In Slow Process

I don't even know where to start, I feel the lack of blogging has actually piled up a lot of thoughts and events that could've been shared, but have just been left processing in my mind instead. March madness totally happened, but with joy, I am glad it occurred as it did. Now into April, things are winding down, and I feel I can process a bit more.

I guess I will do a quick rundown of March just for my own keepsakes at the very least. With work, church, and personal projects going on, meetings and fun times never ceased. Though looking back, I rather have this kind of March than a stressful month due to academics and all that school stuff. Amen to graduating and leaving the days of a student behind-I feel for you students, hang in there!

So March, well a common theme that stuck out was being able to let go of the past, embrace the present, and let the future be what it will. Vague, and perhaps cliche, but these words hold so much meaning for me by the end of last month.

In terms of work, the highly anticipated V.I.Tea Party came and went in honor of Davids Tea's grand opening, one of our first for this year. First time planning, executing and hosting an event of the like. I can't express how well it turned out because it was beyond my and everyone else's expectations. My supervisor and I bonded through this experience and overall it went smoothly despite a few kinks here and there. God was really good, though work has been a struggle at times, God has brought lots of surprises and opportunities for me to serve him.

As for personal, I got to help arrange a friend's makeup trial which consisted of a very hearty conversation between three amongst other insightfully deep conversations that have been spurring as of late. I love one on ones, but I also dislike when a friendship is one sided, so my resolution of focussing on quality over quantity in all aspects has truly been a huge blessing. I delight in these conversations and am so enlightened and blessed by my friends as they are from me. Starting a side project with my fellow HECOL alums and chums, has proved its challenges, but at the end of the day, we are glad we are driven to start something out of a passion to do so than the momentary values of this world. I think Edmonton has the community and potential for new ideas to be fostered, and that is why so many start up companies and initiatives have started here. Crazy to say, but I'm appreciating YEG more and more.

Well, church has got to be the highlight of all highlights. An installation service for our children/youth pastor, worship night hosted by College group, serving Youth, bringing back a drime, ongoing Spring Retreat planning, attending a spontaneous yet divinely orchestrated Holy Spirit Encounter weekend workshop, and again and again God speaking and revealing things to me that I never been upfront with. I've been blown away with this epic stream of events leading up to Easter.

I think more than anything, it's been a very nostalgic and sentimental month in the spiritual whelm of things. It was my tenth anniversary since going to my first Spring Retreat as a 13 year old ten years ago; the Holy Spirit Encounter weekend was AHHMAZJING and brought back the spirit filled memories and experiences I had in Korea back in the days of my exchange-so glad that this movement is starting and going around the Alliance churches (I have so much to say, this will take a blog of its own sometime); and lastly, bringing back a drime that my peers and I did seven years ago was the cherry on top. At first, I didn't think it possible as the youth's overall age and maturity was much younger, but God shone his light and he willed it to happen just the way that it did. My heart is so proud and so full from their domino effect of growth just in this month alone.

What else? Early April, Easter, ended two of my fasts since early January and continued something I started for Lent. The shopping fast definitely brought to light how I spend, justify my spending, and the desire to save money now. The latter fast, I never shared about it, but I'm left with more questions than I had before, so still waiting on God to see where this all leads. I'm also happy to say that I've been sticking and trying my best to read the bible everyday since Lent started. Some days are harder than others, but if anything, March has literally told me that I need a stronger biblical foundation to keep me rooted in all that I do.

Voila, a quick update on how things have been. My apologies for the lack of details in some areas but I honestly don't feel too much of a need to blog anymore to be honest. My focus has kind of shifted if that makes sense, but I will still try to update here as I do like to catch up via blogs, thus, I should continue to blog about myself to be fair.

Happy April =)

Happy Year of the Yeurng MEh MEh!

So another year has come, and along with it, another excuse to eat, celebrate, and reflect! I can't believe this is my first official post of 2015 and kicking off Chinese New Year too. I wasn't that occupied or caught up with stuff, but I guess I just didn't have the urge to blog.

Well lately, I've been pondering on the essence of time. I'm one to correlate many events over a period of time, anniversaries, and even just because I don't believe incidences can be that "coincidental" in life as I know there is a higher being orchestrating everything before me. It blows my mind and bizarres me like crazy how certain people and life happenings will all of a sudden come in the picture when I least expect it, but yet in hindsight, the correlation and timing of everything is so perfectly impeccable. It's just so hard to describe sometimes what point I'm trying to capture because that feeling is hard to grasp a hold of, but only felt in that exact moment, which I sometime like to coin a "divine appointment."

To you, this may sound cheesy and exaggerated, but 2015 holds a very special place in my heart that I never even knew of until 2015 itself rolled around, and the things that followed just seem to keep trickling one thing after another, like a domino effect. I know I have a thing for milestones and anniversaries and this is one huge reason why 2015 is so dear to me, because 2005 was honestly a life changing year for me a decade ago. I am really blessed to have a superb memory because I can recall a ten-years-younger-me and the growth, experiences, challenges, and roller coaster ride of life that year and all the years sandwiched in between this decade. I feel 2015 has me reliving and experiencing to an extent what I've been through then, but in a whole new way-more mature, more grounded, a more older me- because I am obviously ten years older and have changed immensely in character, in attitude, in mindset and more since then. I also think God likes to tease and humour me, because I feel certain circumstances and incidents repeating itself in someways, but on a different type of learning curve and growth aspect as I'm in a totally different stage of life since being in the shoes of a junior high student. He probably also knows that because I'm one to correlate time so much that He chooses to do things that just simply rocks my mind out of correlation.

Rewinding even a bit back, I can recall myself telling a twelve year old me how I couldn't wait to anticipate for the next year of the sheep when it was 2003 because that would mean I would be twelve years older. It was so exciting to dream of where I would be, what I would be doing, my goals, my hopes, my plans, and yet, the epiphany of such didn't hit me until a few days ago when I realize it was the year of the sheep/goat/ram coming up or whatever you like to call this zodiac animal I fall into. When I was twelve, I felt twelve years later felt like an insane amount of time and that I would never reach it, and now, I'm just floored at how it is the year of me again. That also means turning twenty-four this summer, which makes me desire it with anticipation for some odd reason. I don't have an issue with aging, but I feel I actually am living out as a 24 year old since I've held so much underlying expectations towards being this age since being twelve. What in the world?? Life just seems to be taking me by storm!

Life has also never been so enjoyable. I look forward to each day, each week, each month, each moment, each event, each holiday, each dream I get to dream and have to make come true as a moment to live through. I cannot exclaim how happy I am to be out of the school system and working a job I never thought I would want to stay in (did I just say that?). I have so much to look forward to, and even when I don't, I'm so thankful for being able to be still and rest in God's presence. I can honestly feel God resetting my brain and meshing my desires into a mould for His purpose for me to live out. Of course, there are still the downs that arises with the days to days of life, but a renewed perspective truly helps me to see the joys in my everyday and surrender those lows all to God.

I guess one reason I haven't blogged is because I've been having more intentional time with God and with people face to face I want to share with rather than just spill everything online. With a broken laptop (yes, still no intention of buying one soon), I feel I've become really wise with how I use my time and disciplining myself to go on only for what I need to do. Thus, emphasizing quality time with God, with others, and myself. I've also taken on a few personal project and ideas I want to put action towards instead of just day dreaming about so that has kept my time happily spent as well.

I recently learnt the importance of disciplining myself about the power of refusal and reminding myself that saying no is also valuable for me to maintain priority on what I want to enjoy and pursue. I was thinking to myself what God would want me to give up or stop doing to honour Him with my time and talents respectively as I am starting to feel I'm dabbling into one too many areas again. Sometimes I hate to admit it, but the planner in me just doesn't stop. It's such a blessing to enjoy everything I do and am pursuing, but I wish I had a duplicate self to achieve all I set my mind on. When I feel there's not enough time, I know I need to determine what it is that I can stop doing.

Then, as if  His timing had got my soul stirring ahead of time, I received a call tonight asking if I would be interested in heading up a special committee that needs to be formed. All I can say is, with prayer and petition, I definitely need to say no to something to make room for this item He has in store for me if I am to look forward and serve towards this.

God surely works outside of what we denote as time, but there's such beauty in His timing on Earth!

Twenty Fourteen

How do I even begin to process this glorious year? Full of highlights, lowlights and everything in between, it's been a huge blessing to have accomplish and experience all that I have this year.

Topping and ending the year with Winter Con is definitely a memorable tradition in a very remarkable way. I have to say that besides my very first winter con in 2005, this was my most favourite one for a number of reasons.

First, I felt the crowd this year, was a generally younger group of English Adults (just speaking on behalf of the track I fall into). Despite this, and hence less couples, young families and parents, the crowd was noticeably mature and hungry for God. I didn't realize this at first, but through the course of the conference and the conversations and discussions that were brought up, I'm really impress with the spiritual maturity and foundation of all those that attended. In the past, there would be a noticeable group of people or selected individuals who didn't come for the right reasons if you know what I mean, but this year, I genuinely felt a deep calling and yearning for God by all those that attended. I'm full of gratitude for all the brothers and sisters I've met and befriended.

Secondly, I love how my anticipation for Winter Con started early on this year. From sharing a presentation at NEAC back in the summer and having had to research on all the background info, its funny how I had convinced myself to attend. Also, I was actually asked to be on the planning committee, but due to my adjustment to a new job and other commitments, I had to turn it down despite how honored I felt to be asked to join (but God made me realize the revelation behind this -will share later). 

Another aspect was reading the main speaker's book leading up to WC and the English track talks. Ken Shigematsu, a pastor from Tenth Church in Vancouver, recently published his book "God in my Everything" and was basing his sermons off of his writings in developing a rhythm to manage our life to glorify God in all ways. It's a great read with approachable applications after each chapter so I definitely recommend it, highly recommend in fact. 

Thirdly, I feel the workshop sessions I chose to attend were all very applicable and relevant to what I needed to hear. More like an answer to prayer as my mind gained so much content from reading the Bible in a new perspective to learning to evangelize in a new light. It was a bonus that the speaker was Pastor Neil, whom I have heard from before. 

Symposiums were another thing that blew my mind. Usually a special topic discussion and group Q & A that many people skip, this year, majority surprisingly went. The reason being was that the focus was centered around inter generational blessings and interactions from gen to gen. It's common that almost every Chinese Canadian church splits themselves into congregations base on the language those people speak, but we lack to see how fruitful it can be when the parent-child or Canto-English come together to enlighten and grow with one another in the midst of translation going on. I love how the planning committee came up with presenting this content in an engaging way and bringing out issues such as dating, use of technology, and cultural understandings to be discussed. The speaker Gordon Smith, President of Ambrose University, was also intelligent yet humorous on this subject. I was very much enriched by all of this.

Fourthly, maybe because I know many people on the planning committee this year as it was a core group of Edmontonians, but I felt so blessed in being able to observe and appreciate all the hard work and effort they put in. It made me regret not saying yes to being a part of the hurdles and joys they went through, but I know very well that God intended it to be this way. Perhaps being a planner myself makes me attentive to details and flaws of an event of this size, but I am very very impress by the committed attitude, creativity and efficient group of individuals they are. They implemented many new and fresh ideas and were the overall youngest average planning committee to date. There was one day where I sat in a meeting they had and I felt the heartbreak they were feeling, and roar of happiness in another moment. All of this were precious and worth it and warmed my heart as their love for one another, like a family shone. 

On a fifth note, my bedside was hands down a beautiful orchestration of sisterhood. There's no way that our group of Godly mature women could've shared and made ourselves vulnerable in the way that we did. It meant so much to me to have a group of support with woman of God all on the same wavelengths. We all desired growth, discussed trials, and smiled, laughed, cried, hugged until the wee hours of the night. I love how connected we became and all the mutual connections that branched out from us. Feeling and being blessed is such an understatement. I am too tired and losing enough vocabulary to justify how tremendous these past four nights have been with them. They are all truly my "anamcara-s".

Lastly, I actually feel like a changed Sarah today. I felt it since yesterday, but this is no exaggeration or a spiritual high of a boast. I honestly feel liberated and free from many things that were holding me back in bondage before coming. My thoughts are composed in a new way, my perspective on certain issues I've been struggling with was made open and new, and I'm so full of joy that I have been having spurts of tears these past few days. I don't recall crying so much or feeling this way at previous winter cons. It's truly been a conference of a faith anew! (theme of this year) and worthy tears of joy. 

I know Jesus is very happy looking down at us this week and more because of how hungry we are for Him and how satisfy we are with His love filling us up. Last blog, I said I asked for some bold prayers, and on this last day of the year, I can tell you that I have made some bold decisions. I'm beyond excited for 2015 to come and all that it has to offer. If you have read this far, thank You because I truly appreciate your support and you engaging with this ministry that I believe in relentlessly. 

So take me a little deeper, draw me a little closer...

I want to know your heart, I want to know your heart.

My Stomach is Full, My Heart is Fuller

Before I start counting blessings, I realize I posted a quick Christmas blog on my travel blog instead of here. So if you like to read it, check it out here. Christmas was very memorable this year, but it'll be a while before I highlight it now that I'm in winter con mode.

So since landing YVR, I've been having so many memories hit me along with nostalgic feelings, years of growth here, and treasured friendships overwhelming my heart. This Christmas season went by so busily and quickly that I haven't had time to even ponder on this trip nor to even anticipate my 7th winter con. Yes, seventh- you read that right. Not only does winter con hold a special place in my heart, but Vancouver (using it to refer to greater Van & BC area) holds so much of my maturity and growth over the years. I still recall my very first life changing Christian experience at winter con in Kelowna back in 2005,  my first internship with Urban Promise the summer of 2009, first trip with my friends to Van in 2010, and my last trip out here in 2012. I feel it's been so so so long and I miss you so much YVR!

I've forgotten how special Van is to me. There's a special aura about this place and I've made a mental note to never bus to BC again. The luxury of paying to fly is too painless, comfortable and quick to let the other option even be an option. It hasn't even been 24 hours of being here, but I don't know why I'm so exhausted already. Maybe the "go go go" habit in yeg has been taking a toll on my mental and physical self without me knowing it, and now that my body has time to respond to rest, it just wants to crash. So much going on in my mind that I've been lacking response of quality reflection. So many people reaching out to see me and catch up despite the distance and length of time we've been separated. My heart is very warmed by these thoughts and also warm in general-BC ple: why is it so warm indoors everywhere I go? I never realize how wimpy you all are at with the cold....it's beautiful out and you're all layered up even indoors!

I've come to realize some of my deepest conversations and friendships are those I've cross paths with at winter con. Despite the years and lack of contact, I'm filled to the brim of joy being able to reconnect knowing that our common denominator of faith keeps us strong and united. I am also reminded how Van has and possibly is still my dream city to reside in. Some things have stayed the same and I'm content with that, but a lot has changed for me and others and I'm perfectly fine with that maturity in Christ as it signifies that we are not stagnant in our lives.

Last night as I was journalling,  I asked for some big and bold prayer requests this conference. Thinking back to some matters, I can't believe I requested for them,  but I know God is able and in his divine timing, prayers do get answered. I also usually commit to being a bedside leader, but because I'm under week pass status and staying at a different hotel, I wasn't able to be designated a leader. Though I was sad about this at first, I realize it's a blessing because God wants me to enjoy and just soak up this conference without the need or desire to serve and do something. I've been so occupied these past few weeks that I've forgotten how nice it is to absolutely have no commitments or household items to worry about. It's definitely not healthy to have such a constantly busy schedule than in extreme let everything go and take such a radical break, but I'm still learning to balance and turn this soon to be negative habit into a better rhythm of life management. 

Well on a last note, I'm really excited for this year's winter con. It never gets old and I'm so excited for all the learnings, revelations, and even rebuke I am going to receive. Here's to another crazy sic bonding experience all for God's glory to end off this epic year.

Amen.

Glory to God

Lately, I've been questioning how God is using me in my position at the mall and how much of a witness I am being on the job. There have been incidents and conversations where in hindsight, I feel I could've mentioned something about my faith or said something better. To be honest, sometimes when someone comments on religious topics or their views of religious matters, I get intimidated and shy away from stating my beliefs and perspective at peril of risking a border line heavy religious discussion. Other times, I honestly just don't know what to say, especially if someone voices a negative experience of the church/people and I can't help but agree with what it was like to be in their shoes. Also, as I'm still fairly new on the job, it's one of those things where I try to gauge how far my expression of my faith can go before I get into trouble for expressing too much spiritual views at work. Since I'm new, I'm cautious about stepping on others' toes.

Thankfully, there are a handful of Catholics, Muslims and Christians that I do work with and so it has made it easier to an extent. I really appreciate and look up to how upfront Muslims are about their spiritual "rules" for lack of a better word and how open they are about stating their beliefs and values. I feel I lack the confidence and boldness to do so, but when I hear and see them do it, I feel I shouldn't be hiding my faith or being too careful of what others will think. It serves as a good reminder for me because often I care more about the judgement of people, than the judgement of God.

I also recall one conversation with my supervisor about sponsoring stuff for a church. She said that in a public organization, you should always stick to straying away from borderline support of 1.politics 2.religions and 3. I can't remember this one right now, but I can see her point. As a public organization such as a mall, you wan't to do and support things, people and places that have market value and bring neutrally positive exposure to the mall. You don't want be too liberal/conservative, or religious in any sense to steer clear that the public's organization is voicing and imaging itself closer to one end of the spectrum. However, it's hard when you believe differently and want to show your faith on the job of course.

Anyhow, on a somewhat side track topic (the relevance will follow), I was watching the award ceremony for a HK broadcasting company, TVB, tonight and I didn't expect to be enlightened in the way that I did. I watch it every year; in fact, I grew up watching HK dramas with my family. Over the years, it has lessened due to the busyness of school and all, but I do enjoy watching them, plus it helps me to retain my Cantonese! So as with every awards ceremony, there are always speeches following the winner's name being called up and over the years, I always remember the ones who thank God first or somewhere along their thank you speech. I always thought it was cool that a celebrity I admire or really enjoy watching is a Christian. That foundation always sparked a further interest in them as I felt like I had a huge similarity. This year, not only was there multiple Christian artists who thank God, one actor even requested the directors and board of CEOs/management to excuse him as he said a prayer right there on stage, right at the podium, in front of the audience and thousands of viewers to pray to God. I found myself getting emotional as he closed his eyes and said a quick prayer of thankfulness and for God to shower his blessings on everyone present. 

I felt really touch because I felt like the fears and hardships to pronounce your faith in an industry such as the entertainment world couldn't compare at all to what I face-it must've been a bazillion times more difficult, and yet they've done what I think is profound. The best winning actor of the night even laid out his struggles of pride, ego, jealousy etc. and made an underlying analogy of how having children has helped him to let go of those selfish pursuits knowing their love for him is so great. My dad even commented that he felt like he was preaching lol. Regardless, it's a good reminder for myself. I've been trying to appeal to many people and events going on lately, and it's a VERY good reminder to know that I can never ever do it on my own, nor can I be that "perfect" Christian image. I need God, and everyone else does too, so there's no excuse to not take that bold step. I never know who will be touched by my acts or the possibility of refraining others from God's blessings if I keep my mouth shut.

I'm learning to be content with other's ridicule and not to take it too personally because I know I can never appeal to everyone. There will always be those for you, and also those against you.

"If you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything"

Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven

-Matthew 5:10

On Graduation

For the longest time, the only reason I anticipated for my convocation was because I was attending so I needed to mark it in my calendar and expect it. I wasn't excited nor did I really want to go. I had deferred it from June due to my travels, but I think I mainly went because I knew my parents wanted to see me cross the stage as I am the eldest and first to finish University and all. So it felt more ritualistic and obligatory rather than a desire to celebrate the end of an academic journey.

As the day neared, I looked forward to it as it was a day off and I got to doll up, but I also started to see it as a wrap up to my academic journey. Thus, I started anticipating it, invited some friends to come despite it being on a weekday and an odd time of day, and wanted it to come and go as to say that my time with the U of A is finally wrapped up.

The day finally came and it started to hit me. From taking public transit to stepping foot on campus again, it felt weird. Odd. Strange. It was a tad surreal that I was finally convocating and a flood of memories of my undergraduate time came flooding back. All those papers, exams, late nights, early mornings, academic events, extra-curriculars, wow everything is all behind me now.

I still don’t think I will ever go back to school, but I am beyond glad to be moving into this new chapter called young-adult-work-life/career-start in my books.

When I went to pick up my gown and all, I still wasn't too stoked, I didn't look forward to having to read over the procedures or having to head to the Jubilee. This sure sounds so pessimistic doesn't it? The procedures to me felt like “school” so I definitely didn't want to be reminded of being in the shoes of a student.

But when I was finally putting on my gown and observing other excited graduates on campus and in the Jubilee, a sense of excitement came over me. I felt like celebrating and I even met a new friend in the washroom. It’s an interesting story of how we met… we both literally just “clicked” if you know what I mean. Anyhow, I was glad to meet her as we were both parent-less and friend-less at the moment so the timing was perfect and we got to know each other a bit and even take photos!

Things started going uphill from here on and I genuinely had so much fun at my convocation. From the photobooth to the smiles and hugs, I realize I had accomplish something big! I think having heard rants about convocation being long and boring and a waste of time probably made me pre-judge what convocating was all about, but I was terribly wrong. I honestly didn't feel the ceremony program was long at all. I felt inspired, the speeches were moving, the videos were touching, and making fun of the president sitting and talking like a boss made my day with a old classmate sitting next to me.

It was also a walk down memory lane. I got to see a very old co-worker I briefly worked with back in grade 12, I saw a T.A. I had in my second year, I saw a fellow highschool classmate walk across the stage, and most of all, seeing and hugging my favourite prof! God’s timing of things is just so peculiar and perfect as I would've never thought that I would cross the stage with these same people that I've crossed paths with. This comes to show (and I'm a firm believer in it) that everyone you meet in life plays a special role in your life, whether it is to learn from, grow with, teach you a lesson, or just to see again.

Well, I can’t believe I'm done, but in all actuality, I'm not. This is really just the beginning of what I do with my degree and where I take it. Though I've mentioned before that retail was never considered an option on my radar, I am happy where God has placed me now and I know it is and will be a period of growth from here on.

Congrats fellow alums!

Indescribable

I can't fully describe how I felt.

I walked into this room, and I immediately felt a surge of excitement, of joy, of immense gratefulness and celebratory evidence all around the room, and this wasn't even where the celebration was at. Faces smiling back at me-new and old, far and near, I felt like tears of joy wanted to burst out of my soul. We were all giddy spirits like graduates awaiting their name to be called up, but this was better.

I sensed something yesterday that lingers strongly in my heart and it was one of the best first steps I've taken into the sanctuary. It was like a zap of happiness from heaven through the doors of NEAC. The sanctuary felt fuller, livelier, and the power of the Holy Spirit was totally taking over. Worship always sweeps me off my feet, but yesterday was a special moment. It was a rare, but domino effect of a worship statement.

After service, I couldn't even wait to get ready and get to the venue for our 30th celebration. I somehow ended up doing some last minute prep work with the MCs and I honestly enjoyed every moment of it. I don't even know how I find myself in these positions, but some how, some way, my love for events just finds opportunities to serve for myself. Feeling the adrenaline rush, time ticking, and expressing stress with those I was with, even though I personally wasn't stressed at all was satisfying. My mind was also thinking about what I was going to wear, how I was going to do my makeup, the photobooth, the videos, the people, the energy, the effort and all the brothers and sisters who was going to be there, as well as all those who make our church what it is today.

I exclaimed at one point that I was having more fun then at a wedding and I'm actually thinking the abundance of truth in that statement. At a wedding, you are celebrating for two people uniting as one, two love birds, and the whole night is focussed on them too, but last night, the celebration was for everyone. We were all uniting as the body of Christ, and God was definitely in our midst and presence as we revisited all the blessings and challenges we've had over these 30 years.

The night ended way too young, but it was a Sunday so I can understand why. However, I couldn't stop recapping the whole night on my way home and at home as I constantly scrolled my social media feed for more. More photos, more hashtags, more smiles, more laughter, more faces. I am totally up for an after party next time. Even today, when I woke up, I was still overjoyed, and one of the first things I did was check Facebook to see if the photobooth photos were uploaded, and to my delight they were! Almost made me late for work, but it was worth it. I think my favourite part was sitting on the floor with other SICs and watching the ending video together. It felt so homey and comfortable just where we were at, like we were in someone's living room. And even though I had the honour to put together this video and watched it a dozen of times already, it felt different watching it then and there with everyone else.

Everything was worth it. One thing is for sure, this is just the beginning and NEAC will surely have many more "30 years!"

Let the JOY remain!