Two weeks ago I had surprised family in town. When I say "surprised", it was literally a phone call the day before telling my family to expect them the next day.
Here's the short version of the story.
My uncle who use to live in Cali moved to China for work, has a family there, and the family of five flew to the States earlier this Fall so they could get green cards to better the kids' future and have a better education and all. They've been wanting to visit us across the border and tickets were quite expensive for a while, but with the temporary shutdown of the US government and other interferences, they decided to come up earlier than they had planned on a relatively cheap deal they found.
Twenty-four hours later they've arrived and I see my dad side almost everyday (and almost every dinner), for like 6 nights straight. For me, this was quite unusual as other than birthdays, the extended family hardly comes together. When we do see each other, conversations are surfaced level and short and the sense of 'family' seems distant. Having my uncle in town meant that all my grandma's kids were in one place and that is definitely a rarity. The last time this reunion on my dad's side occurred was seven if not eight years ago for my auntie's wedding. Not only that, but this uncle is the eldest, and as Chinese tradition goes, my granny didn't show it, but I knew she was definitely ecstatic to have her eldest son and all her other children and newest additions of grandchildren in one place.
One thing I love about Chinese (or Asian) etiquette for that matter is the willingness to treat (and even fight for the bill) as all the siblings of my uncle took turns treating the family out each day. I think this is a strong value to have as it's a simple way to show affection and respect to another person/family/friends. With the whole "Going Dutch" version of paying these days (splitting the bill), it feels like the higher significance of treating another person beyond its monetary value has been lost.
For me, I have to admit that I initially felt annoyance to the arrival of my Uncle as the possibility of having to share my room (read all about my previous initial selfishness here), lend my car, and rework my schedule to be accommodating was not something I was looking forward to, especially when I was in the middle of my nine day streak of work. I really just wanted things to go my way! Wow, I do sound so self centered there...
Anyhow, things went better than I thought as they always do (PTL!). I didn't have to give up my room, my uncle and his family had rides provided for them each day, and I actually wanted to make time in my busy crazy schedule to spend with my uncle's family. Personally, I had my initial reservations about my uncle, but turns out, God really changed my heart to display love and care to this side of my family. Why be bitter when I had less than a week to cherish this blood bond?
Lord, help me be more self sacrificing.
P.S. I also survived my nine day streak, but another one (and longer) is just right around the corner... I don't know how I get myself into this.
Friday, November 8, 2013
Sunday, October 27, 2013
Self Care
I had lunch with some friends after church a few weeks ago and was asked what I do for 'self-care'. In other words, what do I do to keep myself healthy, relaxed, stress-free, and perhaps even sane in between the busyness of work, school, and other commitments I may have. I think I gave a brief and random response about fitness or something related to my hobbies, I can't pinpoint exactly, but I knew that response wasn't a complete one.
I've come to realize that I'm actually not that great in the self-care department. You know the cliche, "when the going gets tough, the tough gets going?" well I kind of feel like that. I just suck up everything I need to do or face and keep on going. I do reflect and share with others what I'm going through, but I'm so driven by means of "doing" that I neglect to set aside time to just do nothing or be at peace with my situation and give time to ponder-think-reflect some more before rushing onto my next item of attack.
I mean, there will always be things to do, but I know achieving a tranquil balance is just as important, if not more.
Something for me to work on in the days to come.
I've come to realize that I'm actually not that great in the self-care department. You know the cliche, "when the going gets tough, the tough gets going?" well I kind of feel like that. I just suck up everything I need to do or face and keep on going. I do reflect and share with others what I'm going through, but I'm so driven by means of "doing" that I neglect to set aside time to just do nothing or be at peace with my situation and give time to ponder-think-reflect some more before rushing onto my next item of attack.
I mean, there will always be things to do, but I know achieving a tranquil balance is just as important, if not more.
Something for me to work on in the days to come.
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Teen-Rage
I was standing there in complete and utterly speechless thoughts to what I had signed myself up for.
Did I actually sign myself up for this?
The sight was out of my mind nuts. Girls running around in circles on an invisible engine of energy that seemed endless, boys grabbing handfuls of chips at a time as if their ultimate goal of the night was to eat up the snack table, and both sexes rushing to hoard as many sugar loaded jelly sticks as they could before they were directed to settle down and listen in an orderly fashion.
Was it too late to not commit to this anymore I asked myself. Maybe it was not being in the shoes of a teen for so long that finding myself at the focal point of it all turned my panic mode on. Or perhaps I was still holding onto some annoyance from the previous weekend working at Grad Expo and having to assist needy teenage girls, but I couldn`t believed how overwhelmed I was.
When I had inquired about serving the junior high fellowship, it was because there was a need for female leaders for this new program starting called Youth Alpha I thought was pretty neat. Partly feeling obligated due to the need, partly acknowledging how critical leaders were to me when I was a teen, and partly clueless that my inquiry had turned into a commitment, God knew all along what my next twelve Saturday nights would be spent doing.
I don`t know if this is funny to you or not, but I find God has quite the sense of humor putting me in this situation. Initially I was very eager to serve and excited to share my spiritual experience with the young girls at a time where establishing their identity and foundation in Christ is so significant, praying for wisdom in these weekly sessions that I would lead, and that God would work in them and transform their hearts. However, I couldn`t believe that in a complete instant, I had changed my mind upon observing this group of hormone raging youth.
WAIT, there`s a turning point though.
I sucked up my predicament and decided that instead of feeling distant and incompetent in this role, why not join them in their fun and just trust my guts that this night won`t be madness?
And surprisingly, it wasn`t.
As if God sense my utmost exaggeration of teenage peril, the night was more smooth sailing than I ever thought it be post teen-rage storm. The first episode of youth alpha was engaging and cool to even my not-so-teen standards, and the questions and discussions stirred was deep and unexpectedly open and honest beyond my comprehension. I even felt like I had to learn from these girls and to change my approach in leading them these next few months.
On my drive home, I praised the ultimate one and decided to stick with my initial thoughts as it`s not me, but Him whose in control of all things and I am but a tool in His hand. I`m looking forward to what God has in store for us, and to see how these youngsters are going to grow in the next eleven sessions.
Please pray for them, and me to survive. Not kidding.
Did I actually sign myself up for this?
The sight was out of my mind nuts. Girls running around in circles on an invisible engine of energy that seemed endless, boys grabbing handfuls of chips at a time as if their ultimate goal of the night was to eat up the snack table, and both sexes rushing to hoard as many sugar loaded jelly sticks as they could before they were directed to settle down and listen in an orderly fashion.
Was it too late to not commit to this anymore I asked myself. Maybe it was not being in the shoes of a teen for so long that finding myself at the focal point of it all turned my panic mode on. Or perhaps I was still holding onto some annoyance from the previous weekend working at Grad Expo and having to assist needy teenage girls, but I couldn`t believed how overwhelmed I was.
When I had inquired about serving the junior high fellowship, it was because there was a need for female leaders for this new program starting called Youth Alpha I thought was pretty neat. Partly feeling obligated due to the need, partly acknowledging how critical leaders were to me when I was a teen, and partly clueless that my inquiry had turned into a commitment, God knew all along what my next twelve Saturday nights would be spent doing.
I don`t know if this is funny to you or not, but I find God has quite the sense of humor putting me in this situation. Initially I was very eager to serve and excited to share my spiritual experience with the young girls at a time where establishing their identity and foundation in Christ is so significant, praying for wisdom in these weekly sessions that I would lead, and that God would work in them and transform their hearts. However, I couldn`t believe that in a complete instant, I had changed my mind upon observing this group of hormone raging youth.
WAIT, there`s a turning point though.
I sucked up my predicament and decided that instead of feeling distant and incompetent in this role, why not join them in their fun and just trust my guts that this night won`t be madness?
And surprisingly, it wasn`t.
As if God sense my utmost exaggeration of teenage peril, the night was more smooth sailing than I ever thought it be post teen-rage storm. The first episode of youth alpha was engaging and cool to even my not-so-teen standards, and the questions and discussions stirred was deep and unexpectedly open and honest beyond my comprehension. I even felt like I had to learn from these girls and to change my approach in leading them these next few months.
On my drive home, I praised the ultimate one and decided to stick with my initial thoughts as it`s not me, but Him whose in control of all things and I am but a tool in His hand. I`m looking forward to what God has in store for us, and to see how these youngsters are going to grow in the next eleven sessions.
Please pray for them, and me to survive. Not kidding.
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
say What?
I can and can't believe it's October already.
I can believe it because even though I'm not in the shoes of a student, never did I thought that my work experience as a special events intern would keep me so preoccupied-physically, mentally, at work and even at home. I have classmates in similar situations that feel the same way and I justify it partly from the pressure we feel to make a good impression, despite the pass/fail requirement to receive credits and progress along towards graduation. Another part, a realization of what is expected in the "real" world, that's why its called work experience right?!
On a positive note, I am learning immensely about my role and even more than I ever did in New York because I am actually responsible over projects and have "authority" to an extent in making my own judgement about how and what it is that is to be done, not just assisting. The realistic aspect makes me question if I am wanting to do this in the long run. It's still too early to make an all encompassing judgement, but I know one major burden I feel is not being able to go to church Sunday mornings due to a good handful of events falling on that day of the week. Initially, I had plans to find an evening night church, but there actually aren't that many in Edmonton north, and one thing I dislike about work life is how drained you are by the end of the day that you just want to sit and stare at a screen.
I had more than succumbed to this couch potato behavior in NYC despite the hypes of the Big Apple. I mean, I was tired from a long day at school when I was a student, but working is a totally different story-at least for me. I'm thankful to be living at home right now and be able to come home to food already made as I can relate to the syndrome of not wanting to cook after a long day at my internship in NYC (thankfully I had awesome roomies!).
This explains the lack of blogging, and me being M-I-A these past few weeks. I'm actually acknowledging the consequences of this obviously as I find that circumstances where I'm usually patient and am able to discipline myself in have fallen short; this past weekend, I felt my attitude was especially nasty about certain things. Needless to say, I definitely know the perks of being in a spiritual community and plugging myself into a family of believers consistently.
So I can't believe its already October because I feel like I haven't done much but work between my practicum and my part time. I did make some 'golden' goals for myself this year that I've started, but other than that, I find myself not being as efficient as I like in my spare time. I don't miss the work load of a student, but I do miss running into people on campus and even lingering to have a quick chat. At work, your main focus is on your tasks, and your network is limited to work relationships which makes it hard to keep up with friends who are still in school.
Well, that was a brief update on what went down in September, hopefully it won't be another month until I blog again.
I hope you're all doing well!
I can believe it because even though I'm not in the shoes of a student, never did I thought that my work experience as a special events intern would keep me so preoccupied-physically, mentally, at work and even at home. I have classmates in similar situations that feel the same way and I justify it partly from the pressure we feel to make a good impression, despite the pass/fail requirement to receive credits and progress along towards graduation. Another part, a realization of what is expected in the "real" world, that's why its called work experience right?!
On a positive note, I am learning immensely about my role and even more than I ever did in New York because I am actually responsible over projects and have "authority" to an extent in making my own judgement about how and what it is that is to be done, not just assisting. The realistic aspect makes me question if I am wanting to do this in the long run. It's still too early to make an all encompassing judgement, but I know one major burden I feel is not being able to go to church Sunday mornings due to a good handful of events falling on that day of the week. Initially, I had plans to find an evening night church, but there actually aren't that many in Edmonton north, and one thing I dislike about work life is how drained you are by the end of the day that you just want to sit and stare at a screen.
I had more than succumbed to this couch potato behavior in NYC despite the hypes of the Big Apple. I mean, I was tired from a long day at school when I was a student, but working is a totally different story-at least for me. I'm thankful to be living at home right now and be able to come home to food already made as I can relate to the syndrome of not wanting to cook after a long day at my internship in NYC (thankfully I had awesome roomies!).
This explains the lack of blogging, and me being M-I-A these past few weeks. I'm actually acknowledging the consequences of this obviously as I find that circumstances where I'm usually patient and am able to discipline myself in have fallen short; this past weekend, I felt my attitude was especially nasty about certain things. Needless to say, I definitely know the perks of being in a spiritual community and plugging myself into a family of believers consistently.
So I can't believe its already October because I feel like I haven't done much but work between my practicum and my part time. I did make some 'golden' goals for myself this year that I've started, but other than that, I find myself not being as efficient as I like in my spare time. I don't miss the work load of a student, but I do miss running into people on campus and even lingering to have a quick chat. At work, your main focus is on your tasks, and your network is limited to work relationships which makes it hard to keep up with friends who are still in school.
Well, that was a brief update on what went down in September, hopefully it won't be another month until I blog again.
I hope you're all doing well!
Thursday, September 5, 2013
In Figuration Mode
It's hitting me that I'm not returning to school this semester. I was so excited to be school free of lectures, papers, exams, and stress that I didn't even realize that I've been returning to school every September since I turned five. Now, seventeen years later, its quite surreal that I'm not preparing my backpack, buying any school supplies, or even taking public transit.
Instead, I'm balancing a part time schedule with the last component of my degree, a sporadic 200 hour practicum that will take me to December. After that, I hope I will have at least a short term career plan figured out, or else I will be in a post graduation phase of what my friend likes to call "fun unemployment".
Since September rolled around, I've been feeling quite lost and confused. My internship in New York was an eye opening and hands on experience into the fashion industry that I would've never been exposed to in wee little Edmonton. However, I'm definitely more hesitant and indecisive than ever. It's ironic how much I've always wanted to move away when trapped here by the limitations of school and family, and now that I've been "freed" to decide for myself where I want to live and work, I'm left without an answer for myself. I know transitions always take adjusting, and I don't believe it to be one of those times again as I wrote here when I felt like I went through a quarter life crisis, but major life decisons never come easy for me.
Perhaps its the fear of making a wrong move, or the reality of being far away from family and friends and the city I've been born and raised in, or just unsure what I want to do and where that may be. I'm really glad I have this term away from school to do some hefty research and figure out what's next? because I honestly don't have an answer. It's making me draw near to God and pray for him to open up a door of opportunity for me to step into, but if it was that obvious, I'm sure I put up a good fight debating on alternatives, even though I know God knows best.
I really just want to know where I will be, what I will be doing, and possibly even who I will know or be around. I guess there's no point rushing since I have the rest of my life to work, but not knowing makes me question myself way too much. Maybe this time next year, I will be laughing at myself over this blog at how preoccupied I am over this matter when all the answers were revealed to me in just a matter of time...
At least this is what I hope will happen.
Instead, I'm balancing a part time schedule with the last component of my degree, a sporadic 200 hour practicum that will take me to December. After that, I hope I will have at least a short term career plan figured out, or else I will be in a post graduation phase of what my friend likes to call "fun unemployment".
Since September rolled around, I've been feeling quite lost and confused. My internship in New York was an eye opening and hands on experience into the fashion industry that I would've never been exposed to in wee little Edmonton. However, I'm definitely more hesitant and indecisive than ever. It's ironic how much I've always wanted to move away when trapped here by the limitations of school and family, and now that I've been "freed" to decide for myself where I want to live and work, I'm left without an answer for myself. I know transitions always take adjusting, and I don't believe it to be one of those times again as I wrote here when I felt like I went through a quarter life crisis, but major life decisons never come easy for me.
Perhaps its the fear of making a wrong move, or the reality of being far away from family and friends and the city I've been born and raised in, or just unsure what I want to do and where that may be. I'm really glad I have this term away from school to do some hefty research and figure out what's next? because I honestly don't have an answer. It's making me draw near to God and pray for him to open up a door of opportunity for me to step into, but if it was that obvious, I'm sure I put up a good fight debating on alternatives, even though I know God knows best.
I really just want to know where I will be, what I will be doing, and possibly even who I will know or be around. I guess there's no point rushing since I have the rest of my life to work, but not knowing makes me question myself way too much. Maybe this time next year, I will be laughing at myself over this blog at how preoccupied I am over this matter when all the answers were revealed to me in just a matter of time...
At least this is what I hope will happen.
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Home-Less
Before I left New York, I wanted to give back to the community as I've been abundantly blessed with insight and experiences while living and working there. So when a volunteer opportunity came up at the church I've been attending, I jumped on the idea without hesitation.
Well, the hesitation actually came later on as this was an event to reach out and invite the homeless to a BBQ the church was having in a nearby park. I've done the Mustard Seed back home before, so I didn't think this would be too hard or uncomfortable, but I was wrong.
After a quick orientation after service, we were split up into groups with a leader who is part of the homeless outreach ministry at this church. I found out that every Sunday morning before service, this ministry goes out to talk and engage with those that are homeless in the area where the church resides. I was quite surprise that they did this so early on a weekly basis, but also humbled by their heart to do so. So each group was given a map and a designated area to "find" homeless people and invite them to this BBQ we were having later in the day. FYI, the area the church is in is Upper West NYC, a relatively rich area near the Ivy League school Columbus and the famous music school Julliard. Thus, the sight of homeless people wasn't as obvious as say Midtown or Times Square where tourists are abundant.
Going through this process of seeking and confronting homeless made me realize my lack of awareness and all the stereotypical judgements I had of the less fortunate. When I first observed my leader approach a homeless person, I questioned why she was being so bubbly and over-the-top happy as I felt like that would turn people away from her, but I soon realized that it wasn't how she was communicating, but how I wasn't comfortable doing what she was doing. She would always introduce herself first and put her hand out for the homeless person to shake and give her their name, but when it came to my turn, I had my hesitations.
Hesitant because I felt like they were dirty and unclean and by shaking their hand, I would be dirty. As quickly as this thought came up, I felt terrible because I was reminded that I'm not any better as a person just because I'm well washed and clean. I was totally judging on this person I hadn't even met because of their exterior and physical image. How ignorant and shallow was I? But once I shook their hand, a revelation had set fire in my mind that they're probably more scared than I was. It's probably rare for people to talk to them like this, let alone shake their hand; they probably thought they were more unworthy than I was thinking of them.
As the BBQ neared, we were able to find and invite more homeless people than we thought. Some didn't care for what we had to say, others blew me away with their bible knowledge and were eager to share stories. I will never forget this one African American that came out to the BBQ. He's from Harlem and has been a New Yorker for fifty years. He's literally a walking GPS of the city, from street names to where all the buildings are. Not only was his knowledge impressive, he had a great sense of humor and interacted with everyone at the church like friends. There was no difference talking to him versus conversing with any other new acquaintance. I was also very impress with the church members present and their interactions with the homeless as if they did this all the time. I felt bad for his situation, but also glad that there is help available for him. He broke off all the naive thoughts and stupidity I had of the homeless and towards the end, those of us chatting with him asked him to take a photo with us. What he said next to us was utterly inhumane,
"I'm glad you guys asked for a photo and not like those reporters/media that just take photos of me and next thing you know it ends up on the front of the newspaper..."
Needless to say, I'm so thankful I got to have this opportunity to serve. It was more than giving back, and more than community service. I got to step out of another level of my comfort zone and make myself vulnerable to those I walk by daily and never took the time to stop and care for.
Please send a prayer for the homeless population of NYC.
Well, the hesitation actually came later on as this was an event to reach out and invite the homeless to a BBQ the church was having in a nearby park. I've done the Mustard Seed back home before, so I didn't think this would be too hard or uncomfortable, but I was wrong.
After a quick orientation after service, we were split up into groups with a leader who is part of the homeless outreach ministry at this church. I found out that every Sunday morning before service, this ministry goes out to talk and engage with those that are homeless in the area where the church resides. I was quite surprise that they did this so early on a weekly basis, but also humbled by their heart to do so. So each group was given a map and a designated area to "find" homeless people and invite them to this BBQ we were having later in the day. FYI, the area the church is in is Upper West NYC, a relatively rich area near the Ivy League school Columbus and the famous music school Julliard. Thus, the sight of homeless people wasn't as obvious as say Midtown or Times Square where tourists are abundant.
Going through this process of seeking and confronting homeless made me realize my lack of awareness and all the stereotypical judgements I had of the less fortunate. When I first observed my leader approach a homeless person, I questioned why she was being so bubbly and over-the-top happy as I felt like that would turn people away from her, but I soon realized that it wasn't how she was communicating, but how I wasn't comfortable doing what she was doing. She would always introduce herself first and put her hand out for the homeless person to shake and give her their name, but when it came to my turn, I had my hesitations.
Hesitant because I felt like they were dirty and unclean and by shaking their hand, I would be dirty. As quickly as this thought came up, I felt terrible because I was reminded that I'm not any better as a person just because I'm well washed and clean. I was totally judging on this person I hadn't even met because of their exterior and physical image. How ignorant and shallow was I? But once I shook their hand, a revelation had set fire in my mind that they're probably more scared than I was. It's probably rare for people to talk to them like this, let alone shake their hand; they probably thought they were more unworthy than I was thinking of them.
As the BBQ neared, we were able to find and invite more homeless people than we thought. Some didn't care for what we had to say, others blew me away with their bible knowledge and were eager to share stories. I will never forget this one African American that came out to the BBQ. He's from Harlem and has been a New Yorker for fifty years. He's literally a walking GPS of the city, from street names to where all the buildings are. Not only was his knowledge impressive, he had a great sense of humor and interacted with everyone at the church like friends. There was no difference talking to him versus conversing with any other new acquaintance. I was also very impress with the church members present and their interactions with the homeless as if they did this all the time. I felt bad for his situation, but also glad that there is help available for him. He broke off all the naive thoughts and stupidity I had of the homeless and towards the end, those of us chatting with him asked him to take a photo with us. What he said next to us was utterly inhumane,
"I'm glad you guys asked for a photo and not like those reporters/media that just take photos of me and next thing you know it ends up on the front of the newspaper..."
Needless to say, I'm so thankful I got to have this opportunity to serve. It was more than giving back, and more than community service. I got to step out of another level of my comfort zone and make myself vulnerable to those I walk by daily and never took the time to stop and care for.
Please send a prayer for the homeless population of NYC.
Thursday, August 22, 2013
Golden
I've been looking forward to turning twenty two on the twenty second of August for as long as I can remember. I don't know why, but turning the age of your birth-date seemed pretty cool to me, perhaps that's why its called the "golden" one huh? I guess it was sort of golden turning a year older on the plane ride home for the first time and seeing the Northern lights right before landing. Though, I am quite tired and overwhelmed with the quick transition of being back in Edmonton.
I mean, I felt ready to come home before even leaving New York, and I honestly didn't mind the delay I had on the plane ride back, but my mind feels bombarded with so many people, places, and issues going on in my ahead right now. Maybe its jet lag, or I'm getting a bit delirious from coming back to so many surprises, but I'm slightly not at ease with being home. And its for this reason that I don't feel I'm turning another year older today (that is until I renewed my drivers license and finally replaced the photo of my fifteen year old self, woot! plus finding out that I actually grew taller over the past 6 1/2 years yay?!).
My mind was so preoccupied that I had even forgotten a year long commitment I had made on my twenty first birthday had ended. There's just so much going on and I wish I got to appreciate today more as I do previous birthdays. I actually have no plans, nothing to look forward to, and a couple of things are still up in the air for the next few days.
Its a good thing that God made birthdays to last a whole year, and not just one day, so that I have the next 365 days to rejoice over my twenty second and make it as memorable as every other age I have lived through.
Happy Golden Year to me.
I mean, I felt ready to come home before even leaving New York, and I honestly didn't mind the delay I had on the plane ride back, but my mind feels bombarded with so many people, places, and issues going on in my ahead right now. Maybe its jet lag, or I'm getting a bit delirious from coming back to so many surprises, but I'm slightly not at ease with being home. And its for this reason that I don't feel I'm turning another year older today (that is until I renewed my drivers license and finally replaced the photo of my fifteen year old self, woot! plus finding out that I actually grew taller over the past 6 1/2 years yay?!).
My mind was so preoccupied that I had even forgotten a year long commitment I had made on my twenty first birthday had ended. There's just so much going on and I wish I got to appreciate today more as I do previous birthdays. I actually have no plans, nothing to look forward to, and a couple of things are still up in the air for the next few days.
Its a good thing that God made birthdays to last a whole year, and not just one day, so that I have the next 365 days to rejoice over my twenty second and make it as memorable as every other age I have lived through.
Happy Golden Year to me.
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