Receiving New Wine I

Sometimes what you want the most comes comes in the least expected packaging.

This past weekend I went to a retreat with Emmaus campus ministry. Going in with expectations, I left with even more expectations for myself and from God. Unbelievably, this retreat shook me up, awakened me, and even showed me God's works in new ways I have never experienced before.

On Friday night, Pastor Myungwha, an intern pastor at New Philly shared an in depth testimony and passage to us about receiving a new wine skin, hence the theme of this retreat. At only the age of twenty-five, Pastor Myungwha is a recent graduate from seminary, receiving the call to go into full time ministry not too long after graduating Edae Women's Univeristy. Dressed in a white top, gray zip up hoodie and dark wash skinnies, she looked far from being a pastor. In fact, she wasn't that much older than us, and before she had been introduced, I thought she was just another student. However, don't underestimate the impact she had on us, her testimony opened up our hearts and allow feelings we had been suppressing to arise.

Back in the day, wine was precious and new wine was even more precious as it needed to be treated specifically. New wine cannot be poured into old wine skin because doing so, the old wine skin would break. In the same way, we cannot be blessed with gifts from God if we have not let the "old" go- the past, the hurts, the scars, the cuts, the pains. If we were able to receive this new wine, we would break like old wine skin would. God won't give you more than you can handle, and as such, you are not able to receive greater blessings from the Lord if you are holding on to your old self- you just won't be able to handle it. There was a girl who came to the retreat who didn't believe in God, but during the retreat when everyone was praying and crying out to the Lord, she questioned why she didn't wasn't reaching out to God like everyone else did, and this was because God knows she is not ready for it physically and spiritually. Instead, God works in crazy ways and sent her a vision while a leader was praying for her. In her vision, she saw a figure that resembled God, and he was looking right into her eyes. When she told one of her friends, they interpreted that God loves her so much that He wants her attention. He wanted her to feel important, He wanted to make it known to her that He wanted her like he wants everyone else.

As kids we are vulnerable. Growing up and on the hunt for our identity, everyone of us is side tracked, distracted, and tempted onto other paths. Satan loves to target us and draw us away from God before we mature and find our identity in him. He feeds us lies about ourselves, selfish desires, and bounds us with an endless about of suffering. We hold on to these things for so long that we adapt and feel as these secular ambitions and feelings are normal and right. It is when we come to a point where we can let all these things go, and rather, allow our creator to fill us up, that we find freedom. Knowing that regardless of every sin, wrong turn or mistake, our heavenly father still loves us, cares for us, and desires for us each and every day. Imagine that feeling when you realize there is no need to seek your own way or find that ideal future for yourself because it has already been taken care of by someone who knows and loves you more than you know and love yourself. The beauty of this concept is so hard to grasp, but I believe I have encountered this beautiful sight.

That night, God spoke so strongly to me and I felt His fierce and zealous affection upon me. A lot of people around me were crying, but I just sat there, still and paralyzed, embracing my brokenness and wondering what this epiphany was going to lead to. At one point, one of the leaders laid his hands on me and prayed. Nothing stuck out, nothing he said really moved me, nothing was aligning with the Holy Spirit, except one thing near the end. He told me that sometimes you may experience God in ways that are unusual, ways that you have never felt before. This was so true because what I had felt at the time was very unfamiliar and even unknown to me.

God desires for us. If anything, God truly desires to have us- all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength. We think we know our desires and what we want, but he knows of something even better than what we know ourselves. He is God, He is our maker, He is the creator of all things, He has plans far greater than ones we have for ourselves. As humans, we are so limited in our capacity of knowledge compared to that of our heavenly Father's wisdom, but if we draw closer to Him, we find out more about ourselves and what is in store for us because our purpose and identity lies in God.

Yes, my identity and purpose lies in God's almighty hand.