Home a w a y from Home

Its been shortly after a week since coming to Montreal, moving into dorms again, and kicking off the Explore program, but it has been challenging to my spiritual health to say the least. It has been quite a change of scene from being in such a strong and tight knitted Christian community in Seoul, to being placed in an environment of non- believers. This has made me realize how much I took for granted the significance of being in a non-secular setting and having the support of brothers and sisters around me constantly.

Before coming to Montreal, I’ve heard so much about this “party” city and its crazy night life, and I knew it be difficult from the start to be live among this lifestyle. Coming here, I was full of mix emotions, part sad because I was leaving Seoul, part nervous in terms of coming home, and a part of hesitant excitement to see what this next chapter of my life had in store.  Since starting this program, I feel like I’ve been walking on egg shells-cautious about the people I would befriend, and how I act and speak to others, especially when I mention church related topics. This feeling kept growing and I felt like it became a big ball of fear about me worrying about how to beat around the bush when others would invite me out, to even how people would react if I pray before meals or mention going to church. I never been so afraid to show my faith and I was consume with the idea of what others would think rather than what God would think. 

I’ve been praying for Montreal and the dorm life here as well. I guess I took for granted living in dorms in Korea as well as I feel North American dorm culture is much wilder. I’ve been praying for a revival in this city and for me to find a Christian community to bond with and relate to. Up to Saturday morning, I had felt so dry and unsatisfied with the community around me.  It was a constant struggle and I was just feeling in the dumps no matter how much I prayed or tried to lift my spirits on my own. As much as this program has to offer in terms of a diverse selection of tours and activities planned for us, I decided to have a break and make Saturday my own. It felt better to just have a break from going out each day and to have time to myself to reflect on some issues I’ve been faced with.

That night, I decided to attend a bible study with the post-secondary fellowship at Montreal Chinese Alliance Church.  To be honest, the decision was quite last minute as 1. I only been to the church for service once (first Sunday I was in Montreal) and 2. I didn’t know anyone (though, two girls and an uncle I met that Sunday were really welcoming so I felt comfortable going despite not really knowing anyone else). The bible study didn’t really change how I felt, but just being surrounded by those of the same faith made me feel so warm and thanks to God’s divine timing, I was able to share with one of the girls that night what I had been going through.

The next day I decided to check out the mandarin speaking counterpart of MCAC, Grace church which offered an English service as well (mainly because I didn’t like speaking style of the English speaker at MCAC). Before the sermon even started, the bulletin spoke to me. There was a mini summary of last week’s message and it was about how God saved us not to do our works, but His works, how Jesus promised we will do even greater works than He, and how the quality of our works will be tested. It really got me thinking how there’s a purpose for me here in Montreal, but that I’ve been blinded by all my insecurities to acknowledge that purpose. I realized how much more I was putting my faith in myself rather than in God. Also, the sermon was great; I loved the African Canadian pastor and his enthusiasm and upbeat energy. Throughout the service, I felt so alive and filled with joy again and at one point, I felt like all my brothers and sisters from New Philly were worshipping with me there. God was comforting me. 

That Sunday, too many things happened to be a coincidence. God had gone before me and had planned the setup of the stage; all He needed was for His actress, me, to come and start the action. Before this weekend, I was contemplating on church hopping week to week or calling one church home so that I would have the spiritual covering I needed for my time in Montreal (since, I’m only really here for five weeks), turns out, this was the one, and I didn’t need to check out all the other churches some of my SICs had recommended to me. 

It seems like it has been a while already, but Sunday was only yesterday and I’ve been feeling so blessed with my prayers answered and all those angels I’ve met that have gone out of their way to make me feel welcomed and loved again. 

My Joy is in Him alone.

Hardships are Discipline, Discipline is His Love for Us

Hebrews 12:1-13