It's hitting me that I'm not returning to school this semester. I was so excited to be school free of lectures, papers, exams, and stress that I didn't even realize that I've been returning to school every September since I turned five. Now, seventeen years later, its quite surreal that I'm not preparing my backpack, buying any school supplies, or even taking public transit.
Instead, I'm balancing a part time schedule with the last component of my degree, a sporadic 200 hour practicum that will take me to December. After that, I hope I will have at least a short term career plan figured out, or else I will be in a post graduation phase of what my friend likes to call "fun unemployment".
Since September rolled around, I've been feeling quite lost and confused. My internship in New York was an eye opening and hands on experience into the fashion industry that I would've never been exposed to in wee little Edmonton. However, I'm definitely more hesitant and indecisive than ever. It's ironic how much I've always wanted to move away when trapped here by the limitations of school and family, and now that I've been "freed" to decide for myself where I want to live and work, I'm left without an answer for myself. I know transitions always take adjusting, and I don't believe it to be one of those times again as I wrote here when I felt like I went through a quarter life crisis, but major life decisons never come easy for me.
Perhaps its the fear of making a wrong move, or the reality of being far away from family and friends and the city I've been born and raised in, or just unsure what I want to do and where that may be. I'm really glad I have this term away from school to do some hefty research and figure out what's next? because I honestly don't have an answer. It's making me draw near to God and pray for him to open up a door of opportunity for me to step into, but if it was that obvious, I'm sure I put up a good fight debating on alternatives, even though I know God knows best.
I really just want to know where I will be, what I will be doing, and possibly even who I will know or be around. I guess there's no point rushing since I have the rest of my life to work, but not knowing makes me question myself way too much. Maybe this time next year, I will be laughing at myself over this blog at how preoccupied I am over this matter when all the answers were revealed to me in just a matter of time...
At least this is what I hope will happen.
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