burnt out

I don't know why but I feel so tired today. I posted the other day about sleeping late due to caffeine and all but yesterday I slipped into my covers at 10:16pm and fell asleep shortly after. It was a good nights' rest and I felt good about going to bed earlier.

But today, after going for an early run before class, to going to my two classes, heading home, eating and getting some work done, I feel I have not accomplish much. Tuesdays and Thursday I end at 3:30pm and I try to rush home to beat rush hour.. but I feel like... for lack of a better word, crap.

There's so much work to do.

So it has hit me that I have four papers due in the month of November. One next week which I found out about it today (UGH.), two the week after before Fall break (thank God) and one after the break. And the cherry-not-the-topper-I want for this week? I still have one more midterm in two days.

Man, how come I didn't realize this when I spoke up and volunteered to lead bible study in two Sundays' time? I know God won't shoot anything at you that is BEYOND your capabilities but I really need to pick up the pace and get things done, yet today is not the day.

I can't wait until this term is over and the Christmas Joy punctuates me.

a new ponder

So I don't know why I tend to do this to myself when I love my sleep but I did it anyways. Last night I had a chip ahoy flavoured cappuccino from 7-11 (used my 7-11 buck) and decided to look through my summer snapshots and memories on my camera before I tucked myself in, which meant tired eyes and a lot of rolling in bed due to the caffeine. I don't even know what time I went to bed, last time I looked at the clock it was midnight... but i couldn't sleep for a long while.

I awoke to twitchy eyes but as I went to the washroom I looked out the window and saw... not to my surprise but SNOW on my neighbor's roof! I go back to my room, look out the window and saw snow on my lawn (my room faces the backyard), and all the other houses' lawns! Old Man Winter is definitely upon us (what a disappointment, see below) although the snow did go away by the time I left church.




Speaking of which the sermon made me think a lot today. I realize a lot of times I get annoyed by people who don't show up at church consistently because of personal reasons aka excuses. Today I realized that maybe instead of always picking on those negatives when they don't show up or serve, I should be praying more and help them in realizing what they should be doing instead. Its not as easy as it sounds, but maybe this new approach will turn things around for that person? A friend also reminded me today that "its all up to God". Just the answer I needed, sometimes the answer is God. Let God do his work and step away. Maybe when I step out of the picture, God can finally do what he wanted to do. Maybe I have been trying to help his plans, and in turn it backfired.

Maybe.

Blessed.

Well its never to late to tell people you feel blessed despite the fact that Thanksgiving just passed, but being blessed might not be quite the same as being thankful.

I read three newspapers today: 24 hours, Metro Edmonton and U of A's Gateway. Its become a daily routine when I get my hands on a newspaper and it makes me feel "in" with the world and don't have a "ah-ha" moment when I find out a news item that was way too long ago for my memory or just the fact that I didn't keep up with the world around me. But usually I just read the Metro.

So today I read 24Hrs and the news item that stuck out to me was about U of A's Frat and their hazing video aka their admission To Dos. I heard about it earlier this morning on the radio but didn't catch the University's name. Basically they force freshmans(or other potential males) who have no clue what they are getting themselves into except for the fact that joining a Fraternity is all fun and games (drinking parties included), to do a series of things over a weekend that is not plain Jane. A weekend of stuffing themselves so full that they puke and as a result having to eat their vomit while being high from the amount of alcohol they are "encouraged" to drink. Not only this but having to run on one half hour and five 15 minute intervals of sleep in 72HOURS all the while being forced to do extraneous workouts while being mentally tormented by "Frat brothers" whom they want to become. Once the Pledges started this weekend long mayhem, you HAVE TO finish the course of the weekend and expect this: everyone is told they didn't make it into the club (which is a lie they tell everyone at first to mess with their minds after all they had done to TRY to be accepted). Reading this and knowing that these male victims were not allowed to tell anyone of what happened because of some "Bro-code" makes me sick to the stomach. The only reason that I'm not about to puke myself is for the fact of those alumni Frats that finally spoke up AFTER this video was released to U of A's Gateway.

So what does this have to do with me feeling blessed? Blessed that I'm a girl and I didn't choose to join a Sorority? No, both Frats and Sororities in the past have had these hazing allegations and this is not why I feel blessed. As I read other news items in the newspapers, there are students rioting in the streets of Athens for their educational rights, and yet these boys have nothing better to do than repeat history done to them. Young protesters in Paris standing up for elderly rights, natural disasters, "intended bomb that killed nine", "life sentence for a military commander that sexually assaulted and murdered two innocent females as well as more than a handful of disturbing acts" and so on.

I feel blessed to be alive. I'm glad that what I read everyday in the newspaper doesn't have to do with me(but it does affect me) or is about me. There is so much going on everyday and I really like how they named themselves "24HR Newspapers". There is only so much you can do in a day and yet SO much CAN happen in 24hours. So much crime, so much disasters, or so many that take their life for granted and intentionally do such unfair and immoral acts to others when they could do so much more for the world.

I just have to Thank the Lord for giving me His blessings in the past 24hours and more.

So much more then 24 hours.

Relinquished

Just finished reading a bunch of blogs and food for thought and I feel more "aired-out" if that makes sense.

Really don't want to start my homework or reviewing. Its been a long day and the weather is rather chilly.

I've been thinking a lot about Christmas holidays in between my two midterms today. I can't wait until this term is over. This time of term is the worse.

Time to devour some Vegetable Soup + Crackers.

10-10-10

It's been over a month since I've blogged? Really? Its been that long? It didn't feel like it but I know its true. Blogger has been calling my name in these past few weeks just that I keep putting it off because... "school is piling up" and it definitely is, three midterms next week and four papers due early November, I really feel for lack of a better word, death.

But no, its not "death" I believe hard work will pay off and that's why I try to work hard during the week so I can get as much done as I can and enjoy my weekends either it be work(yes, its not all that great but its a different day vs. school) and spending time at church and going to fellowships. With God All things are Possible.

So here's to a special Thanks-Giving weekend, and a renewal to my blogging life. Its really exciting to hear testimonies from brothers and sisters getting baptize either it be Thanksgiving or Easter. I get so happy for them and I remember the day I got baptized all over again. Its so memorable and getting 'Dunk' will always be something I hold close to my heart.

This weekend has been off to a good start, leading up to it I spent a lot of time doing something I really enjoy, wrapping gifts and making presents for two birthday girls and three baptism candidates! I love it, I wish I could make a living out of making things pretty... maybe. Last night was a thoughtful worship night for the high school and junior high fellowships and although some of the younger "teens" didn't take it seriously, I still hope it touched them in some way. This morning was a declaration of faith for the three believers and the speaker brought out a engaging message to the congregation. It reminded me of my FIC (Faith In Christ) and so much more. Then I had lunch with some of my family on High Street at a neat little Italian restaurant call Valeno and headed to WEM and got some shopping done. Beautiful day.




Happy Thanksgiving!


Our God is an Awesome God. Thank Him.

How are you today?

As a cashier, I ask people this question quite often and they would ask me in return as well. More than often my answer would be 'not bad', sometimes it be 'alright, the store is quite busy today' and I would ask them in return and obviously their answer tends to be along the lines of the ones I have mentioned or in agreement to them.

I find that its one of those polite things you say as a cashier, kind of like a cashier's manner to do so but I never really thought about the answer the person would give or myself for that matter... all until recently that is.

Sometimes line ups would be really long and most people reply 'I'm good' so they can just buy their stuff and get out of the store as soon as possible (these shoppers are usually people working in and around the mall, in a rush to get out since they're on their breaks and stuff). Seniors tend to take up more time at the cashiers and may ramble about us implementing our 5 cents charge on plastic bags or how so and so is cheaper than us. Well too bad then, I can't do anything about it

Anyhow the point is, I have replied 'I'm good' a lot of times before but I caught myself lying the other day. I wasn't feeling okay, in fact I felt like crap, I had a bad night and a bad morning and everything was just terrible. But if I didn't say what I said that'll just spark the person's curiosity and they may or may not question further which I wouldn't have wanted them to anyways. So sometimes I wonder if people just give a short-with-no-strings-attached answer just to hinder further questioning like I did.



How are you today?

Rewind & Repeat

Just like how you love taping your favorite show, rewinding that tape you taped it on and re watching it over and over again, I feel I have been living that kind of life for the last few weeks of August, expect for the fact that you don't love it. Last week I had five shifts in a row, and I know some people are work-alcoholics and put in more than 40 hours a week so I'm not blogging to put forth a complaint but rather to share a horrendous thought that has hit me.

So I guess I've worked before and probably have done five shifts in a row, Monday to Friday but I realized life is pretty routined when it comes to working. You get up, go to work, get off work, go home, relax a bit, head to bed, hopefully have a good night's rest then wake up to start the day before all over again. All the way until Saturday hits if your lucky to not work despite the fact that Monday is just two days ahead again. But when I'm not employed I feel bored and there's nothing to do (out-of-school wise): friends maybe busy to call up and go out with, the house doesn't require excess cleaning or I'm just a couch potato, and your just being occupied by some screen. So I guess the positive side to working is one, of course the money! and two, you have something to do. But is that it? ... Pretty much.

I came to realize that when I finish my degree and get my ideal career (let's hope) will it be a routine as well? I get bored of doing repetitive work and that is one of the reasons I don't take charge of organizing specific events more than once even though I can approach it in a new way, but with anything, there are exceptions. I want a job that allows me to do different things, gives me fresh opportunities and challenges in a way so I don't repeat the same answer twice you see.

On a side note, weekends do put a smile on my face since I don't work Sundays so I always have a day just to attend church, have a nice afternoon nap, and maybe if I'm lucky I get to get ready for an outing or fellowship that night. The Sabbath has a purpose and I'm glad it was made for us to rest our bodies and not work.

Maybe that's why some people wish they were back in school once they've finished and has entered the work field. Ironically students always want to rush their education, get employed and start working. So in a week or so round 2 of university will begin and I can believe it. Its already bye-bye August.

Round 2, promise you won't K-O me.