CLASSES HAVE FINALLY ENDED!
YAY!
Exams start in less than a week...
NAY!
Need to start studying & plan my study schedule:
TBA
Christmas is in the air, but I have no time to spare,
as of today
Hopefully in 12 days time, I will jump for joy
and Christmas spirit shall be mine!
=)
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Friday, December 3, 2010
Diagnosed
So I feel like I just diagnosed myself through self rehabilitation and who do I have to thank? My course syllabus and mandatory readings. I just finished reading an article in my course pack on "Materialism and the Evolution of Consciousness." I dreaded it at first, but it just kept getting more and more interesting and I felt and urge to blog about concepts brought to my attention.
This article is basically about the psychology of materialism and the drive of our consciousness in regards to making choices. This article states that in life we have three main 'axioms.' First in life there are sequence of events in consciousness; aka experiences, and in order for experiences to appear in consciousness, it require the allocation of psychic energy; attention, hence the last axiom is that the quality and content of a person's life depend on what he or she has paid attention over time.
In one part of this article it mentions how sometimes people tend to build themselves with material goals and material experiences, while being caught up with an unconscious striving for wealth and power: seeking pleasure, instead of enjoyment of one's circumstances. Enjoyment, as defined in this article is doing something not always pleasant, and which can be very stressful at times, but will lead to delayed and more note worthy rewards. On the other hand, seeking pleasure is just being satisfied with just the fulfillment of present want and needs and doesn't produce change, only comfort and relaxation 'in the moment.' Pleasure is plopping yourself in front of a TV screen when you get home from work or school while enjoyment is like a mountain climber, who may be close to freezing, and in danger of falling, but yet they would not want to be anywhere else. Enjoyable "may be physically painful and mentally taxing; but because it involves a triumph over the forces of entropy and decay, it nourishes the spirit." Enjoyment is also said to build confidence, enrich lives, and give confidence in facing the future.
In contrast to the things I have said, it says that when a person feels that there is nothing to do, the quality of experience tends to decline. One feels less alert, less active, less strong, less happy, and less creative and self-esteem declines. The author says humans need an 'experiential' need, focused on some activity that requires attention, because when there is nothing to do, attention starts to turn inward, begin to ruminate and frequently, get depressed. Attention towards ourselves turns to deficits and we become negative and our mood, sour. Our downhill skiing is only interrupted when attention is again engaged by some need that suggests a goal.
Sometimes school or work makes one more attentive than being at home with nothing to do or focus on because you have goals clearly outlined for you, work to be accomplished, etc...
Well, in my case not everything I've stated is true, but it just made me ponder and reflect on why I have been so out of it lately. Maybe it is the lack of things to do, but there is stuff to do, just I'm not doing it. I think I'm just in a state of seeking what to do even though I know what I should be doing and the build up of prior to dos and present to dos list have put pressure on me to come up with to dos and actually do my to dos that haven't been decided on yet.
Yup, I'm speaking nonsense now.
This article is basically about the psychology of materialism and the drive of our consciousness in regards to making choices. This article states that in life we have three main 'axioms.' First in life there are sequence of events in consciousness; aka experiences, and in order for experiences to appear in consciousness, it require the allocation of psychic energy; attention, hence the last axiom is that the quality and content of a person's life depend on what he or she has paid attention over time.
In one part of this article it mentions how sometimes people tend to build themselves with material goals and material experiences, while being caught up with an unconscious striving for wealth and power: seeking pleasure, instead of enjoyment of one's circumstances. Enjoyment, as defined in this article is doing something not always pleasant, and which can be very stressful at times, but will lead to delayed and more note worthy rewards. On the other hand, seeking pleasure is just being satisfied with just the fulfillment of present want and needs and doesn't produce change, only comfort and relaxation 'in the moment.' Pleasure is plopping yourself in front of a TV screen when you get home from work or school while enjoyment is like a mountain climber, who may be close to freezing, and in danger of falling, but yet they would not want to be anywhere else. Enjoyable "may be physically painful and mentally taxing; but because it involves a triumph over the forces of entropy and decay, it nourishes the spirit." Enjoyment is also said to build confidence, enrich lives, and give confidence in facing the future.
In contrast to the things I have said, it says that when a person feels that there is nothing to do, the quality of experience tends to decline. One feels less alert, less active, less strong, less happy, and less creative and self-esteem declines. The author says humans need an 'experiential' need, focused on some activity that requires attention, because when there is nothing to do, attention starts to turn inward, begin to ruminate and frequently, get depressed. Attention towards ourselves turns to deficits and we become negative and our mood, sour. Our downhill skiing is only interrupted when attention is again engaged by some need that suggests a goal.
Sometimes school or work makes one more attentive than being at home with nothing to do or focus on because you have goals clearly outlined for you, work to be accomplished, etc...
Well, in my case not everything I've stated is true, but it just made me ponder and reflect on why I have been so out of it lately. Maybe it is the lack of things to do, but there is stuff to do, just I'm not doing it. I think I'm just in a state of seeking what to do even though I know what I should be doing and the build up of prior to dos and present to dos list have put pressure on me to come up with to dos and actually do my to dos that haven't been decided on yet.
Yup, I'm speaking nonsense now.
BLOOOD.
Today I donated blood for the very first time! I was really hesitant, and I really dislike looking at blood or getting needles, but I knew I was doing a good thing and I really wanted to donate and help someone in need.
This 'want' of mine to donate blood started earlier this week when I saw an ad in the Metro. Canadian Blood Services said this time of year is when people miss or don't show up for their blood donation appointments, since everyone has their head wrapped around consuming, buying presents, decorating the house and just getting ready for Christmas. I really wanted to do more 'giving' this year, not just giving gifts to friends or family, but to those out of the 'norm.' Giving my time, money, and in this case, my 'blood.'
I didn't even think I be able to donate because I found out from my last body check that I have low blood pressure. If you don't have a 'normal' blood pressure, and you donate blood, that means you may have even lower blood pressure post-donation (seeing that 610ml + 40ml (the sample) of blood is taken out of you) and this isn't good because you may feel faintness or nauseous after. So when I got my blood pressure check, it was quite low (80/59 and they needed at least a 90 for the 'above' number) so the nurse told me to go drink some juice and get some sugar in me and after 15min they would check again. So I drank two juice boxes and ate two Oreo cookies, but I was scared this may not be enough, so when I was in the washroom (and when I was the only one left in there) I did some jumping jacks! I didn't want to come all this way and be half way through the process and yet, not be able to donate, so had to do everything possible xP! Fortunately, in 15 minutes, my blood pressure went up to 91! Success!
So overall the process went pretty smoothly. I found out that sometimes I feel light headed when I bend down and stand back up because of my low blood pressure. Also, this time of year is when blood is needed the most (how ironic its the month with the least donors) due to more parties, accidents, etc... and even though I dislike blood, needles, hospitals, it felt good to give. The process took about an hour and my veins being small and hard to find, they ended up filling the whole bag of blood despite taking 16minutes (average is about 10 minutes). Oh and the best part of all, free food, and hot soup!
If you have time, go donate, you never know whose life you will save =)
This 'want' of mine to donate blood started earlier this week when I saw an ad in the Metro. Canadian Blood Services said this time of year is when people miss or don't show up for their blood donation appointments, since everyone has their head wrapped around consuming, buying presents, decorating the house and just getting ready for Christmas. I really wanted to do more 'giving' this year, not just giving gifts to friends or family, but to those out of the 'norm.' Giving my time, money, and in this case, my 'blood.'
I didn't even think I be able to donate because I found out from my last body check that I have low blood pressure. If you don't have a 'normal' blood pressure, and you donate blood, that means you may have even lower blood pressure post-donation (seeing that 610ml + 40ml (the sample) of blood is taken out of you) and this isn't good because you may feel faintness or nauseous after. So when I got my blood pressure check, it was quite low (80/59 and they needed at least a 90 for the 'above' number) so the nurse told me to go drink some juice and get some sugar in me and after 15min they would check again. So I drank two juice boxes and ate two Oreo cookies, but I was scared this may not be enough, so when I was in the washroom (and when I was the only one left in there) I did some jumping jacks! I didn't want to come all this way and be half way through the process and yet, not be able to donate, so had to do everything possible xP! Fortunately, in 15 minutes, my blood pressure went up to 91! Success!
So overall the process went pretty smoothly. I found out that sometimes I feel light headed when I bend down and stand back up because of my low blood pressure. Also, this time of year is when blood is needed the most (how ironic its the month with the least donors) due to more parties, accidents, etc... and even though I dislike blood, needles, hospitals, it felt good to give. The process took about an hour and my veins being small and hard to find, they ended up filling the whole bag of blood despite taking 16minutes (average is about 10 minutes). Oh and the best part of all, free food, and hot soup!
If you have time, go donate, you never know whose life you will save =)
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Is it time to get addticted to...
Coffee?
Seriously, my energy levels has been so low this past week. Not like anything is going terribly wrong, but everything I'm doing or feeling is tiring. Why am I so tired? Perhaps it's the buildup of work, school, thinking about finals and final assignments to accomplish before the end of the school year?
I really think I got depressed from getting a C+ on one of my four papers that I spent the most time on in mid October/early November. I stressed over it, was near tears over it, tried to make it good, better, appealing to my professor, yet I got a C+?! A mark shouldn't dictate how you think of yourself, but I think this paper initiated a avalanche of tiredness and poor thinking. Maybe the devil is using this time to tackle me as well...
On another note, remember when I mentioned this book I found in the staff room at work ("When God Winks at You") ? Well one day at work I saw it in the staff room but it had moved from a shopping basket to the GARBAGE! I was like this book is not in the greatest condition, but did we really need to dispose of it? I guess I can assume I'm one or the only Christian at work that cares, so I took it. I hope to get around to it once things die down and see what the book has to say to me. I'm sure it was God's purpose.
I need to dig myself out of this tiring rut. ugh.
Seriously, my energy levels has been so low this past week. Not like anything is going terribly wrong, but everything I'm doing or feeling is tiring. Why am I so tired? Perhaps it's the buildup of work, school, thinking about finals and final assignments to accomplish before the end of the school year?
I really think I got depressed from getting a C+ on one of my four papers that I spent the most time on in mid October/early November. I stressed over it, was near tears over it, tried to make it good, better, appealing to my professor, yet I got a C+?! A mark shouldn't dictate how you think of yourself, but I think this paper initiated a avalanche of tiredness and poor thinking. Maybe the devil is using this time to tackle me as well...
On another note, remember when I mentioned this book I found in the staff room at work ("When God Winks at You") ? Well one day at work I saw it in the staff room but it had moved from a shopping basket to the GARBAGE! I was like this book is not in the greatest condition, but did we really need to dispose of it? I guess I can assume I'm one or the only Christian at work that cares, so I took it. I hope to get around to it once things die down and see what the book has to say to me. I'm sure it was God's purpose.
I need to dig myself out of this tiring rut. ugh.
Monday, November 15, 2010
I put you infront of me so everybody can see my Love, this is my Love.
God is Good. So many things have come cleared to me in this past weekend. Last night was unbelievable and it wasn't just a 'christian high' that some people would call it; it was meaning; it was life; it was a passion and fervor for the Glory of God; it was a Revival. I could attend another Jaeson Ma event all over again. From arriving at like 4 pm (event started at 5pm) to not checking my clock until people started to leave, I checked my phone and... I couldn't believe it... it was PAST 10PM! I just sat though five hours?! Worship, JMA's documentary, his performance, and most importantly his sermon that dug deep and spoke to the core of us. It was engaging the whole time, his passion for Christ and his Ministry is all GOD. ALL OF IT. I hope everyone could have a chance to experience what I experienced last night with 600+ students or even watch the documentary and realize how fortunate we are, but yet we don't have the drive to do even 10% of what people do in Asia. Crazy. Sick. Really SIC.
It really hit me hard when I learned that two pastors debated over an hour who would DIE (when 23 Korean missionaries were kidnapped by the Taliban in Afganistan) to save the rest of the group. It was overwhelming and so real hearing all of this. You may have questioned it before-could you die for your faith? what you believe in? That's a tough one, yet people LONG to die for God's ministry. An eye-opener, jaw-dropping one right there. Personally, I don't know, sometimes I feel I don't even have 10% of the faith some people in Asia have. Its so true that you don't give your all to God unless your in a state of devastation and have no one else, nothing else but faith, and yet 'faith is to believe what you do not see and the rewards of this is to see what you believe' -Augustine. I'm speechless, I even feel ashamed of myself and fearing my peer's judging me rather then fearing God. What is wrong with me? Why do I think this way?
Ironically, in Sunday School yesterday morning, we were sharing about how to apply our knowledge of what we have learned from the book of John so far. I was in a small group with two other girls and I found myself sharing how hard it is to share the gospel with my friends or even touch on the topic of church. One girl told me its so hard because its just natural for people to 'fit in,' to 'belong.' Why start controversy when the status quo can be maintained right? But in order to have faith, you have to FEAR God, you have to take that next, step up and do something that 'scares' you- not OMG haunted house scary, but seriously something that is ultimately fearing and amazing at the same time. Its unexplainable in some ways, but in the end it was a great Sunday, I compromised studying but Jaeson reminded me that we shouldn't be 'worshiping school' and sometimes I feel I may be doing just that unexpectedly, but that doesn't mean I stop studying well, obviously.
Anyhow check JMA's Ministry out, God is working with him non-stop. I know God can do great things in each of us if we give us everything. Literally everything. Can We?
Amen
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Three Quarters
I feel a little relieved.
I even feel some weight off my shoulders.
I feel like I need a massage.
Yes, that last one hits the spot. Three quarters, 3/4 papers tackled; now its just the waiting for the prof to tell me it really was a touchdown. I can't express my gratitude enough towards tomorrow being the last day of class-for the week at least. Even thought Fall break won't be much of a break for me, at least its class-free.
I also have work on Remembrance Day and this Friday. I thought I ask for some extra shifts seeing that I have a break, and since I want to earn some extra money (pay & a half on Remembrance Day (but of course this day is not about the money, even though it is an holiday (Speaking of which, I lose my poppy EVERY year))). I kind of feel stupid for asking for these shifts, seeing that I have work to do, but despite working part time this term for the very first time of my university experience, to my surprise, I find myself working harder.
My theory is that since I know I have days during the week where I won't be able to do any school-work, at least bare minimal, I try to get as much done as I can on days that I don't have work or anything planned. Smart am I not? but it is tough, its definitely been a test of time-management and priorities lately.
To be honest, I miss my friends, I miss being able to spend time with them and talk about random things, do random things, be spontaneous, and just see them basically, but I find myself not calling them up or finding them in my spare time because I'm so school-oriented (which I remember I said I didn't want to happen prior to starting post secondary :( ) and my spare time has been filled with what I need to get done.
This weekend I had a taste of the good ole days and I realize how bland my social life has become. To all my chums I haven't contacted or spoken to in a while, Sorry.
These bitter days will soon go away.
I even feel some weight off my shoulders.
I feel like I need a massage.
Yes, that last one hits the spot. Three quarters, 3/4 papers tackled; now its just the waiting for the prof to tell me it really was a touchdown. I can't express my gratitude enough towards tomorrow being the last day of class-for the week at least. Even thought Fall break won't be much of a break for me, at least its class-free.
I also have work on Remembrance Day and this Friday. I thought I ask for some extra shifts seeing that I have a break, and since I want to earn some extra money (pay & a half on Remembrance Day (but of course this day is not about the money, even though it is an holiday (Speaking of which, I lose my poppy EVERY year))). I kind of feel stupid for asking for these shifts, seeing that I have work to do, but despite working part time this term for the very first time of my university experience, to my surprise, I find myself working harder.
My theory is that since I know I have days during the week where I won't be able to do any school-work, at least bare minimal, I try to get as much done as I can on days that I don't have work or anything planned. Smart am I not? but it is tough, its definitely been a test of time-management and priorities lately.
To be honest, I miss my friends, I miss being able to spend time with them and talk about random things, do random things, be spontaneous, and just see them basically, but I find myself not calling them up or finding them in my spare time because I'm so school-oriented (which I remember I said I didn't want to happen prior to starting post secondary :( ) and my spare time has been filled with what I need to get done.
This weekend I had a taste of the good ole days and I realize how bland my social life has become. To all my chums I haven't contacted or spoken to in a while, Sorry.
These bitter days will soon go away.
Friday, November 5, 2010
Laminin
My friend told me she was going to Chris Tomlin's How Great is Our God tour in Vancouver this weekend and she happened to tell me about this pastor who is an AMAZING speaker: Louis Giglio!I never heard of him before and she made him sound so interesting so she told me to search him up and I did :)
I just finished watching his sermon from his last years' tour I believe, and although it was on Youtube in five separate parts, he is REALLY SO GOOD. His way of sermoning with science kept me captivated and he proved to me all over again how our God is ALL powerful in so many ways that you can't even seem to grasp the concept. I mean, no one can deny there is a God, even science LEADS to Him.
My favorite was part 4 and I think its definitely going to be remembered for light years to come. When you have a chance, watch it:
God never ceases to surprise me.
I just finished watching his sermon from his last years' tour I believe, and although it was on Youtube in five separate parts, he is REALLY SO GOOD. His way of sermoning with science kept me captivated and he proved to me all over again how our God is ALL powerful in so many ways that you can't even seem to grasp the concept. I mean, no one can deny there is a God, even science LEADS to Him.
My favorite was part 4 and I think its definitely going to be remembered for light years to come. When you have a chance, watch it:
God never ceases to surprise me.
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