The Pressure

You know that feeling you get deep down? Not the butterfly floating around in your stomach kind of feeling, but something deeper that you know is logical and perhaps the right thing to do? The feeling that tugs at your conscience and tries to persuade you towards a particular direction. Well I experienced that today. I knew something was wrong since early this morning, but I placed it aside. I didn't want to deal with it and its easier to shove it to an unknown corner than have to deal with further complications or even just the simplicity of it. That's so human of us, sometimes we don't want to face situations we rather not-regardless of its difficulty, rather, we choose to leave it in the back of our heads with all the other insignificant things. But if those feelings are strong enough, some-time, some-day, you will have to deal with them. You soon realize that running away is never a solution and you should have dealt with those feelings instead of delaying them.

After my first class today, I was force to face those feelings. It felt a little better approaching them, but deep down, I still felt a little out of place. What had I done prior to deserve this? Sometimes situations are confusing and can't be explained. As if my guts had wrapped around itself and were struggling to de-tangle themselves without a doctor. Remember that game we would play as kids? Holding hands with each other in a circle and weave ourselves under and over arms, then calling out for the 'doctor' to deal with the mess we ourselves made? Maybe we are all like that at some point. Waiting for some doctor to come rescue and relieve us of our troubles. Would that be considered irresponsible? Leaving the consequence of our actions to so and so? I'll let you interpret that.

In the afternoon, after my lunch break, I had those feelings appear again. Seriously, I dealt with them, how come they had to resurface? I thought the situation (and those feelings) would die down and cease altogether, maybe I had underestimated the incident. This time, I tried to hold them in, I didn't want to approach them in that moment as that would not be logical and I thought I might as well have some time to think about it before acting out. But then, those feelings mounted and I felt the pressure. Maybe I should have faced them when they came upon me, but I couldn't, no solution would have been found. I felt pretty idiotic all the way home. It was even worse having missed my bus in this freezing white weather. I couldn't hold onto those feelings no more and I had to relinquish them as soon as possible or else consequences may have been worst. Fortunately...

I remembered there was a solution. The solution was there all the time, I was just slow at realizing that it was an easy and free one. How oblivious of me. Focusing on drowning out those feelings when the solution had been there all the time. Maybe that is our lives sometimes- too focused on one side of the test to even realize there was questions on the other side. As a result, we miss out on what was always there for us and meant for us to do.


Well what was my solution? Indigo was my solution. Indigo was at Northgate. Indigo relieved my pressure.

Indigo relieved my diarrhea. xP

On a lighter note, tomorrow is 03,01 (March 1st) and it is predicted to be -31C.