twentyten here i come.

Wow how pleasant does that sound? Say it out loud "Twenty Ten", it even looks beautiful; a 2, 0, 1, and 0. I really can't wait for it, its just in a matter of hours. Further more, I can't wait for what God will do in my life from all that I have learn in these few days. Winter conference was yet another wonderful, out of this world, learning and befriending experience. Its amazing what the BIG G. does, its so miraculous and life changing. It all started a few months ago...

So even at the start of 2009, I had decided I wouldn't be going to winter conference, I had gone 3 years already, and the last 2 were in Calgary, so no point in going. I've been to Calgary more then enough, I've experienced a lot from WC and maybe its time to just stay home this holiday and see what new will happen. So that was the mentality I had, up until September, when registration opened, and I still kept on with not going. But my friends that were settled on going kept urging me to go, kept telling me that I will get so much out of it. Everything they said was so true, and I know it was so true and I still kept on with a "No." I realize that friendship was a power source of impact, especially when you want to go to WC again to see all those faces you've seen so long ago but are still memorable. I even made a chart of Pros vs. Cons to going, and it seemed that all my cons were excuses, and money came down to not being a problem with the subsidy and all. Even so, I still stuck with a no and you may laugh when you hear what REALLY motivated me to go. So the week of Halloween, when the original early bird date would end on Halloween night, and where all my friends non stop urges kept telling me to go, I had a dream.

I had a dream that it was already Halloween, and early bird was closing in a matter of hours and I was still in a BIG debate about WC. I told myself if I didn't go I would regret and that I could earn the cost back again, God will ALWAYS provide. The most impacting line I said to myself was "WC will be a good investment on my faith!" Then a person helping on the WC team happened to be at my house, and I ran to my room, grabbed cash, and told him to rush the money and app off before registration was over! Forward a bit, I woke up, I remembered the dream so well that I was feeling regretful. Its weird isn't it, and it was actually Halloween night that I registered and rushed my forms to my church rep. Maybe it was one of those God things, and a while after submitting the stuff and knowing I would be going to WC I didn't think too much about it. School was near its end, and I was studying a lot and I didn't expect much from wintercon because I felt like I knew everything that was going to happen.

So school wrapped up, and I can't spill out how great it feels when you have no 'school strings' attached to you during the holidays. Parties started, gifts opened, weight gain is going to happen and just all the joy of celebrating. Christmas is about the birth of Jesus, and I find it so cool, awesome, and even funny that other faiths or atheists celebrate this time with us. Its awesome and its all a shout out to God. Now WC was starting to become a reality, from packing my bags, stepping on that coach bus, ffwd->> arrival at destination: Calgary.

Yes I expected wintercon to be full of new friendships, rice, late nights and fun. What hit me in the face was the main speaker and the workshops I attended. The message came and stuck with me. I knew I had plenty of insecurities but I didn't realize how deep they were rooted and how badly God was calling me to fix my relationships one on one. This was such a slap in the face, my problems were so deep within that I kept denying them and I did NOT want to fix some things, I didn't have the courage to. My pride kept me from apologizing to _____s for the things I did or said. I'm a stubborn girl, I have a ego that I can't break here and there, especially when it comes to family. That is why I couldn't achieve a peace with them. The topic was to be a Peace Maker, not just a Peace keeper; peace keepers settles and maintains the peace but never gets side A and B to love each other, while peace making is establishing that love from Christ, realizing the wrongs and finding a happy resolution to it. I now know what I didn't know and I will always remember this quote from one of my workshops called Lies Girls Believe In: "I rather want what I don't have, then have what I don't want." It has such a deep meaning, and I pray that what I learnt doesn't stay on this page, doesn't stay until New years or the end of January, but flows out of me, helps me in my troubles and may I be this peace maker for Christ.

Amen. Aloha. Shak-a-ra.
Forward 365 days later.

Until Then; Twenty Ten.

Finished?

Well its been a long while since I've blogged, one month and 9 days to be exact. I guess I don't think much has happened, but during this period, a lot did go on and things went by really quick, so much of my thoughts would skim the surface of my mind, and head out.

I'm really happy and at ease to say I have finished my first term of my first year at University. Its a great feeling, and wonderful to not go home after an exam and start studying for the next one. Although my trip was to the Dentist right after my final exam, it felt good to know my teeth were getting a deep scleaning crub even if the prodding and poking from those scary-looking equipment were in my mouth. I am so glad that school is done, and looking forward to this extra long holiday.

So now that some of my Christmas shopping has been dealt with, and some decent chillaxing at home today, I have a place to let my thoughts out. I guess if school was out forever, it be pretty boring. It does get boring when you have nothing to do, and shopping trips does come with a cost over time, literally. So its only right to say, that there must be a balance in everthing we do. If we didn't have periods of tough times, we wouldn't know how to cherish the breaks and time off. But long periods of breaks, just makes you inactive, unproductive, and bored out of your mind. Life is a unrepetitive cycle, and were aim to achieving a equilibrium.

This term has been difficult, frustrating, time-consuming (even if it is 3 hours of class a day, the "home" work after kills), cold, and deprivation of friendships. There's been a lot of adjustments, and Uni has really molded my procrastination into progress and results. Many people maybe changing their initial thoughts of what they are taking, or what they are going to be, and this is a common phase I hear. Fortunately, when I look back on my courses and what I am going into, I am keeping my initial interest; despite the mulitple projects and papers. For now, it'll still be the career path I'm looking forward to and wanting. As for my highschool friends, multiple times I feel deprived of them. I guess I'm not the person to stay on campus after my classes to study, so neither would I stay and wait to hang out with them. We all have different schedules, and even after our school hours, we are all busy. Hopefully next term I will be able to put more effort into my friendships and prioritize my to do lists.

Speaking of prioritizing, I finally realize the life of a Univeristy student. I finally understand how certain people will not be at church because they have to study, or don't help out/participate in a certain event because they are "school" busy. I realize how it feels to be in their shoes now so well because I've been there and my mind has contemplated the "idea" of not going to church for school-related reasons, but good thing I never put those thoughts into action. I believe its a stupid thing to do, lacking the effort to worship God, and its only two hours, although we should be worshipping Him in all that we do. I've learnt to say "No" to certain people or responsibilities I know I won't be able to handle or be capable of going through with a "Yes," but I will always value my faith and my role in my faith.

Christmas is quickly approaching, eight days and counting. I am oober excited, it is my favorite season, and JESUS is the reason. Its a great time of celebration, parties, yummy feasts, gift giving and reflection on the past year, as a new one is right around the corner. 2010 -that sounds so pleasing to the ear, and its so aesthetically pleasing as well. How often does one get to live through a millennium and now this. I'm exaggerating but it really is an exciting festive spirit, and Christmas is different every year, but always similar in meaning.


School is done for the year, but school will come in the new year.

Saviour to All

This Mission Conference weekend at church has helped me. It has help me to realize I lack in love; lacking love for others, love for self, love in action. I felt so happy seeing a friend that finally saw one of my drimes today-live. Since the first drime in May 2008 until now, a total of 5 drimes, she never happened to be there until today, I was so over joyed! I know the focus isn't about she seeing me on stage or not (of course its not), but that I hope she got the message in relation to our almighty God and the bigger picture of Christianity.

It makes me so mad how some people come to church, sit on Sundays, maybe half attentive, possibly fall asleep, then leave when service finishes. It hurts to know that I know people who don't love this great God of ours as much as I do. It sucks to know they don't have a heart to serve and that's why they say "I don't get anything out of church." I know there's a timing for everything, GOD'S timing, but I hate it, I hate how they do nothing, I don't like how I sense they don't want to be at church at all but at the same time I'm so happy to be able to see them at church. I really want to ask their motive for coming but it hurts me so bad to know that I already know the anwser to this rhetorical question of mine.

I admit I am not trying as hard as I should be in delivering this Christian love. I've given up, I've been selfish and neglected to give my TIME to so and so I know. But I pray and hope that God will give me the courage and strength to reestablish this faith in their hearts, to drill the basis of Christianity in their hearts-again, and maybe, just maybe something will spark and ignite a passion in them all over again. Maybe it takes more then a second try or 'third times a charm', sometimes its a constant push someone needs, and I think its time to put action into my words.

-I pray

MADNESS.

Furious. Ridiculous. Inconsiderate. Selfish.Flaming MADNESS.

Early today I was ENRAGED. I was so mad inside I could've literally slap someone but how did I ever manage this madness so well inside and not let the victim get a glimpse of it? I was so inrage but I know it was also a ridiculous test of patience. I was so angry and I didn't let it all out until I was at home spazzing to myself.

A lot of time was wasted today and I learnt that I have to say NO to some things, even if you feel bad.

There's my lesson learnt.

Say NO.


alskdfjaklsdfjlksadjfNO.

First for Everything.

I have finished my first round of 'midterms' in my first term of my first year at U of A! Hip Hip Hooray! Hip Hip HOORAY! HIP HIP HOORAY!

Today has been a joy, I woke up literally smiling over a wonderful and meaningful dream I had. Its such amazement how your thoughts throughout the day add up and give you a filmstrip of life's happenings when your day ends and your able to reminiscent on the good times. It was like a chain reaction, and because of my happy mood, I stepped into my math midterm with a more positive attitude then I had look forward to.

But what doesn't go, what doesn't come, and soon, not soon, already another round of projects, papers and exams are awaiting me to accomplish.


For now I'll just enjoy my happiness a twinkle longer.

What can I say.

Happy! I feel really happy right now. I guess today started out as a shaky nerve-wrack. Pretty much the whole night was: I was so nervous I couldn't sleep. A week ago our new English Pastor gave me a call and told me that this upcoming Sunday he and our Cantonese Rev. wanted Adoria and I to share about our Urban Promise Internship. To be honest I really wanted to do it and bring all that I learnt and shared back to our church. Here's the twist " You will speak and Adoria will be your translator, and then Adoria will speak, and you will ber her translator-IN CANTONESE. say WAAWHAT?! They say "honesty is the best policy", so right away I was straight forward and told him "my Chinese is not that good, can we have translators?" He just kept reassuring us that its alright, we will be fine, we can do it, all that good stuff. Reasurring eh?

After I hanged up I literally like spazzed out to my mother about the most ridiculous things I had ever heard. All she said was 'Your speaking for God, and its not like you don't know Chinese!' I guess moms are right, I was speaking for God and there's nothing I should've been ashamed of. But I was still being a big worry wort and leading up to today I felt really scared that I would mess up and totally blow it. Even yesterday, the both of us had spent an hour translating our supposely '10 minute' script with chinese subs written in English phonix.

So today came and left, and as I was sitting in the pews I felt so uncomfortable like the feeling you get when your about to go into a room for your piano exam (well for me anyways), I was shaky, my heart was pumping fast as I was reading Adoria's script over and over again trying to 'word' it right, and I felt like I desparately needed a washroom. Weird how ardrenaline works eh? Even the people next to me sensed my nervousness. Anyhow, fast forward we were on stage, and although I would do it over again to fix certain mistakes we made or how we said certain things (actually I take that back), its all behind us and I'm actually Thankful for having the opportunity to be a translator. It was a learning experience within itself and I guessed its just one of those things God just throws at you to challenge you.

So I guess I just came to realize that sometimes things just don't work your way, and even if things are not the way you want it to be, it'll work out, God will fix it up and all you have to do is let him have his way. Easier said then done.

Happy Thanksgiving.


God's way or the highway

Busy EH?!

Well I have to admit that school has kicked in and hitted me in the face, literally. Just so happens that one day after class as I was heading out of the Business Building to my next class, I opened the door and for some reason it slammed back right into the right side of my face. That's university for you; fast & hard, and lets not forget the "no pain, no gain" mentality.

I've come to realize that I've been forced to be occupied, occupied with homework, labs, projects, and it seems that this stack of mine is just getting higher. If I think about it (which obliviously happens), I think I'm bewildered with all the forth coming deadlines or "midterms" which I like to call exams instead. What a life, and they say your university year(s) is a time of discovery from within. I feel I got no time for that, well to be honest I'm a major procrastinator as well. It takes me a lot of mental power to sit myself down and work, but if I can get myself to do that, I work pretty well I must say (and I mean a LOT of will power).

Other then school priorities, which I don't really think should be one of my priorities, I've try to keep up with my church commitments, as well as balancing a drime schedule, work-out time, yoga class, and most recently I've been convinced into Ballroom Dancing with the U of A's dance club-oh and lets not forget the social life. I must say it was awkward alright, and I so didn't expect the various ages, but we all had one thing in common-we were all noobs. Noobs to the bone. Last night was my first class, and by the end of it, I have to admit it was pretty fun to learn some moves, and one can call it a "slow work-out" but it never hurts to learn new things.

To be honest, I don't like univerisity. I don't like not being able to see friends or having to make an effort to catch up with them rather then always seeing them (well this one goes both ways). Neither do I like running around in the cold, I shouldn't be complaining but I know for a fact the weather is just going to be a gong show. Lastly I feel like everyone is so school focussed even if they don't want to be, everyone is talking school,studying school, staying at school, LIVING school to keep up with their tasks and because we all bought into this education system of ours and unfortunately I did too.

bleh.ick.gross.

When I grow up I want to be __________ ?

We've all been ask this question and again I come to the point where I'm contemplating what I want to be or do with my life. But I've also hit some walls along this little path of mine. I hit BIG realizations too. Its weird to think so "adulty" or in other words- so in depth and maturely but I think its time even if I don't want to hit this phase of my life.

I guess today was like a breaking point, it does hurt to realize certain truths but the outcome is that it makes you a stronger person for better or for worse. So being a newly 18 teen year old (I'm technically a "teen" still am I not? hence TEEN in eightTEEN!) yea yea I know I'm an adult now, I'm legal, I can choose to drink, vote, and take on responsibilites of an adult but its still so odd to me. When you were a kid you always wanted to grow up faster because you had role models you wanted to be like and to be like them you had to be older and when you were a teen your stuck in the middle, you don't know what you want, and hence that creates tension and conflict in your life because your not a kid, and your not an adult and going through puberty just sucks. Now that I'm technicaly an adult I always ponder on the thought of being a kid again, having nothing to worry, just cry or smile and let the day pass by. I'm accepting of this adult life though, I like the independence and being able to have liberty of my own life and I love it but having to live at home seems to keep you on a leash and if you tug at it too hard, either side may break.

Anyhow what is my point? I realize I still have my immature side, but when it comes to a deeper level of thinking, I've gained a lot of insight from a little birdy today. I realize that some times you got to really ask yourself- in depth, too personal to handle questions for yourself even if its to yourself. I got to be open to these truths and fresh concepts and be accepting of it and not be living in denial since that just hinders the whole process of life, but its a learning process you got to go through as well. So I guess certain factors of my life just got made clear today and although it was an 'ouch' sensation at first, I survived it and I will keep going to discover more about this new phase of my life. Speaking of this new phase, uni is bizarre, its not even school, more like a on your own workshop after workshop you attend and try to be on time. Everyone is in a rush, everyone just wants to book it to class on time, and everyone has their own world to attend to.



All grown UP?... I don't think so.

UPtown girl.

Where to start? My summer was definitely a bizarre but wonderful one. I think it was the best summer I ever had and a memorable and meaningful one indeed. Urban Promise brought me so much JOY and I miss it very much. Thinking back it was really hard for me to leave Camp Peace, not only me but everyone found it hard, we were all emotionally attached and in a way I still am. When I dig up my memories I realized God has taught me a lot, given me a lot and supported me throughout my internship. It was one of those big phases in my life... like puberty but ten thousand times better.

I still remember the first day of camp, it was the end of the day and one of my fellow intern was saying how she didn't want to be here no more, she couldn't handle the kids and it was not her thing to teach them. I don't know, I didn't complain but I know I felt similar in a way. Reading back in my journal or earlier blogs, I know I was too burnt out and may have prejudged due to how I was feeling. Good thing I didn't jump on a jet plane back or get 'fired' when I was evaluated because I would be regretting right now and I know UP was happy to have me as an intern as well as the other six.

It was so FUN to live in community and I had all the freedom I could get. No need to have parents nagging you or telling you what you should do, hanging out late and going to places with friends without need for permission and lastly being independent and responsible for all that I accomplished. I even felt happy doing laundry or washing dishes for the house just out of duty. Now that I'm home I would give anything to live alone or at least with no one blood related, its a great chance to discover yourself and learn to live by your own means. It sounds odd but I feel God has given me so much confidence and way more patient living with newly met "strangers" rather then family members. We were a conflict-free house of interns and everything slowly adjusted smoothly.

So taking on the role of baking teacher at Camp Peace had its ups and downs. Some days would be difficult because the kids wouldn't quiet down, go crazy or I have to rush from class to class to finish the baking before the end of the day. But overall it wasn't too bad, I adjusted to the fast paced schedule and I went from rushing to finishing with time left over to spend with the kids. It meant alot to be with the kids, before going I wasn't sure if I was a 'kid' person, I know some people are just born to work with kids and they're filled with happiness to be around them. I admit some kids would just tick you off right off the bat or be so annoying you wanted to strangle them, but it came down to doing it out of love, love from above. I'm glad to have met so many cute or mature faces, they always made my day even if they were bad; its their nature to be bad sometimes haha. I also met so many streetleaders and juniors that I befriended and I regretted not breaking the ice earlier with them but I will never forget those out-of-camp hang out days we had or singing and crying together. They inspired me in so many ways; at first I expected everyone at UP to be a christian, it made sense but that was naive of me, because I would've never ever expect some of these non-christians to sing songs about Jesus or love the kids with such passion and fervor. They were all awesome people to work with and everything we did is coming back to me.

God has been great-so great and sometimes I lack in giving him the gratitude he deserved. During my seven weeks I would try to write as much as I could in my little journal but it really help to share. I felt sometimes writing down my thoughts were unnecessary when I was able to share them each night, and just let everything out as if secrets were not meant to be hidden. I discovered many things from the inside out and realize that I was more "myself" in Vancouver. I didn't have anything to hold back or hide from and that is one of the biggest thing God has shown me to do. I'v gained confidence as I said before and with it patience for others and lastly the urge to have a willing heart to serve. Now that I'm back in my home town, the first few days were non-stop comparing between Edmonton and Vancouver, funny how the feeling of missing camp didn't exactly settle in during my time in HK -well I guess I was having a different kind of fun in HK but now its sinking in and drowning me. Speaking of which, I'm so glad to be outta there, its only good for shopping, eating & more shopping and eating which was fun but eventually its meaningless.

I had gone to Vancouver before, but going out of the heart to serve is a whole new experience and makes the ride more enjoyable. It was like a vacation within itself and I'm thankful for this opportunity. I would love to do it again but I know there will be new opportunites to come. I hope to bring back all I learn to the people around me and may they be able to sense my joy and love from my summer internship.


we must go

Authentic Camp-OUT

So this weekend we (UP) went CAMPING! My very first time camping ever. For REAL and it was memorable alright. My family never did over night camping, we always went to lakes and provincial parks but even if we did stay overnight it be at a hotel. To keep it short we weren't the camping sort. So here comes the adventure:

We took two Urban Promise vans and were heading to Alouette Lake where we would do our 24 hour camping trip, and on the way there everything was going all right until we got a call that the Brown van's battery died! So those including me in the Gray van drove to where the brown van had broken down to try to fix it. But no luck at all, the van wouldn't budge. So there we were ten of us on the side of the road watching two UP guys trying to bring the van back to life with every car whom pass by look at us like we were deserted in the middle of nowhere. Long story short, we couldn't find Bruce, the boss of the vans at UP so we all cozy up in the one van with majority of our stuff and headed off. All of us except two (due to only eight seats available) whom would wait for help to come. Fast forward a bit, the two arrived at the campsite about two hours late with the White van (UP has three colored vans) and we found out they desserted the Brown van where it was until Bruce was to be found. So that was an adventure in and out of itself.

After we unpacked and had a late lunch Adoria, Amanda and I did some venturing so we wandered around with no map but with a pretty good sense of direction we decided to trail on a creek with no actual trail. So three girls trudging over sticks and stones, boulders and logs, moss and trees, with soaked runners and socks (except Adoria who wore her dawgs) we arrived at the Alouette beach. So nice, so sunny, so beach-like. Then we headed back to where we started and on the way back all the jumping and lifting must've tired my pants out because they RIPPED. What an adventure eh? Ripped pants, and it wasn't in a good place either. So there I was with ripped pants but my two "friends" were like laughing it off and wouldn't head back. So I put my bag infront of me to cover up and we kept on going. We didn't turn around and head back to our camp until ROBINS attacked us. Apparently we entered their territory and they didn't like us, so they kept flapping their wings and we finally ran away, and on the way back the hole in my pants got even BIGGER due to excess climbing over logs.

Soon it was dinner time, spaghetti mmmm then the tradtitional smores' and campfire. All was well but then my sleep was really hard since we were sleeping on gravel. I need to somehow rejuvinate from my sore body from the 90mins of adventuring and uncomfortable sleep.

Nonetheless I enjoyed my first camping trip and I would do it again. And my pants... they were three years old, so well worn ; well torn.

Here "I AM"

So here I am sitting alone in the UP house living room writing a blog. I am bored in a way although I stayed longer at camp to help the street leaders to finish up. Its nice to be in a quiet setting right now. Alone time. Reflection Time. Me & God.

Two weeks has gone by. Thinking back it seems so blurred.. well not fuzzy blurry but like a crazy mist of fog that hasn't disappeared. Everything seems so long ago: highschool and being a regular student, living at my own house, being in my own room, sleeping on my own bed. I've definitly accepted the fact that I'm in Vancouver and interning. So much seems to have happened- each day is stuffed from 6am to like 11pm. Now its resting time. Time to rejuvinate.

I've been thinking that I forgotten alot of basic things you learn as a kid. I forgotten how to share. Sometimes I like being the leader and being in control of 'my' things. But lately God has taught me or have forced me to share my role, my skills, and even things that are actually mine.
I don't mind it, its skills that I just have to learn all over again. Secondly I've been struggling with patience. Thank God that he anwsered my prayer request and I've received a assistant cooking teacher. But then again, I'm not so happy with whom I received. She is very difficult to cope with majority of the time and I find myself gossipping alot about her rather then aiding her. She's just slow, doesn't clean very well, most of all its all due to LAZINESS. I just need to vent and put that out there. She is lazy lazy lazy. But I know its because of this God put her with me so that she can learn from me and I can be her role model. I hope when I look back on this blog, I will see progress with her.

Well the weekend it is and my first camping trip ever. First authentic camping trip in tents & what people do on camping trips. I guess my past camp retreats living in cabins was definitly a joke! Well I'm excited and hopefully I don't get eaten by a bear.

"CAMP PEACE IS BLUEBERRIES \/"

Happy 142 Can-a-duck!

So yesterday was a pretty awesome day at Granville Island. More then what I expected and populated to the max thanks to this national holiday. Food. Other then Asia I think Granville Island is known for food. Mmmm. Wish you were there eh? Canadians do say 'ey' or 'hey' a lot, now that one of my fellow American interns mention it. I guess they say 'huh' a lot.

Today was the third day of camp and we had another trip day to an outdoor pool. It was fun until we got cold and one of my group's girls was shaking like crazy. But other then that camp has been pretty smooth, lots of responsibility to watch over the kids, but relaxing since we've only had one full day of camp so far due to all these trip days. Tommorrow will be the second full day and I really pray it won't be as rush as the Monday earlier. I hope the kids will work with me more, the younger ones are really great and remember my name! SARAH! They like taking pictures and just doing anything we choose to do. The older kids tend to be in their pre-puberty stage hence their more disobedient, give attitude, talk DIRTY!?!!?? (what has the world come to?-the media is TERRIBLE these days) and are quite rowdy. What can you do, I guess I may have been like that when I was their age but I thought I was a pretty good kid for my leaders, I use to get so attach to my leaders too, it was like so sweet to have someone there for you and do nice things and now its my turn.

I have my eye on a pair of siblings for "Bible Buddies", a part of the day once a week where an intern would choose 2-3 kids to spend more time with after camp for about an hour and usually we can play favorites and pick those whom we see more potential or extra room for growth or even to spread the word. I'm excited for that and I know they'll enjoy the time going to get junk food and chilling. If they know what 'chilling' means. So young, so naive, so little, I can't imagine me being little back then- I always thought I was bigger, oh the mind of a child, but then ironically I was always one of the shortest ones in elemenatary classes although my 'big kid' thoughts.

So tomorrow is Friday, one week since I've arrive Vancouver. One week down? Possibly. It sounds cool to just say that but it really has been fun learning independence. Most of the other interns have had the opportunity to go through dorm life or live with some friends but for Adoria and I its cool to sit back and have a chore, laundry, or cooking schedule and its different. Very different. Were all grown up.


"I'm a BIG kid now."

Initiation of Camp PEACE. P-E-A-C-E!

Two days down. But whose counting.
So yesterday was the first day and Woah was it hectic and speedy. Everything was speedy, which made me have to be speedy. So my role is the baking leader and I teach the kids not only to bake but about cleanliness and safety too. They listened pretty well for a short span of attention they gave me and on the menu was Chocolate Chip Cookies. mmmm.
But not so long after I had to get to Quest club, a part of the day where you spend some time with fewer kids. The older girls I had didn't really like what I wanted to do at first, but none the less it ended with some feisty "I-B tackle" with the boys' group. Then a superb rush back to the kitchen for a second round of baking class, but this time the kitchen was filled with hotdogs because it was the first round of lunch (Camp Peace has 2 lunches, due to 106 kids in it) . So it was really crazy and lots of clean up, clean up, and more clean up afterwards.

Then the day just seem to end after four carts of grocery shopping and $600 spent.

Today was better, it was pretty steady too since we had our first ever trip day, and my first ever out of Vancouver so off to Surrey!
Destination : Al Rocha "Christians for Conservation" (basically a super environmental place)
The kids went through 5 stations from learning about compost and animals to pond creatures and bird watching. The grossest was finding a big fat red worm in the dirt they got. I got so squirmy and the kids were like WICKED. 8-) I'm a wimp.

Although the kids tested my patience at times when they were disobedient, I made it through and the cuteness of these kids made up for the odds & ends. Thank the Lord.

FUNKY CHICKEN.

Quenched.

Well yesterday was a burnt out day. I was tired from friday night trying to cram in some social information for my social diploma thursday night from 10:30 pm to 12:30am!! Didn't help too much, so once again never study when your tired, it doesn't work, but I did it anyways. The last few questions of my diploma I ended up speeding through cause I really wanted to get out of the gym and highschool. I missed my friends, I'm such a hypocrite.

So after the 'last lunch' with my parents (we had dimsum @ Jumbo) and my craving for shaved ice since bake&cake opened (really nice place-check it out) to the airport we go! 4:05pm was my flight and I arrived the airport at 1:30, a little too early for my liking since Edmonton's airport is really dull and boring. Anyhow I guess it was sad seeing my parents be a tad sad seeing me for the last time until two months later, but it was pretty amazing to be alone in the airport.

So take off! I thought the plane would like blew up any minute like in the movies since it was tilting and stuff, but nahh I just always think things from drama. Then at 4:38 I saw the rockies!!! like wow. how fast must the plane be going that in like 20 minutes or less you see a place which takes usually 3 hours to get to?!?! pretty sweet. then arrival, descending rushed my adrenaline a bit, but since we were to put our stuff away, couldn't journal about it at THAT moment. But yes safe trip none the less; I like flying.

Arrived at UP house, well I didn't judge it, I thought it was pretty decent compared to other's peoples' opinions about it, and that night felt like a slumber party with people I just met, but a slumber party that will last the next 6+ weeks! But I was really burnt out, and it was unbelievable having finish a diploma only mere hours ago to coming to Vancouver which was really teleportation. Edmonton was 19C, Vancouver was 19C; Edmonton was 4 ish when I left, and Vancouer was only 4:45.

Right away we met all the other interns, some of the camp directors and board of directors. So many names and information, it was difficult to absorb it all. But we kicked it off with a BBQ and a "consequence" game.

Today is Saturday and its pretty chilled so far, had orientation this morning with Andrea (a very hip & cool lady that brought us for coffee on Commercial drive) and now me and Adoria are chilling in the house alone, soon to hang out with Pjoe if it works out!

God's grace is amazing, and all the encouragement we got brought us peace, joy and hope.

>>FFWD 24 hours.

In 24 hours I'm going to be off ; in 24 hours I'll already arrive Vancouver. Cool how time zones work eh, you leave at 4pm, you arrive at 4pm. Its like teleportation, haven't miss a second of your life. Were all super heros now. But down to Earth, WOW IN 24 HOURS I AM DONE DONE DUNNNNNN.

-done highschool
-done diplomas
-done grade school for the rest of my life
-off to a place without family for the first time
-following God's amazing guidance in a time I'll probably be filled with doubt & all other mumble jumble emotions blended together in a mixer.

I can't believe it but then I can. But I am NOT done. Its so true "the more you know, the more you know you don't know" I know this graduating summer God is going to do amazing things in me, maybe change me, maybe give me a whole new transformation- fresh & unexpected. I've followed a recommendation and started writing in a journal as well. I hope to document every change I go through, every struggle, every time of my life, every lowest of lows- just everything.

Tomorrow on the plane I think I'm going to go nuts. The whole plane may even think I have swine, and think the newest symptom is going psycho xP... I've like sealed in my potential of being excited during these two weeks of diploma madness. But tommorow it shall be released like the joy a little girl gets when she receives her favorite gift. In a way I might just play the role of that little girl all over again.


Embrace IT!

Throwdown the Countdown.

10 days until I leave, I'm counting down alright, such excitement but yet still unbeliveable. I should start packing this coming weekend! I'm really hyped and I don't feel stress at all now, I think my prayer requests are working, their dismantling my accumulated stress from before!

I've also finished two diplomas(essays) and I felt really good, either I feel good because I did think I did good or maybe it was just the joy of finishing two written diplomas, too bad there's still 6 more parts to go : 2 bio; 2 chem; 1 english ; & 1 social.

But back to the topic of leaving, I think I'm going to miss my school and church friends so much. Two nights ago I was having a late night call ( like 10pm +) with one of my sic buddies, we ended up crying over the phone togther and I felt our friendship just gets deeper with each tear-either tear of joy or tear of saddness together. But I really wish I could stay in Edmonton longer to help her out with her problems and difficulties. I yearn to see her grow even more and deepen her relationship with Christ since its been a rollercoaster ride for her. I hope and pray that the promise I made her that night will be come surreal so that she may be at ease. I pray that the promise she made me will become reality as well.
GOD PLEASE GIVE ME STRENGTH & WISDOM!

You know the feeling when you make a promise and you really really want to do it in that moment, but after the emotions and the mood you were in fades, you feel like you can't do it no more or you doubt yourself. This is what I'm feeling, I feel so feeble and not up to this role I said yes to- but I know its all anxiety and doubts, and God will pull me through. AMEN.

Unbelievable.

School just ended like 4 hours ago. I can't believe it, I feel like a two face or else a hypocrite. Before I would dread going to school and having to bus half hour + each day to and from Mac, so that makes it a little over an hour each day (especially leaving home from spare and having to take the 150 and crossing that killer traffic circle!!) And now it was such a sad day, everyone was taking pictures, sharing food with teachers and students, farewells everywhere and grad pranks too. I felt like I wanted to stay longer and it really is the people that make highschool worth it. I felt it wasn't until these last few months that I actually gotten to know some people and wish I had became friends with them earlier!. I wish I had more timeto get to know them inside out but I know if I put the effort in, these newly made and current friends of mine will be maintained throughout uni and maybe a lifetime.

Its hardwork and the homework makes it dull and boring but it builds you for the long run. Diplomas are coming up and thanks to a little someone and their postivitity I feel a little at ease- doing a little destressing lately haha. Yes, I haven't studied much and I've actually been enjoying time with myself doing things I want to do but I'm sure I'll get around to it and try to do my very best!

Today is June 12, that means two more weeks until my internship, I feel like not wanting to leave but at the same time I wish I could just skim over those diplomas and fly fly fly! My final grade school year is coming to an end, all I can say is unbelievable- thirteen years has flown by and I still remember when I was in elementary thinking how it would take me FOREVER to finish highschool and how BIG the teens were and how AMAZING it be just to get there.


There is a time for everything- a time to cry and a time to smile; a time to celebrate and a time to remorse; a time to give and a time to receive.

Blown threw the top.

Man I feel so stresss, like I've hit the maximum threshold level of stress. In calm I learnt stress can be good things not neccesarily many bad negative things put together causing you to feel tired or tense. But my stress is literally many things combined. School diplomas. Church Activities. Upcoming Events. Doctor Appointments. To Do lists. Preparation before I leave Edmonton. etc.

I really need to vent, it seems like this week so many things have been getting tangled up in my life either scheduling or things I've been looking forward to just ends up getting backfired on me. Don't get me wrong, I don't blame anyone or regret although I find myself wishing I started studying earlier or choosing a semsester school so I wouldn't have to deal with so many diplomas. But God has his plans and he sees the bigger picture while were complaining about the then and now. I really feel unready for diplomas I feel like its going to be the end of the world if I do bad-but its not. I really hope I can let go of some things but at times its so hard. So hard.

16 more days until I leave and every week I have a mini to do list either it be paying my deposit fee for U of A or read a novel for English Dip.- I want to get out of this mode. But I know I got to stay motivated, because having only 16 days left is why I got to work hard so by the end of it I can leave school and the city knowing I've done the best and just got to let God do the rest.


God please keep steering me, I've only started moving.

Tune into June.

Time is zooming by. voom voom voooom. My May Day month has flown by and my exciting events each weekend are slowing down but not really because Urban Promise is right around the corner! Yes I know I have like a two day Calculus final starting Monday and another four diplomas coming up which is worth 50% of my mark which I think is ridiculous! What if you did really good the whole year and you just happen to bomb these 'diplomas' oh snap- your mark would go down by like half! Well I guess all we can do is try our best, just like this phrase says "God can't steer a ship that ain't moving," so lets all get off our lazy butts (literally and figuratively) and MOVE.

I'm really excited about my summer but my parents have started getting naggy about swine flu and quarantine. To be honest, I don't feel it to be that bad, well I obviously didn't get the flu but I think SARS was like ten times worse 6 years ago, but a pandemic is a pandemic and the WHO are head over heels over this issue. Maybe I should wear a face mask on the plane-I wonder how people would comment on that. But sometimes I still don't believe I'll be flying on my own, spending more then 6 weeks in Vancouver with no strings attach-no family at all, no mom or dad on my back; I'm free like a bird with weighless wings.

Speaking of which tonight's fellowship was awesome! Sumo wrestling, dodgeball, sumo surfing, a message to the point about Head Heart & Hands; to learn, be, and SHOW Christ likeness to others- a trait we can all brush up on day to day. God is great just like how that song goes....


"My God is so Great so Strong and so Mighty there's nothing my God cannot do-FOR YOU!"

UP UP AND AWAY!

I'M SO HYPED. like drugged at the moment! UP! So my friend mentioned if I want to go watch UP and I was like Urban Promise??!?! But UP is actually a new pixar animated 3D film and I want to go watch it now, first because of the pun with UP as in Urban Promise.. well acroynm and second its cool!

So today I got an email from Urban Promise, I'll be situated at Camp Peace and I'll be baking with the kids and other responsibilities of course! I really really anticpate flying over borders and having a memorable experience.

Happy birthday NEAC! 25 years old! 25 memorable & meaningful years!

One Month.

I have graduated, yes graduated with a "diploma" that says my grad theme and grad theme drawing it. Fraud! But none the less it was a great weekend and I experienced God more in depth then ever. He forced me to call on his name for help, and cry to him during a time I was suppose to be overjoyed and making it the most memorable I could. Well it was memorable alright I will never forget what happened this weekend, that little accident on the way to grad and the aftermath of it and the bigger picture I saw revealed to me. God's plan is truly beyond human circumstances, beyond the present, beyond what we can acknowledge, and we only get it when it unfolds according to God's purpose. All I can say is, Thank you God. There were parts of Grad I would redo if I could, like bringing my camera to commensment or keeping my gown on longer so I could've taken a full gown pic with my parents but it has all ended now, and I learnt to not live in the past, but to "Live each day as I were to die tommorw and Learn as if I was to live Forever", significantly my grad quote came into play.

Today is May 26, exactly one month until Urban Promise. One month left until all my diplomas will have been finished and dealth with! I can't wait. Foreshadowing June 26 is overwhelming me!! I really need to prepare myself spiritually and read those emailed manuals. I'm so grateful from learning to draw close to God, it is in your lowest of lows that God draws you near because when your happy go lucky everything is the best it can be and one doesn't feel obliged to ask God for help, or yearn to be closer with him on a personal level. I pray that we all learn to achieve a heart to heart relationship with God, because its a never ending task and God will get out of his way to make this known to you.

GRAD 2009

Commensment in like 3 hours! All that getting ready, studying and preparing and wow I can't believe it!! I wasn't that hype last week or this past long weekend, but WOW. I am now!
I'm like shaking already and I'm only at home sitting infront of this computer, just imagine me AT Shaw in HEELS with the gown & tassel hat and A bazillion people watching!

I've just been thanking God so much today and yesterday and I kept thinking back to gr.6 grad or gr.9 grad.. and now HIGHSCHOOL grad!!! voom voom voooooom diplomas aren't even on my mind cuz its party time! haha not really, our Grad coordinator/teacher was like 'remember your parents are watching, don't be a fool and drink before commensment, oh what stupid acts some people would do but I'm excited and I know I'll remember today and everything about tonight for a long long time!

Thanks God and Congrats to all O9 Graduates=D

May Day.

SCHOOL IS SO BORING. I want to quit BUT I know there's just two more months left and these 2 months will count alot since the teachers all seem to be wrapping up the week with tests. TWO MORE MONTHS AND IM DUN DUNNN DONE. My school has nicknamed the month of May 'May Disease' due to so many vacant desks.

Then there's Grad. I understand why people say its overated, some people do treat it as their biggest event of their lives; getting their hair done, makeup done and even nail appointments! Plus don't forget to tack on the $$$ they paid for their dress,shoes, accessories, etc. Like woman, I believe your wedding day should be your BIGGEST day but don't get me wrong, it is fun to celebrate 13 years of education and dress up and enjoy the time with your friends and family but wow the cost of Grad some people pay for does fly high! 11 more days.

SO I just want to get out of school, I'm actually more excited for my church's 25th anniversary, oh how fast time goes by, I can still remember the 20th one, and soon UP! so close yet so far so happy yet so scared so adrenaline shaking yet so don't know what to expect kind of mode.

Sadly I sense my group of friends at school seem to be broken in so many different ways. I don't even know how to explain it or where to start, its so complex and all I can do is pray for each of us yet it feels like we are drifting and it sucks, really does suck. Sometimes I feel so conserved from them like I can't even open up -its like an enterwined mess right now and I can only hope that God will detangle this messy friendship.
But to balance things out, God has made me feel so happy at church, its such a happy filling place and I love to be with my sic's & bic's (sisters/brothers in christ) and driming/spending time with them. I have a motto, Get SIC; Go BIG! (BIG= brothers in God.. kind of awkward but yeah I guess it could be BIC, and hence we'll be promoting the pen company hehe)

Church is home and home is home sweet home.

Running away.

I was running away from a crime I did. I had purposely repeated it for the third time and had not learnt a thing. I was constantly on a getaway and living through a hidden life when a cousellor stopped me in my steps and told me I had to stop living the fake life I was in and admit to reality and face my fears. I finally relinquished my self and released the truth. I told the cops I purposely killed someone due to my self-centered & evil wants. I teared and spilled every piece of truth I could've spoken and I cried and found myself, half my face propped against my pillow, arm stressed from sleeping on it.

That dream hit me hard, when you cry in dreams- you cry in reality, is God trying smack me in the face and tell me something? None the less I thought it was a pretty unique dream, and the 'cousellor' happened to be Phil. haha, now that's funny. Maybe I do need to let go of a lot of things that I can't help but hold on to.

Well today wasn't the greatest day, I found out one of my friend might possibly move to Texas, yes the "Hill Billy" Land where people have southwestern accents and have the highest rate of obesity. All jokes aside, I didn't think it hit me that hard but it did. First off I didn't consider her the closest of friends but I come to realize friendships may hit you deeper then it may appear on the surface. Secondly I also realized that a bunch of the people in my group shall I say is off to different places this summer either moving, travelling, interning and highschool is definitly coming to an end. I didn't think I miss it and I still don't cause school isn't my favorite place but I can foreshadow that the last day of school might me a depressing one for me.

I wonder what God has instore for me a few years from now. I really want to know. I love to experience and explore a lot of things but at the same time I want to do it with and for Him.


When you worship God first the rest will fall into place...

Big Family

I'm really grateful for being a Christian, I really am! I know sometimes I lack the show of it especially around my non-christian friends or people that don't care about faith but this past weekend showed me how much I cherish Church and this big family I'm in.

Its funny how sometimes NOT being blood related to someone but being faith-related can be more in depth in so many unexpectable ways. I had a church potluck this past Sunday and I felt so overjoyed not having a potluck since our Sr.High Christmas party and I learnt so much although it didn't seem like it. I really like conversing to adults and how they treat you like an adult and not a kid, speaking of which I'll be 18 in less then four months so entering adulthood none the less although people always tell you to enjoy your childhood while you can, but I'll always be a kid at heart.

When I was younger like elementary years I always thought people in highschool were so 'big, smart, mature' but now that I'm in this stage of life I feel its not that superior, maybe when your younger you look up to and consider people older as superior, just like a status level but I like where I am and God has his plans for all and I mean we all just need to be more thankful for each day we have. Imagine this : What if I got swine pandemic? or What if I get cancer from drinking from my plastic bottle rated 7 (which was made official today by the Health org.)

Anyhow I bought my grad ticket today, $65 bucks, crazy but made me think how fast my senior year is coming to an end and how fast school is going and soon it'll all be downhill and I'll be on the plane flying high to Vancouver. I read a quote from my 365 day quote calender my friend gave me : "A road to a friend's house is never far" and "A true friend is someone who is there when they rather be somewhere else"

Thank God for friendships and friendship that are deeper then family.


"What if I stumble; what if I fall"

Intricate Plan

I really believe God has an intricate plan for us. This past weekend everything, absolutely everything that happened flowed so well together. It was like a big fat interwined christian mess, but of course God's works is never mess, its success!

At YIC, the speaker's topic on God's calling on us was rewinded over and over again from fellowship last night when Phil put us on the spot and asked what we think our calling/purpose/what we want to do in life to an amazing sermon this morning in service about risk and facing our fears so God can further his works in us even more. What perfect timing, God does work out of and within time. Plus the Drime was just the cherry on top of service, hopefully others agree but I hope driming not only bring fresh new ways to worship for the English Congregation, but may it also help us to grow in faith and be open to new perspectives. Great team and I really enjoy doing them as we progress, can't wait for what comes next.

What I realize is that I really like to drive. Not drive as in speeding and being able to go places without the hassel of buses but I love to drive people, I love to be able to use this ability to serve God and provide for those who need rides. When I was younger I always had other parents or counsellors drive me to birthdays or to fellowship events, and sometimes I feel bad, and I kept telling myself when I'm able to, I'll go learn to drive and get my license early so I can be a driver, and here I am now, with a license and using this ability that so many take for granted into a good well used purpose! Maybe that's why I had so much motivation to get my driver's before my 17th birthday. [ Thanks God! ]

Happy belated Easter, well in a way Easter is never belated because the meaning of Easter is within us and from the inside out is the basis of Christianity. God sent his one and only son, Jesus to die on the cross so that we may receive the gift of enternal life, and if we choose to not believe in this miracle, we cannot believe in Christianity as a whole. So give thanks to the Lord for he saved our souls.

YIC last night was awesome, I got so much out of it then I had intended to, and I have been going to it since March 2005. God is full of surprizes and you never know what he smacks you in the face with. Being able to do a drime first time for such a big group of teens was just wow. and hopefully it does remind them about what Jesus has done, is doing and will continue to do. I pray tomorrow will yet be another moving experience for all.

School is moving along quite fast now.. 5 weeks until my grad and fast forward a bit and I'll be on a plane to Vancouver for my internship. I'm tired, that will be all, good night!


Big Calling = Big Personal Costs = Big Reward

One Lord; One Faith; One Baptism;

So today is my 2nd anniversay of getting baptised, April 8th 2007 was the day I got baptised with many others! Oh, how the memories rewind in my mine.

Time has passed so fast and I realized how much I've matured from two years ago, in faith, in relationships, in life, etc. God does work in your life, and its true how only time can tell. Imagine what more he can do 4, 8, 16 years down the road! I always hold on to "With God All things are POSSIBLE" when times are tugging me down to the ground or I feel like sinning, and yea, so that's that.

Now back to my studying for four tests in a row tommorw.


Five Days until Easter; 5 days until I get re-reminded the reason I got baptised.

Revived

"April Showers bring May Flowers"
but its not that applicable at the moment, well Spring break is over and I'm not dreading school, because I'm looking forward to Easter.

Today I finished the Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren, when I started on Ash Wednesday, I thought I would finish exactly on Easter Sunday, but I forgot that 40 days of Lent doesn't include Sundays, but I guess its good I finished today because in the book, on Day 40 it challenges you to write out your personal Life Mission Statement, and since the 1st and 2nd time reading through I didn't do this, third time shall be a charm! So here goes my written Purpose that lasts enternally, not earthly goals leading up to Easter and more!
If you have never read this book, I really recommend it to you because its a daily devotions that help you as you journey through your Christian life. Good read indeed, and encourages you for God's purpose!

Many things stuck out to me, and it motivated me to do more for God, expecially witness to those I haven't. My cousellor at fellowship has been encouraging us too, and it hit me hard when he wanted to have lunch with us at our highschools and bring a friend we've been trying to bring to Christ. Sadly, it hit me deep down that I haven't really tried to bring any of my friends to Christ expect pray for them once in a while, and that I should make it a purpose of mine even if there are fears of losing these friends. I think such fears are doubt, being judged, and maybe considered a 'obsessive Christian' to them. But despite these things, I learnt that Satan will do anything to keep you from spreading the word, and that's what makes him happy, well it time to make him SAD and strive for God. Hopefully I will be off to a good start.


"When God's at the center of your life, you worship. When he's not, you worry" -Rick Warren

The coming of FUN.

I'm really glad this week was really easy and barely had any homework, so I'm off to enjoy a wonderful week of spring break, if the weather allows for it.

Just 9 hours until the 30 hour famine starts, I probably end up doing more then 30 hours cause I won't be the type to wake up at 5am and indulge before a fast, or buffet afterwards which would kill me. Anyhow hopefully everyone else doing the famine has Fun doing it and focus on anything but food.

Good night ; Sleep tight because we will have a sleepless night tommorow ....

Sniffles

I must say, it's funny how your emotions can bring you up and drag you down so fast. It's like a rollercoaster ride and unfortunately, I'm riding it.

Look to God, Look to God.

Dreams

So yesterday I woke up with a thrill to do textiles & clothing.. maybe it so happened to be in my dream, but I don't know its hard to remember after a good night's sleep. According to the Bible though, God does speaks through dreams, so maybe just maybe it could be a hint or a nudge from him, I'll just have to see what comes next.

Well school has been pretty slack after that week of 5 tests, and I'm pretty sure this week should be kind of simple and clean as Spring Break is approaching. Yes!, that means Famine Time, I'm actually excited to not eat, and hopefully I can pull an all nighter for two reasons. One, I never did it before and the closest I ever got was waking up 6:30am the first day and sleeping at 6:00am the next day, 1/2 hour before I crashed and 1/2 hr before I accomplished it. Reason number two, so Phil & his assassins don't tie me up again at 4am or do anything to me for that matter since I'm a coordinator (but that's not going to stop them) and it won't make me think I'm getting kidnap for real.

I'm also excited to continue practicing for the up and coming Easter Drime. Yesterday's practice was.. let's call it fun & games. We didn't progress much but it was fun to chill and catch up and act immature although supposely being part of a serious matter. Oh, and Urban Promise, after Spring Break things are going to zoom by so quickly and I won't even notice I've graduated and on my way to Vancouver. I'm just really excited, and seeing that today is March 22nd, that makes five months until I'm a legal bagel.

Half way through Lent; Half way to Easter; Peacemaking

Hungry I come to you

Red Light

The weekend has been enjoyable after a week of a total of 5 tests. phew* ready for the big leagues soon.. well as I start to build my U of A schedule, it has been fun being able to pick what times you want to arrive at school none the less, but I have a major dilemma, I'm still on the edge of going into Arts ( which I'm condionally accepted into ) and head to Buisness in 2nd year OR switch over to faculty of ALES and head to Human Ecology and do the Textiles & Clothing major. I am so undecisive.

Arts->Business has been a recent interest since I'd finish Calm in gr.11 and discovered myself and yes I really would like to go into marketing and work with people and do some advertising and stuff but I have just too big of a passion for textiles and being able to make things or branch out to public relations and work with people through Human Ecology. So there you go, that's my dilemma I keep jumping back and forth, and I can't finish my schedule ever if i don't make a decision soon. I considered doing my first year in Faculty of ALES and if I don't like it, I'll head to business in my 2nd yr as long as I take all the pre requiste courses BUT first year of uni is really broad, and you just take all the neccessary courses i.e. math, english, stats, econ, maybe labs, which is a fear for me b/c people say labs are so long and you have so much writeups to do after each lab. So I don't know if I would get the FEEL for Textiles & Clothing judging by the first year.

My goal this week is to do lots of research on both sides and pray about God's leading for me, because without him, nothing will be successful.

Yesterday Night was a blast for me. It was my kindergarten friend's 18th birthday and she's flipino, so they have a big and glam tradition called a debut, in celebration of woman hood. To summarize, there's 18 roses, 18 guys (majority is relatives) that take turn dancing with her as they each hand her a rose. There's also 18 candles, all female (friends /family) who give her a birthday wish whom I was one of them. It was a joy to celebrate with her on her special day and being to be part of such a grand event was none the less enjoyable. Happy Birthday Stephanie!

I'm really glad that although I'd partied late, got home late, and went to bed late, my body's internal clock still woke me up before my alarm set at 8:30 and i was able to go to church still excited about what's to come. Church was not super exciting of course, but I was glad to see friends and others I wouldn't normally see on weekedays and enjoy a worship service and sunday school with them. 30 hour famine will be starting in 2 weeks! All the best to those fundraising, I'll be doing the famine but I won't be fundraising since I will be starting to fundraise for my internship to Urban Promise soon. That's another goal this week, getting my fundraising letter done and making a list of supportors.

So I titled my note today Red Light because I feel guilty for something I did unintentionally last night, driving home from the Debut @ Crowne Plaza. As you've suspected, yes i did drive through a red light but in the most ridiculous and unmorally way ever. I guess it was because it was my first time parking and getting out of the twisty and swirvy and circling parking lot of Crowne Plaza, and once your out of the parking lot, if you turn left you end up going down hill to the bridge and head South side, so I took the right turn and ended back downtown. So it was past 11:30pm and we (my 4 friends and I) were still pump from the aftermath of the debut. I was driving and I admit I wasn't as focus on the road as I should be due to talking to my friends and being all excited. So I saw the redlight and in my head I know a voice said "Stop and put your feet on the brake" and I did, but by the time I did, it was too late of a conscience and I ended up not having almost of a full stop until I was in the middle of the intersection, so i continued across the intersection-through a red light. LUCKILY because it was so late there was like zero to no traffic and once I drove crossed it, I felt irresponsible and a bad driver, but thankful that I survived. To my surprize, my friends didn't notice at all, all 4 of them were still a bit high from the fun I guess. So yea I'm sorry to my God, my license, and the roadrules. The car stopped on the other side probably thought I was drunk and nuts going through a red light so slowly. Sorry and who ever reading this probably doesn't want to get in my car for a while, but I've forgiven myself and I've learnt from that moment of a mistake. I just needed to let it out because I didn't let my mom know. Sorry, but thank the Big G. for watching over me.

bittersweet.

When Will Spring Arrive?

Wow its been like 2 weeks since I blogged, sorry for those who keep up with my splurbs of babbles and yaddas.

Well March has arrived, but the sight of Spring hasn't, this weather is CRAZY, melting one day, slip & slide, then freezing & snowing, brrrh & more brrrrh. That's Edmonton for you. But yes March, lots of thoughts have popped into my head recently, it's kind of like a 'pet' month for me because March 2nd, 2003 was when I got my samoyed ( similar to a husky) Snowball ( see picture above) , and she was white and fluffy and BIG! I miss her! Maybe she's in dog heaven now, but when I was little I didn't want to get married because my uncle would always tease me about boys so I said I'd marry my dog. But two years and 23 days later, Snowball had to go because she couldn't walk no more, and we literally had to hold her back legs to help her get up the stairs, so sad, I think SPCA put her down, she was a grandma's age in dog years.

Second dog story is Comet, We got him on March 10, 2006, so three year anniversary is coming up! But this is a sad story too! When we got Comet he was like anoerxic for a dog, because his previous owner had starved him and abandoned him in the apartment. Long story short, my dad's co-worker (who owned the apartment or something) knew we were dog-lovers and brought Comet to us. After keeping him for a day or two, we brought it to SPCA lost & found and a week after, we legally had owned Comet. Of course no one claimed Comet, that be admitting they abused him =(. Anyhow so its been a good three years, and Comet got a friend a year later, Luna whom we bought on Feb 2nd, 2007. Oh, how I love them.

Next on the list... HIGHSCHOOL IS OVER IN LIKE FOUR MONTHS. amazing. how ridiculous does that sound or how overwhelmed am I? You be the judge of that. When I was little I thought I never finish school, elementary was a long long 7 years although it was slack & fun & games & parties at every possible event. Junior High zoomed right by, oh puberty & boys & finding myslef-all that good valuable stuff. Now Highschool, gr.12, I thank God for my 13 years of education that will soon come to an end, but wait its not the end, another 4 years of University is set to come. Gradulations 2009.

UP! Urban Promise, I've finally went through my interview call today and it wasn't that bad as I thought. I was really excited but by the end of it I like teared up because I realize I wouldn't be able to help with VBS (Vacation Bible School) at church and be a leader none the less, but this is probably one of those dilemmas that God is trying to teach me something and I'm so sure this summer will be peace & joy & grace & hope. It WILL be an unbelievable experience to look forward to! praypraypray.

Sawah.

"The 2 hardest thing to say in life, Hello for the first time and Goodbye for the last; so why not make it easy and say cya later alligator"

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WEEeeek.

Wow, I haven't written in exactly 13 days, and I do feel missing writing in blogs, its like a way to just spill everything, and its so much easier to write rather then talk it out because I'm always scared who so and so will think or judge or you know. I guess sometimes I do over think things or over think how people will over think things if that makes sense. But I know I shouldn't, it comes down to how God thinks, but its easy to say but also easy to stray away from it.

So I guess I'm back in the school mode of things, school has BEEN STRESSING. I find myself comparing a lot lately, especially marks. Like, especially going to MAC, an academic school, everyone is school focus, some to the max. and sometimes if I know my friends did better then me on a test or even an assignment, I tend to not tell them my mark, for no stupider reason then fear; scared of what they will think. There's so much pressure sometimes and I don't know how to relieve myself of it .

I think my school friends have changed me a lot, I mean who you hang out with is who you become right? Its hard to stand out when peer pressure is luring around the corner, it oddity to talk about a 'non-secular' top, and most of all, its sad to not be able to bring up church related topics or God. Today it really hit me, I couldn't find my friends at lunch, the usual 6 of us girls, squishing into this square teeny tiny cubbie on the floor and spending our lunch break there ( a group were having a bake sale infront of that cubbie) , so I was roaming the hallways, up and down and didn't catch a glimpse of them. Then I found 2 of them gossiping about another girl in our group, and I found myself laughing it off with them and partcipating. Its not the first time, and I know it wont be the last time I do this, but at that moment God flashed into my mind and I thought of WWJD ( What would Jesus do?) or more importantly WHAT WOULD JESUS THINK.

I really didn't feel comfortable and I really do wish that I went to a school where my church friends would be, and just be able to relieve myself of these 5 girls at times.

Anyhow, enough of the depressing side, so I figure I do better in English or Social rather then Math or the Sciences, or what I mean is, I'm better at writing essays then calculating or straight memorizing. I got my 2 written midterms back this week, and the result was way better then I thought, way higher then Math or Sciences. So I guess writing is one of my hobbies, I enjoy writing and I'm glad I started this blog and get to spill my heart out.

Another thing is, my sony camera I mentioned last blog, the warranty still works! I'm really gratful, before I called them, I had made up my mind I would have to go pick it up and give it to a friend to fix, but surprize, God is full of surprizes and you can't jump to conclusions. I can't wait to get it back!

Well I'm looking forward to this cherry on top of my weekend-Family Day.

&& Happy Birthday to my younger brothers!!

Doomed. not really

Well today just added to my saddness. Not a cherry on top of my week at all. Since finishing moonlight resonance (this tvb drama) I've been contemplating alot about reality families, and family drama, in a way, MY family. Sometimes I do wish that I had a big happy tight family, but of course then it wouldn't be call a 'drama' right? Anyhow its a good drama, watch it anyways...

So I'm pretty down right now because an hour ago I just brought my camera to get fixed at this Sony Service & Repair place... BUT my warranty ended Jan 1st, 2009, I forgot I had gotten my camera on new years in HK last year, but yea I still remember new years of 2008, I had gotten sick from HK's weather and not so purified air and my dear cousin had brought me out to get my dear camera. Anyhow, so since the summer my camera has been shaking on and off, probably a problem with the motor or something I don't know, I'm not so good with techy stuff, but I guess it comes down to blaming myself for not getting it fixed earlier.. until now at least when my warranty is 29 days passed and so yea... if sony isn't nice and denies the warranty, I have to pay a service fee of $30, just for them to repair it, and once its repaired.. then it may be more.. even $100 the person who helped me said.. hopefully not =(

So yea I feel really self-centered and greedy but please pray for my camera! I really like it and I really hope I get it back in a healthy condition & I pray that the warranty works.

On a second note, these few days have been adding to my 'reflection' period, I thought I be going out like crazy and chilling with far or long lost haven't seen friends, but I've been pretty home sweet home attach, and I like it! I wish school wasn't on monday and I don't want to think its on monday, but then again tuesday I have off due to Faith Development Day (hooray for catholic schools).

Hmm I wonder how certain people are doing right now, well I should be off now and reflect on more things, get that application started, and celebrate my dad's 50th? birthday that I found out about yesterday...

Headache.

Well this is my first official blog! Yay! I'm pretty excited. So last week was my last week of exams, FIVE in a row! and I don't want to think too much over it now that it is officially over and I'm in my holiday mode -EIGHT days (including weekends) of no school =) yes, lucky me!

This first month of 2009 has been off to a busy start, from taking myself out of winter conference mode during Christmas break 2008(which was the bomb and I miss it so so much) to situated in school mode again with exams right around the corner + an amazing pastor resigned which meant lots of farewell duties to do! (yes it was busy but WORTH it & I'm very greatful)
Then comes the crazy 5-day week which I have done the impossible and accomplish it. Yes, I could've studied more, I could've focus more on school but what ever I just have to look towards the future for the Best God has instored for me !!

Oh, by the way HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR to all and now to those who haven't done their resolutions, this is your LAST chance since its the "last" new year. And January will end in four days now, and school will take me away from reality soon, but there is hope! and there is so much awaiting for me this upcoming year. First off, Adoria , my dear s.i.c. (Sister in Christ <3) and me are incharge of 30 hour famine, another chance to starve and raise money for World Vision, as well as have a crazy sleep over at our church. Secondly, DRIMETIME, since last May the first drime we accomplish, it has been a great interest to me and others and we will be planning our up and coming third drime which we will be presenting at Easter. Lastly, this summer Adoria and I are planning to intern at Urban Promise in Vancouver, YAY to away from Deadmonton for 5 weeks and hooray for Vancouver & doing something really meaningful for my grad year. Which reminds me,... time to fill out that forever and a day application.

So there's my little splurb haha, and I'm off to relief the pain from stretching yesterday and running at the gym today! Oh, and on a random note, here's a random quote I've been living
"With God all things are Possible" despite the worry wort me and nervewrack I can be, hold on to this and everything is possible'.