Occupy This

I'm Exhausted.

I thought this term would be pretty straight forward for me, but no its not. I anticipated busyness and stress this month, as with every third month of my semester, but I'm doubting to the point that I'm not having faith in God. I tell people, 'God will never give you more than you can handle,' yet, I'm not believing in it, I'm such a hypocrite. I'm not having faith and I'm trying to. There's so much on my plate and I feel I may have to just let some items slip by and hope for the best, but I really don't want to do that! Though, I may have unintentionally done so already...

Last weekend I was bombarded with the work from my sewing class. If I was to spend the amount of hours sewing as with studying, I would probably be an A, if not A+ student with a at least 3.9GPA (I'm bluffing I know, but it sure feels like it). 35 hours and counting, my oh my, I'm really taking a second look into my future of being hunch back and having a bifocal prescription of +1000. Speaking of which, I've been thinking about my future a lot lately, and it just adds another dish to my already bloated life. Therefore, due to so much focus towards this one class, it totally left my mind that I had a bunch of Korean homework due for Monday and a vocabulary test on Wednesday which I ended up guessing on... and probably flunking, and I tend to use my agenda wisely and write every single thing I need to accomplish until there is no more space for me to write in it. I believe I have reached my memory capacity, mind you, my dear and faithful memory hasn't been as faithful to me these days. I find myself being so forgetful, is 20 the new 40? AHHHHHHHH!

The more I think about what needs to be done until the very last day of this term, the more I just want to cry, sulk, and complain. I remind myself to focus on God and rely on him, but it may just be one of those phases as a student. I'm not lost, just tired, really tired, and out of fuel. I want these days to slow down, I want rest, I want to watch TV, I want to splurge, I want peace, I want clarity, I want to fellowship (I know your giving me the 'tsk tsk' look, I've kept track, I haven't been to fellowship for 4 weeks now, but it sure bothers me more than ever). I have constantly been occupied with something, physically, socially, or mentally, and man, can someone just crash into me please so that my outer and inner vehicle will just stop? Either that, or I will break down on my own.

This is my rant of the night, Thankyou for listening, and all I want for Christmas is sleep and prayer.

God, I really hope I will grow from this and acknowledge what I do not know, see what I cannot see, and brave, what I don't want to bear.