So I just wanted to blog today because I thought of blogging when I wrote out the date for the first time of this year: Wed/Jan 5th,01, yes I wrote 01, but its 10! We've reached another decade and I'm still psych for this year to reveal itself one day at at time.
A lot of realizations has occurred today, I guess I had time to do a lot of thinking while heading to school on a 50min ish ride, buying my textbooks (luckily I don't have to buy that many this term, yay to saving money!), waiting in line (went early, so wasn't too long), waiting for class, dreading class, and daydreaming here and there. I really feel God in me as of today, I really feel he's helping me control all my insecurities, anger, sorrow, madness, hatred, stress,anxiousness,neverousness, happiness, and thoughts.
God is awesome. God is great. I will praise God with all my might and every date!
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Thursday, December 31, 2009
twentyten here i come.
Wow how pleasant does that sound? Say it out loud "Twenty Ten", it even looks beautiful; a 2, 0, 1, and 0. I really can't wait for it, its just in a matter of hours. Further more, I can't wait for what God will do in my life from all that I have learn in these few days. Winter conference was yet another wonderful, out of this world, learning and befriending experience. Its amazing what the BIG G. does, its so miraculous and life changing. It all started a few months ago...
So even at the start of 2009, I had decided I wouldn't be going to winter conference, I had gone 3 years already, and the last 2 were in Calgary, so no point in going. I've been to Calgary more then enough, I've experienced a lot from WC and maybe its time to just stay home this holiday and see what new will happen. So that was the mentality I had, up until September, when registration opened, and I still kept on with not going. But my friends that were settled on going kept urging me to go, kept telling me that I will get so much out of it. Everything they said was so true, and I know it was so true and I still kept on with a "No." I realize that friendship was a power source of impact, especially when you want to go to WC again to see all those faces you've seen so long ago but are still memorable. I even made a chart of Pros vs. Cons to going, and it seemed that all my cons were excuses, and money came down to not being a problem with the subsidy and all. Even so, I still stuck with a no and you may laugh when you hear what REALLY motivated me to go. So the week of Halloween, when the original early bird date would end on Halloween night, and where all my friends non stop urges kept telling me to go, I had a dream.
I had a dream that it was already Halloween, and early bird was closing in a matter of hours and I was still in a BIG debate about WC. I told myself if I didn't go I would regret and that I could earn the cost back again, God will ALWAYS provide. The most impacting line I said to myself was "WC will be a good investment on my faith!" Then a person helping on the WC team happened to be at my house, and I ran to my room, grabbed cash, and told him to rush the money and app off before registration was over! Forward a bit, I woke up, I remembered the dream so well that I was feeling regretful. Its weird isn't it, and it was actually Halloween night that I registered and rushed my forms to my church rep. Maybe it was one of those God things, and a while after submitting the stuff and knowing I would be going to WC I didn't think too much about it. School was near its end, and I was studying a lot and I didn't expect much from wintercon because I felt like I knew everything that was going to happen.
So school wrapped up, and I can't spill out how great it feels when you have no 'school strings' attached to you during the holidays. Parties started, gifts opened, weight gain is going to happen and just all the joy of celebrating. Christmas is about the birth of Jesus, and I find it so cool, awesome, and even funny that other faiths or atheists celebrate this time with us. Its awesome and its all a shout out to God. Now WC was starting to become a reality, from packing my bags, stepping on that coach bus, ffwd->> arrival at destination: Calgary.
Yes I expected wintercon to be full of new friendships, rice, late nights and fun. What hit me in the face was the main speaker and the workshops I attended. The message came and stuck with me. I knew I had plenty of insecurities but I didn't realize how deep they were rooted and how badly God was calling me to fix my relationships one on one. This was such a slap in the face, my problems were so deep within that I kept denying them and I did NOT want to fix some things, I didn't have the courage to. My pride kept me from apologizing to _____s for the things I did or said. I'm a stubborn girl, I have a ego that I can't break here and there, especially when it comes to family. That is why I couldn't achieve a peace with them. The topic was to be a Peace Maker, not just a Peace keeper; peace keepers settles and maintains the peace but never gets side A and B to love each other, while peace making is establishing that love from Christ, realizing the wrongs and finding a happy resolution to it. I now know what I didn't know and I will always remember this quote from one of my workshops called Lies Girls Believe In: "I rather want what I don't have, then have what I don't want." It has such a deep meaning, and I pray that what I learnt doesn't stay on this page, doesn't stay until New years or the end of January, but flows out of me, helps me in my troubles and may I be this peace maker for Christ.
Amen. Aloha. Shak-a-ra.
Forward 365 days later.
Until Then; Twenty Ten.
So even at the start of 2009, I had decided I wouldn't be going to winter conference, I had gone 3 years already, and the last 2 were in Calgary, so no point in going. I've been to Calgary more then enough, I've experienced a lot from WC and maybe its time to just stay home this holiday and see what new will happen. So that was the mentality I had, up until September, when registration opened, and I still kept on with not going. But my friends that were settled on going kept urging me to go, kept telling me that I will get so much out of it. Everything they said was so true, and I know it was so true and I still kept on with a "No." I realize that friendship was a power source of impact, especially when you want to go to WC again to see all those faces you've seen so long ago but are still memorable. I even made a chart of Pros vs. Cons to going, and it seemed that all my cons were excuses, and money came down to not being a problem with the subsidy and all. Even so, I still stuck with a no and you may laugh when you hear what REALLY motivated me to go. So the week of Halloween, when the original early bird date would end on Halloween night, and where all my friends non stop urges kept telling me to go, I had a dream.
I had a dream that it was already Halloween, and early bird was closing in a matter of hours and I was still in a BIG debate about WC. I told myself if I didn't go I would regret and that I could earn the cost back again, God will ALWAYS provide. The most impacting line I said to myself was "WC will be a good investment on my faith!" Then a person helping on the WC team happened to be at my house, and I ran to my room, grabbed cash, and told him to rush the money and app off before registration was over! Forward a bit, I woke up, I remembered the dream so well that I was feeling regretful. Its weird isn't it, and it was actually Halloween night that I registered and rushed my forms to my church rep. Maybe it was one of those God things, and a while after submitting the stuff and knowing I would be going to WC I didn't think too much about it. School was near its end, and I was studying a lot and I didn't expect much from wintercon because I felt like I knew everything that was going to happen.
So school wrapped up, and I can't spill out how great it feels when you have no 'school strings' attached to you during the holidays. Parties started, gifts opened, weight gain is going to happen and just all the joy of celebrating. Christmas is about the birth of Jesus, and I find it so cool, awesome, and even funny that other faiths or atheists celebrate this time with us. Its awesome and its all a shout out to God. Now WC was starting to become a reality, from packing my bags, stepping on that coach bus, ffwd->> arrival at destination: Calgary.
Yes I expected wintercon to be full of new friendships, rice, late nights and fun. What hit me in the face was the main speaker and the workshops I attended. The message came and stuck with me. I knew I had plenty of insecurities but I didn't realize how deep they were rooted and how badly God was calling me to fix my relationships one on one. This was such a slap in the face, my problems were so deep within that I kept denying them and I did NOT want to fix some things, I didn't have the courage to. My pride kept me from apologizing to _____s for the things I did or said. I'm a stubborn girl, I have a ego that I can't break here and there, especially when it comes to family. That is why I couldn't achieve a peace with them. The topic was to be a Peace Maker, not just a Peace keeper; peace keepers settles and maintains the peace but never gets side A and B to love each other, while peace making is establishing that love from Christ, realizing the wrongs and finding a happy resolution to it. I now know what I didn't know and I will always remember this quote from one of my workshops called Lies Girls Believe In: "I rather want what I don't have, then have what I don't want." It has such a deep meaning, and I pray that what I learnt doesn't stay on this page, doesn't stay until New years or the end of January, but flows out of me, helps me in my troubles and may I be this peace maker for Christ.
Amen. Aloha. Shak-a-ra.
Forward 365 days later.
Until Then; Twenty Ten.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Finished?
Well its been a long while since I've blogged, one month and 9 days to be exact. I guess I don't think much has happened, but during this period, a lot did go on and things went by really quick, so much of my thoughts would skim the surface of my mind, and head out.
I'm really happy and at ease to say I have finished my first term of my first year at University. Its a great feeling, and wonderful to not go home after an exam and start studying for the next one. Although my trip was to the Dentist right after my final exam, it felt good to know my teeth were getting a deep scleaning crub even if the prodding and poking from those scary-looking equipment were in my mouth. I am so glad that school is done, and looking forward to this extra long holiday.
So now that some of my Christmas shopping has been dealt with, and some decent chillaxing at home today, I have a place to let my thoughts out. I guess if school was out forever, it be pretty boring. It does get boring when you have nothing to do, and shopping trips does come with a cost over time, literally. So its only right to say, that there must be a balance in everthing we do. If we didn't have periods of tough times, we wouldn't know how to cherish the breaks and time off. But long periods of breaks, just makes you inactive, unproductive, and bored out of your mind. Life is a unrepetitive cycle, and were aim to achieving a equilibrium.
This term has been difficult, frustrating, time-consuming (even if it is 3 hours of class a day, the "home" work after kills), cold, and deprivation of friendships. There's been a lot of adjustments, and Uni has really molded my procrastination into progress and results. Many people maybe changing their initial thoughts of what they are taking, or what they are going to be, and this is a common phase I hear. Fortunately, when I look back on my courses and what I am going into, I am keeping my initial interest; despite the mulitple projects and papers. For now, it'll still be the career path I'm looking forward to and wanting. As for my highschool friends, multiple times I feel deprived of them. I guess I'm not the person to stay on campus after my classes to study, so neither would I stay and wait to hang out with them. We all have different schedules, and even after our school hours, we are all busy. Hopefully next term I will be able to put more effort into my friendships and prioritize my to do lists.
Speaking of prioritizing, I finally realize the life of a Univeristy student. I finally understand how certain people will not be at church because they have to study, or don't help out/participate in a certain event because they are "school" busy. I realize how it feels to be in their shoes now so well because I've been there and my mind has contemplated the "idea" of not going to church for school-related reasons, but good thing I never put those thoughts into action. I believe its a stupid thing to do, lacking the effort to worship God, and its only two hours, although we should be worshipping Him in all that we do. I've learnt to say "No" to certain people or responsibilities I know I won't be able to handle or be capable of going through with a "Yes," but I will always value my faith and my role in my faith.
Christmas is quickly approaching, eight days and counting. I am oober excited, it is my favorite season, and JESUS is the reason. Its a great time of celebration, parties, yummy feasts, gift giving and reflection on the past year, as a new one is right around the corner. 2010 -that sounds so pleasing to the ear, and its so aesthetically pleasing as well. How often does one get to live through a millennium and now this. I'm exaggerating but it really is an exciting festive spirit, and Christmas is different every year, but always similar in meaning.
School is done for the year, but school will come in the new year.
I'm really happy and at ease to say I have finished my first term of my first year at University. Its a great feeling, and wonderful to not go home after an exam and start studying for the next one. Although my trip was to the Dentist right after my final exam, it felt good to know my teeth were getting a deep scleaning crub even if the prodding and poking from those scary-looking equipment were in my mouth. I am so glad that school is done, and looking forward to this extra long holiday.
So now that some of my Christmas shopping has been dealt with, and some decent chillaxing at home today, I have a place to let my thoughts out. I guess if school was out forever, it be pretty boring. It does get boring when you have nothing to do, and shopping trips does come with a cost over time, literally. So its only right to say, that there must be a balance in everthing we do. If we didn't have periods of tough times, we wouldn't know how to cherish the breaks and time off. But long periods of breaks, just makes you inactive, unproductive, and bored out of your mind. Life is a unrepetitive cycle, and were aim to achieving a equilibrium.
This term has been difficult, frustrating, time-consuming (even if it is 3 hours of class a day, the "home" work after kills), cold, and deprivation of friendships. There's been a lot of adjustments, and Uni has really molded my procrastination into progress and results. Many people maybe changing their initial thoughts of what they are taking, or what they are going to be, and this is a common phase I hear. Fortunately, when I look back on my courses and what I am going into, I am keeping my initial interest; despite the mulitple projects and papers. For now, it'll still be the career path I'm looking forward to and wanting. As for my highschool friends, multiple times I feel deprived of them. I guess I'm not the person to stay on campus after my classes to study, so neither would I stay and wait to hang out with them. We all have different schedules, and even after our school hours, we are all busy. Hopefully next term I will be able to put more effort into my friendships and prioritize my to do lists.
Speaking of prioritizing, I finally realize the life of a Univeristy student. I finally understand how certain people will not be at church because they have to study, or don't help out/participate in a certain event because they are "school" busy. I realize how it feels to be in their shoes now so well because I've been there and my mind has contemplated the "idea" of not going to church for school-related reasons, but good thing I never put those thoughts into action. I believe its a stupid thing to do, lacking the effort to worship God, and its only two hours, although we should be worshipping Him in all that we do. I've learnt to say "No" to certain people or responsibilities I know I won't be able to handle or be capable of going through with a "Yes," but I will always value my faith and my role in my faith.
Christmas is quickly approaching, eight days and counting. I am oober excited, it is my favorite season, and JESUS is the reason. Its a great time of celebration, parties, yummy feasts, gift giving and reflection on the past year, as a new one is right around the corner. 2010 -that sounds so pleasing to the ear, and its so aesthetically pleasing as well. How often does one get to live through a millennium and now this. I'm exaggerating but it really is an exciting festive spirit, and Christmas is different every year, but always similar in meaning.
School is done for the year, but school will come in the new year.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Saviour to All
This Mission Conference weekend at church has helped me. It has help me to realize I lack in love; lacking love for others, love for self, love in action. I felt so happy seeing a friend that finally saw one of my drimes today-live. Since the first drime in May 2008 until now, a total of 5 drimes, she never happened to be there until today, I was so over joyed! I know the focus isn't about she seeing me on stage or not (of course its not), but that I hope she got the message in relation to our almighty God and the bigger picture of Christianity.
It makes me so mad how some people come to church, sit on Sundays, maybe half attentive, possibly fall asleep, then leave when service finishes. It hurts to know that I know people who don't love this great God of ours as much as I do. It sucks to know they don't have a heart to serve and that's why they say "I don't get anything out of church." I know there's a timing for everything, GOD'S timing, but I hate it, I hate how they do nothing, I don't like how I sense they don't want to be at church at all but at the same time I'm so happy to be able to see them at church. I really want to ask their motive for coming but it hurts me so bad to know that I already know the anwser to this rhetorical question of mine.
I admit I am not trying as hard as I should be in delivering this Christian love. I've given up, I've been selfish and neglected to give my TIME to so and so I know. But I pray and hope that God will give me the courage and strength to reestablish this faith in their hearts, to drill the basis of Christianity in their hearts-again, and maybe, just maybe something will spark and ignite a passion in them all over again. Maybe it takes more then a second try or 'third times a charm', sometimes its a constant push someone needs, and I think its time to put action into my words.
-I pray
It makes me so mad how some people come to church, sit on Sundays, maybe half attentive, possibly fall asleep, then leave when service finishes. It hurts to know that I know people who don't love this great God of ours as much as I do. It sucks to know they don't have a heart to serve and that's why they say "I don't get anything out of church." I know there's a timing for everything, GOD'S timing, but I hate it, I hate how they do nothing, I don't like how I sense they don't want to be at church at all but at the same time I'm so happy to be able to see them at church. I really want to ask their motive for coming but it hurts me so bad to know that I already know the anwser to this rhetorical question of mine.
I admit I am not trying as hard as I should be in delivering this Christian love. I've given up, I've been selfish and neglected to give my TIME to so and so I know. But I pray and hope that God will give me the courage and strength to reestablish this faith in their hearts, to drill the basis of Christianity in their hearts-again, and maybe, just maybe something will spark and ignite a passion in them all over again. Maybe it takes more then a second try or 'third times a charm', sometimes its a constant push someone needs, and I think its time to put action into my words.
-I pray
Sunday, November 1, 2009
MADNESS.
Furious. Ridiculous. Inconsiderate. Selfish.Flaming MADNESS.
Early today I was ENRAGED. I was so mad inside I could've literally slap someone but how did I ever manage this madness so well inside and not let the victim get a glimpse of it? I was so inrage but I know it was also a ridiculous test of patience. I was so angry and I didn't let it all out until I was at home spazzing to myself.
A lot of time was wasted today and I learnt that I have to say NO to some things, even if you feel bad.
There's my lesson learnt.
Say NO.
alskdfjaklsdfjlksadjfNO.
Early today I was ENRAGED. I was so mad inside I could've literally slap someone but how did I ever manage this madness so well inside and not let the victim get a glimpse of it? I was so inrage but I know it was also a ridiculous test of patience. I was so angry and I didn't let it all out until I was at home spazzing to myself.
A lot of time was wasted today and I learnt that I have to say NO to some things, even if you feel bad.
There's my lesson learnt.
Say NO.
alskdfjaklsdfjlksadjfNO.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
First for Everything.
I have finished my first round of 'midterms' in my first term of my first year at U of A! Hip Hip Hooray! Hip Hip HOORAY! HIP HIP HOORAY!
Today has been a joy, I woke up literally smiling over a wonderful and meaningful dream I had. Its such amazement how your thoughts throughout the day add up and give you a filmstrip of life's happenings when your day ends and your able to reminiscent on the good times. It was like a chain reaction, and because of my happy mood, I stepped into my math midterm with a more positive attitude then I had look forward to.
But what doesn't go, what doesn't come, and soon, not soon, already another round of projects, papers and exams are awaiting me to accomplish.
For now I'll just enjoy my happiness a twinkle longer.
Today has been a joy, I woke up literally smiling over a wonderful and meaningful dream I had. Its such amazement how your thoughts throughout the day add up and give you a filmstrip of life's happenings when your day ends and your able to reminiscent on the good times. It was like a chain reaction, and because of my happy mood, I stepped into my math midterm with a more positive attitude then I had look forward to.
But what doesn't go, what doesn't come, and soon, not soon, already another round of projects, papers and exams are awaiting me to accomplish.
For now I'll just enjoy my happiness a twinkle longer.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
What can I say.
Happy! I feel really happy right now. I guess today started out as a shaky nerve-wrack. Pretty much the whole night was: I was so nervous I couldn't sleep. A week ago our new English Pastor gave me a call and told me that this upcoming Sunday he and our Cantonese Rev. wanted Adoria and I to share about our Urban Promise Internship. To be honest I really wanted to do it and bring all that I learnt and shared back to our church. Here's the twist " You will speak and Adoria will be your translator, and then Adoria will speak, and you will ber her translator-IN CANTONESE. say WAAWHAT?! They say "honesty is the best policy", so right away I was straight forward and told him "my Chinese is not that good, can we have translators?" He just kept reassuring us that its alright, we will be fine, we can do it, all that good stuff. Reasurring eh?
After I hanged up I literally like spazzed out to my mother about the most ridiculous things I had ever heard. All she said was 'Your speaking for God, and its not like you don't know Chinese!' I guess moms are right, I was speaking for God and there's nothing I should've been ashamed of. But I was still being a big worry wort and leading up to today I felt really scared that I would mess up and totally blow it. Even yesterday, the both of us had spent an hour translating our supposely '10 minute' script with chinese subs written in English phonix.
So today came and left, and as I was sitting in the pews I felt so uncomfortable like the feeling you get when your about to go into a room for your piano exam (well for me anyways), I was shaky, my heart was pumping fast as I was reading Adoria's script over and over again trying to 'word' it right, and I felt like I desparately needed a washroom. Weird how ardrenaline works eh? Even the people next to me sensed my nervousness. Anyhow, fast forward we were on stage, and although I would do it over again to fix certain mistakes we made or how we said certain things (actually I take that back), its all behind us and I'm actually Thankful for having the opportunity to be a translator. It was a learning experience within itself and I guessed its just one of those things God just throws at you to challenge you.
So I guess I just came to realize that sometimes things just don't work your way, and even if things are not the way you want it to be, it'll work out, God will fix it up and all you have to do is let him have his way. Easier said then done.
Happy Thanksgiving.
God's way or the highway
After I hanged up I literally like spazzed out to my mother about the most ridiculous things I had ever heard. All she said was 'Your speaking for God, and its not like you don't know Chinese!' I guess moms are right, I was speaking for God and there's nothing I should've been ashamed of. But I was still being a big worry wort and leading up to today I felt really scared that I would mess up and totally blow it. Even yesterday, the both of us had spent an hour translating our supposely '10 minute' script with chinese subs written in English phonix.
So today came and left, and as I was sitting in the pews I felt so uncomfortable like the feeling you get when your about to go into a room for your piano exam (well for me anyways), I was shaky, my heart was pumping fast as I was reading Adoria's script over and over again trying to 'word' it right, and I felt like I desparately needed a washroom. Weird how ardrenaline works eh? Even the people next to me sensed my nervousness. Anyhow, fast forward we were on stage, and although I would do it over again to fix certain mistakes we made or how we said certain things (actually I take that back), its all behind us and I'm actually Thankful for having the opportunity to be a translator. It was a learning experience within itself and I guessed its just one of those things God just throws at you to challenge you.
So I guess I just came to realize that sometimes things just don't work your way, and even if things are not the way you want it to be, it'll work out, God will fix it up and all you have to do is let him have his way. Easier said then done.
Happy Thanksgiving.
God's way or the highway
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