This crisis has got my mood swinging like a pendulum earlier this week. I felt like a terrible wreck as if I was being tossed side to side by super storm Sandy, though my problems are incomparable to Sandy's victims. At work this past Monday, I was totally not pleasant to work with and I really thank you my awesome coworker (whose name is also Sarah) who was so patient and kind towards me. Sarah maintained her 'chill' factor the whole shift when I would have honestly wanted to pull my hair out working with someone who constantly ranted, complained, and rambled about every little thing that was throwing her off course.
I questioned if it was one of those times. People talk about mid-life crisis, quarter life crisis, but what was mine? In my logic, if I was to live to 100, I'm 1/5 of the way there.. so is there such thing as a 'one fifth' life crisis? Though, my rather logical coworker reminded me people usually live around 80s, so I guess it's fair to say it is one of those times. Yes, I diagnosed myself with a quarter life crisis.
So what's up?
To be honest, now that I reflect on these past few days, I have to admit I may have been over the top on some matters and investing too much of my thought process into items that don't seem as bothersome to me now (or could it be that I'm not dwelling on it anymore so it seems less ramble worthy?). I don't know. I just know I've just been a pile of tangled strings, one big mess that can't seem to untangle itself!
Crying. Emotionally eating. Over thinking issues out of my control. Ticked off which leads me to being extremely blunt and rude to particular people. Yea you probably never seen this side of me... at least not all at once.
I don't want my personal issues to contaminate anyone, but I will mention about it in a general sense. I guess it started on the weekend and what were supposedly miniscule issues...snowballed into my crisis. I usually look at things in terms of a bigger picture and I think that that became the root of my problem. I started to feel the burden of all the future-oriented decisions I need to make soon, the changing dynamics of my friendships, questioning if what I valued in life still matter as much as they do now, and just wanting to hibernate and be a porcupine-away from people.
T R A N S I T I O N S!
I can't recall feeling this way in the past. I adjust well to changes, different cultures, am an advocate for trying new things and being adventurous, but what is up with me? Are these mid-quarter-what ever they may be-crisis a stage of life?
It wasn't until Tuesday that my mood drastically picked up (what a difference eh? Monday's storm, Tuesday's calm) and I truly believe it was because I messaged one person what I was struggling with. A while later, I sensed strongly that she prayed for me because my spirits couldn't have possibly lifted that quick. Which reminded me to not estimate the power of prayer. You don't know how God is shifting another person's mood when you send them a heavenly blessing. On the other hand, I felt terrible investing so much of my energy into this so call crisis when I should've seek God right away. I shouldn't have fed into these issues more than they deserved.
What the devil calls a crisis, God calls for your faith.
Well, as I enter November, I don't want this month to go, because once it leaves me, December rolls around and this term is pretty much over. Its just very bittersweet for me at this moment.
Lastly...
Dear blog,
I miss you very much, but I'm back now!
Love,
Girl-in-okay-life-matters
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