I can't believe its been almost a month since the Emmaus retreat, and that was only a glimpse of what God has been doing in me. I've been meaning to write this post, but due to school and midterms, I've finally been able to get around to it.
The following Tuesday of retreat I decided to fast for 24hours. One of the pastors who spoke at the retreat told us his testimony about how God gave him his calling. For a period of time, he fasted every Thursday, and instead of eating during his meal times, he would pray. He would pray, and not just a short and simple prayer, but one that was lengthy and in tune with how the Holy Spirit was moving in him and what God had planned for his future.
At that time, I really contemplated extending my stay in Korea. God was doing so much in me and I had fallen so in love with Seoul that I would get sappy just thinking about leaving towards the end of June. I knew staying here for another term would be out of the question as 1. I don't have any more credits to justify the extension, and 2. it wouldn't be worth it financially. Regardless, I needed a confirmation from God if my desires were His desires for me as well.
Another pastor had shared how she had asked God to answer her three distinct prayers two ish years ago: going to bible school (her calling), being able to stay at New Philly (church I'm attending), and that God would provide for her to stay in Seoul financially (she was from another city in Korea, Busan). To her amazement, the next day she attended service, New Philly had presented a seminary scholarship opened to members of the church, with room and board provided, and afterwards, he/she would intern for New Philly. Just imagine how she felt. Not only had God answered her prayer, He provided solutions to all three of her requests, all at once! God is SO Good.
So with those two examples in mind, and a hunger for an answer from God, I decided to fast. Like the latter example, I asked God for three things: my purpose in Korea if I was to stay, for housing, and for finances to be provided to meet my first two prayer requests.The last time I fasted, was probably for 30hr famine back in grade twelve. However, I didn't waste time thinking if I was physically capable, I just did it in faith.
Fast forward and 24 hours was not as hard as I though it be, I mean, obviously I did get hungry, but my desire for an answer from God was bigger than my desire for food.
That night, I checked my email and I shouldn't have been surprised, but I got an acceptance notice from the Explore program. So, before I came to Korea I had applied for this program, which is basically a bursary to learn French anywhere in Canada (I chose Montreal) and all tuition, accommodation, and fees would be covered by the government as they want to promote French culture and language. I had been expecting a reply in April, but I didn't think it would come so early on. Plus, I had my intentions set on extending my time in Korea at this point, so I thought, if I got rejected, it wasn't a big deal, and if I did get accepted, I could always turn it down.
Here's the catch though, I only had ten days to make a decision for this program. With my head wrapped around the idea of what I was praying for that day, I thought it was just such bad timing. Why did this email have to come at a point when I was so set on extending my time in Korea? I know God didn't give me any answers that day in terms of what I prayed for (or so I thought at the time), but I was fighting for my own desires. I wanted to wait it out as long as I can just in case God shows me His answers.
The next few days drove me nuts. I jumped back and forth between options of rejecting or accepting this email. I discussed it with a handful of friends, emailed friends who has participated in Explore before, and talked about it with my mom. The number one reason why I had applied in the first place was because I wanted to not only have an all expense paid for language experience, but to also be able to check out Montreal and find possible internship opportunities for my practicum component next year.
To be honest, I already knew the answer. In hindsight, I feel the confirmation stronger than ever. God had answered my prayers-purpose,financial needs, housing-all in one email! Despite applying for the Explore program back in January, God had already set me up for this. God had set me up for me to fast and pray to Him for those three things for Korea, to only have Him show me that his plans for me were in Montreal. He was testing me. I was so caught up in what I wanted, that I lost sight of the bigger picture. I know I have become really attached to Seoul, and its when you feel so comfortable in one place that God calls you out of your comfort zone.
It wasn't a decision I needed to make, it was a matter of trusting in God and stepping in faith. I feel like I had knew my decision from the moment I opened that email, but I just wasn't at peace with it. With much contemplation and reflection, I made a decision. I had thought back to everything I've been blessed with over the years and how God never disappoints me. From Urban Promise, to my student tour to Taiwan, spontaneous mission trip to Aruba, and now this unforgettable exchange in Seoul-I acknowledge that what is coming will be another experience that calls for growth.
The next day, one of my friends who had did the Explore program last year, replied me. If she had replied me the day before, I would've been set on rejecting my acceptance email. She had went to Quebec City instead of Montreal, but she told me how spiritually dead the city was, and how the people there cursed everything, even religion. She told me how uncomfortable she was as a Christian in that city with only a handful of Catholic churches to attend, and even encouraged me to choose staying in Seoul over Montreal. In only God-known ways, I felt that the decision I had made before her response, was confirmed. I actually felt it was more of a reason for me to go, to be that light, to be that salt.
My decision wasn't a selfish desire no longer, and believing that God's desires for me are better than my present desires, I said yes to the Explore program.
I still don't know what is in store for me, or what God has planned, but since that day forward, every decision I've made in regards to the Explore program didn't make me second guess myself. Everything that followed felt so right, and all it took was me stepping in faith.
I'm looking forward to the revelations God has for me this summer.
Since then, I have been fasting once a week. Not only for God's answers to my prayers, but for Him to break down strongholds keeping me back, and for me to be able to be draw closer to Him as well.
God knows best.
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