When I grow up I want to be __________ ?

We've all been ask this question and again I come to the point where I'm contemplating what I want to be or do with my life. But I've also hit some walls along this little path of mine. I hit BIG realizations too. Its weird to think so "adulty" or in other words- so in depth and maturely but I think its time even if I don't want to hit this phase of my life.

I guess today was like a breaking point, it does hurt to realize certain truths but the outcome is that it makes you a stronger person for better or for worse. So being a newly 18 teen year old (I'm technically a "teen" still am I not? hence TEEN in eightTEEN!) yea yea I know I'm an adult now, I'm legal, I can choose to drink, vote, and take on responsibilites of an adult but its still so odd to me. When you were a kid you always wanted to grow up faster because you had role models you wanted to be like and to be like them you had to be older and when you were a teen your stuck in the middle, you don't know what you want, and hence that creates tension and conflict in your life because your not a kid, and your not an adult and going through puberty just sucks. Now that I'm technicaly an adult I always ponder on the thought of being a kid again, having nothing to worry, just cry or smile and let the day pass by. I'm accepting of this adult life though, I like the independence and being able to have liberty of my own life and I love it but having to live at home seems to keep you on a leash and if you tug at it too hard, either side may break.

Anyhow what is my point? I realize I still have my immature side, but when it comes to a deeper level of thinking, I've gained a lot of insight from a little birdy today. I realize that some times you got to really ask yourself- in depth, too personal to handle questions for yourself even if its to yourself. I got to be open to these truths and fresh concepts and be accepting of it and not be living in denial since that just hinders the whole process of life, but its a learning process you got to go through as well. So I guess certain factors of my life just got made clear today and although it was an 'ouch' sensation at first, I survived it and I will keep going to discover more about this new phase of my life. Speaking of this new phase, uni is bizarre, its not even school, more like a on your own workshop after workshop you attend and try to be on time. Everyone is in a rush, everyone just wants to book it to class on time, and everyone has their own world to attend to.



All grown UP?... I don't think so.