Technology-less

I feel I've logged way too much screen time since the start of September. Though my job does allow me to move and not sit on my butt, I feel I've constantly been partaking in the online world. I guess being in charge of social media at work and also taking on a few "screen" related video projects doesn't help, but I really need to cut it down or at least give my eyes more break time. I honestly feel I need to emphasis discipline in my life in this area (and a few others...) as I've noticed that certain habits that didn't bother me before, are starting to bother me now... I guess there is a turning point to everything-dang, I'm only 23! For example, I feel my eyes buzzing (if you know what I mean) and I don't get a good night's rest if I strained my eyes staring at a screen the night before, so I can't let these things go anymore if I still want 10, 20, 30 years down the road of healthy eyesight and more for myself. A bit of an exaggeration, but I really need to smarten up!

How fitting, because earlier on this month, my beloved HP laptop (don't hate Mac books xP) of three years and a bit decided to crash on me and lose it's internet connectivity. As I mentioned earlier, I took on some video project commitments, so this was quite a hindrance and annoyance as I would have to keep transferring information (photos, text translations) from a ghetto half broken laptop of my brother's that had internet connectivity, but nothing else, to my computer which had everything I needed, but internet. It was so frustrating at first, but as I started adjusting and debating on this dilemma into a good excuse to get a new laptop or not, I realize though that I started to stare at a "screen" less. I would log onto what I needed to log onto at work ( I know, I'm terrible, but it's convenient), such as email and the like, and when I was done, I was DONE. I've ran down my Facebook news feed less and have spent less time "killing" time on the internet and more time being productive with my online screen time as it's been such a hassle lately. So now, even though I'm lying on the carpet using my brother's ghetto laptop to type this blog post (it has to lean against a wall as the screen is broken (yes, it's that ghetto), it doesn't bother me too much anymore,

I don't know when I'll get a new laptop or what kind I will get, but my circumstances aren't so bad. I would put it into the category of first world problems, but it definitely puts my habits into perspective.

So here's to hoping I can cut down my usage even more and invest in more "offline" time with real faces and reality!

Remember to turn your clocks back today! I guess I don't have to worry about changing my broken computer... sigh*

Surprise Surprise

I can't believe my last post was my birthday post. I guess I can believe it, but this period of not blogging makes me feel I've missed out on a big chunk of my life when re reading my posts. I assume it's safe to say that this post might be a long read then. Let's do this Q&A style.

So what went down September?

I mentioned how I am becoming more at peace with the idea of staying in YEG, and though its not what my heart and soul ideally wants, I've come to accept it because God definitely knows my needs better than I do, especially in this present time. He also gave me a restful and maybe even a test of patience kind of summer to prepare me for exactly what I wanted to do, and that is, my current job I've been working at since September 5th!

So what's the dealio with work?

I am working full time at Londonderry Mall as a Guest Services Supervisor and assistance to the Marketing department (which consists of a team of two, so if you count me, three). If you haven't heard the big news, read all about it here. I guess this employment announcement also makes it blog official that I am finally hired and settled? Not really, but from applying to the interview process to signing a line up of paper work to finally starting work, I definitely saw God's hand in helping me get this position I never intended to keep (initially I accepted it because it was a good opportunity and since I had no other options, I thought I would just quit if a better one came along). And as if God likes to tease, He is surely proving to me how wrong I was in thinking that initial thought. Long story short, I actually saw this job posting before I went to South East Asia, so I feel God knew along and kept this job opened for me. It's so bizarre, but I truly feel my name was written all over this job posting but I just never knew it until now, in hindsight.

I honestly never wanted to or thought I would work in retail post-degree, but there are many aspects to this job that is such an answer to prayer that I never thought it would be; such as, getting to run around, do different things, be able to be a self starter, etc. etc. Now that it's been over a month, it hasn't been easy transitioning from full time butt sitting to full time butt kicking at work (who am I kidding?) but it's a blessing in disguise that I really appreciate. As I've progressed along, I felt like this job was the perfect blend of the type of work I did interning in New York in fashion production and my special events experience at Hudson's Bay Southgate. Which comes to show again how God uses every circumstance in your life to nurture and prepare you for the future, or in this case, where I am now so I am beyond thankful!

God also doesn't take prayer requests lightly because one request in my job was to be challenged and boy am I ever pushed out of my comfort zone. From having to communicate to various people and departments in the mall to engaging and building relationships with people I don't know, I am pulling a lot of strength and confidence from God. I am enjoying everything I get to do, but there's an aspect of learning in life that is never finished. That's why when people ask me if  would ever return to school, my answer has been and probably will continue to be a no because I feel there's so much to learn in the work force, through hands on experience, and the mentorship of others that you just don't get in the school system.

How ironic that I mentioned I wanted to leave YEG so bad, because working a 7 minute drive from home does have its perks as well. I don't dread leaving work late or having to wake up in the mornings as work is close by. Which if you've guessed, location was another 'on the list' thing that was prayed for. I was in fact hoping that work would be close by to where ever I would moved to since I would have to move to that new location anyway, but I guess God had different plans in mind.

And the best part?

It's not everyday you get to see a mall transform and be a part of it. Being someone that loves behind the scenes work and curious to the point of no return, I am excited even though the mall is a wreck at this point.

What else have you been up to?

The rest of my time has been with no denial, all consumed to church. If you are seriously out of the loop and have not heard, NEAC is turning 30! I, being one that loves events and being a part of things (I think I have a slight diagnosis of FOMO-fear of missing out), I am just so passionate in being able to contribute and put my efforts in serving and making a difference to NEAC. I feel so blessed to be a part of these 30 years and to see all the growth that has taken place astounds and wows me. I only hope this joy and excitement will continue to be a domino effect. I know 2014 will end off with a bang with the 30th anniversary banquet right around the corner and soon to follow, Christmas! I just cannot wait, more news to come on this one.

I am also gaining so much insight and ideas for the future. I am reminded of those that left, moved on, and those that have stuck through all the way. I don't know how long I will be here, but I know this is where God wants me to be and be a part of right now. There's been so much on my mind lately it's crazy, I really need to write more again so I can keep track and process everything that is coming through my brain these days.

Working full time is a time sucker, but I'm definitely trying to balance my social life as well and other personal projects on my growing lists of to dos. I also want to pick up a few things I started earlier this year such as swimming and building on some other skills, but for the time being, work life is priority as much as I wish I didn't have to work full time...

Final thoughts?

Is it just me or does the blogging world seems kind of quiet? I love to hear how you're doing, so start writing!

Oh and of course, Happy Thanksgiving! I hope it was a turkey full one because my turkey is delayed to next week.

Leaving it all Behind

First off, Happy Birthday to myself!

Not to be boastful or anything, but I feel one can truly get away with much and just be as selfish as they choose to be on their birthday. I feel I got lots accomplished today, perhaps it was doing everything I wanted to do on my own for the most part, but I feel bless in knowing I will be entering a new phase of my life.

I never not look forward to my birthday, I believe every individual's birthday is special and worth a celebration, even a small one. It only comes once a year and is also a great time marker to reflect on one's accomplishments, one's highs and lows, one's growth, one's opportunities and even failures.

A few days ago, I was sitting in my room, staring at my room, the things on my walls, my decor, my bedding, and how it didn't reflect who I am nor turning twenty-three. I realize the last time I decorated my room and put the effort into putting my identity into it was grade six/seven, how embarrassing. Hence the scholastic posters of puppies, chains of handmade cranes, stuff animals on the floor, on my bed, in my closet, and the multitude of Pikachu stickers on my cabinet. I don't know where this surge of inspiration and motivation came from, but the next thing you know I started stripping off these posters, ripped off all the stickers (had to use my nail to scratch off the remaining residue remaining over these years), and un-taped everything I had stuck to my walls (dang, tape was definitely higher quality in the past-this clear tape lasted almost a decade!).

And you know what? I thoroughly felt SO MUCH JOY from doing so! I questioned why I hadn't done so earlier and now I can't wait to fund my new decor and wants for my room.

Perhaps it's the realization that I will be situated in Edmonton that makes me want to dress up my room to suit me more, as I have put this off for as long as I can remember with the hope that I would be leaving. No details yet, but I am close to being at full peace with this decision that God has presented and in the plans He has for me this coming year. It will be different not being committed to school anymore, but change always has trans-formative powers and I just need to constantly remind myself that  God's plans are always good and that He sure knows better than I do. Actually, I am really excited to enter the work force if you can call it that, it will be a directional start at the very least.

I am also in full throttle in living out my identity, dreaming of plans, starting new beginnings, and holding high hopes for this coming year. I am totally refueled and ready to take on this coming 2014-2015. It's going to be a glorious one. I can't wait to get started and see what comes out in a year's time.

Here's to my one, two-three!

A New Start

August is here. I can't believe it. But I love it.

With my post over a month ago, this one will have to sandwich everything in between that went down in July. To be honest, July was quite a hard month for me, and not a very productive one so to speak. Or maybe I just had set some high expectations for myself, but it didn't get on a very high note. Sometimes I wish I could rewind and have structured everything better, but here it goes.

Returning from such a perspective-changing trip and confidence spurring adventure made coming home a concrete smack in the face. It did take some adjustment just to s t o p and refrain my mind from jumping back into the wonderment of my travels and daydreaming what life would be like there then here. I always seek and discover so much growth away from home, and I truly treasure those memories until I have new moments to grasp onto. So I can't gravitate how difficult it was to be back. Not only back, but bored, uncertain, and perhaps even constantly feeling like I don't know where I am going in life.

Job hunting has been an eye sore-literally. Staring at the screen, fixing up my resume, targeting cover letters, reading company profiles, filtering job descriptions and typing up what was supposedly to make myself sound like an ideal candidate became repetitive and dry. It's definitely been a waiting game, and it still is. The thing I ideally thought would happen was that God would deliver favour to my application process in where I think He wanted me to work. I didn't expect it to be quick, but I was hopeful that something 'perfect' was bound to come up sooner or later. I had such clarity and revelation when traveling that I really wanted to go into fashion production, but reality is, with anything fashion, it's unquestionably hard to get your foot in the door as advancement is usually internal. So factoring that in mind I started applying aimlessly, focusing more on the aspect of getting a job than what I wanted to do, even if it was a few steps farther from this initial ideal.

So I guess you can say I got burnt out and quite pessimistic about the prospect of being employed. Maybe I was too set on finding a job ASAP or my expectations are not matching up to what God has in store, but unemployment is not fun at all. I feel I could be doing so much more with all this time I had, instead of constantly being on my laptop. Though I'm holding on to faith that something better will come my way. I gave myself until the end of July to actively look at options in Edmonton (yes, all my desired options so far have been out of town) since staying in Edmonton has never been my first choice, but due to the lack of responses, I'm opted to do so now.

On the highs of this month, I did get to catch up with many friends I haven't had the opportunity to spend time with in a while. I guess I should cherish this unemployed phase more as once I am hired, I probably won't have this luxury as often. Being able to have a seasonal job as a wedding planner assistant has also been a blessing as you wouldn't believe how much joy I have from seeing people get married and all the insight I have to gain from working behind the scenes. And I guess indulging in the festivities of YEG is a noteworthy one since this is my first summer back in two years. So July wasn't all that of a downer, but I aim and hope to make August a new start.

A new start to job hunting, a new start in my perspective on things, a new motivation, and mostly a new month to look forward to as it's also my birthday month! Beyond all this, there's just something so special about August to me. In the past, it be the turning point where I start the dreadful countdown to when school will have to begin again, but this year will be quite different. It's a turning mark to nothing as I don't know what will happen come September. Though, I am holding out for something awestruck and awesome because I know God knows so much better than me.

Cheers, July.

Let's pray harder

Sunny Glorious Summer Camp

When did summer camp feel so short? Or was so short? Or perhaps it was always this short, just that I had such a blast I totally forgot how short it did feel.

The last time I went to summer camp was four years ago in 2010. It feels like such a long time coming and especially since being on committee this time around, it made this summer camp feel especially short, but extra special. I was actually asked to be on the summer camp committee quite late, and thus was the last member to join the fabulous team of six we have in total. Despite initial logistics of not being in town, I'm glad that I was able to serve and pray from afar for the committee and do what I can to contribute when I was physically present.

Summer camp felt especially short for me because I felt like I was almost always doing something (even if it was resting), which tends to make time go by. I was one of the firsts to be there, and one of the lasts to go, which gave me a perspective of all things behind the scenes. I appreciated all the work it takes to put a camp like this together and all the people I got to see and meet throughout this event. I truly am thankful and in honor of every helping hand that made this summer camp a remarkable one. Not only was it our bi-annual summer camp, it was also one that marked our 30th anniversary, which is very endearing to the growth of NEAC.

For me on a personal level, it was a great way to kick off being back in Edmonton, catching up with friendships, meeting new ones, and bonding with old and new. Sometimes I wish summer camp was a a day or two longer so I could continue that conversation I had, start a conversation I wanted to, or got to spend more time with this or that person. The 2 nights and barely 3 days felt like a whirlwind of settling in, moving from one session to another, and finally, packing our bags again. Yet, even with such a quick lineup of scheduling, it felt Deep. Impacting. Spiritual. and one that I would go to again and again.

I'm exciting and in high anticipation for what's to extend from this weekend and more. Thirty years of glory, thirty years of growth, thirty years of highs and lows doesn't stop now. I know God's plans for each and every one of us only goes from glory to glory, especially for a place I can always call my home church. From conceptualizing the idea of being propelled forward and not living stagnant lives into a theme, to hearing it preach as a lifestyle to live by, there is such action attached with "Striving Beyond" that needs to be taken to live it out.

In previous years, I haven't been in town for two consecutive summers, so I'm definitely looking forward to what this coming one has to show and teach me. I feel change is looming heavily these next few weeks, but I know it's only for the better.


See, I am doing a new thing...-Isaiah 43:19

Lost in Time

It's very easy to get lost in time when travelling. Days becomes weeks, dates become blur, days of the weeks are forgotten, and for the most part, you are not bounded by the measure of time. It's actually really nice to be freed from schedules, time restraints, and limits of a manmade clock. Though, such a utopia sense of life always ends with some sadness when a trip of mine comes to a close. Which brings me to this same feeling again upon reflection and going over what I've accomplished in hindsight. When looking back on my itinerary as a whole, I couldn't believe what was suppose to be a six ish week trip turned to an eleven week one, from an original intent of a month and a half, to now two and three quarters of a month. One thing led to another and the more I think about all that has happened, I can't help but think God had foresaw a much bigger purpose and intent for the length of this trip than I could've ever imagined.

I'm already missing the anticipation and excitement I had when starting this trip. All the nights spent researching my itinerary, reading travel blogs and wishing I was already there, budgeting expenditures, figuring out logistics, making bookings, and the list goes on. I feel there isn't anything  of "hype" to look forward to now that all my investment of going on this trip has wrapped up (well maybe except for summer camp this weekend-stoked!). Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change what I have done, but there's this tinge of desire that I wish my travels could continue and go on. But I know there is a season for everything, and for now, my season of traveling is completed and in another perspective, my journey of traveling isn't completely finished as I know I will be sharing frequently about my trip as I rekindle and catch up with friends back home. Along with a compilation of constant thoughts back to then and an application of all that God has taught me and orchestrated behind the scenes, I'm sure much more fruit will be revealed in the days to come.

This sounds bizarre, but I feel like a different person coming out of these eleven weeks. It's cliche and true when one says that you "find yourself" traveling or that you learn things during a trip that you would never learn not traveling. I had one person tell me that he has made the greatest connections and networks with people he would have never had if he didn't travel-some better than networking in a school or work setting, which I can agree on through first hand experience. I've seen and met people of diverse interests and places, realized the opportunities that reside outside of my North American bubble, and dreamed of things I never thought possible. Traveling has inspired me, nurtured me, enlightened me, and definitely has spoken to me. My petition before and during this trip has brought forth an answer of prayers, divine appointments, and blessings upon showers of immeasurable blessings. I feel refreshed from my prior dry routine, renewed without the distractions of home, and reestablished in who I am and what I want to do.

God has truly changed me and given me new eyes from here on. Of course there are uncertainties which leads to worries and fears that grip hold of me on occasion, but I am reminded that my focus and concern should be to please Him first and foremost knowing that He is the one who holds my future in the palm of His hands. I admit that I never want to go home after my travel adventures (in fact, I rarely miss home or get homesick), but this time, I am very content with all that I am arriving back to Edmonton with. It's been a long time coming (or so it feels like it) and I am ready to unload  my bags-physical ones or not.


Awakening

Submission

Never have I ever been so submissive and learnt submission the hard way. I'm not going to beat around the bush as I know how driven and hard headed I can be when I want my way, but it can also lead me to being quite rebellious in nature and defying others just so I can prove to them that I am able to accomplish what they think I can't. There's also a competitive spirit in me that plays into this, but that sharing will be for another time. Being driven can be highly productive and positive, but it can also take me to places for the wrong reasons and bring forth selfish desires as with this case that blinds me from the bigger picture.

So to summarize a bit, my two friends and I had had plans to go to Thailand and one main reason was to visit our sponsor child on behalf of the nine of us that sponsored her from church starting this past January of 2014. As aware as I was of the political situation these past few months from planning my Southeast Asia trip to being in Asia, I was set on going to Thailand regardless of the circumstances as it wasn't all that serious, or so I thought...until recently. All the planning, time, resources and accommodating measures made would've been such a waste if we (or more like I) were to not go. Also, having had the experiences I've had in travelling alone and hearing stories one only hears of abroad, I know the news only showcases the worst pictorials on national television and only depicts one side of a story. I understand of course that if safety wasn't an issue then it wouldn't be on the news, but I was still set on going despite my knowledge of all this. I wasn't being ignorant of the political unrest, military coup or anything, but inquiring local connections in Bangkok proved to me that I was able to travel there despite the present circumstances as they told me everything else is still fine and Thailand is just as safe as any other SEA country. I know that God is bigger than my fears and ultimately, I just wasn't at all scared to go with His strength behind and before me. Yet, my only hesitant was going at the cost of my parentals, friends and leaders' worries and wishes and perhaps I was challenging God?

Also, this trip was not a me-Miss-Sarah-solo-female-take-on-the-world trip so I would be very selfish if I still persisted in going even if my friends had decided not to. This past week there was not a spare moment where I didn't ponder on this thought battle of mine and I felt it sucked a part of my joy from me as well as intimacy in my friendships. I really really realllllly REALLY wanted to go to Thailand and though the political reality is out there, a part of me became apathetic about it. I had so many questions about why it  was so hard to make this decision and if I wasn't to go, a plan B or some alternative would have had to be made ASAP. The clock was ticking and I despised feeling such pressure to submit even though I didn't feel the need or wanted to. It was as if people were praying for a change of heart for me and I myself was also asking God to reveal to me what the outcome of this was to be creating this constant tension in my mind and heart where I was in this repetitive debate.

At the very least, I was reminded that there was no better reason to not go than to honor my parents, but not only them but also the leaders I confided in. So sucking up my ego, my desires, my selfishness, and lack of judgement I may or may not have had, I submitted as hard as it was. To be honest,  I still think I would make it out alive in Thailand and have the faith that it still be a good trip, but I think I would've also spent a lot of I time thinking about what my family and friends would be thinking back home and wouldn't have had the excitement and anticipation I had at the start when planning for this trip. Submitting sucks, submission is hard, and I'm still constantly reminding myself to be at peace with the decision only divine hands could've interfered with, but I'm also learning and growing into who God wants me to be.

Wow I feel I've been so immature in my thinking and acting just writing all of this right now. I wanted my way so bad that I forgot of how great our God is and that even if this door closes, another one in his timing will open-perhaps even better than I could ever imagine. In another perspective, it also confirms how strongly I feel that there's a more significant reason of why I'm to be in Seoul for so long and in what He's going to reveal to me. To be honest, in hindsight I see a handful of scenarios that actually had had me reroute the Thailand leg of my trip...so maybe it wasn't a matter if I was to go or not, but rather a test from God to submit not just this decision but my-self as well as my peace into his hands.

Here's to...I don't know what. I'm still a tad bitter about the issue, but I'm not letting it hold me back.


Let it go.