There comes a time...

It's already the last day of August.

What have I been doing?

Where did the time go?

How can this be?

Since coming back, I find myself having a lot of time, yet, I feel it's a lot of selective time that I haven't used productively. Time I choose to make use of and time I just receive and make a waste of. For one thing, I haven't got down to reflecting on what has become of these past few months. I have had random thought processes here and there, but nothing worthy to capture some blog attention. I guess this is my way of saying to myself to get some reflection done before another busy semester rolls around.

Alright mind, heart, and soul, time to reflect! 

a New twist to an Old tale

I'm Coming Home

The lyrics "I'm coming home," holds so much significance in this moment.

Where do I even begin?

Tell the World I'm coming Home

Railroad Track Reflections

5 weeks later, and my time with the Explore program has wrapped up. Looking back at my decision process in April, it’s been quite a journey. I don’t know if I have been used in the way I thought I would be by God when I decided to come to Montreal, but it’s been a heavy learning experience for me.

At the start of this program, I had said I felt like I was walking on egg shells, sensitive to what I did and said and reserve about who I decided to befriend. Luckily, things changed after the first week and God opened up my heart to His heart and showed me His great love for Montreal, the people, and the Explore students. 

There were many times I struggled with myself and with the secularity of situations I was placed in. I realize how uncomfortable I can be around people who valued things on the opposite end of the spectrum then I did and how hard it was to stand up for my beliefs. At times like these, I couldn’t help but feel tested or question why people do what they do. It made me realize the importance of having a strong Christian community around me to help me stay grounded and I never felt such a powerful urge to surround myself around believers until that first Saturday. However, God was shifting my heart throughout this and instead of wanting to be away from certain people, I felt drawn to get to know them and be around them. I became curious about their lives and wanted to get to know them. It’s so much easier to be around people who believes in what I believe in, but then, I would never to be as relatable to others who live so differently from me, if I agree with their lifestyles or not. 

Near the end of this program, I kept thinking if I could’ve done things differently or maybe if I could’ve been bolder about my faith. I know the adjustment gradually got easier with spiritual set ups and connections, but I can’t help but think what if I said this in that situation, or did this during that time? I guess I can’t keep posing “what ifs” as life is meant to be lived forwards, but what if what ifs right? 

 

This time around though, leaving wasn’t hard. When I realize there was 10 days left, I just wanted to do everything left on my bucket list. I didn’t feed into any feelings of sorrow as I have faith that I will see the friends I bonded with as we’re all within a few provinces or less.  Montreal is a very unique Canadian city, but I’m not attached to it. It’s been a fun-filling five weeks and I’m very blessed for being able to have many adFRENCHtures here. I would definitely visit Montreal again and maybe even work temporarily if God calls me back, but for now, this French chapter of my life is closed. 

But, another one is just opening…

 Where I’m headed next really came unexpectedly. I had kept this place at the back of my mind since two years ago, and when I knew I would be going East this summer, I just had to go for it. How the trip turned out and those I will be seeing very soon is such a gift from God. Everything planned out flawlessly, and as if I didn’t have the greatest gift of all already this year being in Korea, God surprizes me with a follow up. 

ChoooCHOOOOO choooCHOOOOO CHUGGACHUGGA chooooCHOOOO 

Once this train stops… something big awaits!

3 6 5 rewind

Exactly one year ago, on this day, things were cray cray. Rereading my posts from last year not only brought back that beautiful ocean of memories, but that crashing wave of emotions as well. I can't cease to be reminded of God's life changing plans and unforeseen love in all that He does for us.

It makes me reflect on what is to come. If I fast forward 3 6 5 from now, where will I be? what will I be doing? I'm already anticipating and it gets me all giddy and excited like a little girl rushing down to open her Christmas presents.

There's been so much learning for me these past few months and I seriously cannot express my gratitude enough to God and to just all those around me be it my family, my friends, and all those who I befriended this year. 

It seriously goes from Glory to Glory.

I'm excited to see how God is going to use the Aruba mission team this year and I claim in faith great works will be accomplished by them.  I really can't wait to hear them all share their personal stories  from that lovely island filled with lovely faces.

A shout out to all those on mission trips, you're Bless to be a Blessing =)

Home a w a y from Home

Its been shortly after a week since coming to Montreal, moving into dorms again, and kicking off the Explore program, but it has been challenging to my spiritual health to say the least. It has been quite a change of scene from being in such a strong and tight knitted Christian community in Seoul, to being placed in an environment of non- believers. This has made me realize how much I took for granted the significance of being in a non-secular setting and having the support of brothers and sisters around me constantly.

Before coming to Montreal, I’ve heard so much about this “party” city and its crazy night life, and I knew it be difficult from the start to be live among this lifestyle. Coming here, I was full of mix emotions, part sad because I was leaving Seoul, part nervous in terms of coming home, and a part of hesitant excitement to see what this next chapter of my life had in store.  Since starting this program, I feel like I’ve been walking on egg shells-cautious about the people I would befriend, and how I act and speak to others, especially when I mention church related topics. This feeling kept growing and I felt like it became a big ball of fear about me worrying about how to beat around the bush when others would invite me out, to even how people would react if I pray before meals or mention going to church. I never been so afraid to show my faith and I was consume with the idea of what others would think rather than what God would think. 

I’ve been praying for Montreal and the dorm life here as well. I guess I took for granted living in dorms in Korea as well as I feel North American dorm culture is much wilder. I’ve been praying for a revival in this city and for me to find a Christian community to bond with and relate to. Up to Saturday morning, I had felt so dry and unsatisfied with the community around me.  It was a constant struggle and I was just feeling in the dumps no matter how much I prayed or tried to lift my spirits on my own. As much as this program has to offer in terms of a diverse selection of tours and activities planned for us, I decided to have a break and make Saturday my own. It felt better to just have a break from going out each day and to have time to myself to reflect on some issues I’ve been faced with.

That night, I decided to attend a bible study with the post-secondary fellowship at Montreal Chinese Alliance Church.  To be honest, the decision was quite last minute as 1. I only been to the church for service once (first Sunday I was in Montreal) and 2. I didn’t know anyone (though, two girls and an uncle I met that Sunday were really welcoming so I felt comfortable going despite not really knowing anyone else). The bible study didn’t really change how I felt, but just being surrounded by those of the same faith made me feel so warm and thanks to God’s divine timing, I was able to share with one of the girls that night what I had been going through.

The next day I decided to check out the mandarin speaking counterpart of MCAC, Grace church which offered an English service as well (mainly because I didn’t like speaking style of the English speaker at MCAC). Before the sermon even started, the bulletin spoke to me. There was a mini summary of last week’s message and it was about how God saved us not to do our works, but His works, how Jesus promised we will do even greater works than He, and how the quality of our works will be tested. It really got me thinking how there’s a purpose for me here in Montreal, but that I’ve been blinded by all my insecurities to acknowledge that purpose. I realized how much more I was putting my faith in myself rather than in God. Also, the sermon was great; I loved the African Canadian pastor and his enthusiasm and upbeat energy. Throughout the service, I felt so alive and filled with joy again and at one point, I felt like all my brothers and sisters from New Philly were worshipping with me there. God was comforting me. 

That Sunday, too many things happened to be a coincidence. God had gone before me and had planned the setup of the stage; all He needed was for His actress, me, to come and start the action. Before this weekend, I was contemplating on church hopping week to week or calling one church home so that I would have the spiritual covering I needed for my time in Montreal (since, I’m only really here for five weeks), turns out, this was the one, and I didn’t need to check out all the other churches some of my SICs had recommended to me. 

It seems like it has been a while already, but Sunday was only yesterday and I’ve been feeling so blessed with my prayers answered and all those angels I’ve met that have gone out of their way to make me feel welcomed and loved again. 

My Joy is in Him alone.

Hardships are Discipline, Discipline is His Love for Us

Hebrews 12:1-13

Light my way

I can't believe that my time in Korea has wrapped up as of now. The feeling of coming home last week and being home at present, shattered my heart. I feel a lack of Canadian identity and everything was so different be it my surroundings, the community, and even how I spoke relative to Korea. The thought of coming home was hard, but physically being home wasn't; everything came at me so naturally and I adjusted fine (minus my mindset of course). I guess it only made sense since I was born and raised in Edmonton, and everything I did should be automatic, like instinct. I joked to some that I would forget how to drive having not driven for almost five months, but even then, driving is so routine, and once I put my hands on the wheel, my feet on the pedal, I did what I knew how to do for nearly five years now.

Knowing that I would only be in town for a few days, I didn't even want to see anyone. I know I needed rest and to have some alone time to recuperate, but God brought some divine appointments into my life and I was able to share my story with two close sisters and some fellow brothers and sisters at church. Despite the lack of communication during my time abroad with my SICs, there was no distance between us. We picked up from where we left off and we just talked for hours. By the end of it, I felt the urge to just stay in Edmonton and not have to leave again.

When I was still in Korea, I had push the thought of leaving to the back of my head. Instead of focussing on my departure date, I invested the remainder of my time with my friends and church family as much as I could. To be honest, I was carrying that heaviness of saddness more and more as the date of my flight approached, but I just kept going and didn't dwell on that fact. The last weekend prior to leaving though, that cloud of saddness just got too heavy, and I caved in. Once I step foot into New Philly, the church I've been calling home this term, I starting bawling like a baby. I was so strong all the way there, but the tears just kept coming.

As much as I love travelling, it hurts inside and outside having to say see you later/farewell/goodbye etc every time I leave a place. I always grow so much as a person away from home and God always blesses me with such sweet people in my life, but it really hurts not knowing when I will see them again. Where ever I go, its not the place, or what I do that makes it so special, its really the people that God intended to cross my path. I just have to walk in faith knowing that it won't be the only time our paths will cross, and who knows, God may reunite me with them sooner than I think.

Everyday is an adventure, and this brings me to where I am now-YEG, again. Its funny how I mixed up my flight time and realized the ACTUAL time of my flight the day of. Man, if God's grace wasn't all over me, I don't know where I would be.

Praise the Lord.

Montreal, I'm coming!!!