prayers do get answered. I also usually commit to being a bedside leader, but because I'm under week pass status and staying at a different hotel, I wasn't able to be designated a leader. Though I was sad about this at first, I realize it's a blessing because God wants me to enjoy and just soak up this conference without the need or desire to serve and do something. I've been so occupied these past few weeks that I've forgotten how nice it is to absolutely have no commitments or household items to worry about. It's definitely not healthy to have such a constantly busy schedule than in extreme let everything go and take such a radical break, but I'm still learning to balance and turn this soon to be negative habit into a better rhythm of life management. 

Well on a last note, I'm really excited for this year's winter con. It never gets old and I'm so excited for all the learnings, revelations, and even rebuke I am going to receive. Here's to another crazy sic bonding experience all for God's glory to end off this epic year.

Amen.

Glory to God

Lately, I've been questioning how God is using me in my position at the mall and how much of a witness I am being on the job. There have been incidents and conversations where in hindsight, I feel I could've mentioned something about my faith or said something better. To be honest, sometimes when someone comments on religious topics or their views of religious matters, I get intimidated and shy away from stating my beliefs and perspective at peril of risking a border line heavy religious discussion. Other times, I honestly just don't know what to say, especially if someone voices a negative experience of the church/people and I can't help but agree with what it was like to be in their shoes. Also, as I'm still fairly new on the job, it's one of those things where I try to gauge how far my expression of my faith can go before I get into trouble for expressing too much spiritual views at work. Since I'm new, I'm cautious about stepping on others' toes.

Thankfully, there are a handful of Catholics, Muslims and Christians that I do work with and so it has made it easier to an extent. I really appreciate and look up to how upfront Muslims are about their spiritual "rules" for lack of a better word and how open they are about stating their beliefs and values. I feel I lack the confidence and boldness to do so, but when I hear and see them do it, I feel I shouldn't be hiding my faith or being too careful of what others will think. It serves as a good reminder for me because often I care more about the judgement of people, than the judgement of God.

I also recall one conversation with my supervisor about sponsoring stuff for a church. She said that in a public organization, you should always stick to straying away from borderline support of 1.politics 2.religions and 3. I can't remember this one right now, but I can see her point. As a public organization such as a mall, you wan't to do and support things, people and places that have market value and bring neutrally positive exposure to the mall. You don't want be too liberal/conservative, or religious in any sense to steer clear that the public's organization is voicing and imaging itself closer to one end of the spectrum. However, it's hard when you believe differently and want to show your faith on the job of course.

Anyhow, on a somewhat side track topic (the relevance will follow), I was watching the award ceremony for a HK broadcasting company, TVB, tonight and I didn't expect to be enlightened in the way that I did. I watch it every year; in fact, I grew up watching HK dramas with my family. Over the years, it has lessened due to the busyness of school and all, but I do enjoy watching them, plus it helps me to retain my Cantonese! So as with every awards ceremony, there are always speeches following the winner's name being called up and over the years, I always remember the ones who thank God first or somewhere along their thank you speech. I always thought it was cool that a celebrity I admire or really enjoy watching is a Christian. That foundation always sparked a further interest in them as I felt like I had a huge similarity. This year, not only was there multiple Christian artists who thank God, one actor even requested the directors and board of CEOs/management to excuse him as he said a prayer right there on stage, right at the podium, in front of the audience and thousands of viewers to pray to God. I found myself getting emotional as he closed his eyes and said a quick prayer of thankfulness and for God to shower his blessings on everyone present. 

I felt really touch because I felt like the fears and hardships to pronounce your faith in an industry such as the entertainment world couldn't compare at all to what I face-it must've been a bazillion times more difficult, and yet they've done what I think is profound. The best winning actor of the night even laid out his struggles of pride, ego, jealousy etc. and made an underlying analogy of how having children has helped him to let go of those selfish pursuits knowing their love for him is so great. My dad even commented that he felt like he was preaching lol. Regardless, it's a good reminder for myself. I've been trying to appeal to many people and events going on lately, and it's a VERY good reminder to know that I can never ever do it on my own, nor can I be that "perfect" Christian image. I need God, and everyone else does too, so there's no excuse to not take that bold step. I never know who will be touched by my acts or the possibility of refraining others from God's blessings if I keep my mouth shut.

I'm learning to be content with other's ridicule and not to take it too personally because I know I can never appeal to everyone. There will always be those for you, and also those against you.

"If you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything"

Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven

-Matthew 5:10