It's been two days since the retreat and I'm still running on this new found love for God. Trust me, its not another 'Christian high,' if anything, this retreat was far from it. My faith is at a whole new dimension and being at the Emmaus large group today confirmed how much we have all changed just by looking at each others' faces. We were all glowing with a renewed foundation of our identity in Christ and worshiped passionately.
One thing that I still can't get over about this retreat is something I haven't figured out how to explain. I never thought I would experience it in my life. Being home in wee little Edmonton and having heard and discussed it, I never thought I would experience it for myself. I always thought God gifted it to 'special' believers (for lack of a better word), and ones he called out to have this ability. Perhaps those in unknown parts of the world or third world countries where I would never have the chance to witness this. Another side of me lacked faith to believe in it, faith is to believe what you do now see, yet, I was not believing with all my heart that this was capable of being real. Saturday night, God not only proved my lack of faith wrong, He demonstrated it to me, and even shared with me that I could have this ability too.
During praise and worship before the sermon on Saturday, we had our arms around one another and were praying out loud to God. All of us. One of the Emmaus staff leaders came and put her arm on me and another girl beside her. She sang out loud, she prayed loud, and then something unusual happened. She was speaking in a way that was unfamiliar and sort of strange, while at the same time, her hand on me, and possibly her whole body was shaking in a perfect rhythm. I kept listening and then it hit me. I asked myself, could it be? No way. What... and I even heard it coming from behind me from another person as well. OMG. It is. She really was. She was speaking in tongues. I made a mental note of it to myself because I knew I had to confirm it. I was blown out of my mind. It was actually a beautiful experience. I thought it was just 'blablabla' to me, but the more I heard it come out, the sweeter it sounded.
After the sermon that night, we went to our small groups and shared what spoke to us from the sermon. I couldn't help it and my excitement jumped to what I had experienced earlier. My small group leader looked at me so calmly and thought I said I had spoken in tongues, but after the minor confusion she threw a question at me that sent me flying. Do you want this gift? I was like what are you talking about? I can have it? Huh?! Turns out, my small group leader had that gift too and she was actually blessed with it through another believer, same goes with another girl in my small group. She asked, yes or no, if you want it we will pray for you to receive it, if you don't, then you don't. I was so hesitant, I never thought you can just the gift like that, how is that even possible? I thought God gifted it, how did so many believers here at the retreat have this gift? I couldn't even let it sink in that all this was all happening, let alone asking for the possibility of having this spiritual gift. Anyhow, we ended up praying that this other girl and I would receive it, and after praying for us in English, my leader and this other girl who knew how to speak in tongue prayed for us in tongues. Hearing them speak within such a close proximity and in such a clear voice got me curious. I felt like I was dreaming, is this all real? It felt out of this world.
After the prayer, my friend and I didn't speak in tongues. Not like it was an anti climax, but I realize so many people have it because they asked for it with faith like a child's. No questions. No double thinking it. No hesitance. I, on the other hand, didn't have that faith at the moment, and I was in the process of being transformed into a new wine skin. Like I said in my last post, God cannot bless you with better blessings if you are stuck in your old shell. I know God won't give me more than I can handle, and maybe at this time, having me listen to it and be a witness for it was enough. Also, not everyone is gifted with this gift, we read 1 Corinthians 12 about spiritual gifts and how God equips each of us with different gifts for His purposes. So even though I was prayed for to receive it, God has the final say in all of this.
Through this whole experience though, I felt God's endless strength. You can't doubt His power, you can't doubt His glory, and you can't doubt what He can do through you and for you. All you have to have is faith. We can choose to put our faith in ourselves, or in God.
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for. By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God's command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible" -Hebrews 11:1-3
Where is your faith at?
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