Love Language

1.Quality Time
2.Gifts
3.Words of Affirmation
4. Affection
5.Service

Above is the order of my preferences in terms of receiving my love language. I know its different from person to person and my preferences of delivering my love language is slightly different than receiving them as well.

Now that my final Fall term has ended, I'm relinquished from the limits of being a student and free to make the most of this Advent season. I love being able to catch up with friends, gathering with family over a festive meal, and above all, giving back to God. I'm so easily distracted and I know its an excuse, but when its exam time, its hard to prioritize my relationship with the Lord.

Despite the freedom from my invisible school chains, my schedule is filling up quickly with multiple get togethers, parties, dinners and reunions. Its a battle between finding rest in Him and attending the next Christmas event on the list. Sometimes I find that the celebration of the reason for the season is lacking among the mass amount of plans we all have. Its ironic as Christ is the root and the origin of Christmas, yet I'm sure we are all guilty of not emphasizing this point as we attend one activity to the next.

Quality time is at the top of my love language because I don't feel I have enough of it. I love one-on-one cafe dates, chit chatting endlessly with a group of friends without the need for time checks, and spontaneous adventures with a sic or two. It really sucks when I give all this time to school, when relationships are the most significant matter I should invest in. When it comes to the end of my life, I won't remember that grade or how I did on that final, rather, the special ones who are still at my side. 

Having said that, this year I decided not to host or plan any gatherings, instead I told other people to. The reason being is that I haven't acknowledge how much rest I've been missing out on. The other day, I was surprised that I slept for eleven and a half hours upon waking up because I didn't know that was possible of me (at least not since my not-wanting-to get-out-of-bed days in grade school). To be honest, I feel slightly burnt out jumping into all the plans awaiting for me and finishing my list of to dos right after my finals have ended. Don't get me wrong though, I'm still excited to see people, dress up, and celebrate the festivities of this season, I just wish everything lasted longer.  The advent weeks of peace, hope, joy, and love drives our hearts towards the anticipation for Christmas, and the next thing you know, this special month wraps up and a new year begins.

Now that I have shared this, every memory made and every moment spent with my friends and family are going to be treasured, captured, and remembered. I'm so thankful for this time of year, and thrilled to celebrate the significance of Jesus' birth. Even though December 25 is just one day, Christmas spirit can linger in our hearts daily as Jesus is a gift to us; His never ending presence is our present.

#FiveDaysUntilChristmas

What is your love language? 

Just for the sake of....

NUMBERS.

When will I ever live through 01/01/01 to 12/12/12 again?

I will not in fact, so I might as well take this chance to document this significant matter of numbers here on my blog.

Its amazing how numbers can impact our lives in so many ways; from telling time, to a celebration of ---dates, to even planning a wedding to officiate at that precise moment (or as a matter of luck, China planned the 2008 Olympics to initiate on August 8, 2008 at 8pm). Numbers play such a huge role in society and can even be a matter of a life or death in terms of tragedies (how fast a person can be rushed to the hospital), or to some people, a miniscule difference in a test score can be a "life or death" scenario and impact what grade they receive. A change in one's scale in the weight department can drive some up the wall as well.

Regardless of one's superstition, anniversary, or favorite/ideal numeral they may have,  for the sake of numbers just being numbers, lets give a toast to today! 

HAPPY 12-12-12 bloggers!

12 DAYS until Christmas Eve!

There's a new bug in town

I'm very fortunate to have a strong immune system as I only catch a cold or burn up with a fever  once or twice a year. It's usually during the Winter months and so far, I'm happy to say that I have remained healthy despite feeling the cold blues.

However, I've been rather itchy lately and its been getting worse. I want to relieve myself of this itchiness, but it seems like there's no clear medication for it right now. Or at least nothing the doctors can prescribe for me. I wouldn't say there's no cure, just that its quite limited at the moment in terms of finances and a lack of research.

This is definitely a unique case.

What solution do you have for my itch to travel?

This itchiness is driving me up the wall!

I guess I've caught the travel bug...

The Road Less Travelled

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference

-Robert Frost

 

With classes finishing in April, the final component of my program is a 200 hour practicum placement in a field of work I'm interested in. Its similar to an internship where I get to implement everything I've learned these past four years into a professional work setting. However, I don't get paid, in fact, this course is worth six credits so I actually have to pay to do this and to graduate.

 

It's been a fairly long process as I had started applying for this student placement (before I left Korea for my abroad experience in fact) as you are suppose to do it a year in advance before your final year of courses. I feel I've always known where I wanted to do this practicum, but I never really looked into it until the beginning of this term. I had my hopes up with one ideal place, but that fell through, and it took a while before I figured out what I really wanted to pursue as a career. I still remember how much joy I found when I discovered a job description and title that had my name written all over it. It was so me, it seemed so achievable, and could I dare say it was my calling? 

 

Without giving this job title away, jobs in this field were actually harder to obtain than I thought as most people under this job title worked in boutique firms and pretty much ran their own show with their fairly small team of assistants, so I didn't find any open doors on my own in terms of my student placement. 

 

So a little background info...

 

My adviser is one of the sweetest and most positive lady on this planet. Nothing could ever go wrong in her book and she is always so on top of things. She's the coordinator of every student's practicum and has a few tricks up her sleeves in the networking and professional world. So to speed this story up, my adviser found me a couple of potential placements and I had finally narrowed it down to two, but knowing me, I couldn't choose between option A and option B. Both had pros and cons. Both were ideal. Both  lacked what the other had. Both had what the other didn't. 

 

I kept pushing my decision deadline and I just couldn't decide at all. Since the end of Fall Break last week I decided to surrender the options to God. He knows best, and I asked Him to show me loud and clear which route He wanted me to pursue. I was just too bias in my own head to make a decision. A few friends I had mentioned it to told me to pursue Option A: away from Edmonton, a corporate company, had the tendency to hire, offered potential career advancements, and was a huge focus on my marketing minor-advertising. The only drawback was a lack of fashion, whereas Option B: had a large component of fashion and was under the job title I wanted to pursue, but I would be situated in Edmonton, work under one major person (though I would gain the tricks of the trade being mentored one on one), and I wasn't sure about any career advancements or having any job security in this picture, as this person I would be working under only has a part-time position in this option.

 

For the longest time, I honestly thought I knew what I wanted. I guess having had the intention to leave Edmonton, parental ideals of wanting me to be job-secure, and going through a 'quarter life crisis earlier (read all about it here), I personally thought option A would be better for me. Despite this justification, I was so unsettle about the lack of fashion. When I thought about seriously considering Option B and what I would gain from it, I was unsettled about it too because the future seem so blurry afterwards. I just kept hopping back and forth the fence these past few days and wishing I could just do both, but this isn't a multiple choice test where option C is all of the above. 

 

Well Saturday came and a dear sic of mine was sharing at E3C so I went to support her. She's always been a confident and humorous speaker so I knew she would nail it. I just didn't know she would nail the answer right in my heart during her speech. Her speech was the tipping point of my decision and I just knew right there and then, sitting in that second row, where God wanted me to be. She talked about how God is the only one who knows what you are going through, that we should seek our maker who knows us best, rather than try to fix what we think are just petty problems ourselves-just like how you would go to the cell phone manufacturer/company to complain about a malfunction than figure it out on your own, and that it really takes faith for you to know what you don't know because God always Always ALWAYS knows. 

 

To move in faith you must be willing to be uncomfortable. Faith is not comfortable. Faith is always outside of your comfort zone -Jaeson Ma

It's amazing when you seek and ask God for help because He always answers. In this case, through bits and pieces of my friend's speech, the above quote, and God-cidences, I chose the road less traveled. Despite many people telling me to opt for Option A, a connection I probably would've never made on my own (PTL for advisers) and gain an experience like no other with a internationally known corporate company, I finally realized I was leaning towards it for the wrong reasons. Yes, it would be wonderful to  get hired from an internship, settle in a new city, and have the prosperous pay, but it all went back to why I'm studying what I'm studying. I never enrolled in Human Ecology for the money in the first place, I never decided on studying this program to get me somewhere big (though it be nice if it did happen), and I realized that I didn't want to go for a job just to feel comfortable and secure. 

 

Instead, as hard as it may be as I'm saying this, I think the prospect of being insecure, of stepping out in faith, of allowing God to reveal his glorious plans for me through Option B would be better. Whose to say that God won't bring another corporate opportunity my way again? Whose to say I can't network in a wee little city like Edmonton? I did. When I was sitting on the fence with my decision. I'm sick of doubting and taking control of my life, so from here on, God is going to take the wheel before I swerve and and crash on the road more taken. I'm not going to leave skid marks where everyone else has, instead, I will pave my direction through Him who leads.

 

Let's see where this takes me. 

What is your Clock telling you?

I've been looking for daylights savings for a while now... since mid October? I'm not fond of how politics decided to change it to the weekend after Halloween rather than before, but at least its still here. Did you know that Asia doesn't have day lights saving?

Anyhow, I've been lacking sleep lately due to late nights and early mornings (last 8am class ever please), so looking forward to having an extra of sleep this weekend just felt dandy.

Last night I had set my phone and clock in my room to 'fall back' one hour and had gone to bed by midnight (though technically, it was 11pm). I woke up this morning feeling great from being so well rested! I know I have enough sleep when I wake up before my alarm and am so ready to get out of my bed and get ready! On the plus side, the sun was out and triumphs waking up to darkness any day. I also felt warm and cozy waking up as chilly mornings tend to be frequent when one has to wake up before the sun rises.

I had woke up shortly after 7am as my phone told me and my alarm was set at 8:30am. Since I had beyond sufficient time to get up, I thought I just lay in bed a little longer. I finally got up by 7:30am and decided to do some stretches before getting ready. I like it when I'm not being rushed by anyone or having the need to rush to get to somewhere on time, in this case, church. After taking my time with my rare morning exercise, a light breakfast and hygienic routine, it was 8:30am. I made a mental note that I had a half hour before I needed to leave to church and grab a snack for my Sunday School girls. My parents had left for China early this morning at 6am so I was lucky to have the van to myself for the next three weeks.

After getting ready and failed attempts at waking up one of my brothers, I decided to head out on my own. I made a mental note to change the clocks on the microwave and oven as they both read 10am. I decided on Save Ons to buy fruits, but ended up getting Quaker's rice crackers as pre cut fruit is SO EXPENSIVE! However, walking in I was greeted by a middle age man employee at the door and walking out without a plastic bag I thought I approach him to show my receipt as he was watching me leave. He said it was okay and attempted at his Chinese 'sheh sheh' (thankyou) which made me feel like.. ahh why do people do that? Just because I'm noticebly Chinese doesn't mean I don't speak English and I was obviously communicating in proficient English. Anyhow that's besides the point to this blog, but maybe I'll rant about that another day.

So I am finally on my way to church and it was 9:26am already and I assumed I would probably arrive late for sure. Luckily, 7 minutes later I had arrived, parked farther than usual due to my tardiness, and headed to my Sunday School (SS). I entered church and there was more people than usual in the lobby as they are usually in their SS class, so I was wondering if their SS class had been canceled or just didn't start yet. Was briefly stopped by one of my friends and headed upstairs to my usual SS room. A bunch of boys was coming out of my SS and I had forgotten that my class had switched rooms with them and are in the office now. However, the boys were leaving their classroom so I was asked if their SS class was canceled, and to my shock, they said it's over. I was like what? So fast? Isn't it 9:30? One of them showed me his phone and I was jaw dropped seeing 10:46am on his phone.

What in the world had happened? Didn't I change my phone's time? How could SS be done now? I felt terrible, my class!!! *bolted down the stairs...

I left to the office to find my girls and my co-teachers (thank God I was relieved of teaching this week) and interrupted in disbelief about my situation and apologize for my stupidity. It took me a few minutes to sort out how this all happened and turns out, my phone had automatically 'fell back' on its own, thus the clock got turned back twice-once manually, once automatically.

Wow. I feel so embarrassed, and this is the first time ever in my lifetime I managed to be confused about the time change. What a funny story to pass on.

Go ahead and laugh at me. 

So this is what you call a Crisis

This crisis has got my mood swinging like a pendulum earlier this week. I felt like a terrible wreck as if I was being tossed side to side by super storm Sandy, though my problems are incomparable to Sandy's victims. At work this past Monday, I was totally not pleasant to work with and I really thank you my awesome coworker (whose name is also Sarah) who was so patient and kind towards me. Sarah maintained her 'chill' factor the whole shift when I would have honestly wanted to pull my hair out working with someone who constantly ranted, complained, and rambled about every little thing that was throwing her off course.

I questioned if it was one of those times. People talk about mid-life crisis, quarter life crisis, but what was mine? In my logic, if I was to live to 100, I'm 1/5 of the way there.. so is there such thing as a 'one fifth' life crisis? Though, my rather logical coworker reminded me people usually live around 80s, so I guess it's fair to say it is one of those times. Yes, I diagnosed myself with a quarter life crisis. 

So what's up?

To be honest, now that I reflect on these past few days, I have to admit I may have been over the top on some matters and investing too much of my thought process into items that don't seem as bothersome to me now (or could it be that I'm not dwelling on it anymore so it seems less ramble worthy?). I don't know. I just know I've just been a pile of tangled strings, one big mess that can't seem to untangle itself!

Crying. Emotionally eating. Over thinking issues out of my control.  Ticked off which leads me to being extremely blunt and rude to particular people. Yea you probably never seen this side of me... at least not all at once.

I don't want my personal issues to contaminate anyone, but I will mention about it in a general sense.  I guess it started on the weekend and what were supposedly miniscule issues...snowballed into my crisis. I usually look at things in terms of a bigger picture and I think that that became the root of my problem. I started to feel the burden of all the future-oriented decisions I need to make soon, the changing dynamics of my friendships, questioning if what I valued in life still matter as much as they do now, and just wanting to hibernate and be a porcupine-away from people.

T R A N S I T I O N S!

I can't recall feeling this way in the past. I adjust well to changes, different cultures, am an advocate for trying new things and being adventurous, but what is up with me? Are these mid-quarter-what ever they may be-crisis a stage of life?

It wasn't until Tuesday that my mood drastically picked up (what a difference eh? Monday's storm, Tuesday's calm) and I truly believe it was because I messaged one person what I was struggling with. A while later, I sensed strongly that she prayed for me because my spirits couldn't have possibly lifted that quick. Which reminded me to not estimate the power of prayer. You don't know how God is shifting another person's mood when you send them a heavenly blessing. On the other hand, I felt terrible investing so much of my energy into this so call crisis when I should've seek God right away. I shouldn't have fed into these issues more than they deserved.

What the devil calls a crisis, God calls for your faith.

Well, as I enter November, I don't want this month to go, because once it leaves me, December rolls around and this term is pretty much over. Its just very bittersweet for me at this moment.

Lastly...

Dear blog,

I miss you very much, but I'm back now!

Love,
Girl-in-okay-life-matters

Humble Bumble

Once school starts, everything seems to pick up its pace. Homework, assignments, group projects, meetings, and the list goes on. Not only school-related items, but I find my commitments with my extra-curriculars and serving in church coming at me faster than I thought. It made me realize how much I had commit to this year... and maybe even a potential job on top of these things too.

One thing that has been different this term compared to all my other terms is that I have a lot of peace. A lot of peace because I am putting more and more of my faith in God rather than myself. In the past, I would always worry, blog about worrying, rant to others about my worries, and worry some more. A long while back I had posted this quote below,

What worries you, Masters you -anonymous

which  made me rethink everything that consumes me. Though, I feel I'm worry-free not because my term is easy, not because I have a perfect schedule to do everything, but because I'm slowly giving my all to God.

Cast all your anxiety on Him because he cares for you-1 Peter 5:7

This above verse is slowly becoming a reality for me. It dawned on me lately how I'm so thankful we  were told to  memorize bible verses as a kid in fellowship and Sunday School. You don't realize how powerful a verse can be until you need it-until you try to recall one and realize its no where to be found in your memory. Also, its not until you share the word with someone that it really shows how much you know, and don't know. I've found a burning desire to "take up the cross" and I want this flame to never die. I've never been so on track in my spiritual walk and even though I'm still confused about a lot of things, my investment in my faith has delivered satisfaction and joy like no other means.

Since Korea, I've been more consistent in my quiet times with God, and not to my surprize, it actually gets harder once I put the effort into praying and reading the bible. The enemy always fills my time up with junk, with foolish decisions and sometimes overdoing my schedule. Though, its also a test of my priorities and where I am dedicating my energy to.

If the devil doesn't make you lazy, he makes you too busy -anonymous

Since coming home, I've been sad- yes, that my travels have ended, excited, yes-for my last year in University, but also ambitious and out of my head regarding certain goals I have. I feel I have the abilities to do all these ideas swirling in my head but other times, I realize how challenging my circumstances may be when reality hits me across the forehead like a wooden hammer hitting those gophers that pop up at arcade games. I've also been reminded that I am a servant of God, one that is humble and willing to do God's will in the environments he places me in. Its so easy to get caught up in myself and my capabilities that I forget that its God who is in control, not me, myself or I. On a side note, mentioning God's will reminds me of a funny Christian pickup line I saw on my friend's facebook haha:

 Anyways, for the most part, I am looking forward to what this year has to teach me. With graduation in a little over a year, I need to stop thinking its the end, but rather, only the beginning of so much more. I'm already anticipating those  blessings God has hidden for me to find down the road.

Have faith in all that you do my friends.

Below, I present to you my most recent finding and favorite quote of all (as of now),

When you feel like God has put a vision on your heart, don't chase it. Chase Him. He'll never lead you to leave you. Pray that your desires align with his design. He always comes through. -anonymous