Diagnosed

So I feel like I just diagnosed myself through self rehabilitation and who do I have to thank? My course syllabus and mandatory readings. I just finished reading an article in my course pack on "Materialism and the Evolution of Consciousness." I dreaded it at first, but it just kept getting more and more interesting and I felt and urge to blog about concepts brought to my attention.

This article is basically about the psychology of materialism and the drive of our consciousness in regards to making choices. This article states that in life we have three main 'axioms.' First in life there are sequence of events in consciousness; aka experiences, and in order for experiences to appear in consciousness, it require the allocation of psychic energy; attention, hence the last axiom is that the quality and content of a person's life depend on what he or she has paid attention over time.

In one part of this article it mentions how sometimes people tend to build themselves with material goals and material experiences, while being caught up with an unconscious striving for wealth and power: seeking pleasure, instead of enjoyment of one's circumstances. Enjoyment, as defined in this article is doing something not always pleasant, and which can be very stressful at times, but will lead to delayed and more note worthy rewards. On the other hand, seeking pleasure is just being satisfied with just the fulfillment of present want and needs and doesn't produce change, only comfort and relaxation 'in the moment.' Pleasure is plopping yourself in front of a TV screen when you get home from work or school while enjoyment is like a mountain climber, who may be close to freezing, and in danger of falling, but yet they would not want to be anywhere else. Enjoyable "may be physically painful and mentally taxing; but because it involves a triumph over the forces of entropy and decay, it nourishes the spirit." Enjoyment is also said to build confidence, enrich lives, and give confidence in facing the future.

In contrast to the things I have said, it says that when a person feels that there is nothing to do, the quality of experience tends to decline. One feels less alert, less active, less strong, less happy, and less creative and self-esteem declines. The author says humans need an 'experiential' need, focused on some activity that requires attention, because when there is nothing to do, attention starts to turn inward, begin to ruminate and frequently, get depressed. Attention towards ourselves turns to deficits and we become negative and our mood, sour. Our downhill skiing is only interrupted when attention is again engaged by some need that suggests a goal.
Sometimes school or work makes one more attentive than being at home with nothing to do or focus on because you have goals clearly outlined for you, work to be accomplished, etc...

Well, in my case not everything I've stated is true, but it just made me ponder and reflect on why I have been so out of it lately. Maybe it is the lack of things to do, but there is stuff to do, just I'm not doing it. I think I'm just in a state of seeking what to do even though I know what I should be doing and the build up of prior to dos and present to dos list have put pressure on me to come up with to dos and actually do my to dos that haven't been decided on yet.

Yup, I'm speaking nonsense now.