Today is March 31st, 2011. Melting snow, wet sidewalks, dirty roads; Today was sunshine and warmth. Today was the last day of my March Madness. Today should have been a great day.
Nope. I woke up feeling sore all over and my voice sounded like a 12 year old boy going through puberty. Throughout the day I felt so weak and I was trying hard to pull through my classes. Every step I took felt like an earthquake in my head. My body felt numb and achy, and worse of all, everything I ate tasted so bland. Half way through my last class, I couldn't do it no more, my classmates had noticed that my face had turned bright red and I felt my heart pumping really fast. I asked my prof to leave (its a very small class) and took a long bus ride home.
Man, great timing-just when I have a group presentation tomorrow morning and my group of "keeners" want to meet at 7:30AM to have a final run through. On the bright side, thank the Tylenol inventors and a good ole nap. I feel a little less drowsy and a tad more energized.
Its been a tiring month, I want to finish strong, just a few more assignments, just a few more odd and ends, just a few more days and I will be done classes.
Dear God, please help me to finish strong because I feel oh so weak right now.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Sunday, March 20, 2011
March for Moody
This month needs to get out of my way, seriously. Though March has pass its half way point, and in my terms, I consider that near-but-not-close-enough towards the end, I hate it!!!
I just hate all the work I have to do and it makes me question so much about basically everything. I actually hate sitting in front of the computer for hours trying to get things done. I hate how, even though I was in the mall for a bit today, I felt that I should not have been there and should have been finishing some homework instead. I was not compelled to buy anything or look at anything! I've also been really moody lately, especially at home and I hate that too. I guess all this work and stress is getting to me. Ugh. Things aren't going the greatest with the family either, so I guess on top of my school disaster, I have another anxiety-prone matter.
I don't want to say life sucks, because I know it doesn't, and this is only temporary, and as much as I can complain, it doesn't compare to what people on the other side of the world are facing.
Man, there was literally a lot of 'hate' in this blog. I'm not going to end up anywhere if I keep this up
Suck it up Princess.
I just hate all the work I have to do and it makes me question so much about basically everything. I actually hate sitting in front of the computer for hours trying to get things done. I hate how, even though I was in the mall for a bit today, I felt that I should not have been there and should have been finishing some homework instead. I was not compelled to buy anything or look at anything! I've also been really moody lately, especially at home and I hate that too. I guess all this work and stress is getting to me. Ugh. Things aren't going the greatest with the family either, so I guess on top of my school disaster, I have another anxiety-prone matter.
I don't want to say life sucks, because I know it doesn't, and this is only temporary, and as much as I can complain, it doesn't compare to what people on the other side of the world are facing.
Man, there was literally a lot of 'hate' in this blog. I'm not going to end up anywhere if I keep this up
Suck it up Princess.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Giving up
It seems like its that time of year again. I didn't even know when Lent would start until I read a pancake recipe yesterday in the Metro. It was in honor of Shove Tuesday aka "Fat Tuesday," being today. I guess I still have a couple of hours to figure out what I will be lenting this year. Last year I gave up chocolate and I did surprisingly well. Though Sundays don't count as part of the 40 days, I didn't touch chocolate all through lent until Easter morning- You bet it was hard!
This year, I've had some ideas and I feel the urge to challenge myself to not be "excessive". In the past term I read and learned about people consuming excessively and I know sometimes I do it too-be it buying clothes, snacking, or just hoarding what not.
So maybe I will give up being excessive? I don't know how I will go about doing this because the boundaries seems fuzzy already. I guess I will be more conscious of my actions and perhaps this will make me reflect on my usage of time and money more. Recently, I find myself focusing on school excessively. I forecast this month to be cold, blue and foggy for me since I have so much to do. School is that gray cloud over my head and thus, I've been thinking and concentrating a lot on what I have to get done each day: what is due, which member of my group project(s) is doing what, etc.
Hopefully, this month will shed some light on me, not only to initiate Spring (if it comes), but also to add some sunshine to my days and welcome Easter.
What are You giving up for Lent?
This year, I've had some ideas and I feel the urge to challenge myself to not be "excessive". In the past term I read and learned about people consuming excessively and I know sometimes I do it too-be it buying clothes, snacking, or just hoarding what not.
So maybe I will give up being excessive? I don't know how I will go about doing this because the boundaries seems fuzzy already. I guess I will be more conscious of my actions and perhaps this will make me reflect on my usage of time and money more. Recently, I find myself focusing on school excessively. I forecast this month to be cold, blue and foggy for me since I have so much to do. School is that gray cloud over my head and thus, I've been thinking and concentrating a lot on what I have to get done each day: what is due, which member of my group project(s) is doing what, etc.
Hopefully, this month will shed some light on me, not only to initiate Spring (if it comes), but also to add some sunshine to my days and welcome Easter.
What are You giving up for Lent?
Monday, February 28, 2011
The Pressure
You know that feeling you get deep down? Not the butterfly floating around in your stomach kind of feeling, but something deeper that you know is logical and perhaps the right thing to do? The feeling that tugs at your conscience and tries to persuade you towards a particular direction. Well I experienced that today. I knew something was wrong since early this morning, but I placed it aside. I didn't want to deal with it and its easier to shove it to an unknown corner than have to deal with further complications or even just the simplicity of it. That's so human of us, sometimes we don't want to face situations we rather not-regardless of its difficulty, rather, we choose to leave it in the back of our heads with all the other insignificant things. But if those feelings are strong enough, some-time, some-day, you will have to deal with them. You soon realize that running away is never a solution and you should have dealt with those feelings instead of delaying them.
After my first class today, I was force to face those feelings. It felt a little better approaching them, but deep down, I still felt a little out of place. What had I done prior to deserve this? Sometimes situations are confusing and can't be explained. As if my guts had wrapped around itself and were struggling to de-tangle themselves without a doctor. Remember that game we would play as kids? Holding hands with each other in a circle and weave ourselves under and over arms, then calling out for the 'doctor' to deal with the mess we ourselves made? Maybe we are all like that at some point. Waiting for some doctor to come rescue and relieve us of our troubles. Would that be considered irresponsible? Leaving the consequence of our actions to so and so? I'll let you interpret that.
In the afternoon, after my lunch break, I had those feelings appear again. Seriously, I dealt with them, how come they had to resurface? I thought the situation (and those feelings) would die down and cease altogether, maybe I had underestimated the incident. This time, I tried to hold them in, I didn't want to approach them in that moment as that would not be logical and I thought I might as well have some time to think about it before acting out. But then, those feelings mounted and I felt the pressure. Maybe I should have faced them when they came upon me, but I couldn't, no solution would have been found. I felt pretty idiotic all the way home. It was even worse having missed my bus in this freezing white weather. I couldn't hold onto those feelings no more and I had to relinquish them as soon as possible or else consequences may have been worst. Fortunately...
I remembered there was a solution. The solution was there all the time, I was just slow at realizing that it was an easy and free one. How oblivious of me. Focusing on drowning out those feelings when the solution had been there all the time. Maybe that is our lives sometimes- too focused on one side of the test to even realize there was questions on the other side. As a result, we miss out on what was always there for us and meant for us to do.
Well what was my solution? Indigo was my solution. Indigo was at Northgate. Indigo relieved my pressure.
Indigo relieved my diarrhea. xP
On a lighter note, tomorrow is 03,01 (March 1st) and it is predicted to be -31C.
After my first class today, I was force to face those feelings. It felt a little better approaching them, but deep down, I still felt a little out of place. What had I done prior to deserve this? Sometimes situations are confusing and can't be explained. As if my guts had wrapped around itself and were struggling to de-tangle themselves without a doctor. Remember that game we would play as kids? Holding hands with each other in a circle and weave ourselves under and over arms, then calling out for the 'doctor' to deal with the mess we ourselves made? Maybe we are all like that at some point. Waiting for some doctor to come rescue and relieve us of our troubles. Would that be considered irresponsible? Leaving the consequence of our actions to so and so? I'll let you interpret that.
In the afternoon, after my lunch break, I had those feelings appear again. Seriously, I dealt with them, how come they had to resurface? I thought the situation (and those feelings) would die down and cease altogether, maybe I had underestimated the incident. This time, I tried to hold them in, I didn't want to approach them in that moment as that would not be logical and I thought I might as well have some time to think about it before acting out. But then, those feelings mounted and I felt the pressure. Maybe I should have faced them when they came upon me, but I couldn't, no solution would have been found. I felt pretty idiotic all the way home. It was even worse having missed my bus in this freezing white weather. I couldn't hold onto those feelings no more and I had to relinquish them as soon as possible or else consequences may have been worst. Fortunately...
I remembered there was a solution. The solution was there all the time, I was just slow at realizing that it was an easy and free one. How oblivious of me. Focusing on drowning out those feelings when the solution had been there all the time. Maybe that is our lives sometimes- too focused on one side of the test to even realize there was questions on the other side. As a result, we miss out on what was always there for us and meant for us to do.
Well what was my solution? Indigo was my solution. Indigo was at Northgate. Indigo relieved my pressure.
Indigo relieved my diarrhea. xP
On a lighter note, tomorrow is 03,01 (March 1st) and it is predicted to be -31C.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Communication Loss
I realized I never shared the story of how I lost my phone over the holidays in Vancouver. So on boxing day, my friends and I decided to go to Metrotown, a mall in Burnaby, and while I was in Forever 21 (hint hint, nudge nudge, please don't go to F21 on boxing day, there's nearly NO sales, and although its two levels, people are everywhere and line ups are so long that they are intertwined between racks and shelves of clothing and you can't even find the end, and on top of it all, there's a DJ blasting loud music, so you can hardly talk or hear a thing)I lost my phone.
I was holding a shirt I bought in a bag and kept my phone in there for easy accessibility, instead of having to put it back in my bag and taking it out every time I needed it. It was also more convenient, since I had split up with my three other friends- easier to grab the phone when it rang. Anyhow, I was holding onto a bunch of clothes I had grab and because the store was so packed and my thoughts were in a million places, I just put my phone back into my bag without looking if it actually went back into the brown bag, and shortly after, I realized I had lost my phone. I freaked out. This was the first time I had ever loss my phone, and it just had to be in a different city and right when I separated from my friends, all on my own. So I pushed myself through the mobs of people to ask the manager if she could make an announcement, and guess what? She said they don't have an intercom (in my head I was like, how could you not?! Your store is two levels, how do you call an employee to come upstairs/downstairs! Every store has one! I bet she said that to me so I would go away, but to my luck, a nice employee took down my hotel number in case anything turned up (she even felt sorry for me because I was not from Vancouver). Since there was a DJ, I asked if he could turn down the music and make an announcement for me, well he didn't do it, but he put the mic in my face and I made verbal headlines to the shoppers of Forever 21 about a lost green Sony Ericsson with a red bow phone charm. I sounded like an idiot. No News. Nothing. Fortunately, I found one of my friends in the store in line and she notified the others of my lost phone.
I was close to giving up, I really thought my phone was either broken from all the customers walking around in the store or buried under a pile of clothes or stolen. I realize how important communication was. Before I found one of my friends, I kept questioning what I was going to do; I had walked around the store a million times, looked upstairs and downstairs, retraced my steps, did I have to wait until they closed to dig through the piles of clothes and hope that my only means of communication would turn up? I wasn't even aware of how important a phone was until this incident! Even when my friend and I decided to grab lunch and leave the store, I was hesitant because I thought all my chances were gone if I left the store. Typical me, I just kept on ranting and worrying and not buying anything. It was definitely a miserable boxing day and my mood was dictating everything.
So how did I find my phone? Well, one of my friends who was off on her own was logical enough to text my phone in case someone did pick it up. I guess I was too caught up in my conclusions to even logically think of ways of contacting my phone. After an hour or so, YES, there are still nice people on this planet! A girl and her mom had actually picked up my phone and held onto it! I assume they left the store before I made my verbal diarrhea. I was so relieved. I couldn't believe it. Within moments, I had gone from digging up a giant depressing hole to bury myself in to literally lighting up with joy. The power of one's mood eh?! I couldn't thank God enough. But then it hit me, that God had plan this incident so I would focus back on Him rather than on the sales and discounts. I had recalled the night before, praying to God to keep me on track and not let secular things get to me.
Anyhow, the point of this story? I learned a big lesson from that incident, but lately I've been feeling disconnected. I feel as if I lost my phone again, but this time not physically lose my phone. I don't know who or what I should be plugged into and I just don't know about a lot of things. I'm kind of stuck in a way, stuck as if I was hesitating to leave F21 because I thought if I did, all communication would be loss. All of it. I just don't feel connected to any signal and I have planted bushes of "what if" trees in my disconnected garden. If I apply that incident to where I am now, I should know that God will provide a light out of this dim tunnel, that he will lead me and tell me what I should be doing or going or focusing on. But I can't cope with that proposed conclusion because as I said, I'm digging up a giant hole for myself, and until a logical and perhaps miraculous rope arrives to pull me up, I will keep digging.
L O S S
I was holding a shirt I bought in a bag and kept my phone in there for easy accessibility, instead of having to put it back in my bag and taking it out every time I needed it. It was also more convenient, since I had split up with my three other friends- easier to grab the phone when it rang. Anyhow, I was holding onto a bunch of clothes I had grab and because the store was so packed and my thoughts were in a million places, I just put my phone back into my bag without looking if it actually went back into the brown bag, and shortly after, I realized I had lost my phone. I freaked out. This was the first time I had ever loss my phone, and it just had to be in a different city and right when I separated from my friends, all on my own. So I pushed myself through the mobs of people to ask the manager if she could make an announcement, and guess what? She said they don't have an intercom (in my head I was like, how could you not?! Your store is two levels, how do you call an employee to come upstairs/downstairs! Every store has one! I bet she said that to me so I would go away, but to my luck, a nice employee took down my hotel number in case anything turned up (she even felt sorry for me because I was not from Vancouver). Since there was a DJ, I asked if he could turn down the music and make an announcement for me, well he didn't do it, but he put the mic in my face and I made verbal headlines to the shoppers of Forever 21 about a lost green Sony Ericsson with a red bow phone charm. I sounded like an idiot. No News. Nothing. Fortunately, I found one of my friends in the store in line and she notified the others of my lost phone.
I was close to giving up, I really thought my phone was either broken from all the customers walking around in the store or buried under a pile of clothes or stolen. I realize how important communication was. Before I found one of my friends, I kept questioning what I was going to do; I had walked around the store a million times, looked upstairs and downstairs, retraced my steps, did I have to wait until they closed to dig through the piles of clothes and hope that my only means of communication would turn up? I wasn't even aware of how important a phone was until this incident! Even when my friend and I decided to grab lunch and leave the store, I was hesitant because I thought all my chances were gone if I left the store. Typical me, I just kept on ranting and worrying and not buying anything. It was definitely a miserable boxing day and my mood was dictating everything.
So how did I find my phone? Well, one of my friends who was off on her own was logical enough to text my phone in case someone did pick it up. I guess I was too caught up in my conclusions to even logically think of ways of contacting my phone. After an hour or so, YES, there are still nice people on this planet! A girl and her mom had actually picked up my phone and held onto it! I assume they left the store before I made my verbal diarrhea. I was so relieved. I couldn't believe it. Within moments, I had gone from digging up a giant depressing hole to bury myself in to literally lighting up with joy. The power of one's mood eh?! I couldn't thank God enough. But then it hit me, that God had plan this incident so I would focus back on Him rather than on the sales and discounts. I had recalled the night before, praying to God to keep me on track and not let secular things get to me.
Anyhow, the point of this story? I learned a big lesson from that incident, but lately I've been feeling disconnected. I feel as if I lost my phone again, but this time not physically lose my phone. I don't know who or what I should be plugged into and I just don't know about a lot of things. I'm kind of stuck in a way, stuck as if I was hesitating to leave F21 because I thought if I did, all communication would be loss. All of it. I just don't feel connected to any signal and I have planted bushes of "what if" trees in my disconnected garden. If I apply that incident to where I am now, I should know that God will provide a light out of this dim tunnel, that he will lead me and tell me what I should be doing or going or focusing on. But I can't cope with that proposed conclusion because as I said, I'm digging up a giant hole for myself, and until a logical and perhaps miraculous rope arrives to pull me up, I will keep digging.
L O S S
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
When God Winks
A while back I told you guys that I had picked up a book from Shoppers' staff room here. I finally finished reading it today on the way to work (yes, I got called bright and early to cover a shift). At first I really didn't want to take this shift, I already had my day planned out to tackle some assignments and tasks I had to do, but I thought a) what goes around comes around, and I would really appreciate someone taking my shift if I couldn't do so due to unexpected happenings; b)I wouldn't mind earning from the extra shift and c) the not so logical one of them all, I actually thought about my supervisor that morning because I wanted to take a day off in March-weird eh?
Well back to the book, its actually pretty insightful because the author tells of many real-life stories about incidents that happened to people that could be said to be a coincidence, but in faith, there is no coincidence- it was all bound to happen. There were examples of people seeking jobs and how their pathway seemed to be miraculously paved out for them. All they had to do was step a foot onto this path, and they were on there way to not only obtaining a job, but rising quickly with little interference and with more and more open doors that seem to just magically open for he/she. Then there are those who are connected to people from the past, but are connected based on what they both did in a strange way. Its very odd how things happen. I mean, even though I believe that there's a higher power and God is the creator of all things, I find it hard to believe all these cases. Its so bizarre, but yet so cool how things can work out if it is by the works of God.
In the end of this book, the author tells us to not take serendipity lightly. Coincidences are God's way of telling you your on the right track. Take this analogy:
"Along every highway are big signs and little signs. They all have meaning. You wouldn't accept or dismiss a road sign because of its size, would you?"
Words can't explain the works of God and we can never understand the happenings of now that form the bigger picture.
Be not afraid of life.
Believe that life is worth living,
and your belief will help create the fact. -William James
Well back to the book, its actually pretty insightful because the author tells of many real-life stories about incidents that happened to people that could be said to be a coincidence, but in faith, there is no coincidence- it was all bound to happen. There were examples of people seeking jobs and how their pathway seemed to be miraculously paved out for them. All they had to do was step a foot onto this path, and they were on there way to not only obtaining a job, but rising quickly with little interference and with more and more open doors that seem to just magically open for he/she. Then there are those who are connected to people from the past, but are connected based on what they both did in a strange way. Its very odd how things happen. I mean, even though I believe that there's a higher power and God is the creator of all things, I find it hard to believe all these cases. Its so bizarre, but yet so cool how things can work out if it is by the works of God.
In the end of this book, the author tells us to not take serendipity lightly. Coincidences are God's way of telling you your on the right track. Take this analogy:
"Along every highway are big signs and little signs. They all have meaning. You wouldn't accept or dismiss a road sign because of its size, would you?"
Words can't explain the works of God and we can never understand the happenings of now that form the bigger picture.
Be not afraid of life.
Believe that life is worth living,
and your belief will help create the fact. -William James
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Good Morning
This morning I turned on the radio to Shine FM and I hear this lovely quote:
Don't mistaken God's delay for God's denial.
A simple message that ringed so much meaning in my ears.
Don't mistaken God's delay for God's denial.
A simple message that ringed so much meaning in my ears.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)