The Push

Reflecting on this month, I can't believe it's already the last day of March. I can't be more thankful for March and all that I got to partake in.

I finished the abs challenge (Greetings, stronger core!), prepared Coffeehouse with an awesome fellowship, promoted for summer camp, met up with many friends, finished my adult strokes course, anticipated changes during this NEAC transition, wrapped up my trip planning (more details to come), and went to meetings upon meetings with joy, and felt the Push.

What do I mean by the Push?

The "Push" is what I called the works of the Holy Spirit in my life. I can't be more honest and say how much I didn't want to share my deepest and darkest moments in an audience of 60 plus. I can't dare say that it was my own decision because from the start I had built up a wall of excuse of why I shouldn't share. However, I should've known you can't pull a Jonah on God. You can't run away, you can't deny it, and you can't just push the thought aside when it's growing and pushing itself on you.

Yesterday's push was a reality of my life. I never felt so vulnerable in front of my brothers and sisters at my home (and extended) church. I coined the term "sob monster" because that's what I felt I was, though I kept reminding myself that I need to be the change I want to see, and if not, I shouldn't be turning down an opportunity God has given me to glorify and bring praises to Him at the very least. There was no reason not to share.-that would've been selfish if I let my own comfort zone hold me back from doing what God had willed.

Today, I couldn't stop thinking about yesterday. I can't even recall what I said, except telling everyone that I gained a bit of 'hope' from being accepted into swimming lessons (please ask me for deets). God has quite the humor of getting me to do things, oh the irony of it all. Way before the execution of last night, I was the one looking for people to share. It was hard I admit because I kept getting turned down, and I understand that it was a bold request that I was asking, one that was atypical and would make people confront their fears. Finally, I had a list of four, but 2/4 were not a full on yes. I had wagered with God that if any one of the four I had on the list decided not to share, that it meant I had to share (my friend had asked prior to why I didn't considered sharing and I had no good answer to that). But deep down, I had already knew the answer that I didn't want to submit to.

Fast forward, I hadn't heard a confirmation from the two and texting one of them the day before, they had deceided they didn't want to share, which was absolutely okay. I accepted that, but what I wasn't accepting was that it meant I was her replacement. I didn't want to think of it that way because I knew God knew all along. I knew there must've been a reason because even though I kept telling myself I didn't want to share, what God wanted me to say kept flooding my mind leading up to Coffeehouse. I knew there was something more to me just opening my mouth. God was going to speak through me.

And He did. 

And I was more astounded by the feedback (from not only mine, but the other 3 sharings as well) when it all finished. I may have said some things that related to others, may have shocked some people with my sharing, may have made people uncomfortable with my tears, but it doesn't matter. I know I made God happy.

I am also thankful for the gratitude I've received. I love planning, I really do, but it warms my heart that people appreciate it. It warms my heart even more when I hear people want future events like this.

Serving God totally brings me Joy. JOY JOY JOY! On another note, my New York roomie/friend/classmate as mentioned here is GETTING BAPTISED. I'm awestruck by how GOoD He is and the only tinge of sadness about this is that I won't be in town for it, but I know His plans are to prosper and I should rejoice regardless.


It's Your b r e a t h e in my lungs.

Have You Started?

Before the clock strikes twelve tonight I really want to share about what I'm "lenting" on.

Today marks the beginning of Lent, fourty days before Easter. For as long as I can remember, growing up in Catholic schools kept me reminded of something I should give up or commit to doing more of something beneficial during this period. In the past, I've succeeded at giving up chocolate and sweets and it was quite gratifying knowing I was able to deprive myself of those things, but I made a mental note that I didn't want to do something I've given up before.

This time around, it didn't hit me that Lent was coming up until two days ago. Not being in school and being quite occupied lately has made me delirious of dates and all. It's no excuse knowing I was short on time in thinking what I was going to do, so I've been on ponder mode since the awareness of it has creeped in. I actually had a hard time deciding what I was going to do because I felt my desires were quite selfish and just beneficial to myself instead of glorifying God. Finally I had a light bulb moment that instead of giving up something (which I always considered harder), why not work on something that I have been lacking in?! This led to the idea of resting and eventually to a challenge to pray and have quiet time with God consistently and intently these next fourty days. Sounds easy right?

Well it was quite the impulse decision on a whim, but I already foresee how much I had underestimated the depth of this commitment. However, also how fruitful this can be if I listen to the guiding of the Holy Spirit and accomplish this.

I will just have to wait and see. Time will definitely tell and I highly encourage you to give up or do more of something this Lent season. Its a great test of perserverance and I find that it helps build aspects of your character depending on what you choose to do.

Happy Lenting & don't forget the reason for why you are doing so!

March Challenge

Reviewing my Golden goals (basically goals I've made for myself since turning twenty-two), and resolutions so to speak made me feel like I haven't been as proactive as I want in terms of my health oriented goals. I see the same trend repeating over and over when I make healthy goals, and that is that they're not long term, so I have decided to work on my discipline and willpower. So as Spring is nowhere to be seen, and March is already here, I've been motivated to step it up and do a 30 day ABS challenge this month.

I think I'm crazy and I foresee this being quite hard (and me lacking motivation) as my core is quite weak, but also looking forward to the difference it will make 30 days later. I feel time is just crunching on me these days, thus making me eat less healthy and crave junk more often.  Also, I know I really need to focus on my physical self more, prioritize having a Sabbath, and get more mental rest.

It's so easy to have the drive to constantly be doing something and work work work rather then be lazy and couch potato around. It's very ironic, but being still and resting in God's presence is so much harder for me then constantly filling my mind with ideas, to dos, and so on and so forth.

I love this line in my daily devotional book that I read a while back,

"We're human beings, not human doings!"

Balance is definitely key, and certainly what I need as of late.

If you like to join me, JOIN ME! There's actually so many different monthly fitness challenges and ideas online these days.

Time to kick myself in the core.

Mother Sarah

So since I can remember, I had one friend who would remind me of how "motherly" I am and call me the dreaded Mother Sarah to my ears. As a biased me, I know I often like leading and this results in me telling others what to do or just naturally looking out for others and caring for them. I know it`s not a bad thing, but being reference to a mom just made my ears cringe at the thought of that.

I guess over the years I`ve grown accustomed to that friend, and unfortunately others call or mention that to me, but I just take it as a tease and laugh it off as this was coming from peers. Maybe it comes with age and now taking an active role in the shoes of a youth leader, but I`m starting to realize how much I care and feel the responsibility to be that role model and spiritual influence on these youths I see week in and week out. I worry if what I say will make a difference in their lives, feel the urge to be more proactive on certain topics to get them to stay out of trouble (for the record, they are all good kids), and wonder what would happen if I wasn`t in the picture. It`s ironic how I`m saying all of this as only a mere few months ago, I was questioning what in the world had I got myself into here. 

Looking back, I`m acknowledging how much God has changed my heart and ready me for this role, and likewise I can see how much God has used me to open up the youth to think deeper, get involved, and grow as they continue their spiritual walk. I`m humbled and in awe of how God can use my so call `motherly` characteristics to foster love and unconditional acceptance towards these teen-ragers and I can`t wait to see where God is going to take them from here on.

Tonight I`m hosting a youth girls night on relationships and purity as questions and curiosity has arise through our weekly discussions. Having been there as a hormonal youth, I pray that God will grant me His utmost wisdom and discernment when sharing on this topic. I would really appreciate it if you could uplift these youth in your prayer as well.

Here comes Mother Sarah!

ugh...that still sounds horrendous to me.

Tables have Turned

I am enthusiastic about planning. If you didn't have any clue of that, well you definitely do now. Planning events,  jotting ideas, brainstorming, attending meetings (yes, you read this one right!), and especially thinking ahead and getting things accomplished before it should or needs to be done. I've enjoyed being a planner and my Myer Briggs characteristic traits have intellectually confirmed that, but it does take its toll on me.

The down side is, planning is always done in the present towards something happening in the future, and that doesn't work very well when you don't know what is actually in store in the future. You can only predict and confirm so much while everything else is up in the air until it actually occurs, and there's no guaranteed that what you plan will go through. Thus, planning sucks when it constantly is being change, manipulated, and when the tables seem to keep turning on you-Thanks God...just great, you just love to do this to me... just when I thought everything would be concrete. 

Today I think I've reached the tipping point of how much my plans can change on me-especially on short notice. I really felt my heart dropped on this one and how it effects my plans these next few months. I have extended travel plans this Spring and there were a few purposes for this trip, but it seems like my original intent for going on this trip is constantly being reworked and thought out. Just when I thought that everything was going to work out smoothly, I just had to receive some breaking news.

It's honestly bittersweet, I'm complaining about my travel plans changing on me, call it a first world problem? I really don't know, but I'm holding out for a miracle. Circumstances make it seem impossible in the natural, but that only makes me feel that God is going to show me the possible. I would be devastated if what I had planned doesn't work out or my purpose for going didn't include me in the picture.

Here's to holding out on faith and trusting God to show me His divine and devious plans...

Not going to lie, it sucks not knowing! 

In awe of Him

I don't blog too much about my part time sorta now full time job unless its just insightful little timbits on Tumblr or brief and noteworthy sharings, but lately I've come to reflect on how much I love my position as a bridal consultant and more.

Since September of 2012, it has been my longest running part time and retail job. Initially just applying out of an interest for weddings and something more applicable to my studies, I've grown a passion and excitement to being submersed into the wedding industry. It has satisfied a lot of daydreams I had when I was younger upon reflection, such as being able to get dolled up and model for a day, styling models for photo shoots, and of course being able to display my creative side in visual displays I get to assist with. My boss is someone that dreams big and is such a fantastic support and encouragement for me to fulfill my own dreams as well. Other then the pay factor, I can say on behalf of my co workers and I that we thoroughly enjoy collaborating with one another, working with glowing brides and graduates, and being able to manage the boutique as if it was our own (which covers up the rather low pay we complain about, but ironically maintain a content stance on).

Lately, I feel a lot of my hesitations in regards to staying in this industry and making it a career a "reality" being answered. I feel I'm not just working for the sake of just doing my job, but I'm actually doing my job as if this was something personal, as if I was helping a friend find her dress, giving her mutual support, and even tearing with the bride when she got emotional, such as today.

Saturdays are our busiest days of the week and its an understatement to say that we are steadily and maybe even constantly occupied to the point where we don't even get a break (though this doesn't bother me too much-that's how much I enjoy my job!). I've been making a mental note of the brides I work with, pieces of personal information conveyed, and their needs. It's not just a means to getting a brownie point in the customer service department, but I like to feel it closes the distance between just doing a job and displaying enthusiasm and a desire to excel and make each day at work meaningful. Despite the gong-show Saturdays can bring, I feel I've made a 'mark' on these brides in some way or another just being able to assist them in finding that special look for their big day.

Today I had a bride scenario that blew me away. It reminded me why I'm still here and made me realize that though retail can stem from sales, profit, excessive consumption, and further on the stereotype that the wedding industry sells the idea of- large, grand, expensive, glamorous, DREAM parties and people, that its all rooted in love and love stems from God in its whole absolute. When I first saw this bride, her personality just shined as she was very outgoing and bubbly. Throughout our consultation, she and her entourage were so into it-I loved it! Taking photos, being engaged (haha get it?!), telling me what they liked and disliked, and so on. She eventually found the dress and I could tell it on her face too, but since it was her first time trying gowns on, she like many other brides felt she would regret if she didn't look elsewhere. Long story short she went to her other appointment(s), but came back knowing that the dress she was getting had her name written all over it.

As she twirled and beamed in her wedding dress, she was telling us how the 'stars' aligned as her mom wasn't suppose to be in town this weekend, how they weren't able to find one of their appointments before returning (as we weren't expecting her to return the same day), and so on and so forth. To them, it may seemed like 'stars' aligned, but for me, I realize it was so perfect because God had made it that way. I can't describe it as well as I felt it, but I knew so strongly in my heart how good God was to that bride and each and everyone of us-Christian or not. She was so blessed in a divine way that she wasn't able to acknowledge it except by fate, but I just knew by faith that God's presence and His love was all over the boutique today. They were an emotional party, thus I couldn't help but tear up, but definitely tears of joy as I was gladly and sincerely happy to be a part of.

When the bride left, she gave me the sweetest hug over the counter and told me a genuine thank you that I will forever remember. It delivered an upspoken answer that I wanted to continue exploring a potential career in this field and reminded me that God always provides. I don't need to worry about money, what other people think or occupied with doubts and fears of taking risks. There is no need to when the creator of Heaven and Earth is on your side.

The wrong door will always close on you, but the right one will remain open.


God is Good. All the Time.

Swimming into the New Year

I originally wanted to call this blog "Lessons from Swimming" but since it's my first post of the New Year, why not make it more relevant and literal?

So last night I started a new term of swimming lessons at Grand Trunk Leisure Centre. The main reason being is that you now have to a become a member to take lessons at the YMCA. There's other politics to it that's plain stupid to me, but otherwise the switch doesn't bother me, in fact, I'm so glad I made the switch after my first lesson!

Grand Trunk just recently renovated so it's way less crowded and there aren't kids jammed pack in the pool learning to swim while adult lessons are going on. Secondly, though my previous instructor teaches here as well, I'm glad she didn't end up being my instructor because my current one is a really good teacher and she's actually a synchronized swimmer working towards her masters besides coaching it and teaching swimming lessons, how cool is that? Lastly, I swam my first lap without the aid of any floatation belt and here's how that happened.

Towards the end of our lesson (there's only 5 others besides me in the class), the swimming manager comes to us and says she may need to switch us out to 'basics' if we aren't comfortable swimming to the deep end (I'm in 'strokes'). I panicked because I didn't want to learn beginner stuff when I knew how to float, glide, and in a noob manner, tread water. Also, at the Y, I was comfortable as long as I had a floating belt or board with, on or near me, but it sounded like she wanted us to go 25m to the far end of the pool to show her our potential. Right before this, our instructor just taught us the technicalities to doing a front crawl and so we were expected to front crawl, and me being on one end of my swim-mates against the wall had to attempt first. I can't explain how intimidated I was initially because I think I do have a slight fear of drowning-I mean who isn't? AND even though my instructor would be near me, I really wanted to stay in this class.

I think my survival skills and feeling attacked under-pressure kicked in because my whole focus was just getting to the other side in order to pass the 'test' and stay. I started just gliding and blowing bubbles, then I remembered that I had to move my arms, then every third stroke I came up for air. I was so focused that I lost ground to where I even was so I looked down at one point, and that was bad because I panicked as I realized how far deep the other end was, but I kept going because I didn't want to drown! The Y was baby stuff compared to this depth. I went a little farther than grabbed onto the divider near me. My instructor commented that I did a good job and told me to go all the way to the end. I was blown away that I was actually swimming?! How did this happen? I was in shock and disbelief, but the feeling also felt extremely good! 

This experience made me realize how much doubt is in my head and how much time I probably wasted at my Y lessons when I actually had the potential to swim. I don't know why I thought swimming was SO hard and that there must be some 'special' technique to stay a-float without any floatation assistance. I was exhilarated plus out of breath swimming my first lap (I apparently need to work on breathing when I come up for air), but I learned the biggest fear holding me back was and is myself. I'm in no way labeling myself a 'swimmer' as there is still much for me to work on, but I'm ecstatic to have accomplished this mile stone so unexpectedly.

Going with this stamina and relating it back to my life, I want a life coach. One that will continually encourage, push me beyond my beliefs, and keep me working towards my goals realistically despite the dreamer in me. Of course God is my ultimate life lesson coach, but like that swimming manager, I hope I can find a mentor or person in life that is willing to believe, support, and even scare me at times so I stop questioning, and just do it.

I can't wait to see what else I will accomplish this 2014! What a great start =)