One said to not judge a book by its cover, but you can judge this blog by its title.
These past three weeks have been extraordinary. Skimming all the photos I took, I can't believe I was able to actually see, eat, and do so much. Not everyone gets an opportunity like this and I'm really happy and satisfied with all that has happened. However, I have been feeling home away from home-away from my church community, christian friends, and being close to God: church withdrawal that is.
As much fun as I have been having, I feel that its just on the surface if you don't have a spiritual aspect within capturing all of it step by step, sort of like a inner lens reflecting on every miniscule detail. To be honest, at times I do feel I have forgotten about God or have distanced from him, sometimes by my own means as I have just been directing my plans as I wish, other times, I just haven't had the opportunity to go to church. Despite all of it, I hear that little voice in my head calling me and directing my conscience when I am afar. In a way, when you lose sight of God, and am not talking to him on a regular basis, I find that your values and standards start to break down. Its like if you don't wash your mug after one drink, you barely notice the stains, but after a second, third, or fourth time, the stain will become distinctly visible and it gets harder to wash it off. Temptation has taken its toll on me in this sense and I feel I have fallen into the devil's traps and lies more than I should have.
Having said all that, I was really looking forward to finally being able to go to church with the English speaking Christian club on campus today, Emmaus (pronouced E-may-us). I didn't know if I had expectations as I have heard a lot about Korean churches and their giant congregations, but this one was oriented towards a more younger generations so I didn't think it be one of those traditional churches people talk about. The service started at 1pm but we headed out from our dorms at 11am as it took almost and hour to get there. Also, they provided lunch before service for the cost of 1000won ($1cad).
Entering the sanctuary, it was about one and a half times the size of NEAC's fellowship hall, but it was packed with people of different ethnicity and was predominantly composed of college students, young adults, and young families. They had a countdown clock going to ensure that they started right on time. It was so amazing to be able to worship with familiar songs again and knowing that I was worshiping at the same time as NEAC at one point (as there was a praise & worship night going on with ECAC during that exact time) felt like we were all one in a spiritual connection, drawn together by the song lyrics (I had wrote on the wall of the P&W event that I be there in spirit and it actually felt like I was!). The congregation was also very enthusiastic and would say things outloud, shout Amen, and even say their prayers and feelings while singing, which was a new experience for me. The pastor was also very contemporary in his speech and even used slang. His sermon was very humorous and engaging and despite feeling sleepy, I was attentive for the most part.
The part that I wasn't accustomed to was that the culture of Korean churches, as they tend to pray a lot and how they pray. When we were given time to pray after the worship, people just said their prayers aloud (loud and clear), I didn't at first and it was actually hard to concentrate praying in my mind, so I ended up praying outloud too, though, not as loud as the others did. Near the end of the service, the pastor also called out on first timers and random people in the congregation up front to pray for them with a ministry or staff member infront of the whole congregation. I felt uneasy for the people up there, especially if it was their first time, but everyone was very welcoming about it and didn't show any sign of discontent. After service, they had a room for new comers to go to where they received a little bag of goodies, engaged in ice breakers, and snacks for you to enjoy.
Also, there doesn't seem to be an issue with the time frame of services in Korea. Service went from 1pm to 3pm (the pastor joked it use to go until 4pm) and afterwards they have a snack break followed by a bible study from one of the classes you have chosen. I found out there was also a prayer session before service, so I assume church in Korea can last the whole day. It made it clear to me why the streets and public transit were so quiet on Sundays, and why even some independent stores closed or opened later than usual. Church is highly respected and attended by many in Korea and it was really heart warming to acknowledge that.
Overall, the experience was really friendly and welcoming, I don't think there was anyone I didn't make contact with that didn't come approach me and say hi or shook my hand or even give me a hug (and I just met them). Some moments were more unusual than what I'm use to, but that's just because it was different and new to me. For now I will continue to come to this church, but I don't know if it will be a 'home' church yet. I will have to church hop more and experience God in new settings.
I don't usually ask for anything in my blogs, but I would like you to pray for me. Pray that I pursue God during this exchange and accomplish the plans he has for me this term. I get distracted and lose sight of my path easily, but like I learned in the sermon today, "God is the ultimate GPS system, even if you step a little off the track, or head out on your own path, He will reroute you back to the destination he wants you to be."
God will also keep track of us no matter where we go, what we do, who we see, how we think, and when we think of Him or not.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Sunday, February 5, 2012
I'm Officially Missing You
I'm so sad I'm leaving. I've been anticipating for a long time now that this one emotion will arrive, and finally it has come to take it's toll on me. It's eating me inside out and it has override all my other emotions. I know I won't be gone forever, but I'm so sappy knowing I won't see my family, pets, friends, church, school and even Edmonton for tentatively five months!
I'm so grateful for all the well wishes, blessings and messages showered on me lately. It means so much and I can't imagine going away for so long now. It makes me wonder what I will do if I choose to move one day.
Boo. I'm sounding like a twenty year old and a half cry baby. But really, from the bottom of my heart, I will miss all of you lots!
LOTS!
Bye now.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
A Life Without
If I had to choose one of the five senses to be without, I would choose the sense of smell or taste. I don't think I could ever possibly manage without the sense of sight, having ears to hear, and absolutely not the feeling of touch. I guess you will never come to appreciate or realize how important your senses are unless you lose them. I'm sure we have all heard of the saying "You don't know what you have until it's gone," or something along the lines of that.
This past weekend, I was enriched through a powerful testimony. I don't think I could ever be in his shoes, and I definitely hope not. Just thinking about it makes me question how on Earth I would be able to cope with it. Yet, everything happens according to God's plan, and in this person's case, saying his circumstances is a living testimony would be an understatement-it is above and beyond. His testimony has changed lives, given life to the meek, and has delivered eternal life to those who surrendered their lives over to Christ.
I had decided to attend Breakforth one Sunday having found out that Nick Vujicic would be one of the main speakers. I didn't plan on going for the full weekend since I just wanted to here him talk, but since the group rate was for the whole weekend, I ended up attending Breakforth for the first time ever. To my surprise, I found out that it was the 15th anniversary of Breakforth and the 35th anniversary of the ministry. It was a light bulb moment as I remember how a few years back, I had a thing with attending events that had anniversaries associated with multiples of 5 or 10.
Anyways, back to Nick Vujicic, with all the buzz and hype surrounding him all over the media, on Youtube, in church, and from what I have heard, I had my expectations and he did not disappoint. Going into his workshop and seeing him for the first time was a bit surreal. I couldn't believe that that was actually him in his limbless frame. It was odd to see a person in a physique like that, but already, I felt a humbling and faithful presence about him even before he spoke. Throughout his talks, I sensed how blessed he was despite his physical circumstances and wanting to suicide as a little boy. God is doing miracles through him and it made me wonder, if God can do so much with Nick, what can he do with me? with you? with us? We can literally be Jesus' hands and feet and yet, I don't feel I have accomplished anything with what God has blessed me with. Seeing his works in Nick and the opportunities that he has provided Nick with made me a little jealous as Nick is able to travel all over the world, to people of all backgrounds, and share about his faith in Christ. It's astounding to see a person with so much positivity, so much love, so much humility, and so willing to do God's will.
If nothing else, what I really took away was in Nick's words "We don't need to know God's reasons for our circumstances," we don't need to know 'why this is happening to me, why that? why ME?' because he is God and we are not, and we will have our answers one day when we see him at the gate of Heaven.
Lastly, congratulations to Nick who is engaged to his beautiful fiance, a little boy who once thought no one could love him, and now, will be getting married in 12 days.
Check this faithful servant out! www.lifewithoutlimbs.org
This past weekend, I was enriched through a powerful testimony. I don't think I could ever be in his shoes, and I definitely hope not. Just thinking about it makes me question how on Earth I would be able to cope with it. Yet, everything happens according to God's plan, and in this person's case, saying his circumstances is a living testimony would be an understatement-it is above and beyond. His testimony has changed lives, given life to the meek, and has delivered eternal life to those who surrendered their lives over to Christ.
I had decided to attend Breakforth one Sunday having found out that Nick Vujicic would be one of the main speakers. I didn't plan on going for the full weekend since I just wanted to here him talk, but since the group rate was for the whole weekend, I ended up attending Breakforth for the first time ever. To my surprise, I found out that it was the 15th anniversary of Breakforth and the 35th anniversary of the ministry. It was a light bulb moment as I remember how a few years back, I had a thing with attending events that had anniversaries associated with multiples of 5 or 10.
Anyways, back to Nick Vujicic, with all the buzz and hype surrounding him all over the media, on Youtube, in church, and from what I have heard, I had my expectations and he did not disappoint. Going into his workshop and seeing him for the first time was a bit surreal. I couldn't believe that that was actually him in his limbless frame. It was odd to see a person in a physique like that, but already, I felt a humbling and faithful presence about him even before he spoke. Throughout his talks, I sensed how blessed he was despite his physical circumstances and wanting to suicide as a little boy. God is doing miracles through him and it made me wonder, if God can do so much with Nick, what can he do with me? with you? with us? We can literally be Jesus' hands and feet and yet, I don't feel I have accomplished anything with what God has blessed me with. Seeing his works in Nick and the opportunities that he has provided Nick with made me a little jealous as Nick is able to travel all over the world, to people of all backgrounds, and share about his faith in Christ. It's astounding to see a person with so much positivity, so much love, so much humility, and so willing to do God's will.
If nothing else, what I really took away was in Nick's words "We don't need to know God's reasons for our circumstances," we don't need to know 'why this is happening to me, why that? why ME?' because he is God and we are not, and we will have our answers one day when we see him at the gate of Heaven.
Lastly, congratulations to Nick who is engaged to his beautiful fiance, a little boy who once thought no one could love him, and now, will be getting married in 12 days.
Check this faithful servant out! www.lifewithoutlimbs.org
Friday, January 20, 2012
Timeless
Its been a while since I have had a break such as this. This period before I leave for Korea has made me appreciate being able to relax. I love not being driven by deadlines, not rushing to accomplish errands, and absolutely not being controlled by a power call time.
Since the start of my second year, my mind has been constantly occupied with work. From going from Fall to Winter to Spring term, to signing myself up for an online course that lasted longer than the summer months, to enduring through the most recent and time consuming term, there has not been an actual cut off from the academic world for me. Though I'm employed, retail is dead this month, thus I barely consider myself employed either. I would think I would start complaining about the lack of shifts and things for me to do, but I'm feeling quite the opposite surprisingly.
I adore the freedom I have and being open to the possibilities of each new day. I look forward to meeting up with friends, enjoying conversation over a delicious meal, accomplishing my errands at an unrestricted pace, and being able to reflect when I can, even in the middle of a yoga pose. My schedule is so flexible and diversely flamboyant- its lightness and easy going spirit surely delights me.
Its not like I have zip-o things to do either, I go about completing the course of my day,and believe it or not, I still wake up early each day to make the most of it (its drilled in my internal clock). I guess I'm more of an early bird than a night owl, but if this is what's in store for retirement, I'm anticipating!
May you be filled with the Lord's peace in light of the stress or worries you are holding on to. Let it go and let His work flow.
Since the start of my second year, my mind has been constantly occupied with work. From going from Fall to Winter to Spring term, to signing myself up for an online course that lasted longer than the summer months, to enduring through the most recent and time consuming term, there has not been an actual cut off from the academic world for me. Though I'm employed, retail is dead this month, thus I barely consider myself employed either. I would think I would start complaining about the lack of shifts and things for me to do, but I'm feeling quite the opposite surprisingly.
I adore the freedom I have and being open to the possibilities of each new day. I look forward to meeting up with friends, enjoying conversation over a delicious meal, accomplishing my errands at an unrestricted pace, and being able to reflect when I can, even in the middle of a yoga pose. My schedule is so flexible and diversely flamboyant- its lightness and easy going spirit surely delights me.
Its not like I have zip-o things to do either, I go about completing the course of my day,and believe it or not, I still wake up early each day to make the most of it (its drilled in my internal clock). I guess I'm more of an early bird than a night owl, but if this is what's in store for retirement, I'm anticipating!
May you be filled with the Lord's peace in light of the stress or worries you are holding on to. Let it go and let His work flow.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
What's on your mind?
Today marks a day short of my car accident two years ago on January 16, 2010. Last year, I had made note of it as a remembrance day, so if the you thought that post was short on detail, now you know.
Reflecting on that accident, I felt it was a preventable one, but only because it had occurred. If it hadn't occur, I probably would've never learned my lesson, nor would I acknowledge God's plans down the road for me. Last Saturday, I was just recalling that incident and realizing how close I was to be accident-free for two years now (if nothing else, my insurance would be happy). That night I also went to junior high fellowship and we had a spontaneous night of literally "breaking the ice" in the parking lot, setting up a fire pit, and burning/eating marshmallows. I also slipped quite frequently despite the teens salting the ice... and feeling like my toes were about to ice off (for that I blame my poor circulation and wearing keds and not proper footwear). Otherwise it was a pretty good night and I had a pleasant time fellowshipping with the youth.
On my way home, I made a quick stop to my friend's house to drop off the sewing machine she had lent me since mine was giving me difficulties (during the times I needed it most, but that's another story). As I was reversing the car out of the driveway, I checked my side and rear view mirrors as usual and started reversing. I was backing out of her drive way much more than needed as the street was wide and I didn't see any cars coming. Reversing, reversing, reversing, and BAM!, my mind totally screamed 'NOT AGAIN', quickly switch gears back to drive, that car's alarm went off outrageously loud, and I parked in front of it on the street. I saw my friend come out of her house and every cell in my body was freaking out.
What if I hit and run? (To be honest, the devil just kept tempting me)
Why am I standing here.. why don't I just leave?
Why didn't I see this car? (Why had I reverse so much?)
How did it happen?
Blame the darkness? (Why didn't I see it?!!!?!)
Blame the icy street? (should've been more careful as I had slipped earlier)
Oh no..my insurance! ..
PARENTS!
What next... What now... I'm never driving again..
I suck. WHY WHY WHY
So... sensibly, I remained calm and discussed it with my friend. There was no one around (though I was pretty sure the neighbors all heard the alarm and may have peaked out of their window to see what was going on),the alarm had turned off after two minutes or so and my head was not clear at all. I just felt so miserable, like come on... I was so close to having a clean record of two years and now this.. WHY GOD WHY?!?! WHAT in the world are you trying to teach or show me? AND WHY NOW? Why less than a month before I leave? There goes my savings for Korea =(. What was I going to do?
Fast forward, I left for home without writing a note or anything, the damage was quite severe though: front left bumper dented, scratched and light broken. My van only had minor damage on the back right bumper. I didn't tell anyone, but the guilt was unbearable. I called my friend when I got home, and automatically, the sensible spell had broken, and the emotional side was erupting. I was crying and scenes from my first accident was reappearing and rewinding in my head. The guilt kept building, and though I knew I could probably get away without doing anything-I didn't. I told my friend over the phone to write a note with an apology, my number and name on it. That felt better, but I was very unsettled about the issue. I had prayed with my friend and I knew she would be praying for me as I was praying for forgiveness myself that night. I think the fear of the consequences was holding me back all weekend, and I'm sure some of you had sensed it last Sunday. I decided that I wouldn't say anything about it until the mysterious party called back.
If I had thought being honest was tough, waiting for a response was gradually tearing me apart. That whole night and Sunday, I kept jumping to conclusions and wondering if the other party had read my note yet. Why hadn't they call? It was utterly painful waiting, and I was about to blow with all these unanswered questions. The devil really had his fingers wrapped around me too, I just felt so depressed about the whole situation and I had no self esteem at all. I wanted pity, I wanted assurance, I wanted an answer from God and a call back, but at the same time, I didn't. I didn't want to face the consequences, I didn't want to be responsible, and I didn't want to deal with any of it at all. I had really wish I could rewind time or pretend it was just a bad nightmare.
After service that Sunday, my parents picked my brothers and I up, and as my dad tends to walk around the car before he drives everytime...crap!, before I even sat my butt down, the first question when we got into the car was, "Did one of you get hit by a car or did you guys hit a car? The bumper is broken." I knew then I couldn't lie, I had to let my parents what had happened. Surprisingly, they didn't take it as bad as I thought they would, and the only thing we could all do now was wait it out.
All afternoon, I religiously checked my phone and there was no message or missed calls. I went to fellowship for jeopardy, but I couldn't concentrate, my mind was obviously else where. Finally, half way through the game, I checked my phone and there was a missed call, I called my voice mail and hesitantly called back the soft, heavy-accented, Asian, middle age, male voice from the message. I be lying if I said I wasn't scared, I was just bounded by so much fear of what was to come. Our conversation was another shocker, I carried it better than I thought and the other party on the line was very understanding and caring about it. I told him of an auto body shop he could take his car to and that we would pay for all the damages. It didn't occur to me to mention about the insurance part, but my happiness was cut short when he brought it up. Unexpectedly, my happiness soared again because he had read my mind and assumed that I probably didn't want to contact insurance or else it would stay on my record for ten years. PRAISE THE LORD.
I'm still bitter at myself and I'm not exactly sure how God's work will kick in this time, but I have acknowledged all the support I have from family and friends and for that, I'm grateful.
Honesty is definitely the Best Policy
Reflecting on that accident, I felt it was a preventable one, but only because it had occurred. If it hadn't occur, I probably would've never learned my lesson, nor would I acknowledge God's plans down the road for me. Last Saturday, I was just recalling that incident and realizing how close I was to be accident-free for two years now (if nothing else, my insurance would be happy). That night I also went to junior high fellowship and we had a spontaneous night of literally "breaking the ice" in the parking lot, setting up a fire pit, and burning/eating marshmallows. I also slipped quite frequently despite the teens salting the ice... and feeling like my toes were about to ice off (for that I blame my poor circulation and wearing keds and not proper footwear). Otherwise it was a pretty good night and I had a pleasant time fellowshipping with the youth.
On my way home, I made a quick stop to my friend's house to drop off the sewing machine she had lent me since mine was giving me difficulties (during the times I needed it most, but that's another story). As I was reversing the car out of the driveway, I checked my side and rear view mirrors as usual and started reversing. I was backing out of her drive way much more than needed as the street was wide and I didn't see any cars coming. Reversing, reversing, reversing, and BAM!, my mind totally screamed 'NOT AGAIN', quickly switch gears back to drive, that car's alarm went off outrageously loud, and I parked in front of it on the street. I saw my friend come out of her house and every cell in my body was freaking out.
What if I hit and run? (To be honest, the devil just kept tempting me)
Why am I standing here.. why don't I just leave?
Why didn't I see this car? (Why had I reverse so much?)
How did it happen?
Blame the darkness? (Why didn't I see it?!!!?!)
Blame the icy street? (should've been more careful as I had slipped earlier)
Oh no..my insurance! ..
PARENTS!
What next... What now... I'm never driving again..
I suck. WHY WHY WHY
So... sensibly, I remained calm and discussed it with my friend. There was no one around (though I was pretty sure the neighbors all heard the alarm and may have peaked out of their window to see what was going on),the alarm had turned off after two minutes or so and my head was not clear at all. I just felt so miserable, like come on... I was so close to having a clean record of two years and now this.. WHY GOD WHY?!?! WHAT in the world are you trying to teach or show me? AND WHY NOW? Why less than a month before I leave? There goes my savings for Korea =(. What was I going to do?
Fast forward, I left for home without writing a note or anything, the damage was quite severe though: front left bumper dented, scratched and light broken. My van only had minor damage on the back right bumper. I didn't tell anyone, but the guilt was unbearable. I called my friend when I got home, and automatically, the sensible spell had broken, and the emotional side was erupting. I was crying and scenes from my first accident was reappearing and rewinding in my head. The guilt kept building, and though I knew I could probably get away without doing anything-I didn't. I told my friend over the phone to write a note with an apology, my number and name on it. That felt better, but I was very unsettled about the issue. I had prayed with my friend and I knew she would be praying for me as I was praying for forgiveness myself that night. I think the fear of the consequences was holding me back all weekend, and I'm sure some of you had sensed it last Sunday. I decided that I wouldn't say anything about it until the mysterious party called back.
If I had thought being honest was tough, waiting for a response was gradually tearing me apart. That whole night and Sunday, I kept jumping to conclusions and wondering if the other party had read my note yet. Why hadn't they call? It was utterly painful waiting, and I was about to blow with all these unanswered questions. The devil really had his fingers wrapped around me too, I just felt so depressed about the whole situation and I had no self esteem at all. I wanted pity, I wanted assurance, I wanted an answer from God and a call back, but at the same time, I didn't. I didn't want to face the consequences, I didn't want to be responsible, and I didn't want to deal with any of it at all. I had really wish I could rewind time or pretend it was just a bad nightmare.
After service that Sunday, my parents picked my brothers and I up, and as my dad tends to walk around the car before he drives everytime...crap!, before I even sat my butt down, the first question when we got into the car was, "Did one of you get hit by a car or did you guys hit a car? The bumper is broken." I knew then I couldn't lie, I had to let my parents what had happened. Surprisingly, they didn't take it as bad as I thought they would, and the only thing we could all do now was wait it out.
All afternoon, I religiously checked my phone and there was no message or missed calls. I went to fellowship for jeopardy, but I couldn't concentrate, my mind was obviously else where. Finally, half way through the game, I checked my phone and there was a missed call, I called my voice mail and hesitantly called back the soft, heavy-accented, Asian, middle age, male voice from the message. I be lying if I said I wasn't scared, I was just bounded by so much fear of what was to come. Our conversation was another shocker, I carried it better than I thought and the other party on the line was very understanding and caring about it. I told him of an auto body shop he could take his car to and that we would pay for all the damages. It didn't occur to me to mention about the insurance part, but my happiness was cut short when he brought it up. Unexpectedly, my happiness soared again because he had read my mind and assumed that I probably didn't want to contact insurance or else it would stay on my record for ten years. PRAISE THE LORD.
I'm still bitter at myself and I'm not exactly sure how God's work will kick in this time, but I have acknowledged all the support I have from family and friends and for that, I'm grateful.
Honesty is definitely the Best Policy
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Happy New Blog
With a new year, comes a new blog.
After weighing the pros and cons of Tumblr and Blogger, I have chosen Blogger for my student exchange blog. I learned that you can have more than one blog on one account so having this new blog on Blogger will provide more convenience than having to make a separate account or keep track of a new one on a new blog cite. Also, I am able to control the contents more easily going back and forth from Full of Pho and...
Pho to Seoul: My Adventures from Pho to Toe
I officially cut the ribbon and invite you to follow me for my present posts and future endeavors.
Hello 2012! Here I come!
P.S. As you have probably noticed, I gave this blog a fresh new look too.
After weighing the pros and cons of Tumblr and Blogger, I have chosen Blogger for my student exchange blog. I learned that you can have more than one blog on one account so having this new blog on Blogger will provide more convenience than having to make a separate account or keep track of a new one on a new blog cite. Also, I am able to control the contents more easily going back and forth from Full of Pho and...
Pho to Seoul: My Adventures from Pho to Toe
I officially cut the ribbon and invite you to follow me for my present posts and future endeavors.
Hello 2012! Here I come!
P.S. As you have probably noticed, I gave this blog a fresh new look too.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Wish you may, Wish you might
With Christmas behind us now and a new year coming, this is usually a time of reflection for most people. When I think of reflections, I think of resolutions, and then I come to realize the lack of success in my resolutions, well, all but one. This was a resolution set back in 2006 when I set out to read the bible from cover to cover. I was in grade nine and I was on a "Christian high" coming home from my first winter conference experience. Actually, I've mentioned this before, but grade 8 and 9 were the highlights of my faith. I stepped out of my bubble, I wasn't afraid to tell my friends about God nor would I care about what they would think. I feel that as a teen I was able to get away with my beliefs as those are the few years you can rebel and figuring out your identity (and who cares if I'm judge). Also, I would pretty much attend every christian event that was advertised at church: mission fest, spring retreat, YC, etc. Looking back now,I wonder how I had so much energy back then to constantly attend these conferences/retreats/events and go year after year (20 is definitely a milestone!).
So yes, I did finish reading the bible at one point, but it wasn't "quality" reading for sure, more like "quantity" reading so that I would finish within the year. Pacing each night before I went to bed eventually led me from Genesis to Revelations by November of that year. I have to admit though, I would often read for the sake of reading without focusing on the significance of the passage or the deeper meaning behind the verses when I didn't understand something. So I never consider myself having read the bible from cover to cover in a spiritual sense, though logically, I did.
Now that it's that time of year again to set a goal for myself, I really don't know. Would I want to read the bible cover to cover again? I would have to say no as I don't feel I should be reading the bible just for the sake of accomplishing a goal. I rather read it spontaneously when I want to rather then consistently force myself to read it. I know others may disagree with this logic of mine, as reading the bible is an important part of our christian walk, thus we should make it a habit in our daily lives instead of reading when we want to.
I find that as I'm getting older, sometimes its harder to show my faith. Perhaps this process is working the other way around for me. As a teen, you want to blend in and are stereotype to conform to what your peers are doing, but I was one that spoke out about my faith and what I believed in, and even told non-believers the latest christian event I was attending. In reverse, now as a young adult, I find myself retreating from living out my religion when I'm around non-Christians and secular environments. Usually it's an indirect matter and I just notice this personally, but it's hindering me spiritually and I know change is needed. I really yearn for that confidence back in my early teenage days when the only judgement I cared for wasn't from anyone on Earth. I know that God isn't pleased when I make it a selective portrayal of who I am depending on who I'm with.
Maybe this should be my coming resolution, and not just a resolution, but a continual tune up for myself. On a side note, scrap what I said about winter con in my last post, I miss attending so much. I have been swarmed with constant thoughts about my previous winter cons and I find myself day dreaming about it this whole week and wondering what it be like if I was there (and not working). If only... but I guess I would never have come to realize this if I hadn't decide to not go this year.
=(
So yes, I did finish reading the bible at one point, but it wasn't "quality" reading for sure, more like "quantity" reading so that I would finish within the year. Pacing each night before I went to bed eventually led me from Genesis to Revelations by November of that year. I have to admit though, I would often read for the sake of reading without focusing on the significance of the passage or the deeper meaning behind the verses when I didn't understand something. So I never consider myself having read the bible from cover to cover in a spiritual sense, though logically, I did.
Now that it's that time of year again to set a goal for myself, I really don't know. Would I want to read the bible cover to cover again? I would have to say no as I don't feel I should be reading the bible just for the sake of accomplishing a goal. I rather read it spontaneously when I want to rather then consistently force myself to read it. I know others may disagree with this logic of mine, as reading the bible is an important part of our christian walk, thus we should make it a habit in our daily lives instead of reading when we want to.
I find that as I'm getting older, sometimes its harder to show my faith. Perhaps this process is working the other way around for me. As a teen, you want to blend in and are stereotype to conform to what your peers are doing, but I was one that spoke out about my faith and what I believed in, and even told non-believers the latest christian event I was attending. In reverse, now as a young adult, I find myself retreating from living out my religion when I'm around non-Christians and secular environments. Usually it's an indirect matter and I just notice this personally, but it's hindering me spiritually and I know change is needed. I really yearn for that confidence back in my early teenage days when the only judgement I cared for wasn't from anyone on Earth. I know that God isn't pleased when I make it a selective portrayal of who I am depending on who I'm with.
Maybe this should be my coming resolution, and not just a resolution, but a continual tune up for myself. On a side note, scrap what I said about winter con in my last post, I miss attending so much. I have been swarmed with constant thoughts about my previous winter cons and I find myself day dreaming about it this whole week and wondering what it be like if I was there (and not working). If only... but I guess I would never have come to realize this if I hadn't decide to not go this year.
=(
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)