Like a Kid

I remember as a kid I was in love with Ashley and Mary-Kate Olsen movies. They were my favorite childhood stars for a long time. I admired them, I wanted to be like them and I still am inspired by how they made a name for themselves as fashion designers despite having been famous from their day of birth. My mom would take me to Blockbuster quite often to rent movies and every time I would rent a MK&A movie on VHS. My favorite movie of theirs was "You're Invited to Mary-Kate and Ashely's Ballet Party." I would watch this one for as many times as I possibly could during the week. I absolutely adored these twins in their tutus and the theme of dancing that captivated me.

I remember when I was seven, a flyer for ballet lessons at a new studio in Castledowns came in the mail. I remembered it so well because I really wanted to take dance lessons. I wanted to be a dancer, I wanted to learn how to dance and I wanted to go to this open house. I told my mom, but she worked late that day, I told my auntie who was living with me at the time and she took me to the open house. I had anticipated this night for days and I was so happy to be able to go. Disappointment settled in fast though. Not only were those lessons costly, I had a fear of doing the splits because other kids at school had told me you had to "break a bone" in your hip to be able to stretch that way. As I saw little girls in their tutus in the studio showing off their dance moves and even some doing the splits- I was wishing I could be one of them, but without hesitation I made the decision to not take dance lessons.

I remember also around that age, my mom would take me to a restaurant she knew the owner of. This restaurant had performers each weekend and some of these performers included mothers and daughters. They would dance, do skits, basically just entertain their dinner guests. I enjoyed watching them even if it was just basic entertainment and had mentioned to my mom how we should join in on the fun and be performers too. One day my mom came home and told me she had sign us up to join that group of performers. But for some reason, I said no and made my mom 'un-sign' us. I knew deep down I had wanted to do it, but why did I reply with such a firm disapproval?

I guess as a little girl I had yearned to dance or perform, but I just lacked the confidence to do so. I didn't believe in myself that I could do things I thought were impossible. I was stubborn and didn't give myself a chance. I want to call this a regret of mine, yet, life is a learning experience and I believe that every opportunity taken or not, you take away something, move on, and try to come back as a better person.

Yesterday was the finale of SYTYCD (So You Think You Can Dance for those of you that aren't avid followers). I love the talent in this show just like how I loved the ballet movie from Ashely & Mary Kate Olsen back in my childhood days. Since I was introduced to it in the summer of 2007, I have watched and tried to follow it as much as I can. I find myself especially drawn to the genre of contemporary dancing. Every time I see a piece, I feel compelled to be able to dance that way and wish I had taken up dancing as a child. The graceful movements of the bodies, the precise flow and rhythm of the partners, the fearless depth of their twirls,leaps and bounds, the expressive faces that justify their roles and impacts the crowds. I can't put it any other way. The act of expressing themselves and the story behind their talent makes me speechless. Sometimes I cry with them, other times I smile to myself over how sweet their dancing made me feel.

Sometimes I think I like creating and directing drimes, and delivering a message to an audience through unspoken words is due to my love for dance. I am very fond of stories being told without one opening their mouth. Its an amazing and powerful perspective and being able to share that with others is joy. Though, I can't say all the drimes I've been involved with have told a touching story, but the artsy side of life is just aesthetic. Lively. Heart warming. Beyond what science can tell.

I don't know where this fervour for art started, I just know its been with me since I was a child. My ability to be creative and derive nifty ideas is not from me but a heavenly spirit who knows me more than I know myself. There's a reason, I know there is. And like a kid, who wished they could have a time machine to play with, I do too as an adult.